The NBA Playoffs have been as good as advertised this spring. However, on the other side of the coin so has the bastard step child sport we know as the NHL. The argument still lurks that nobody can watch these games, because they are stuck on some remote cable channel that most people have never heard of nor do they get. Yet, it's worth noting that "Vs" has upgraded this year and is actually available in HD. Have you seen Hockey in HD? It's phenomenal.
Well, viewing experience aside...these playoffs have been equally as entertaining. Let's not factor in that we are sitting with 3 series at 3-0 in the 2nd round alone. The games have hardly been white washes. The Red Wings/Avalanche series has been constant offense, attacking and hard hitting. I know it sounds like a cliche, but how can you not get sucked into these games? It's the first time in years, I've found myself on the edge of my seat and hanging on by every move, shot, pass, etc. The 2nd and 3rd periods in Denver last night made me think Hockey has a chance.
Take the Penguins/Rangers series for example. Game 1 of that series was arguably the best game of this post-season. The Rangers jumped out to a 3-0 lead, but were dazed and confused when the Penguins fired in two goals in the span of about 2o seconds. The Rangers grabbed the lead back at 4-2, only to see the Penguins do the same thing; two goals in about 15 seconds. Eventually, the Penguins went on to win the game 5-4 and possibly bury the hopes of the Rangers. However, the game itself was nothing short of brilliant.
The Dallas Starts have eked out a couple 1 goal victories over the favored Sharks en route to their own 3-0 lead in the series. Basically, what this equates to is three teams peeking and clicking on all cylinders headed to the conference finals. If you don't think this year's stretch run is going to be anything short of epic...you're insane. We are starring down the possibility of a legendary Stanley Cup Finals with teams that we know. Apologies to Tampa Bay, Calgary or Anaheim...this is simply what the NHL needs.
The mere thought of a Red Wings vs. Penguins Stanley Cup Finals must have NHL executives drooling. Perhaps, that series alone could save the NHL? It'd the best young player (Sidney Crosby) vs. the mighty Red Wings. It'd be a series for the ages and this dream seems as though it could be a reality. So, maybe Hockey is finally getting it right this year. These playoffs have been solid and we can only hope for continued excellence. Will the mainstream once again take notice and bump hockey off of "Vs." and back to ESPN. Well, maybe. Let's hope.
We're cranking out the links of the week a little early this week, because I'm heading to Beantown for the remainder of the work week and it's quite the action packed day in the sphere. Don't worry, Stan will hold down the fort for the rest of the way while I get into a brawl at Fenway.
Before we get into the action, the music video of the week is the astonishingly underrated 80s hit, Who's Johnny?, the theme from Short Circuit by the one and only El DeBarge. The courtroom dance segment at the end is simply epic and there is a really nice cardboard cutout of Steve Guttenberg in there.
OK, where were we?
You may have heard, but another member of the "classically trained" sports media is scared that nobody cares about him anymore. I guess in his defense, he looks like he took a horseshoe between the eyes (guy on the right), so he might have a few screws loose. Anyway, he's an ass, but it's not a bad idea to drum up some good PR. He's got every blog known to man writing about him today. I suspect he'll announce his new book is out next week any minute now.
Mac G has been keeping tabs on the story pretty well, so we'll direct you to his post for a slew of linkage on the subject.
In more important news, the dude who invented acid died today. So, we're a little more upset about that than the journo wars. Amazingly, he lived to be 102 years old. So long and thanks for all the Phish. Whoops.
In more terrible news, somebody sabotaged Five Tool Tool. DMT Shooter has narrowed down the list of suspects in this masterpiece, but needs your help to crack the case and help recover his lost blog.
The lovely ladies over at Babes Love Baseball have some nice slump busting sluts to recommend for Barry Zito to get his groove back. The only one I would add is Pedro Gomez. He's gotta be hurting for stories in the Bay Area these days and we suspect he has that "whatever it takes" journalistic ambition.
Finally, my pal Dave is the head chef at a new Italian restaurant in Washington Heights. Here's the first review and it's quite favorable. They have some bomb-ass meatballs and flatbread pizzas, so give it a shot if you are in the New York City area.
Since the draft concluded a distant two days ago, it’s clearly time for a fantasy football post. In case you didn’t already know, Stan and I are the best fantasy football players in the world. Last year between us, we combined to make the playoffs in 6 of 6 leagues, we won two elite blogger leagues (Brahsome and Empty the Bench), and between us have a three year run going in our high stakes money league. I’m sure you really care, but we really like bragging.
Anyway, since the draft is fresh on everyone’s mind, today we’d like to share our philosophies on drafting rookies. The art of picking a rookie who can pay his fantasy rent all season is right on par with finding a fat crack-addicted hooker who can pay her rent all season: tricky. So here’s a few of our tips when you’re thinking about rolling the dice on a rookie.
Wait longer than you think you should
This is rule #1 and is of pinnacle importance. Rookies almost always go too early, because quite simply they are fun and exciting. Everybody wants to be the guy who snags the hidden gem, because fantasy football is all about making people think you know your shit. Still, even the safest bets should probably go two rounds later than their average draft position, because of this phenomenon.
Think about your rookies in the context of the other players on the board
This is an extension of the above point, but it merits its own heading. Rookie drafters almost always go into the draft knowing they want to pick certain rookie sleepers – often with a predetermined round. Thus, fantasy owners jump on them in the third or fourth round. For example, how many people drafted Calvin Johnson in the third or fourth last year while guys like Boldin, Houshmanzadeh, and Burress were still on the board? Keep your rookies in the back of your mind, but don’t sacrifice taking a better player just to ensure you get your little project draftee.
Wait to see if they are expected to start
Know the depth chart going in to the season. If your rookie prospect is not starting or at least splitting time as of your draft day; don’t bother. There is no room on a fantasy roster for a player who isn’t getting snaps. They will be available on the waiver wire if they ever do start playing.
Beware of your own homerism
Believe me, there’s a part of me saying Hart is going to be an impact player in Indy with Keith getting arrested and Addai being injury prone or thinking that Mannigham has better separation than anyone on the deep ball, so he’ll be a big play guy in New York. Likewise, Stan is saying that Devin Thomas is the next in the long, long line of great Spartan receivers. Still, take Mannigham for example. Who really knows what the giants will do at receiver? Toomer never seems to age, Burress is a bonafide star, and now Tyree is a big name. Furthermore, isn’t Sinorice Moss supposed to be doing something by now? Anyway, the point is that just because you are intimately familiar with a certain players abilities, it doesn’t mean they will get a shot to use them in their rookie season. If they do, just pick them up off waivers, because nobody else in your league even gives a shit about them.
If you're going to gamble on the "big dog," make sure you are intimately familiar with the handcuff scenario
Stan and I are at complete odds on the “handcuff” theory. I hate it, but he is a big believer. Nevertheless, in the instance of a rookie running back, it is very important to know the situation and often times carry both guys on the roster. See examples Reggie Bush/Deuce '06 and AP/Chester Taylor 07. This season, if you plan to take McFadden, be damn sure you know exactly where they stand with Justin Fargas and Lamont Jordan (and Michael Bush?). Presumably, McFadden should beat them both out, but Fargas always sneaks his way into that lineup to make an impact and after his heroics at the end of last season, anything is possible. On the other hand, if your handcuff is not a guy that will get drafted by anybody else (Ryan Grant last season), just be nimble and ready to pull the trigger if your horse goes down. You don’t need to carry extra safety guys if you are on the ball and you’re prepared to make moves in the event of an injury.
Set diminished goals for rookie WRs
Aside from select instances like Randy Moss and/or Anquan Boldin (to an extent), very seldom do rookie WR's have a huge impact. If they do, it's probably going to be a fluke like Marques Colston. An inconsistent wide receiver is a worthless wide receiver. Trust us, you are better off starting the season with Bernard Berrian or Roddy White than Limas Sweed, DeSean Stevenson, or Early Doucet. Again, just be quick on your toes and grab the breakout guys off waivers if and when they begin to emerge (i.e., Dwayne Bowe).
Look for the back-up/split RB that happens to be in the perfect situation and could very well star down the stretch for a real NFL contender
The real value in rookie picks comes from injuries to the starters. Look at Joe Addai for Indy in 2006 or Laurence Maroney for the Patriots in 2006. These guys wouldn’t have much of an impact if the starter is healthy, but if the main starter gets hurt or plays poorly, there is some real potential. This year’s ideal candidates look like Felix Jones in Dallas and Rashard Mendenhall in Pittsburgh.
Don't fall in love the rookie TE who has a breakout game here or there
See Greg Olsen '07. Just because a rookie tight end shows a flash in the pan game, it doesn’t mean they are going to get a lot of looks. Rookie tight ends tend to have a hard time working their way past the old stalwart tight ends on the depth chart. When they do, it tends to take a while before they get a lot of balls thrown their way. Matt Speath is another good example here. Spaeth caught TD passes in both week 1 and 2 last year, but only caught a mere two more passes in the entire remainder of the season.
Avoid rookie QB's like the plague
There really is no point. The serviceable guys who fall down in the draft like Favre (used to), Hasselbeck, and basically anybody who is black (sorry, but it's true) are better bets for a backup than any rookie. At least you can get someone you know is going to start and fill in when your main QB has a bye or gets injured. The list here is endless but count on either having a non-starter for most of the season (i.e., Brady Quinn, Phillip Rivers, and JaMarcus Russell) or a real piece of shit with a QB rating in the 40s or 50s (i.e., Alex Smith or David Carr). Even Peyton Manning threw 28 interceptions in his rookie season.
"This is the end. Beautiful friend. This is the end. My only friend, the end."
The Dallas Mavericks are officially D-O-N-E. Yup, the Hornets just put the finishing touches on one of the finer ass whooping's in the 1st round of the NBA playoffs. However, more importantly they most likely put an end or in better words slammed shut the window for Mark Cuban and his buddy Dirk. Ironically, the third and original mate in this trio Steve Nash, may also see his Championship window slam shut in a few short hours -- or by the time you read this sentence. Of course, some still hold out belief the Suns are going to duplicate what the Red Sox of 2004 did. Consider me a skeptic, but disregard we ever had this dialogue if that happens.
Where was I? Right, Dirk and Cubes are soaking in a pool of depression on this eve. Dirk will probably abort the locker room, do his usual "we got outplayed" speech for the media and move quietly into the night. Perhaps, some ice cold adult sodas and a bender are in store for the big German. Who knows? However, Cubes will probably plug into his lab top in isolation and start another "fireaveryjohnson" blog. Needless to say, he won't be plugging away on "Blog Maverick" for the time being and that's probably a good thing. There are no fingers to point, no blame to bestow on anybody outside of themselves.
