Lions Going for 0-8...Half Way Home!

Why bother even getting excited for the Lions game this weekend...right? Well, for one it's not going to be blacked-out, because thankfully they are on the road this weekend. And they are heading over to Chicago for an afternoon tilt with the Bears. You might recall the last time out the Lions turned Kyle Orton into the 2nd coming of Peyton Manning.

Well, Orton took that confidence and continues to ride with it. The Lions actually went into Soldier Field last season and won a hard fought - DEFENSIVE - yup, defensive game. Ironically, that also done on the grind and legs of Kevin Jones, who now happens to be a 2nd stringer on the Bears. Still though, if you'd like to toss a wager on the table and can find the odds - I'd almost bet the house that Kevin Jones gets a Touchdown this week against his old team.

And let's not kid ourselves, despite his terminal knee - Jones could probably sneak in a vulture TD if he were in a wheelchair. Ahem, you can gather I'm not all too confident about that Lions defense. Really, Sunday is just a formality for the Lions. Yes, a stepping stone on the route to perfecting imperfection. Does that make sense?

Well, what I mean is this season is no longer about pride or talent evaluation. It's about proving that a team can claw, scrape and fight to win ball games and still - yes, still go 0-16. All this talk about who would win between the Bengals and Lions or who is the actually the worse team. The answer my friends is quite simple, the Lions are the worst team in the NFL.

Am I ashamed, nope. In fact, I'm rooting for this continued imperfection all the way until the end of the season. Look, what purpose does 6-10 or 5-11 really serve you anyhow? If you're gonna lose - you may as well distinguish yourself. We would always hear - the last 0-16 team was the Detroit Lions. It would live on and on, that's our only hope at a legacy.

So, if you're looking from my bold prediction it's not pretty, but...

Bears 27
Lions 14

Deep. Deep. Sigh.

Pistons Preview: Season of Enigma

We'd all love to believe that these Pistons are still that fun loving bunch that plays hard, plays the right way and just wins 'Ships. Allow me to welcome you to sobering reality and 2008. It's been 4 years since the Pistons were crowned the kings. They've gone from oh, who are those guys to ugh, not these guys again. Yes, I'm a die hard Pistons fan and even I know everyone outside of Detroit is sick of them.

My apologies if you're not on board with the concept that most casual NBA fans would just as soon see this team crumble and vanish from the foreground of the Eastern Conference. Well, tough shit sometimes this is how it goes. You know the drill about this team, they've been to SIX (count 'em) SIX straight Eastern Conference Finals. However, only twice have they advanced to the Finals and only once have they captured the Trophy.

In that time they've gone from up-n-comers with a chip on their shoulders to an arrogant often self-righteous group that has always believed in this imaginary switch they could turn on and off. Seriously, it's all we've heard about since 2005. Yes, we get it - you guys can turn the energy on and off when you so desire. Unfortunately, that "imaginary" switch is running low on power guys.

In this mini era of dominance (let's face it - this ain't dynasty) they've gone through three coaches (Rick Carlisle, Larry Brown, Flip Saunders) and are entering this season with their fourth coach this decade alone, Michael Curry. Somehow, this is supposed to convince us that despite being a "great" core group of players, it's the coach that can make all the difference. Hmm.

Also, during this time they let an NBA Finals slip through their fingertips by leaving Robert Horry wide open to steal Game 5 and the momentum of the 2005 NBA Finals. A win in that series surely would've cemented the legacy for this era of Piston Basketball. Yet, that wasn't meant to be. They've also watched a couple inferior, yet hungrier teams (Miami in '06 and Cleveland '07) TAKE, yes TAKE the Eastern Conference Finals from them. Save a few mental lapses and perhaps, they could've at least taken Boston the distance last year.

Then again, why cry over the past? It is what it is, simply put. What hasn't changed all too much during this run is the "core" players, as mentioned. Sure, they were glad to see Ben Wallace flee out of town just as he hit his downslope, but the mainstays Chauncey, Rip, Sheed and Tayshaun still linger. In some cases, you'd say that's a good thing, maybe even a GREAT thing. However, with this group you have to wonder if their time together is simply spent.

"Where do we go now?" - should be the theme of the 2008 Pistons. And let's face it, really there's only one of two directions they can go. One would be back to the Finals to FINALLY seal the deal or two to falter and fall back into mediocrity amongst the Eastern Conference. However, to predict any such season for this team is damn nearly impossible.

This team has oh-so many questions lingering over them before the ball even tips. And really who gives a damn about this regular season, because for this group - it hardly matters. Joe Dumars has made it abundantly clear that this season and every season is all about going after Championships and NOT 4th place finishes. Easier said than done.