Can Dirk be fully blamed for the demise? Probably not, but the dude still wears the superstar pants in that locker room and facts are facts -- he couldn't get this team out of the first round the past two seasons. It's fair to assume the Mavericks window actually was slamming shut back in the 2005 Finals. If Dirk hits a couple free throws and steps up in Game 3 this point is moot. And we'd have never had to hear the referees raked over hot coals, despite them handing Wade and the Miami Heat the NBA title. Anyhow, that's another story.
Nobody can argue with a straight face that those painful moments didn't alter the course of the Mavericks destiny as a franchise. As the saying goes, so close, yet so far. The Mavericks never fully regained confidence and/or swagger and it's carried over. Talk about a curse? So where do they go from here? Well, that's the million dollar question that the skeptics, analysts and experts will seek to define in the next few days. After that, all will be forgotten about the Dallas Mavericks for this season...at least.
What is evident is that no contender can hover around greatness for longer than 4-5 years without ultimately achieving a Championship. Eventually the wear and tear of failures sinks in and they just can't grasp what they once had. Arguably, the exact same scenario could be happening to the Phoenix Suns right now and (deep sigh) -- my beloved Detroit Pistons. It's hard enough to sustain greatness, let alone be competitive year and year out when ultimately the end result equates to just coming up short. After a good 5 years of coming up short that can mean only one thing...FAILURE.
As we've seen with the Detroit Pistons, boredom sinks in and it's all downhill from there. Is that what happened to the Mavericks? I'm not so sure. They just weren't good enough, tough enough or quick enough to handle the upstart Hornets. And thus, they must step into another off-season of questions. However, one question that certainly won't ever be asked will be "is this the end of Cubes and Dirk?" Mark Cuban made a choice that he was going to ride shotgun with Dirk as his superstar. It hasn't worked out the way he expected. And now, he's got to tear it down and build it back up from scratch to see if somehow another alternative will work.
Of course, that "other" alternative will have Dirk's imprints all over it. However, it's now more apparent than ever that Dirk needs some re-tooling to take place around him. Yet, will he still be the centerpiece of the franchise? Or better yet, should I say will be the Superstar that Cuban continues to ride to success or to another ultimate failure. If we've learned anything over the years...Cuban is not ready to give up that dream. So now, we'll wait, watch and listen to rumblings about the future of the Mavs.
However, Dirk and Cubes shouldn't worry...give it a few days or maybe a few weeks and the Suns and Pistons may very well be faced with the same questions. Yup, time for some introspection and challenging one's beliefs. For now, goodnight Dirk and goodnight Cubes...sleep it off. We'll all forget about you soon enough. So close...
In an effort to provide an inside look into the world of one of the lesser known players to come up big in the draft, we sat down with the Baltimore Raven’s first round draft choice and 18th overall pick, Joe Flacco.
Ghosts: Thanks for taking the time Joe and congrats on cashing in as first rounder.
Flacco: My pleasure and thanks for having me.
Ghosts: It’s not everyday that a I-AA QB gets selected in the first round. Do you think playing for Fake Michigan helped your visibility?
Flacco: Well, not really. I mean Chad Henne is forty times better than me and he didn’t get selected until the end of the second round.
Ghosts: That's a good point, but everyone has been just raving about your arm strength and height. I bet you can get pretty good distance with an Aerobie. How far can you thrown one?
Flacco: 472 meters. It’s on my tape actually. You wanna see it? It's set to a song I wrote with my band, Flacco Seagulls.
Ghosts: No. Um, you know how a lot of times on Monday Night Football and stuff, the players introduce themselves and then kind of sit there awkwardly for like thirty seconds too long?
Flacco: Yeah.
Ghosts: You should just say, “Hi. I’m from Delaware.”
Flacco: Why?
Ghosts: Cause it would be awesome.
Flacco: OK. I don’t get it though.
Ghosts: Trust me. Hey, are you still dating that hot cheerleader that you met from that season you played for the Washington Sentinels?
Flacco: What the hell are you talking about?
Ghosts: You know, that really cute brunette cheerleader who said she never dates football players, but then though your houseboat was so sweet that you won her over?
Flacco: You’re thinking of Shane Falco and that was just a movie.
Ghosts: Oh, my bad. Hey, I hear you got a 27 on the Wonderlic. According to my calculations, that means you have an IQ of 114. That’s not bad. What do you want to do if you turn out to suck in the NFL?
Flacco: I never really gave it much thought. I mean, my name is Joe Flacco. What the hell can someone named Joe Flacco do besides play quarterback? I suppose I could be game show host or maybe open a restaurant called Flacco Taco.
Ghosts: That’s the worst idea ever.
Flacco: Yeah I know. Quarterbacks named Joe are destined to do three things: 1) become huge stars who bask in a lifetime of glory (i.e., Joe Montana & Joe Namath); 2) float around the league leaving a trail of dung everywhere they go (i.e., Joey Harrington); 3) or get their legs snapped in half like a #2 pencil and end up yapping away up in the booth (i.e., Joe Theissman). "Joes" aren't nearly as business savvy as say "Johns" (i.e., John Elway).
Ghosts: Yeah, I guess it's a bit of of a rock and hard place. At least you have a great receiver corps to rely on (sprays milk out of nose and mouth)... Sorry about that, I just thought of something funny.
Flacco: Uhh, Ok.
Ghosts: Well, that's all the time we have today. Thanks Joe and good luck in the NFL.
It felt like deja vu. I'd seen it before, the Pistons and their ever so lethargic, nonchalant attitude dooming them in yet another Playoff series. However, was anybody really willing to accept defeat in the first round? Well, the setting was all too reminiscent of last year's mental meltdown against Cleveland. For a moment it appeared that the younger/hungrier Sixers were not scared of the "big bad Pistons" and seemed poised to put a stake into the possible end to this era of Piston Basketball. Rasheed even piled on the predictable Technical Foul.
Then the "switch" we've been hearing about for the last 5 years...finally flipped in the 2nd half. Is that the team we know and fully expect the Pistons to present night in and night out? If so, where the hell has it been when they've needed it most? Well, at least for one night these Pistons lived to tell the story as they see fit. The presses stopped and numerous "break up the Pistons" stories were pushed off for another day. However, those stories will certainly be told soon enough.
Not the sound of confidence? Absolutely not. The Pistons may have dodged a bullet on Sunday night. And they may very well go on to win Game 5 and eventually the series. However, one thing is for certain and that is that this team simply has run it's course. If anything, we've learned from this first round series that the Pistons have flaws. Yes, they might have a switch they can flip, but they are certainly not the model of perfection or dominance they believe themselves to be.
It's the old "our shit don't stink" attitude that has gotten this team in trouble in the past. And the whole "we've been here before" attitude will be the death toll for this team. Don't lie, if you've watched, loved and believed in this team as I have over the years...you must've realized the impending doom. If not, you're simply in denial...this is not the team that won the Championship. Sure, I know...I'll get pegged as the pessimist who doesn't believe. However, nothing I've seen could possibly indicate that this team has learned the lessons from their past failures.
They are still living off the glamour of 2004 and have failed to recapture the edge and confidence they played with under Larry Brown. Now, that's hardly a slam to Flip Saunders. If anything I feel for Flip, as this group has never really confided or believed in him. It's a tall order to get this group to commit and their lethargic efforts at times must be maddening to a coach burdened with so much expectation. Need further evidence? Look no further than Chris Webber sitting in the TNT studio proclaiming the only person the core group listens to in the organization is Joe Dumars.
That's not exactly the inside scoop most Piston fans wanted to hear. Sure, we all believed that was the case, but Webber only confirmed it. So, maybe they extend the run in the Playoffs another day. Maybe they keep us smiling until June, but this isn't going to end pleasantly. This group has run their course and their defiant attitude of "we can turn it on when we want" has been a motto to mask their failures. It's always a case of them being lazy...they never give another opponent respect. Well, it's 4 years since they won the Championship, maybe other teams have closed the gap on them.
The more they continue to live in denial, the further the dream of getting back to the NBA Finals appears. Then again; maybe this was all just a wake-up call. Yet, I just can't help, but feel differently about the situation.
I'm not gonna lie; I haven't seen one minute of draft footage all weekend, so I'm playing catch up. I gotta say, upon first glance this draft might be the best Lions draft in the history of the world. I can't say that I am intimately familiar with a lot of these guys (a.k.a., never heard of half of them), but they hit the needs dead on and in the right order. They played the first round pretty masterfully, walking away with a solid tackle, which is all we ever asked for and scored a little nub of extra gun powder for the later rounds.
The big surprise is why they went with GosderCherilus, a big surprise as far as I know, as opposed to Jeff Otah. I don't know one expert who had Cherilus above Otah, but the Lions made a gutsy move, which I like. Here's some footage of Cherilus (77). On paper, he looks like a perfect left tackle protege, but his footwork is pretty marginable at this point (i.e., when he gets flat out smoked by a guy a fourth of his size on the third play of the clip). Still, I trust they really saw something here to pass on Otah and his character sounds like a legitimate asset. Some are calling Cherilus a reach, but in Lions camp you don't get greedy. This is like the Lions' equivalent of the fifth symphony.
They also nailed the RB need. The third round was the perfect spot and I think they made a pretty kick ass pick here. In case you aren't terribly familiar with Kevin Smith out of Central Florida, here is a great clip of all 41 carries in his 320 yard / 4 TD game against UAB. On the critical, he reminds me of another upright runner, Chris Brown, but how many times have we heard everyone criticize Chris Brown for running too upright just in time for him to rattle off 120? I still would have loved to see them snag Hart on the cheap, but this kid is a fast north-south guy who busts his ass and fights hard for yards.
The burning question still lingering is can Jordan Dizon (6'0", 230 lbs) play the inside linebacker spot? I assume if there is one place old Millen can make a decent pick, it's inside linebacker and nobody can fault Detroit for Ernie Sims. He certainly has the athleticism for stunts and pass coverage, but taking on a 340 lineman at 230 pounds is easier said than done. Anyway, as I said before, they picked the right positions at the right times, so you will hear no complaining from this perpetual complainer.
I'm a little short on time tonight, so we'll dig in to some of the more obscure picks later this week, but I think we can officially start getting excited. This is exactly the kind of draft we wanted and the kind that builds franchises, not just a good season. Color me jubilant today, because I think we just witnessed history; the Lions had a good draft!