A year older and perhaps, a year worn from trying to climb the mountain and failing yet again. The main question that will linger and haunt this Pistons team all season is their legacy. Championship windows in any sport do NOT stay open very long. The Pistons window is running against father time and if they can't answer the call this year, that legacy of which we speak has already christened to be dubbed the Atlanta Braves of the NBA.

Is this fair? Probably. Look, this team has given so many great memories over the years and I hardly intend for a Season preview to be an obituary, but facts are facts - it's win NOW or ELSE! Basically, we can't really be sure what we're going to get with the Pistons this season. That "core" group is older, the youth movement is expected, but what if they aren't ready?

On the one hand you could take the safe route and predict 50+ wins and another Central Division title. Or you could say it's the end of an era they struggle to win 45+ games and finish third in the Central. There are just way too many scenarios for this team. And really, I'm just ready to watch it unfold. And here's to moving into the great unknown for another season of DETROIT BASKETBALL!!!

Culpepper to Lions? Come On, You Can't Be Serious?

Man, just as we started getting a little optimistic for the future, the news breaks today that the Lions are entering contract negotiations with freaking Daunte Culpepper. Granted, the man is a staunch negotiator and undeniably handsome, but he has the mobility of a Buckingham Palace guard.

First reported about 45 minutes ago by the Free Press that Culpepper cancelled his trip to Kansas City in favor of a workout in Detroit, ESPN is now reporting that Culpepper and the Lions entering early-stage negotiations. This makes absolutely no sense from a rebuilding phase (or just "building phase" I suppose, since the Lions ain't never been built in the first place). Culpepper will likely cost in the neighborhood of $8 to $10 million for two years and considering he can't move, this is not exactly a bargain.

Stay focused Detroit; let's eat the season and just move on. Turn the ball over to Stanton for the rest of this season and give him a chance. Come next year, let's focus on getting a franchise QB.

For more quality commentary, check out this article by Chris Morgan at the Examiner: Even Sans Millen, Lions Apparently Run By Crazy People

The Quest for the Lions Begins Right Here

There is only one suitable outcome for the Lions 2008-2009 season, a perfect 0-16 season. We finally rid ourselves of our Ahab and the mutiny will only end rightly with the perfect storm. The defeated season sets the perfect backdrop to our quest for a winning season.

I want the 0-16 season so bad I can taste it. I want this disastrous, never-ending era to close with the worst season in NFL history with the Matt Millen era immortalized as the worst mismanagement in the history of sports. The worst team ever.

In doing so, the Lions are not just spraying Febreze in Millen’s office to over up his lingering stink from his rotten ass and B.O. Jackson body odor, it razes the whole damn building erasing any acknowledgement that he was ever there.

Then we can finally move on. We already made what I think might have been the best personnel move in Lions history by trading Roy Williams for a bounty of draft picks. To get 3 drafts picks, including a #1 for a quality receiver is a lopsided trade in the Detroit’s favor. If you haven’t noticed, the Lions have a better one anyway and Williams had begun turning himself into a cancer for the Lions. The Lions do not need guys second guessing the game plan and making issues about play calling, formations, and targets. That trade begun the rebuild. And for once, I don’t think we are talking about a Lion’s annual rebuild, I mean a real rebuild from the ground up - one that is going to work.

The next step is the coaching decision. I think this time, we need a proven NFL coach. While it’s too early to make any real predictions on availability, it’s pretty uch a forgone conclusion that Marineeli will be gone. I cannot see how after the horrible job he did instilling that train wreck Tampa 2 defense, why he would return. I’d even be surprised if he lasts the rest of the season. While I do not normally support mid-season NFL coaching changes like the Lane Kiffin firing, in this case you might as well cut the cord and start moving forward. Obviously this season is over for the Lions, so you might as well make the coaching change and treat the rest of the season like practice. What’s to lose.

I would not claim to really have an educated stance on the candidates, but I love the Bill Cowher suggestion that has been tossed around from time to time, particularly in the context of a coach and Gm package deal. We have seen enough bullshit attempts at high-falutin’ West Coast offenses. Let’s get a hard nosed program with a running game and a bad ass defense. Let’s be serious, this is Big Ten country, with the Chicago Bears, Green Bay Packers, and Minnesota Vikings. Who needs a spread offense, run and shoot, west coast, or whatever other name du jour you wanna slap on it. Let’s get a real football team.

The other key ingredient, which needs to happen this year the selection of our franchise quarterback to lead the Detroit Lion’s for the next 10 years. This is a one time decision and there will be no more Harringtons, Kitnas, Peetes, or Wares. We need the guy that every god damn sports fan in Michigan owns a jersey and the posters go on every kids’ wall. I want Colt McCoy. I’m actually sitting in the Austin airport as I type this and I believe this is our guy. Call it a feeling. McCoy has more talent and leadership than I remember in a college player really ever. While they say he wants to stay in Austin for one more year and thay he may not have the arm strength to be a great NFL QB, I’ll take the 80% completion rate and worry about adapting from there. We'll just have to wait and see come draft day if he is available. Plus, he has the greatest name for a gunslinger in the history of the game. I apologize to the state of Texas for taking your boy, but McCoy should be a Lion. We need him.

So, take pleasure in our pain one last time NFL fans, because this historic 0-16 disaster is all part of the plan. Mark my words; the end is here. As we sit and watch from the absolute trough of the curve, there is nowhere to go but up. The Lions as you know them will only exist for 8 more weeks, so let‘s all watch and laugh. And then get excited, because it‘s finally gonna end.

Why Michigan Will Not Win on Saturday

With the "BIG" game fast approaching...I'm taking a deep look at just what this all really means. Honestly, never has a game like this meant so much, for so many utterly stupid reasons. We get it, Michigan is in a down year and State remains somewhat of an enigma. However, the reality that soon sets in - is that if State can't win this one, they're never gonna beat Michigan. So, let's just tap it right off the bat and let me explain to you why Michigan will finally friggin' lose to State.

And believe me - I've been waiting since 2001 for this weekend.

Laws of Nature: Yup, it’s just about time that Michigan State waltzed into Ann Arbor and left with a victory. In fact, the Spartans haven’t won in the Big House since 1990. Yes, your eyes do NOT deceive you – that’s going on 18 long years. Ouch! Well, if ever a Michigan team was ripe for the pickens and vulnerable this is it. Streaks are just meant to be broken and although State has flirted with winning at the Big House maybe once over that time, the gut says this is it.

Rich Rodriguez is an Idiot and a D-Bag: Congratulations Michigan you completely revamped the Football program after another “supposed” disastrous season under Lloyd Carr. You opted to toss aside your old school stagnant offense, stale thought process, along with part of your tradition and hopped into bed with Rich Rod.

How’s the spread offense treating you thus far? Oh wait, I know – Rich Rod just needs to get bring in “his” guys and then the system will make sense. The one problem is nobody in there right mind can honestly think Rich Rod will be around long enough to flourish if the once proud University of Michigan program fails to even qualify as Bowl Eligible. One can accept taking a step back if it means eventually taking a greater step forward. However, under the Rich Rod era – the program hasn’t taken a step back – it’s fallen backwards on it’s ass into a ditch.

Of course, at least when Rich Rod leaves offices vacant it’s a smooth transition. I mean he left very little mess at West Virginia – oops – I’ve hit a sore spot. Yup, Rich Rod is the complete opposite of anybody you’d ever imagine to coach Michigan. And just happens he’s the complete opposite of Mark Dantonio. Just another reason why Michigan will lose.

Javon Ringer Won’t Be Stopped: Senior season – one last chance to FINALLY beat Michigan. Do you think Ringer isn’t up to the task? Coming off his worst game of the season a week ago, the Wolverines will simply have no answer. He’ll punish the Michigan defense the same way Chris Perry and Mike Hart to name a few have done to the Spartans in their final game of the rivalry in the past.

Michigan Sucks: They do. Plain and simple. If we thought Appalachian State was the apocalypse, how can we can we categorize this season? They’re 2-5 and the outlook is no brighter down the stretch. After the Michigan State game, three of their next 4 games are on the road. And the lone home game is against #22 Northwestern. Seriously, 2-10 is not out of the realm of possibility. Years from now Toledo players will always be able to brag that they beat Michigan at the Big House. Oh yes, who could forget the amazing comeback against Wisconsin, but wait the Badgers suck too!!!

Michigan Fans are Fair Weather and they’re Still Assholes: Silence. Crickets. That’s what you hear from Michigan fans this season. At first it was excuses like “oh, we are in a transition period” or “we don’t have the talent.” All the while, don’t lie Michigan fan, despite the loss of the famed Senior class – you fully expected to at least be fighting for a Bowl Game. Yet, now that filthy swagger and arrogance is gone. Hail to the victors my ass. Most Michigan fans have taken on the usual Spartan response “I don’t care – I just drink for the games.” Yeah, sure of course you don’t care…LIAR!

They Simply Deserve to Lose: If exhibits one through five weren’t enough I can’t help. This is for all the bull-shit Spartan fans have had to endure over the years. Simply put, fuck being the step-brother – we’re gonna win this game. You damn well know you don’t deserve it and therefore we’ll take it.