Well, that wraps up another week and you know what that means. It means we’re one week closer to football season. At least we have the draft to occupy some of our NBA numbed brain cells this weekend. Just kidding, the playoffs are fixing to be quite sweet this year. Anyway you slice it; this is gonna be an epic NBA Finals – with or without the Spurs.
For this week’s tune of the week, we’ll crank up My Morning Jacket’s first ever performance of Evil Urges from their highly anticipated upcoming release with the same name. Don’t quit until you hit the 3:30 mark. Also, if you are a MMJ fan, the album is floating around the Bit Torrent sites pretty freely already.
Alright, here’s a joke and then some links.
How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her? They left the plunger in the toilet.
You're welcome for that A-bomb.
Fear not, just because the Extrapolater moved onto to bigger and better things, Voodoo Sabermetrics still lives under the guise of Babes Loves Baseball.
Looks like Dan Shanoff took home the trophy for the Suckiest Sports Blog of the Year. It’s funny how the suckiest sports blog is the only one with a movie deal, no?
Juiced Sports Blog brings us the top comments for Stephen A’s blog. Say what you will about Stephen A. Smith, but he certainly perseveres. I would have eaten a jar of Quaaludes and washed them down with a bottle of Fantastic long ago if I was him.
Sheed threw his hat into the blogosphere, which can only lead to good things. Speaking of Sheed, Stan and I are gonna start doing something awesome soon, which is live blogging Sheed’s games a few times throughout the playoffs. We wanted to try it on Wednesday, but got stuck with the lousy Celtics game. Soon though.
Check out our pal Rick talking it up on real TV. Great job, Rick! You looked like an old pro out there. I wanted to ring that dude’s neck though for flubbing the name of your website 85 times though. How hard is it?
Here is one of my better contributions over at Hidden track I think you’ll enjoy. It’s the Top Ten Fictitious Music Venues, including the Peach Pit: After Dark, the Dew Drop Inn, and Sharky’s.
A lot of things in sports reflect the real world and whatever issues we as a society tend to be having. One such problem that has gripped the world with an iron grip is a growing multitude of “that guy” and “that girl.”
While the United Nations is sending food rations to combat this insidious disease of “thatpersonitis,” the plaque is still spreading even into the sacred grounds of sports. Why do you think there are so many Pittsburgh Steelers fans now?
(Other than them recently stealing a Super Bowl title with their bandwagon tailgate swinging wide open)
If you’re scared of become “that” sports fans, here are some classifications that you should study closely.
The Washington State Basketball Bandwagoner
While you may proudly be sporting your “Friel the Excitement” or “WSU Basketball” t-shirt, two years ago you were probably rocking a Gonzaga jersey. The problem with people walking around in WSU basketball gear is the simple fact that (a) they don’t go to WAZZU and (b) they didn’t know the Cougars had a basketball team until two years ago.
Bandwagoner to the core.
The person that wears clothing from two competing professional sports teams
I’m not one hundred percent sure why you’re wearing a Cincinnati Reds hat, but it certainly doesn’t go with your Mariners' jersey. There are seven deadly sins in the Bible, and then there is an equally sinister action that should probably also be added.
Sports polygamy.
You can’t support two teams from the same professional sport. Only a single sports franchise can win the championship every year. Not two, unless of course it’s Div. I-A football. So make a decision in your sports loyalties and stick with it. San Antonio Spurs fans
You claim to enjoy “fundamental basketball,” but only watch roughly ten seconds of a Spurs game… during the playoffs, make some off-hand comment about how Robert Horry is a swell guy and then promptly switch back to your season four DVD of “Friends.”
Die-hard jock sniffers
Just because you yelled hello at A-rod when he was playing in the minor-league system of the Mariners and he smiled back doesn’t mean that you know the guy. Please stop name dropping him like he’s the godfather of your child..
And …did you seriously just spend 450 dollars on used game pants worn by A-rod? Pro Wrestling Fans
Stop bugging me and go back to kissing your sister.
Check out more from Brandon and his homeskillet Casey over at Just South of North.
Rarely will you catch me chiming in about Hockey, but believe me; something like this warrants the mention. Yes, it’s hard to believe, but Hockey has made up some of the ground it once lost due to the infamous lockout and an atrocious marketing vision. However, the rise of young stars and the intensity of this year’s playoffs have been enough to renew at least minimal interest. Well, it has for me as a common fan, but I can’t speak for you…I guess.
Anyhow, tonight in Detroit we will witness the renewal of one of Hockey’s fiercest modern rivalries. That’s right; it’s the Red Wings and the Avalanche back on the same ice, jockeying for every inch and the right to advance to the next round. Some of the names and faces are different, but the bad blood still remains etched in the ever so fond memories of many a Hockey enthusiast. It was nearly 5 or 10 years ago that this was a premiere sports rivalry not far off the mainstream media’s radar.
Times have changed and some folks have become estranged, but let’s not kid ourselves…it sure is nice these teams will meet again. The history between these two franchises is drenched in bitterness. The Avalanche upstaged the Red Wings behind the mastery of net minder Patrick Roy on a journey to the Avalanche’s first Stanly Cup in 1996. The Wings felt the sense of entitlement to the Cup that year and for a moment felt as if their window might close. However, that’s hardly what lay the foundation for this rivalry. It was a vicious hit from Claude Lemieux on Kris Draper that set the tone and spilled the blood.
The Wings and Avalanche would go back and forth for several years with the Avs taking home two Stanley Cups and the Wings eventually grabbing their 3rd Stanley Cup of this era in 2002 after pasting Patrick Roy for 6 goals in a winner-take-all Game 7. That was arguably the last we’d heard from Roy and the Avalanche. The Rivalry faded and then Hockey faded away. And that leaves us in the present tense. Sure, there is no Claude Lemieux, Stevie Y, Shanahan, Adam Deadmarsh, Mike Ricci, Sandis Ozolinsh, Vladimir Konstantinov, Marc Crawford or Scotty Bowman. However, there are still two different colored jerseys with a rich history between them.
There is still a chance to redeem the value of Hockey. If any teams can do just that; it must be the Red Wings and the Avalanche. And besides just that, there is one last chance for the Wings to shovel dirt on the careers of Joe Sakic and Peter Forsberg as they did to Patrick Roy in 2002. If you just take a second to reminisce on the history, you’ll realize the fights, the competition, etc, but you’ll mostly remember that Patrick Roy has been in fights with Mike Vernon, Chris Osgood and nearly Dominique Hasek.
If the memories (see below) don’t get you amped up; I can’t help you. I’m already getting goose bumps. And with that said…let’s GO RED WINGS.
Fear not folks, we wouldn’t allow a NFL Draft to pass us by without at least one stupid attempt at humor in the form of a mock draft. Last year, we set the bar fairly high with our movie jerk draft, but this year we’re going a little more mainstream. We’re concocting a very serious mock draft of movie football characters. Each pick will be carefully selected from the vast pool of excellent football characters based on each team’s actual draft needs. Anyway, enough with the introduction, let’s get started.
#1) Miami Dolphins - With the first pick of the 2008 NFL Movie Character Draft, the Miami Dolphins select, Manumana, “the Slender,” from the Texas State Armadillos. We know the Dolphins are set on a big left tackle, and this giant Samoan protectorate is easily the best on the board. In just one season of college ball, Manumana proved he is quick off the line, could handle a pro caliber pass rush, and importantly, showed great character as prevented the guys from seeing Lucy in the nude in the locker room.
#2) St. Louis Rams - With the second pick of the 2008 NFL Movie Character Draft, the St. Louis Rams select, Julius Campbell, defensive end from the T.C. Williams Titans. Julius Campbell is a tenacious defensive end that can put pressure on the quarterback, stifle tight ends off the line, dance to soul music, and even teach his defense to be nice to the white guys. The pass rush in St. Louis has been abysmal, so a feisty pass rusher is the most pressing need despite criticism that he is not the best player on the board.
#3) Atlanta Falcons - With the third pick of the 2008 NFL Movie Character Draft, the Atlanta Falcons select, Shane Falco from the Ohio State University and the Washington Sentinels. Strangely, a lot of draft pundits are pegging this slot with a defensive end, but with Vick playing for the state penitentiary and Joey Harrington still sucking ass, the Falcons have no choice to pick up a gunslinger. Shane Falco is a bit of a gamble, but he proved in Washington that he could still play after everybody wrote him off after that disastrous Sugar Bowl game. Get ready Atlanta, he’s “Number 16 On Your Program -- Number 1 In Your Heart! Shane Falco!”
#4) Oakland Raiders - With the fourth pick of the 2008 NFL Movie Character Draft, the Oakland Raiders select, Boobie Miles, from the Permian Panthers. While wiser men than Al “Combover” Davis know that Boobie’s knee looks like an order of beef lo mein from Yummy House, he simply couldn’t pass up the thought of the time Miles ran for 232 yards on eight carries and scored touchdowns of 62 yards, 80 yards, and 67 yards in a single game. The Raiders have a lot of holes to plug, but we know Davis loves to take a gamble. #5) Kansas City Chiefs - With the fifth pick of the 2008 NFL Movie Character Draft, the Chiefs select, Billy Bob, from the West Canaan Coyotes. This is undoubtedly the year of the offensive lineman, and at over 400 pounds, Billy Bob has the perfect body to be a star in the NFL. Plus, since Willie Roaf called it quits, the once mighty Chiefs running game (Larry Johnson owners will back me up here) has sputtered at best. Billy Bob slipped out of the top slot as his health is a bit of a concern, but the Chiefs are banking on the fact that if they can burn off some of that gristle, his health will not be a factor.
#6) New York Jets – With the sixth pick of the 2008 NFL Movie Character Draft, the New York Jets select Darnell Jefferson from Eastern State University. While most Jets fans are pleading to fix their dreadful quarterback situation, Mangini is a pound the rock guy and feels the running game should get top priority. They went all in on Thomas Jones last season, which seemed like an adequate fix, but the guy couldn’t find the end zone if you turned off the lights and shone a spotlight on it. Jefferson is a bit undersized for an NFL runner, but he provides the explosive big play threat that the Football Jets have lacked for years and he adds huge value in his special teams play. Jefferson should be the punt returning equivalent of what Devin Hester is to the kick return.