Rant complete…Fuck Michigan.

Which Football Movie Coach Should Take Over for Rod Marinelli?

Now that the unthinkable finally occurred (no, Pizza Hut did not build a pizza box made entirely of cheese... yet) and the Detroit Lions finally parted ways with the worst front office personnel man in football history, Matt Millen, Rod Marinelli's days are undeniably numbered. Obviously, us GoWF boys cannot resist an opportunity to chime in with some ideas. In reality, I'd love to see Cowher in the spot, but today were looking at some other good candidates, our favorite coaches from football movies.

The Long Shots

Tony D'Amato - While D'Amato certainly had the fire in his belly, his age and inability to put front office fatcats in their place, make him an unlikely candidate for the role. D'Amato struggles with keeping his game modern, so owners worry about his ability to adapt to the modern game. Finally, with new management on the way, it's too risky to hire a coach with a track record of succumbing to top brass demands against his better judgement.


Coach Klein - While Coach Klein built a sturdy reputation for discovering talent in even the strangest of places, the Lions are looking for a bit harder nose. Klein is known to get intimidated easily when facing big name coaches and must win games. Plus, this movie just sucked way to bad.

Molly McGrath - Women in jobs traditionally held by men are all the rage these days. The Lions thought maybe they could at least land one stinking Monday Night Football game if they pulled a publicity stunt like hiring former Wildcats' head coach, Molly McGrath. McGrath does not have a whole lot of coaching experience, but she still looks pretty damn good despite being in her early 60s.


The Short List

Bud Kilmer - The man could certainly motivate. He got players to play for him despite being hurt. Sure, he was a little insane and probably drove a wedge through one of the best team's the State of Texas High School Football circuit had ever seen, but you gotta hand it to him - he got the most out of his players. Shit, he has a stadium named after him and he didn't buying with the money he saved by firing all his automotive industry employees.

What could he do for the Lions? Wonders, I tell you, wonders. He's an old fashioned ball coach who'd certainly keep the ball on the ground, but he'd bring a pedigree of toughness to the organization that's sorely been lacking. And would he alienate a few folks along the way? Yes, but so friggin' be it - the Lions are team in need of tough love and we all know Bud Kilmer can deliver just that.


Coach Harris - While it would be nice to land a coach with some pro coaching experience, scouting is at the top of the list of root causes for the Lions over the past decade. Coach Harris brought in top recruits to the Adams Atoms in All-American quarterback Stan Gable, first round defensive lineman, Fred "The Ogle" Palowakski, and speed receiver, Danny Burke. Harris also brings an the aggressive, no bullshit personality the Lions need to right the ship in a hurry. Ultimately though, questions about Harris' character will likely keep him out of serious contention for the head coaching job, as Harris made national news for a widely publicized pep rally fight with a number of Adams students.


Jimmy McGinty - McGinty has a nice resume having turned a team of replacement players into a very good football team during the pro football strike of 1987. McGinty also earned praise from the Lions organization for developing a has-been quarterback into a leader in Shane Falco - clearly of pinnacle importance to the current Lions' roster. McGinty has all of the right credentials and experience, but he already retired once and his eyebrows and ears are starting to look like sleeping cats. In other words, he's too old.

Sign Him Up


Ed "Straght Arrow" Genaro - Straight Arrow Genaro really offers everything the Lions need. He took a chance on a quarterback that nobody believed in and turned him in to one of the top passers in the NCAA. He works hard with his receiving corps and does not give up on them as illustrated by the stunning development of Featherstone after struggling with drops for the better part of the season. They turned a haphazarrd group of roustabouts into a formidable defense with incredible linebacker play. Finally, the most impressive feat however, which addresses the Lions Achilles heal, is Genaro built a tremendous offensive line with zero scholarships.

This World Series Might Suck!

As I watched the Philadelphia Phillies clinically put the Los Angeles Dodgers to sleep for 2008, I couldn't help, but think that should've been the Chicago Cubs. No, not the Cubs polishing off the winning touches, rather the Cubs getting outplayed and outdone by the Phillies in the NLCS. Yup, maybe I'm still a little bitter about the Cubs gagging against the Dodgers. However, I'm mature enough to admit that the best team in the National League is going to the World Series.

Deep sigh, that took a lot out of me. On the other side of the country the Tampa Bay Rays are putting on one hell of a demolition at the fate of the Boston Red Sox. They've outplayed the Red Sox in every facet of the game and left Fenway Park a morgue. The chatter about, well the Red Sox have been there before and have climbed out of worse holes is all you're hearing today. And maybe, by the time you read this – we'll be headed back to Tampa for a pressure cooker.