#7) The New England Patriots - With the seventh pick of the 2008 NFL Movie Character Draft, the Patriots select Harlan 'Flat-top' Meyers from the Texas Colts. An All-American in his senior season, Flat Top makes a perfect fill in at inside linebacker as both Teddy Bruschi and Junior Seau are approaching the end of their careers. Flat Top was expected to go much higher in the 2008 draft, but after his abysmal performance in the season finale against the lowly Texas State Armadillos, questions have arisen about his ability to win the big one.
#8) The Baltimore Ravens – With the eighth pick of the 2008 NFL Movie Character Draft, the Ravens select Willie Beamon from the Miami Sharks. With the retirement of Steve McNair, the Ravens are sitting on Kyle Boller and Troy Smith for their potential starters. In other words, they have the choice between runny diarrhea or a rock hard, immobile turd. Willie Beamon’s athletic style of play, feisty competitiveness, and intensity for the game make him a great heir to McNair’s offense.
#9) Cincinnati Bengals - With the ninth pick of the 2008 NFL Movie Character Draft, the Bengals select Steve Lattimer from Eastern State University. This is an easy pick for the Bengals as Lattimer is a maniac who enjoys throwing small women into walls, drawing freakish shit on his face, and ingesting copious amounts of anabolic steroids. He’s a lock for a starting job on the Bengals defensive line.
#10) New Orleans Saints - With the tenth pick of the 2008 NFL Movie Character Draft, the Saints select StefenDjordevic from the Ampipe Bulldogs. Some pundits speculate that the Saints will try to trade up in hopes of securing a top defensive end or tackle, but we suspect they will stay put and pick Djordevic, the 5’2” cornerback with a random Scandinavian name who dreams of one day becoming an engineer.
We’ll stop here today, but if you’re dying to know whom Millen will select, the smart money is on Featherstone.
It's never too early to start talking baseball. And it’s never too early to think about the Chicago Cubs and the "it", whether that "it" is a dream or not. We all know just what "it" is...don't we? Here's a quick hint, "it" hasn't happened in 100 years. "It" would change the face of the franchise, lift the spirit of Chicago and "it" would lead to the longest binge eating and drinking feast the Midwest has ever seen. However, let's not get ahead of ourselves this season; rather let's just let "it" takes it's natural course.
What am I getting at, besides continually reciting the title to a Stephen King book? I'm not sure. Anyhow, what I do know is the Cubs have started off this season much, as if there could be a light at the end of the tunnel. Yes, I'm well aware the season is nearly a month old and a hot streak in April hardly equates to guaranteed success in October. However, what's hard to argue is the fact that the Cubs haven't stormed out of the gates like this in many a season. Dare we even consider making the Cubs make the playoffs in back-to-back seasons?
It's a long haul over the course of the summer, but something about this team just appears equipped to handle the experience. As per usual, the common Soriano injury has already sunk in, but instead of folding up shop the team has responded. Derrick Lee is back in full swing and looking to campaign himself as an early season MVP candidate. How about Carlos Zambrano not waiting until June to start playing the season? Ryan Dempster has been quite the pleasant surprise and Kerry Wood, yes Kerry Wood is settling in quite nicely. Cedeno? Fukedome? Ramirez? This is all so exciting...right?
So, is there still reason for angst, worry and pessimism in Chicago? Of course, it's the Cubs, but they've arrived into this season with a little more urgency than in the past. It appears as if this will be a fun going, no-nonsense and a non finger pointing group. If anything that's the real breath of fresh air when thinking about this team. Sure, the hope and expectations are always going to be there, but let's all take a step back and just enjoy the season for a change.
Maybe, if we aren't blasted with the notion of the Cubs entering year 100 of futility...great things will happen in the end. I know as things get closer and the shakeout happens, there'll be no simple way to avoid the possibility of "IT" happening talk. However, that's for then and this for now. Really though, can you believe just how great this team has looked thus far? Hmm...here's to wishful thinking, because I'm just as guilty when it come to talking about "it."
Like our buddies at My Brain Says Rage, we too are equal opportunity employers, er I mean boyfriends, and periodically succumb to the allure of Project Runway. Yeah it's gay, but so are we. Anyway, there's a challenge I would like to formally request of the producers at the next possible opportunity. Can somebody take a crack at the uniforms for our poor referees, umps, and officials. Personally, I would create something that resembles a line green Storm Trooper with ray guns and armor to fend off the vicious arsenal of over-the-middle passes, scrums, and drives through the lane, but that's the point of the competition; to see what the best and brightest can devise. Plus, some of those mailman uniforms from season 1 were pretty sweet, so we're confident they can do better than our current options. Let's take a look...
We've included some pointless captions, because well, it's fun.
Hey old man Witherspoon, Cialis Boner again? The flags go behind the back at picture time.
This Cricket Umpire's uniform is more about function than form as it affords the umpire not only comfort, but also preparedness in the event that a fishing trip, business meeting, human genome project, or party on Schmails' yacht should break out.
Perhaps not as bad as some of his European counterparts, but this green low-cut tuxedo shirt always makes the footy guys with the hairy chests feel a little weird.
Like a drifter I was born to walk alooooooooone.
I'm pretty sure that was out, but fuck it; Schmails' party is gonna be poppin'.
It keeps getting worse. Putting the pieces together, I think it's safe to say that in the two short months since free agency commenced, the Lions' bloodsucking leech of an organization has erased any residual evidence of progress from the heroic 7-9 season of yesteryear.
At this point, the Lions are still sitting on an overpaid, old religious prankster at quarterback (Kitna) who would have made a serviceable replacement from Scott Mitchell anyday (which was right around his prime), but was never really meant to be a franchise quarterback. We have a marginal right tackle playing left tackle (Backus) and a marginal starting guard at best penciled in at right tackle (George Foster). Please god let us draft a good tackle. In case you don't remember how the Lions got Foster in the first place, he was part of the Dre Bly for Tatum Bell and a fifth round pick trade. Given the efforts Marinelli has expended acquiring defensive backfield players this offseason in conjunction with the glaring need for a tackle, I'm guessing this was yet another move whereby they would kill to take a mulligan.
Regardless, at this point it sounds as though the Smothers Brothers (Millen and Ford Jr., may you rest in peace very soon) are looking very closely at USC linebacker Keith Rivers. This is actually a fine decision. If Marinelli feels that he would rather build around a defense, that is fine by me. The pick that scares me is the Mendenhall pick. I'm sure he'd be great on about 20 NFL teams, but anyone who plays fantasy football can tell you, serviceable NFL backs are a dime a dozen with a decent trench. Linemen are the honey pot in today's game.
Speaking of serviceable running backs, surely you are aware, but the Lions waived Kevin Jones, who sucked ass and will not be missed, and T.J. Duckett, who was remarkably effective in a variety of situations last season and was a stupid player to let go. Fortunately, they still have the explosive wheels of Tatum "Taco" Bell and the 182 yards from scrimmage he posted last season to carry the load. The problem now is that they are gonna jump at an early-round runner, when this draft is full of later round gems who can easily fill these holes. Instead, they will plug it with a pick that should be used on someone safer (i.e., a tackle, a tackle, a tackle, a tackle!!!). Besides, they still have Brian Calhoun and his 20 missed games from the last time they botched an offensive lineman pick.
An interesting anecdote about Calhoun, confirmed by three different people who were in the Lions' draft room at the time, is that team officials weren't even talking about Calhoun when they were on the clock for the third round in 2006.
The majority of the debate was about an offensive lineman and whether the Lions would be reaching if they took him at that spot. That argument consumed most of the time and when the Lions were pressed for a decision -- and decided not to reach for the lineman -- an offensive coach piped up from the back of the room: "Take Calhoun from Wisconsin.'' And that's how Calhoun became a Lion.
Also, yesterday we found out today that Calvin Johnson's back is still bothering him and that he played on opiates for the better part of last season. We can't blame him for the Vicodin habit, but we can blame Mike Martz for pushing a franchise player into a career threatening position just three days after a serious back injury. What an ass, Martz. Furthermore, we learned that Roy Williams is looking for about $12 million guaranteed this year, so combined with the $15+ million in dead cap space, this is looking like a killer rebuilding year.
To top it off, let's sack the offensive coordinator and bring in an entirely new offensive system. That's an excellent idea; let's can the personnel, can the leadership, and start a brand new offense that will take a year or two to click. That should right this ship in no time.
Honestly, at this point I am so pissed off, I am about one season away from renouncing the Lions once and for all. I mean, if the Knicks and the Dolans can move on Isiah in a more swift manner than the Lions and Millen, just stick a fork in this carcass of a team. Slap some lime green jerseys on them and ship them all to San Jose. Who even cares anymore? This is beyond the level of cruel and unusual punishment that a fan can endure. Please do something NOT stupid in the draft for once and remember these three simple words: blocking and tackling.
It's NBA playoff time folks, so you know what that means, right? It's time for legions of half-ass NBA fans to start bitching about which matchups are going to be boring... It's inevitable. For some reason, today's NBA at-the-margin fan feels somehow entitled to a Jordan versus Magic NBA Finals and feels that Tim Duncan should be forced to stay home once mother nature turns the dial to "spring." Personally, the contrarian in me craves another Pistons-Spurs Finals, but we'll hold that for another post. Instead, today we'll take a run through of what we expect the media and the excitement-junkie fans would view as the Ten Best Matchups for the Crappy NBA Fan.
P.S., I'll so my best to brush the Pistons loyalties under the rug, but I can't promise anything.
Also, here's the bracket if you need a sense of how things might play out in later rounds.
#10) Hawks - Celtics: If you are not a Boston fan, you better be pulling for Atlanta. This first round disaster-in-the-making pits arguably the second worst franchise of the last 5 years (next to the Knicks of course) against one of the most dominant buy-a-trophy constellations. The Hawks are totally out of their league here, but it's a great David vs. Goliath series where it's gonna take a miracle for an upset. The Hawks don't even belong in the playoffs, but perhaps some crafty coaching and lights out shooting efforts could stir up this first rounder a little.
#9) Pistons - Cavs : I know most people cringe at the thought of any Pistons related matchup, given they are essentially running the same playoff team as the past 5 years, but how can you deny a rematch of the quintessential LeBron throwdown. The LeBron 48 was one of the most memorable playoff basketball games in years and Detroit fans are chomping at the bit to get revenge. Fine, smart fans are cautiously hoping to avoid LeBron altogether, but the Cleveland vs. Detroit inter city rivalry is undeniably building. It's here in baseball; it's here in college football; and it is most certainly here in the NBA. Bring it on, LeBron.