However, when all is said and done – yes, the Rays are a much, much better team than the Boston Red Sox. And in fact, they are the hands down best team in Baseball. Doesn't mean they'll sweep through the Phillies, but it means they'll certainly be the prohibitive favorites. So, even if by some divine intervention the Cubs would've been able to get past the Dodgers, get lucky against the Phillies – yes, the dream would've gone up in flames against the Rays. I can't picture it happening any other way, but there's always next year.

Well, aside from Baseball having probably the two best teams in the Fall Classic showcase…you have to wonder if that's a good thing? The short answer is a resounding NO! OK, maybe if you're a baseball purist you're licking your chops at the thought of a Phillies-Rays World Series. However, I can sure tell you that FOX is praying this one goes quickly and quietly into the night.

Fair or not, the Rays just don't bring the kind of lure to the table to draw average fans to tune into the World Series. Yes, that's just how the universe works – apologies Rays fans. Sure, they are young talent laden team with many a Superstar on the rise, but they simply have no history on their side. The Tropicana is just a giant space – nothing fancy or nothing that reeks of Baseball tradition. You do remember the lopsided ratings that the Marlins produced when they made it to the World Series twice in the span of a decade…right?

This is no knock on the immense fan base the Phillies will bring to the table. However, the saying goes – it takes two to tango. When the post-season match-ups were first introduced many were hoping for a Dodgers-Red Sox or Cubs-Red Sox or Phillies-Red Sox match-up. No, I'm not biased in anyway, but facts are facts the Red Sox bring in the draw. Let's not count out the Angels or White Sox, as most networks would have gone "goo-goo-ga-ga" over a White Sox-Cubs or Angels-Dodgers World Series.

OK, do you notice what's missing? Yup, the small market Brewers and Rays, which probably would've produced the lowest rated World Series ever. Breathe easy, that won't happen. However, take a deep sigh, because the Rays for as good as they are, will muck up this thing and cause interest to plummet. Are you really gonna watch? Sorry, but I'm not and I can sense the show of hands in agreement. Unless, you're fan of either team - this probably has pass written all over it.

Look, that's enough bashing on the Rays. It's not meant to discredit the team in anyway shape or form. Aside, from just the match-up alone – really hasn't this entire post-season just sucked or what? The first round wasn't even competitive – it was so non-interesting. What series was mildly intriguing on the field, other than maybe the Angels-Red Sox? Fast forward to the LCS and it's been two more blowouts.

The dream of the Cubs winning the World Series evaporated very early on, but that didn't have to mean the rest of the Playoffs would be a dud. Yes, I feel the virtual beer bottles that Phillies and Rays fans are throwing at me right now. However, seriously this has been one drama-less and lackluster post-season that's hardly been gripping and/or entertaining. So, why on earth would anyone expect the World Series to change the trend?

Yeah, maybe it goes seven dramatic games, but who will care? I doubt many people will even bother watching. So, cheers to whoever wins the coveted Championship – at least your fans will care about you. To reiterate, I'm not that bitter that the Cubs are gone. Not that bitter. Argh.

Countdown to the Ohio State Game.

As has been the customary theme for this season. Instead of breaking down the big game or analyzing the "what if's" or the "if we do this we win" scenarios, I'm digging up the past. Look, there's nothing better than digging up the old memories and hoping that can re-kindle some magic. In short, it's been 10 years since Michigan State trumped then #1 Ohio State in Columbus.

Of course, back then Nick Saban was the coach, but this is arguably the most disciplined team since the Saban era. I'm not about to predict anything for Saturday. All I can say is I'm looking forward to this. It's going be damn hard to stop Wells and/or Pryor. However, we're hopefully gonna give Ohio State all they can handle. For now, let's just soak in the memory. 'Till Saturday.

Ten Things You Probably Didn't Know About The 2008 Fantasy Football Season

1) Aaron Rodgers is the third highest scoring player in the entire NFL.

2) Lee Evans is averaging 27 yards per reception.

3) Of the top 25 scoring wide receivers, only seven were generally drafted in the first four rounds (Fitty, Wayne, Andre Johnson, Brandon Marshall, Boldin, TO, and Housh)...

4) While six of the top 25 wide receivers were typically no better than the 200th player drafted (DeSean Jackson, Lance Moore, Steve Breaston, Devery Henderson, Eddie Royal, and Muhsin Muhammad).

5) The point spread between the NFL's 2nd highest scoring tight end (Chris Cooley) and the 15th scoring tight end is roughly only 15 points (Marcedes Lewis).

6) Amongst the ten best scoring quarterbacks in the league, zero were first round draft picks, only Romo and Brees were generally drafted in the top three rounds, and six had an ADP of over 100 (Rodgers, Rivers, Warner, Orton, Campbell, and Favre).

7) Not a single Patriot ranks in the top 75 overall fantasy players thus far. They also have the fourth worst fantasy defense in the league.

8) Houston has by far the worst fantasy defense with just about 20 points total (using fairly standard scoring).

9) Adam Vinatieri is the 9th worst kicker in the league yet he is owned in roughly 65% of leagues.

10) Jason Elam is by far the best kicker in the league, yet is owned in only about 34% of leagues.

How Will the Credit Crisis Affect the World Series?

1) Instead of using single ply in the bathrooms, Major League Baseball Stadiums will now provide last season's game programs.

2) In an effort to save AstroTurf, domed stadiums will now use use green paint.

3) Most players are opting for the less expensive Lexington Slammer.

4) The footlong will be converted to the 10 centimeters.

5) Red Hots will be renamed Red Warms.

6) The Price of a 22 ounce Coors Light will rise modestly to $42.50.

7) The baselines will no longer be redusted every game, which will be replaced by a few small orange cones.

8) Instead of the live organ player, stadiums will use preset Casio beats.

9) The announcers will only be allowed to drink double malt scotch.

10) Finally, the national anthem will be sung by contestants of America's Got Talent instead of American Idol and Oh Canada will be dropped entirely.

Chuck Rogers Owes Money, Seeks Advice from God

The joke of the day is that Lions secured what might be their one and only victory this season. Yup, word is out that Charles "China Doll" Rogers owes the Lions $8.5 million. Ouch! Where the hell is my man Chuck going to find that type of money? Shit, the Arby's in Saginaw ain't paying him, but minimum wage.

It's just not a stable enough economy to make it in this world as a brick weed dealer or a Canadian Football star. So, Rogers would appear to be stuck. His jersey ain't worth a damn these days and besides when he left the Lions he tossed it to a kid in the stands and apparently said: "I ain't gonna need this no 'mo."

Well, having lived and loved the Charles Rogers era at Michigan State, I like to think only about the good times. Yup, that went fast. Oh well. Anyhow, I imagine Rogers had some sort of epiphany in the wee hours last night and spoke to God. Yes, perhaps - this is how it all went down. 'Ole Chuck contemplating his future and behold a vision came to him in the night.

Fictitiously, here's what transpired. Um, maybe...

Rogers: Is you a ghost?

God: When I see a ghost, I cut the mutha fucka.

Rogers: Is you..um, is you...God?

God: Dolemite, mutha'fucka', ya heard'er!

Rogers: Damn, Dolemite really is God. Shit dog - I knew it. Man, troubled times homie, shit ain't right.

God: You rat soup-eatin' motha-FUCKA!

Rogers: Damn dog, where am I gonna come up with this kinda money?

God: You no-business, born-insecure, jock-jawed motha-FUCKA!

Rogers: Shit, the bill collectors already ringing my phone and now the Detroit "mutha-fucking" Lions? I'm fucked.

God: I want you to take these cheap mother fuckers and wipe your ass with them!

Rogers: Damn thanks God. I'm gonna handle my business and tell all them mutha-fucka's what time it is.

God: Don't forget the white ones.

Rogers: No doubt.

The Comeback: Michigan State vs. Northwestern 2006

It's been quite a while since Michigan State has played a meaningful game of any significance. Well, unless you include the Michigan game each season where we simply hope and pray we can somehow sabotage the Wolverines season. That said this weekend just happens to be a HUGE game in Spartan land. Yup, we're taking our first Top 25 ranking in a long time to Northwestern.

We all should know what happened last time the Spartans headed to Northwestern. Well, it was only one of the greatest comebacks EVER! Don't take my word for it...here's a your reminder. Feel free to relive the magic. Let's hope we don't need to pull off another miracle this time around.

What Would Wayne Do?

The man who is quickly becoming our favorite Lion's scribe, Tom Kowalski, wrote a great piece about doing what we always do, asking "What would Wayne Do?" in the face of adversity.

Most sports writers, particularly when they dedicate their efforts to a single team or topic, are quick to pick apart what is wrong with a team, its decision-making, and of course the personnel. Well, Kowalski has the cajones to put forth ideas about what the team needs to do to fix the problems, rather than just belittle the stakeholders involved for their shortcomings.

Well, this time he suggests a couple nervy choices. If you're Rod Marinelli, look to the history of one Wayne Fontes, for answers.

These desperate times call for desperate measures. The man Marinelli must emulate is ... Wayne Fontes.