#8) Hornets - Suns: Everybody is already talking about this one. You can practically feel the Vegas gavones fixing the round 1 games to get this matchup started. Everybody loves to hype the shit out of the individual face-off between the old guard and the new guard, but it's hard not to want to see this. The Chris Paul against Steve Nash is worthy of the hype in every way. This one is up there with a Scott Howard - Mick McAllister individual battle to the death.
#7) Phoenix - Lakers: Sure, it's played out beyond repair, but still a Shaq versus Kobe series is good to drum up a little controversy. Beyond the gossipy crap though, Shaq and Amare battling for real estate in the paint is worth at least face value. Let's just hope Shaq can stay in the game for longer than 13 minutes.
#6) Mavs - Rockets: Should the Mavericks make it all the way to the Western Conference Finals, who better to send them packing yet again than this year's Cinderella, the Yao-less Rockets? It's a rite of passage to witness Mark Cuban's insanity as he watches his NBA championship hopes and dreams slip through his fingertips once again.
#5) Hornets - Magic: A youth-laden NBA Finals could certainly be worse. Granted, the onslaught of "who is gonna be the next great one, Chris Paul or Dwight Howard?" could drive us all to the monkey bin, but this would be a treat nonetheless.
#4) Wizards - Nuggets: Alright, it's true the likelihood of this Finals battle coming to fruition are on par with that of Mike Huckabee becoming president, but Agent Zero, Melo, and Iverson playing together in a Finals is the blogging equivalent of a Ziggy Piggy ice cream sundae. We just hope this doesn't distract Hibachi from focusing on his own run for president as he plans to offer his services as co-president alongside Barck Obama, handling the Bush stuff like golfing and partying, while Obama handles the other part.
I predict I will defeat Ahmadinejad by at least 4 strokes.
#3) Pistons -Celtics: Despite the endless yammering about the Eastern Conference being a cream puff, I think everyone can agree that this Eastern Conference Championship would be electric. This seasons playoffs are destined for nostalgia and this is the perfect place to get it started. Of all the teams in the East, it's hard to argue that any two teams have a longer history than Detroit and Boston. Plus, throughout the regular season, this matchup already showed that both teams are capable of causing problems for one another. Besides, they are the only two teams in the East worthy of playing against the West.
#2) Pistons - Lakers: Remember last time the Piston's faced off against the favored Lakers in the NBA Finals? The Pistons brought the brooms and made the Lakers look more like UCLA. Remember the previous era? Bad Boys baby! There is a ton of history here and quite frankly, Detroit kinda owns the Lakers.
#1) Celtics - Lakers: This one is the media wet dream. There is so much star power crammed into this finals that we could potentially see a seven game series have seven different leading scorers. Again, this brings back a rivalry from years past that reminds everybody of the golden age of the NBA. It'd be great to see a series laced with old footage of Larry, Magic, Worthy, Kareem, and even Robert Parrish. God, the day I smile thinking of Robert Parish fondly is sad day, but even as a Piston's fan, it's hard not to smile at the thought of this potential classic.
Just a quick note to show some support to one of the guys who turned us on to this whole blogging thing in the first place. Christmas Ape from Kissing Suzy Kolberrecently got sacked - or dooced if you're into to blog jargon - from his real job at the Washington Post for revealing his identity. They said he discredited the paper with his drinking endeavors or some bullshit. Anyway, just wanted to say fuck you Washington Post.
This is bush league. In fact, it's a regression to a bygone era in journalism. These days, you should encourage you writers to explore their writing interests on the Internet, because they develop fans while filling a void that they certainly are not filling by writing about the hot breaking news in the D.C. suburbs. Plus, now you have a couple million sports fans (many with blogs, haha) who officially hate you.
The impending saga and sloppy divorce between Chad Johnson and the Bengals now seems inevitable. Whatever happened in the past, the showmanship, the celebrations, the dominance, the swagger, the bond between young promising QB and talented, yet flashy WR...IS OVER. We're talking about irreconcilable differences. And everything we saw coming was confirmed by T.J Housmendwhathisname yesterday. Apparently, Chad, T,J and Carson aren't as buddy-buddy as we thought.
So, what does this leave for the future of not only my Fantasy Football team, but also the career of Chad Johsnon? If anything, T.O proved you can still salvage a career after an ugly (team destroying divorce), but you really can't fully repair your reputation. The likeable and loveable Ocho Cinco had better surround himself with some damn good PR folks or that famed persona and rep goes up in flames. Don't think for a second that the Bengals have any intentions of trading him. Nope, there just going to move on and sweep his baggage under the rug.
Fair or not, Chad's going to have to weigh some other options while he initiates "operation shutdown." Now, we've seen holdouts in the NFL before, but we are talking about Chad Johnson here. Can we honestly assume that he is going to go quietly into the night until his situation is resolved? Yeah, I didn't think so...Chad is going to be looking for a camera, a platform at every corner. And that's why I pieced together a half-ass attempt at imagining just what Chad will do with his time off. Follow me..
1. "I Luv 85": A VH1 reality TV show much like "Flavor of Love" or "Rock of Love." You get the picture; a bunch of slutty chicks battle it out to stay in "Ocho Cinco's" L.A mansion. Sound like a winner? Hmmm.
2. Dancing with the Stars: Ok, I had to make sure you were still with me. Don't fall asleep. If you hit in me the flat...I'm taking it the house.
3. NFL Countdown: Who would you rather watch bicker and banter about Football; Chad or his illegitimate cousin Keyshawn?
Boomer: "Chad, you're thoughts on the Bengals at the Steelers today."
4. Race another horse.
5. The Canadian Football League: If it worked for Ricky Williams, couldn't it work for Chad. On second thought...
6. Stage a press conference with his agent for PTI and be seen lifting weights in his driveway.
7. Overdose on prescription pills and have his publicist announce he tried to commit suicide. Ooops.
8. Publish a book, leaking all the dirty secrets, life and times of the Cincinnati Bengals over the past few years. Like you wouldn't read that.
9. Visit Chris Henry in jail.
10. Just shut up and play, all while lobbying to be traded to Dallas. OK, that ain't gonna happen.
And that's all I got, please feel free to add your more creative suggestions in the comments section below. Good day.
It's the weekend and time to get on and get out. No reason to be hiding out in a depressing office building anymore. Well, today I decided to flip the re-wind switch and do a little thing I like to call the mixed tape. And today, the theme was pretty simple...bringing back, that old school Rap. Ah yes, the shit that got banned from my house as a kid, but fuck it...here goes. Yup, TGIF...I'm lazy. Feel free to add your discrepencies and gripes below.
The D.O.C - The Formula: Just check out a young Eazy-E in this video, priceless.
Call Me D-Nice - D-Nice: Heavily underrated despite only making one really "solid" record.
Eric B. & Rakim - Follow the Leader: If there are cooler dudes on the planet, outside of Rasheed Wallace...please let me know.
Big Daddy Kane - I Get the Job Done: Tough call to slide this over "Ain't No Half Steppin."
3rd Bass - Gas Face: And winning the honor of coolest white guy; the Prime Minister, Pete Nice.
BDP - Self Destruction: An All-Star cast of vintage Rappers.
EPMD - You Gots ta Chill: You never leave Eric Sermon and Perry Smith off any list.
It's that time of year when many a young man must face his own internal battles between fame and fortune versus notoriety, youth and legacy. That could only mean it's the intermediate period between the College Hoops season ending and a whole crop under underclassmen and their time frame to declare for or avoid the NBA Draft. As somebody who firmly supports the College game, I've always found this to a purgatory of sorts. Yes, a dim and depressing window of hope coupled with despair. Why? Why did he leave...he should've stayed.
In my opinion no decision has ever seemed logical with a few slight exceptions. Despite, David Stern's rule to make College players play at least one season before entering the draft...it's done little to solve the problem. If you're like me you want to get to know these players. Can you imagine the competitive level of play if a majority of them stuck around past just the one season required? Well, I guess I'm preaching to the choir, because nobody is listening.
This season appears to be no different; with a handful of early entrants tossing their hat into the party already. The list includes several capable Superstars at the next level. And perhaps, a few of them are ready to roll now, but that never stops me from being selfish. In any event, swithcing gears towards three important decisions that are expected in the next few weeks. In fact, they could come as early as tonight. That's right, I'm talking about the North Carolina players; Tyler Hansbrough, Ty Lawson and Wayne Ellington.
The speculation is that all three could very well return to school and let's face it; that'd be the ideal choice. At best all three appear to be marginal in terms of NBA prospects at this point. We know Tyler Hansbrough works hard, is white, is loved, is hated, is overrated and underrated. His status in NBA circles has no chance of changing anytime soon. Basically, he is what he is. Some scouts love him and some hate him, but the consensus is he ain't going anywhere higher in the draft no matter what. Yup, he appears to be firmly planted in the middle to late first round.
What good would another year of College Hoops do for a guy like Hansbrough? I mean he's not growing two to three inches and gaining that missing ingredient of athleticism or TUP that most scouts drool over. He could sweep the POY awards again and not much will change. So why bother to comeback for another season in Chapel Hill? Well, I guess I've already answered that question. Why leave? Another year in school could cement his legacy as one of the greatest College Hoops players ever. He's still going to play in the NBA one way or another...can't it wait?
Perhaps, a National Championship sounds enticing? Let's face it, Hansbrough hardly had the look of a dominant NBA Player during his brief Final Four stint. Do you expect that to change? Absolutely not, but the chance to continue to play out the dream of being the "man", the "hero"...to win a National Championship at North Carolina should be salvation alone. After all, when people dub his NBA ceiling as the next Mark Madsen...you have to wonder.
On the other hand, Ty Lawson does have the potential to play his way up the draft board. However, that's going to take time and a healthy season. If anything, last season was a bit of a letdown with all the injuries for Lawson. He looked bewildered against Kansas in the Final Four, which certainly didn't help his stock. Plus, isn't this draft just a tad bit deep for a guy like Lawson. He's currently listed as a mid-to-late first rounder, so wouldn't the chance to play into the lottery be worth it?
Again, doesn't the shot at a National Championship sound enticing enough? Well, maybe it doesn't when you compare it against the money to be made in the NBA. What ceiling does Lawson have in the NBA? That's hard to say, he's most often compared to as another Raymond Felton with a touch more speed. And I'm not sure where that stems from, but we'll see. One thing is for sure, he's not the next Chris Paul.
That leaves Wayne Ellington who shouldn't even be at this crossroad. Ellington is a nice player, but hardly possesses the size, ability to take his man off the dribble and/or a strong enough defensive presence to compete in the NBA right now. A case and point for Ellington to think over as he makes his decision would be Dequan Cook from Ohio State last season. Cook is arguably much more athletic with a much greater ceiling than Ellington. However, Cook happens to be playing in the D-League at this point. Is that really what Ellington wants?
Well, the decision is eminent in the next week or so. College Hoops has already lost the likes of Derrick Rose and Kevin Love. It won't change my love for the College game over the Pro game, but the Tar Heels hold the key to a potentially special team next season. And it's really not hard to argue the case for all three to stick around. Sure, in 2005 it was a different ballgame for the Exodus of McCants, Felton, May and Williams to the NBA...it was just their time.
However, they left with a National Championship...something this crew would be leaving behind. Think it over, fellas.
Better put an axe on those Stanley Cup plans. Hold off on playing that stupid "I want Stanley" song as you strut along to work in your shitty Le Baron convertible. That's right, because it's the NHL Playoffs and the Red Wings for about the 10th year in a row are in a gut check battle with a team they should've dusted off in 4 or 5 games. Instead, the pressure cooker is starting to boil and Mitch Albom is getting ready to spin off the first batch of Goalie controversy stories. Yup, the Wings were about 4 minutes and some change from being up 3-0 in this series and now what they have is a friggin' goalie controversy.
And on top of all that, the Predators aren't going away and Red Wings fans must welcome back the customary Playoff nut-hugger. We've seen it before, we've read about it before and it's nights like this and pesky series like this that ruin our summer. OK, am I being drastic? Well, maybe a slight bit, but you certainly must have that sinking feeling of "we've been here before." Does this sound familiar, Red Wings get 41 shot attempts...only score twice, while Hasek gives up 3 goals on 10 shots? Pinch me...this is NOT happening.
Yes, it's really going down like this. Another series where the Red Wings seemingly dominate everything, but the final score. And more importantly the goalie play. Should we really have felt safe with a 65 year old in net? Wait, didn't folks run Osgood out of town, because he couldn't win the big games or was it that his name just wasn't as sexy as CuJo or Hasek. I can't really recall, but I do know he's all the Wings have left. And Osgood is what us fans have to rely upon, because Hasek isn't going to lead this team to the Stanley Cup.
Then again, let's just focus on getting past this round before we focus on the Stanley Cup. After all, it's been a good 5 years since the Red Wings conquered that stage and this a whole new team. The past 5 years have all panned out eerily similar to tonight's game in Nashville; so much promise, so many chances, but they came up just short in the end. Now, would be a good a time as any to buck the trend.
In one of the funniest articles I have seen in many a fortnight, Big Al from the SideLion Report broke down and provided game by game analysis of the upcoming Lion's season. As expected, the Lion's came out at season's end with a putrid 1-16 record, but at least we are in for an amusing season.
Here are just a few of the highlights to look forward to, since we all know winning is out of the question:
Mendenhall tweaks a hammy in week 2 warmups and has to be deactivated before the game
Drew Stanton starts 5 games before going on the DL again
KIPPY gets hired on as offensive coordinator and later gets a contract extension and head coaching job
Mike Hart gets drafted in the 6th round and has a couple big games
Tavaris Jackson beats the Tampa 2 for 4 TDs in a single game
Tatum Bell gets deactivated
The Colts beat the Lions 64-0
I don't want to spoil it all, but I think this prediction is frighteningly accurate.
Surely by now you have heard about Melo's little gaffe on Sunday night. After laying up his biggest turd of the season, Carmelo Anthony went out and hit the felony juice until 4 a.m. Like any good athlete in the midst of a tight race for the 8th and final playoff spot in the conference, he drove himself home and got a DUI.
Well, since it's been awhile since we busted out the GoWF flagship, the athlete iPods, we're happy to show you what' been making the rounds on Melo'siPod... or what we assume at least.
Drive Better Drunk – Afroman
“On weekends, that's when it's cool. To drink a 40-ounce, and act a fool. Once I get into that zone, I leave that beer and that liquor alone. I can barely walk, I can barely talk,but I can glide that Cadillac like a hawk.”
After Melo’s bunk shooting performance on Sunday night, we have no doubt he probably was driving better after he had a few adult sodas. He went 3-14 and dropped a season worst 11 points. Unless he was drunk before the game ever started, we doubt his hand-eye coordination could get much worse whether or not he went out and got the bedspins. In fact, unauthorized police reports show that when Officer Dan Tremont approached the vehicle, Carmelo reiterated in an something resembling an Irish accent, “Occcifer, I swears I drive better when I’m off me pickle.”
3.2 - The Hot Buttered Rum String Band
"Some folks they joined the Peace Corps. Some work to ban landmines. Other folks help the world one bar at a time. My head is sober, my stomach's full. To better serve the Lord... I'll never be untrue when I'm drinking 3.2., thanks to that state liquor board."
In Melo's defense, he might not have even been drunk. Due the a really dumb rule in Colorado, the beer sold outside of the liquor stores is capped at 3.2% alcohol. Thus, you can drink infinity of them without really getting drunk. So, while Carmelo probably smelled like her fell in a urinal at a college football game, he actually might have been sober.
Wild Wild West – The Escape Club
“Give me give me Wild West, Give me give me safe sex, Give me love give me love, Give me time to live it up.”
“To keep a man like me interested, oh no, no way, uh uhh. No, I gotta go out and have fun at someone else's expense. I'm an asshole. (He's an asshole, what an asshole). I'm an asshole. (He's the world's biggest asshole)”
Look, far be it from us to knock a dude for going out on a little drinking bender. The guy had a shitty game and went out to blow off some steam and get a little loose, but the odds of getting nabbed by the fuzz for weaving in a Mercedes on the interstate at 4 am are roughly equivalent to walking through downtown Denver in nothing but a jockstrap while firing a M-16 into a crowd of children.
Snitches - Master P featuring Snoop Dogg
“I caught a nigga one day jumping out of a cop car, I ain't saying no names but this nigga's a rap star. Walking real fast then he dashed in my backyard, Buff ass nigga perpetrating to act hard. In the front seat with no cuffs on, I ask him bout the discussion he say the wrong thing I rush him, Dust him, 'cause I can't trust him… And oh yeah don't forget to tell them bitches, Muthafuck you snitches.”
If you think the drunk driving in the midst of vying for the 8th and final playoff spot in the West was a bad decision, it might not even be Melo’s worst decision. Back in 2004, Melopublicly supported the Stop Snitchin’ campaign, appearing in a video that became a popular in the hip hop community to get criminal to persuade informants to stop talking to the cops. Dude, we know nobody likes a snitch, but what were you thinking? This was so damn dumb. Of course it’s understandable to want to keep the street cred after becoming a big celebrity, but does it really come as a surprise that you are not getting let off the hook by the cops after you publicly campaigned to dissuade people from helping them do their jobs. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Besides, a real gangsta gets to the cops from the inside.
Take Me Home Country Roads – John Denver
Given that cool Denver mountain air, we can only assume Melo was inspired by the late great drunk Colorado driver, John Denver. After twenty five beers, even Melo gets excited to take a cruise up into the mountains and get his hick on. In fact, the main reason he was swerving is because he had to close his eyes to nail that high note during the, “I beeeellohoooonnng” part. Drunk driving the mountain roads listening to Denver is like Colorado a rite of passage, so we can’t entirely blame Melo for his wrongs.
Side note: I have actually seen John Denver in concert and it was fucking awesome.
Nobody Likes Me - Some Kid
While Melo likes to make you think he is all gangsta 'n shit, he reverts back to a little momma's boy when things get tough. After talking to his agent and realizing that he just flushed about $5 million in potential endorsement deals down the sink, he's back to singing his old kindergarten anthem, "Nobody likes me. Ev'rybody hates me. Guess I'll go eat worms."
The Roach (The Chronic Outtro) - Dr. Dre
"MmmHmm, triple cheeseburger, some fries and mothafuckin' couple sodas and shit, and Hot apple turnover and all dat old shit nigga. Wooo I'm gonna get my munch onnn!!! That blunt smell good as a motherfucker too."
Giving this all a little more thought, I think I can visualize how this all went down. I used to live in Denver and while it is a kick ass city, there is a glaring lack of late night grub. We all know Melo is pretty keen on the nugs, so he probably got overtaken by the overwhelming urge for some light night drive through and had no choice but to take the gamble and try to make it to a drive through. I hope the cops were at least kind enough to feed the man after they brought him downtown.
It seems nobody wants his or her stadium cursed, unless you're the Florida Marlins. However, if you're like the stalwart Red Sox fan and want to curse professional sports teams, here is a couple of suggestions.
1. Take a bath before going to a Raiders game
The cleanliness will cause the black hole to collapse in on itself.
2. Bring a bottle of wine to Miller Park
The occurrence of alcohol snobness would shock Brewer fans, who are normally good-natured, big bellied folks, into a state of anarchy never before experienced in a ballpark.
3. Encourage Steve Bartman to root for the Atlanta Braves
And buy him season tickets somewhere in foul territory.
4. Pull up to a Seattle SuperSonics game in a UHaul
Be sure to allow Clay Bennett and company to take it for a test drive, just make sure the brake lines are cut.
5. Move the Expos to Washington, D.C.
Oh, wait. This has already happened. May the curse of Youppi be with you.
6. Open up a Weight Watchers next to Soldier Field
Bears fans could longer brag that they were the "biggest" fans in the NFL.
7. Start referring to Tropicana Field as the "Titledome"
The irony alone will cause the baseball gods to smite the cursed dome and cause it to implode on itself.
8. Start a support group in Seattle to rebuild the Kingdome
Reliving 30 years of futility would be enough to curse any team.
9. Spray paint Ryan Leaf's number on Washington State's Martin Stadium
The Cougars are still trying to live that one down. Make sure it's in Husky purple.
10.Give your Fenway Park tickets to Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore
So we can watch them hug and watch uninterested 1,000 mores times thanks to the wonderful production values of Fox Sports. If that won't kill the franchise, nothing will.
Hmm, now doesn't that have a nice ring to it? Well, it sure felt that's where we were for "sure" headed just few short weeks ago. The Tigers had the look of a World Series contender, the Red Wings appeared prime for a run at the Stanley Cup, the Pistons (as usual) were ready to play the nobody respects us card in a quest to get back to the NBA Finals and the Lions were completely off the radar. Pardon me, if I talk about everything as though it's the past tense, because really it's not. This still does have all the makings of a special summer for Detroit sports.