Say what you will about Fontes, the former Lions coach, but the man was lights out when it came to crisis management. He couldn't handle prosperity very well, but he was brilliant in terms of survival (we'll find someone else to help Marinelli with the prosperity part if that, you know, ever happens).

Later, he goes on to suggest that the if Marinelli wants a job, he needs to make drastic moves. The recommendation: ditch Dead-End Dan Orlovski and get hometown boy, Drew Stanton in the game. If nothing else, Stanton is explosive and fresh. He might stink out Ford Field, but that's no departure from the norm.

I like these crackpot ideas and I enjoy reading sportswriters with suggestions. Especially, when the end with great lines like, "What Would Wayne Do?"

Check Out This Hot Ride

What you see before you is the 1969 Reggie Jackson Model Camaro. Man, if you ever wondered how baddass Reggie Jackson was back in the day, this explains it. Something tells me Reggie Jackson and Wooterson would have been good friends.

With General Motors struggling for market share, it remains a mystery why this beauty has not hit the public market. This is way better than that lame Volt.

It's Gonna Happen...0-16!

Failure (fail, phail or flop) in general refers to the state or condition of not meeting a desirable or intended objective. It may be viewed as the opposite of success. (See Detroit Lions).

It's a sad state of sobering reality in Detroit. There is no end in sight, no silver lining, no end to this bleeding. Yup, the Detroit Lions are the worst team franchise in the NFL all of sports. I welcome all rebuttals, please, please prove me wrong. Standing at 0-4 after Sunday's debacle, the dream of an unblemished season is a reality.

And for the Lions a win would be a blemish. Oh yes, they simply must pursue the dream of utter shame and embarrassment by going win-less. Let's be honest, the pursuit of imperfection won't be all that hard. Besides, this team deserves the honor...don't they? OK, don't answer that.

The organization thought to have rid itself of rotting failure by cutting ties with king idiot Matt Millen are still in utter disarray. You've got WR Mike Furrey speaking out on how the team has no identity:

We thought we had an identity. We thought we were progressing a little bit. Now it just seems like we’re at a standstill right now. We’re trying to find out who we are and what we can do, making sure everybody understands the system.

It's a lost cause in Detroit. Rod Marinelli has vowed to continue to "play hard" or "play out the string." Of course, he's also vowed to basically do whatever the Ford family asks of him. So, we can fully expect that his leash will soon be cut. However, that probably won't happen until the end of the season.

For now, it's just a train wreck in motion. Rudi Johnson isn't all too pleased with his role on the team. Really? Well, that's shame - hey Rudi what the fuck did you think you were getting into? There are also rumors that Roy Williams is being dangled like a carrot, which should come as no real surprise. Williams flipped his helmet and waived his arms in disgust at one point on the sidelines yesterday. Then again can you blame him?

Kyle Orton lit the Lions up. Yes, the same Kyle Orton who missed the memo that neck beards were long out of style. Now, you look ahead at the schedule and realize there are really only two winnable games on the Lions schedule. Circle December 7th at home against Minnesota (still might be a long shot). Then you've got Houston in a few weeks, but that's on the road and I really don't think the Texans are all that bad.

Seriously, look at the rest of the schedule - it ain't far fetched. It goes...
@MIN
@HOU
WASH
@CHI
JAC
@CAR
TAM
TEN
MIN
@IND
NO
@GB

The Lions flirted with 0-16 back in 2001 and that was Millen's first year on the job. How ironic that they're gonna flirt with that same disaster in the final chapter of the Millen era. Here's for another twist, the Lions ended the pursuit of imperfection with a win over the Minnesota Vikings in Week 14. Well, I guess you gotta hit rock bottom before you can climb back to the top.

Too bad the Lions are well past rock bottom. Deep Sigh.

Against All Odds Weekend

It never should've come to this. The dream seemed to die before we even had a chance to enjoy the Playoffs. Yes, it would seem the funeral procession has already begun and the dream of ending the 100 year drought appears to be over. Well, let's stress the word "appears." Let's face it, nothing is over until it's really over - no matter how bleak.

And yes, the pain is easy to feel. It ain't easy being a Cubs fan and amidst my several phone conversations that usually started with "what the fuck" or "why is this happening" - I came to wonder like many a Sports fan - if it just wasn't meant to be? Then, I stopped making excuses, pondering the what ifs or asking why. Instead, I sat alone with an empty beer bottle and sobering reality. Yup, the reality that this beloved Cubs team will NEVER win the World Series.

Deep sigh and life goes on. Or does it? Well, the short answer is...it must. And that's when it dawned on me that now, more than ever...it's time to believe. Yes, if we can't believe now, when can we? This the most beloved and the best Cubs team most of us have ever known. Why abandon ship? There's never been a more likeable team that I've ever known.