Shit, even the Shock have a good shot to join the Detroit sports party. Um, on second thought.
Anyhow, let's forget about the atrocious start to the Tigers season...they'll rally. Just how much will they rally? Eventually that lineup will hit and eventually they will deliver. And perhaps, the turn of events just kicked into gear this past evening with the comeback win against the Twins. Is that what they needed to kickstart the season? Consider me a bandwagon hopper after they reel off at least 2 to 3 dominant offensive series in a row. Yet, I'd be fool to not believe that the "electric" offense we dreamt about will come to the clearing.
Now, the panic button isn't being pressed in Hockeytown either, despite a slight gagger against the Predators last night. Of course, I like to tease the one or two hockey fans I still know to exist that the Wings are going to choke. However, I hardly envision this team faltering early in the Playoffs. And you bet your ass I'm leading the cheers the closer the Wings get to the Cup. Why not? I'm fair weather like that...and still can't come to grips with low definition hockey on "Vs." The sport is breathtaking in HD, but that's another story. (Yes, I do know that some of the coverage can be found in HD...just not in my neighborhood).
How about the Pistons? Could their path to the Finals be any better this year? The Sixers are good, but hardly experienced enough to handle the 'Stones. More importantly the Pistons get to avoid a dreaded 2nd round match-up with Cleveland. And seriously, any Piston fan claiming they want Cleveland is in denial. Look, I know the Pistons should mop the floor with the Cavs when you put it on paper. However, I'll always go back to the refresher of what I like to call LeBron's "48." Yes, the longer we can stretch out the wait for Cleveland the better.
Oh wait, does that mean I think the Celtics are going to fade in round 2 to the Cavs. No, I certainly don't and just think about the excitement of a Pistons vs. Celtics Conference Finals? Now, if that doesn't stir up the memories of the good 'ole days...I don't know what will. Even better in this whole equation is the fact that the Pistons are virtually off everyone's radar. Well, maybe not to that extent, but the Celtics have essentially been given the Eastern Conference crown by many a talking head. Do I think the Pistons can beat the Celtics? Not sure, but I do like the thought of the Pistons being an underdog and with a chip on their shoulder.
Lastly, that leaves the Lions. What can the Lions possibly do wrong this off-season? With the NFL Draft right around the corner the grocery list is growing in the needs department for this organization. However, nothing has ever been spelled out so explicitly for the Lions brain trust, Matt Millen. Will we finally get our coveted Offensive Lineman? Are we destined to Mendenhall? Who cares? The Lions matter, if and only if it lasts for a few weeks in the spring. We all know optimism and hope get shoveled out like shit after the first few weeks of the season.
Wait, why am I excited about this NFL Draft again?
Moving on, the Red Wings and Pistons have made this an annual rite of passage each summer. The Tigers have risen from the ashes in recent years and will look to do the same this summer. Can Detroit put it all together? Hmmm, that's going to be the lingering question. However, it's going to be one eventful summer on the Detroit Sports scene. Then again, if you follow Detroit Sports...you're pretty much used to this.
If I had to place a bet on either the likelihood that we could a) build a time machine made entirely out of pipe cleaners and old Atari parts or b) accurately forecast the first 5 rounds of the Lions' 2008 draft, clearly I'd be in the checkout line buying 10 packs of pipe cleaners right now. Nevertheless, we have to take a crack at emulating Millen and the gang, because our friends at Waiting for Next Year have offered up another compelling challenge. They are hosting a contest with a great group of blogs, who will each try to accurately predict the first 5 of their respective teams draft selections.
Before we dive in, I should note that gearing up for this was a very difficult endeavor. At first, I figured I would just drink a couple pints of Prestone and rip a couple good ether huffs and start throwing darts. That's how Millen does it. After mulling it over though, I changed my mind. I decided to play the dumbass card and pick what I would actually like to see them draft. So, while I'm basically pouring the contest down the drain, we still hope Millen somehow comes to his senses. Obviously it's a moot hope, because Millen is a fucking retard, but we love the Lions and never stop hoping for a good draft. So, without further ado, here are the Detroit Lion Top 5 draft picks.
Round 1 Pick #15 - Chris Williams, OT, Vanderbilt
Unlike the lions front office and coaching staff, I have a memory that is capable of lasting beyond three months. I find it nearly impossible to not favor a tackle with the top pick. The Lions cannot fucking block and nothing is going to get any better until they deal with that. Backus is serviceable OT, but he's not an anchor guy for the blind side, so they need a top tier OT for the left side and then they can move Backus over to the right. Everybody is saying the Lions will likely draft Rashard Mendenhall, and they might be right, but they are also stupid. You could put an armored tank in the Lions backfield and it would still average less than 3 yards per carry. There's no point in buying up the skill players if you can't protect them. This offensive line ruined the season last year. Why do it again? As for Williams, he is a great athletic player with a perfect NFL body. We're also assuming Clady and Otah will likely be off the board at 15.
Round 2 Pick #45 - Jerod Mayo, ILB, Tennessee
Allegedly, the middle linebacker hole is the one that Marinelli is salivating about the most. While I am sure he would love to fill it in round one, it is not the most pressing need. Plus Jerrod Mayo is an elite level linebacker who was initially forecast to go in the top 15. If he is on the board at 45, which is right around where many prognosticators show him going, this is a brilliant pickup. Ernie Simms and Jerod Mayo playing together might be capable of becoming an '85 Bears or '90 Giants type of unit one day.
Round 3a Pick #76 - Chris Ellis, DE, Virginia Tech
Another one on the Marinelli wish list can be filled well in with the first of two third round picks. It is becoming very clear that Marinelli is making a full push this year to build a dominating Tampa 2 style defense (largely by acquiring the better part of the Tampa Bay defense), so another early defensive pick is likely (assuming Marinelli's opinion matters to Nuts Mustache). Ellis is a good pickup here as his size and speed are solid, he just needs to work on his strength. He also drops in most mocks based on durability concerns as he had shoulder surgery twice. He's a bit of a gamble, but his value outweighs the risk in my opinion.
Homer my ass. Mike Hart is the best value on the whole draft board if he goes this low. In fact, he is often expected to go lower as most people think he's a fourth rounder. This is a classic Billy Beane pick right here. You can look at Hart and see a small casing and less than phenomenal forty yard dash time or you can look at the numbers and watch him play. Mike Hart dominated in his 4 years at Michigan against elite defenses. What always struck me most about Hart is how he was not just a product of a good system. When the other backs filled in for Hart, they couldn't get it done. Hart is a special running back and this comes from a believer that any serviceable pro running back can succeed in the NFL if they have a good line. Hart is the type of runner who can make it happen without one. He finds openings, runs hard, and breaks tackles. You won't see 87 yard breakaway runs, but you'll see a lot of numbers like these, which is what the running game is all about: 12, 16, 11, 7, 9, 7.
Round 4 Pick #111 - Steve Slaton RB, West Virginia
This is just too tempting to pass up. To try to justify the pick, the Lions do need a fireplug on special teams, so that is a good place to start with Slaton. Ultimately, he is just too exciting a player to pass up. He might never be an every down running back or make a huge individual impact, but a guy like Slaton can make plays and the Lions haven't had exciting role playing guys in ages. When is the last time anyone actually thought they might miss something by taking a piss during a kickoff at a Lion's game? Plus, you can line him up wide for decoys or reverses, uses him as a receiver out of the backfield, or in two back sets. I think Slaton is going to make an impact in some shape or form in the NFL. Plus, you know Millen is creaming his pants on this pick.
What did we learn this week folks? Well, the Tigers suck like the gas syphoning white trash in Southern California; sportswriters still can't think of any good Mario headlines after Chalmers provided us with the greatest (and worst, b/c I had Memphis winning 2 money brackets) NCAA Finals maybe ever; and unfortunately, this season's NBA Playoffs most likely won't be highlighted by the awesomeness of Golden State of Mind, because the Warriors are probably staying home.
Also, I learned that almost all of the Masters holes make great names for vaginas or vagina beans, such as Tea Olive, Pink Dogwood, Flowering Peach, Flowering Crab Apple (that's a really bunk vagina), Pampas, Carolina Cherry, Firethorn, Redbud, Nandina, and Golden Bell. Watch out for the Firethorn. Redheads are generally drunk and crazy (hearsay).
And as usual, we'll hit you with some music before we get to the links. This week's featured artist is the National. I'm a little late to the party here, but I really like their album, Boxer. It's one of those rare albums that you can listen to as you drift off to sleep or commute in a pissed off mood on Monday mornings; full of steady, quiet melodies suitable for a serious zone out. Here's a teaser of Gospel as performed on a nice gay boat ride, which should completely destroy all of my credibility.
Alrighty, on to the links:
First up, congrats to Scott McCormick for besting nearly 4,000 Deadspin readers in the NCAA Bracket Challenge and winning a signed copy of Will's book and a free post on the site. While he apologized for the writing skills in the intro, I thought this was excellent and really enjoyed reading it. Nice job Matt.
SSReporters drafted a clever Cartoon Starting Five over at ArmchairGM. ArmchairGM has quite an active community of sports fans, writers, and commenters. We've posted a few times over there and it's a lot of fun. Plus, they hook you in by awarding you points for everything you do and escalating your status, which is good I guess.
The Angry T took it deep and concocted a song tribute for all 30 MLB teams - a man after our own hearts. I particularly enjoy that he attributed Money, Money, Money to Ted Dibiase.
The Legend of Cecilio Guante provided a heartarming tribute to Shea Stadium. Plus, I just love a good post with entirely centered text. Stylish. While I don't really care about the Mets, I do really like Shea Stadium. It's much sunnier than Yankee Stadium and I love clenching my bladder on that molasses slow subway ride back to the mainland.
Punter gives Rick Reilly a taste of his own medicine. Man, that was killer pun if I do say so myself. Also, we outsucked the KSK guys in the suckiest blog contest last week, but we're losing interest in that thing faster than one of those Edward Lodewijk Van Halen two hand tapping guitar solos on Frankenstrat.
Late breaking entry, Michael Silver concocts a everyone is availble mock draft. Love the first round Fitty pick for the Lions. I like this guy.
Finally, Linda Barrett (aka, Phoebe Cates) won the hottest 80s movie character tournament. For her efforts, we have invited her to the first annual GoWF/Phoebe Cates golf tournament and she is coming. It should be fun.
Have a good weekend folks. I'm off to see the Disco Biscuits and watch lasers melt through the walls. Peace out.