It must be manifest destiny that the Cubs will overcome an 0-2 deficit. Has to be? Please give me a sign. Well, it's against all odds, but this weekend will turn the tides on destiny. I thought about burning my tickets for Game 3 in L.A in a fit of rage, but NO! I'm going on Saturday night to see watch Rich Harden stop the bleeding and then hopefully on Sunday Ted Lilly will be the Ted Lilly he was down the stretch.

That's right, wipe that fucking depressed look off your faces Cubs fans - it's still gonna happen. Against all odds, fuck it. And yes, we get it Dick Stockton - you're GOD DAMN RIGHT THIS IS AGONIZING!!! FUCK YOU!!!

And so, enough with the pep talk - let's dive into gambling. Before I dive into the weekend wagers - with the announcement that Phish is back, I figure let's toss out some odds on the Hampton shows.

-750 (Chalk Dust Opener)

3:1 Trey relapses.

Well, that's that.

Real quick before I wallow in misery. The NFL lines.

Tennessee (-2.5) over BALTIMORE
I love that defense and I love it even more against a rookie QB.

DENVER (-3.5) over Tampa Bay
It's Brian friggin' Griese. I don't believe in revenge games when Griese is involved. The only time I favor Griese when it comes to revenge is when it's against the dude that stole his Mohawk Vodka.

New England (-3) over SAN FRANCISCO
Risky Business.

PHILADELPHIA (-6) over Washington
Must win for the Iggles. Hangover for the Skins?

Phish Is Back - 'Twas the Night of the Announcement

'Twas the night of the announcemement
And all though the land, not a Phish phan was sleeping, not even the band.

Not Page, nor Fishman, not Mike, nor Big Red
As visions of the Mothership danced in their heads

Fish in his moo moo and Trey with his 'Doc
There was too much anticpitaion of one more Weekapaug

On Suzie, on Reba, on Julius, on Hood
Maybe I'll finally hear If I Could

It's a different time and a different life stage
With no mail order tickets in the information age

While we've grown older and hold jobs, we still find it amusing
That this obsession won't die to see more live music

Well, thanks again Phish, you're the world's greatest band
I can't wait to see you in March with a ticket stub in my hand...

If Millen's Out, Who's Got Next?

Clearly, we have a vested interest in who takes over as Detroit Lions CEO and President now that Matt Millen finally took a door to the backside. Not only are we recovering Lions fans since single digit ages, but we need some new material for this sputtering blog. Fortunately, some grade A, choice candidates are already polishing their resumes, so let's take a look at them. Some are real and some are less real, but it's up to you to determine that for yourself. Personally, we don't really care anymore.

1) Chris Osgood - The forerunner for the job so far has to be the savior of Detroit this year, Red Wings goaltender Chris Osgood. Jealous that teammate Chris Chelios owns four restaurants -including a nice stand in Ford Field - Osgood wants to pad his CV as well. While he still has a lot he wants to accomplish, he is willing to put his aspirations to be the Bowflex model aside, as President of the Lions is a top priority.

2) Wayne Fontes - Um hello, Wayne Fontes anybody? Who led the Lions to their only playoff victory since 1957. Who manned the headset during Barry Sanders' formative years. Who has more blogs named after him than any other Detroit Sports personality (I think there are 3, which as far as I know is the most)? Now, if we could only find him.

3) Kevin Colbert - Bob "Wojo" Wojnowski from the Detroit News put forth an interesting suggestion. Hire Kevin Colbert, the director of football operations from Pittsburgh and then have him bait Bill Cowher as the Head Coach. That sounds intriguing to me. I don't know how badly I want coverage of Bill Cowher's family in the booth every damn game, but at least he can put together a decent running game. He also has a very nice jaw structure.

4) Lloyd Carr - What, he always loved that pro style offense? No, ok let's move on.

5) Floyd Reese - Brian VanOchten from the Grand Rapids Press likes the odds of this former Titan's GM. He did win a Super Bowl in Tennessee is one of the few names being whispered with solid experience in front office leadership.

6) Scott Pioli - The Pats personnel brainchild seems to be getting called out in a lot of these lists and would oviously make a great choice if we could lure him with boatloads of money. Somehow given Millen's takeaway windfall, I don't know if the Lions will pony up.

7) Kirk Gibson - Maybe a tidbit inexperienced, but he was a Detroit sports legend, excellent in the clutch, and a very good football player. Plus, he has that loose cannon vibe that makes Ford Sr. feel cool.

8) Anyone with some scouting experience