Editors Note: It's been a long week and I'm just plain lazy. Besides it's Friday. That said, I had no choice, but to dig deep into the vault and pull out a re-run. Yup, now I know it's just lazy to run a youtube post in general, but when it's one you ran a year ago. Well, no need making excuses...it's the weekend and what better way to get it kicked off than with a barrage of youtube clips that you probably could've found for yourself if you were remotely interested in finding them.
So, I riled a Top 9 list of sorts...and trust me, my Nintendo is still operable. I could've given you friggin' screen shots. Feel free to add to the list of Nintendo Classics, even non-sports games can be included. Comments are recommended and welcome. Without further ado and in no particular order...follow me...
ExciteBike: Now this was the fucking game. I spent a few hours trying to relive my glory days last night, but too often I had to take the game out and blow on the friggin' cartridge.
Double Dribble: Does this really need an introduction? Hands down the best Basketball ever made. The slow motion "static" figure dunking the ball...or how about the grenade launch sound it made everytime you took a three pointer?
Blades of Steel: Konami always made the best Sports games. The best fight sequence ever in a hockey game...sans NHL '94.
Paperboy: So maybe it's not a sports game, but come on...it's damn close. And the soundtrack is just damn funky. This is like a giant "whip it" to me...it's hippy crack. I get maddened by the game, but can't stop playing.
Kung Fu: Heavily. Underrated.
Track and Field: Personally, I preferred the Clay Pigeon Shooting on Part II, but couldn't find the clip.
Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!: Real. Big. Shocker.
R.B.I Baseball: A classic Nintendo sports game...was baseball in general. Bases Loaded, Major League Baseball, Dusty Diamond's, etc. Tough calls...all around.
Skate or Die: Why not? Right.
Tecmo Super Bowl: Sorry, it's not the Bo Jackson run you were expecting. Remember the Nigerian Nightmare?
With the inception of yet another baseball season, daydreams of the prime of my baseball fan hood - which occurred in the late ‘80s and early ‘90s - started whirling around this past week. We're talking about the years between 4th and 9th grade. Only one thing in life mattered during this period and relative to other things I’ve gone haywire over the years, I don’t know if anything has ever mattered this much. It wasn’t about girls. It wasn’t parties. And it certainly wasn’t school. Still guessing? It was baseball cards. Perhaps my memory is a bit jaded, but I remember my friends and I not as kids who collected cards to get our hands on our favorite players from our favorite team or liked the chewing gum, but rather more akin to ruthless stock traders in the pit, wheeling and dealing like Gordon Gecko. This was serious shit.
The year was 1990 and we were experiencing the transformation of the sports card world, as the tides were shifting away from the big three, Topps, Donruss, and Fleer in favor of the premium brand. In retrospect, this was the beginning of the end for the whole thing, but at the time we were ready to make the switch from Popov to Grey Goose. We wanted the good stuff. We got our first taste with the inaugural season of Upper Deck in 1989, particularly when my closest comrade in the card game got a box of unopened packs for his birthday and came out with 6 Griffeys. That was when the Leaf series came out in 1990. This was serious. Who was going to be the kingpin who could land the coveted Frank Thomas rookie?
Packs of the first season of Leaf cards did not really penetrate our card stores early on in the season, but once the Becketts started valuing the Frank Thomas and Sammy Sosa rookies in the stratosphere, they started showing up. The problem was, they were selling for around $12 to $15 a pack. Are you fucking serious? I remember thinking I was going to be all over those things as soon as I found them, but realizing jaw-dropping shock when I saw the price tag. It was devastating. We never really got to try our hand at getting the Big Hurt in a pack, because we were too late.
Well, that season came and went, but when the ‘91 Leaf packs came out, we were ready. We found a random clothing alterations shop owned by a Korean family called Soo Sun’s where strangely, the father was a card fanatic. He sold packs of the best stuff around on a little counter by the window. Unfortunately for Mr. Sun, he should not have been playing in our league. He didn’t know that you could feel the ridges of a gold Leaf rookie through the pack or that you could see through packs of the first season of NBA Hoops packs. He used to watch us massage the Leaf packs thinking we were mad and I actually eyeballed a David Robinson rookie through a pack.
Well, we got to know the proprietor of this shop over time and he invited us to come to his other place of business. He operated a flea market in a relatively dodgy part of town. This is where his real operation went down. One night a week, he would hold a live sports card auction, where the who’s who of card collectors came to meet. My brother and I nagged my old man for weeks to take us to this auction and like all good parents, he got sick of us annoying him and took us to the big show.
We arrived at the auction and were shocked and awed by the nonsense. The place was packed and full-grown men haggled over older cards that meant more to them for nostalgic reasons. Don’t get me wrong, I loved collecting older cards as well, but we were more interested in the new stuff at the time. We did notice that in his case was a box of the 1990 Leaf wax packs. My dad must have seen us coveting them in a way that he hadn’t seen before, because without us asking, he bought my brother and I a pack for around $15 bucks. I could not believe it. This is the same guy who still skis on a pair of K2s from about 1978 - not an everyday occurrence to say the least.
So, we decided we wanted to open the pack in the car on the way home, so we hopped in the mini van. It dawned on me right then that there is a pretty good chance we got scammed. I mean a fifteen-dollar wax pack at a random flea market? As my paranoia built, I noticed the back looked like it had a lot of glue... an uncharacteristic amount of glue. Damnit, we got fucking conned.
Regardless, we both grabbed a flap and peeled it open carefully. It was almost like Charlie and the Bucket grandfolks opening the Wonka Bar. As we flipped through the cards, morale was lower than low. Common. Common. Common. Common. Fuck. Common. Common. You must be kidding. Common...
BOOM! Holy Fucking Shit. We got it. I think all of the weight in my body disappeared when I saw it. Bouncing of the ceiling of the minivan screaming and cheering, we couldn't believe our eyes. We got the Frank Thomas.
You’ll have to excuse us for being little bastards, but we went bananas, screaming in our best Korean accents, “We got the Frank Tom Car, Oh, we got the Frank Tom Car!” What a day. Thanks random Korean man for a damn fine memory.
Brandon is back to help us pretend we can make it till football season...
Ah the first week of baseball, probably the only time you'll see the Baltimore Orioles in first place of the American League East Division. But that's the beauty of playing 162 games, things generally play themselves out over a few months, pleasantly coming to peaks and dips in drama and culminating at the end of the season in a pennant race down to the wire. That's why it's so epic.
Other than analyzing the Detroit Tigers going 0-7 and Josh Beckett getting shelled in his first outing, there's some other redeeming qualities about early season baseball and I'll do my best to figure 'em out.
1. Teams have yet to go in the tank, meaning that fans still come out to the ballpark.
... but we'll see what Camden Yards looks like in about three weeks when the Orioles pitching staff gives up more runs than ski resort. And the rats at Anaheim stadium have yet to run off small children.
2. Ken Griffey Jr. hasn't suffered a season-ending injury.
If you think he acts like a complete idiot off his rocker when he's employed, imagine what he's going to do if they hand him a pink slip. My guess is that it will include and Black and Decker drill, a steel chair, somebody wearing a hockey mask and British people.
4. Braves fans think they're going to win the World Series, which is cute.
If there's one certainly in baseball, it's that the Atlanta Braves will choke in the post season. But its funny how ESPN picked them as the out-and-out favorites coming into this season. Whatever brings the hits onto your site, even if they're all from the state of Georgia.
5.Skip Bayless hasn't had enough time to completely bloat full of hot air.
Sit back. Have a few drinks and enjoy this simple moment, because it's not going to be like this for very long. Savor it, because a world without Skip is a world without crime and violence.
6. The biggest baseball game in history
There's a few moments every year that remind you why baseball is such a great game. 115,300 packed into the LA Coliseum for an exhibition game between the Dodgers and Red Sox. Not only were Dodger players shocked that they were playing in front of a crowd, but fact that a football stadium was used for baseball (complete with a 200-foot left field) means that perhaps the Metrodome and Dolphins Stadium aren't such bad ballparks after all.
But after further thought, there's a reason this game was an exhibition, and it was the first time the LA Coliseum was used in over half a century.
7. Kansas City fans put the suicide note back in the underwear drawer for a brief moment.
Until they have Noose Night at the Royal's ballpark, which apparently is a local favorite once the team falls 20 games out of the division lead.
Has anyone seen them? No? Me neither. I live in a major Metropolis whose cable conglomerates only include 2 select providers: The Lordly Comcast vs. The Feeble RCN. While RCN generally provides the better service for cheap, the network elects not to carry 'Vs', and by doing so, turns a blind eye to the few thousand subscribers dying for hockey coverage.
Has society really evolved to such a point where we are so beyond watching dudes skating around with weapons, each with the malicous intent to inflict unimaginable pain in each other? Obviously not, Ultimate Fighting Championships are some of the most widely viewed events on television these days. I mean only in America can you have a youtube backyard fighting sensation one minute, and have him on pay-per-view the very next.
Hockey is one of the most intense athletic sports known to man, and yet ESPN will cover Poker Championships before airing a single game? This is madness. Please someone break down the sports-worthy attribues involved in playing poker, cuz last time I checked all you needed was a beer gut, sunglasses, and a virginity card.
I actually just read yesterday that ESPN will be airing coverage of an "Major League Gamers" Halo championship. I feel like I am taking crazy pills. Obviously playing a video game can not be considered a sport in any way shape or form, but it can be fun playing during some downtime here and there. But since when did watching a video game become cooler than watching live hockey playoffs?
The NHL has made its fair share of mistakes, most notably striking and overly aggressive expansion strategies, but it is time ESPN get on the ball and start negotiations with the NHL. The league is experiencing a rise in young talent, more goals, and renewed rivalries. It's time ESPN, and perhaps the rest of the country, take NOTICE!
As I gazed blankly at the blinking cursor on my computer, I tried to gauge what I was feeling. Sure, it was a mix of frustration based on the fact that I emptied my Sportsbook.com account on Memphis (-2.5) and under (77.5) in the 2nd half. A parlay nonetheless that would've taken any sting from collapsing like North Carolina in my brackets. Well, you can probably guess what happened...or so I heard what happened. One free throw, just one fucking free-throw and who's sitting on a winning ticket? Deep sigh.
Sprinkle in my allegiance to Carolina hoops and my firm belief they were um, destined to win it all and you can guess it all equates to depression. The phone rang, but I couldn't muster the strength to answer it. However, there's more. Yup, there's more to this downer tale. That's right, March Madness is over. The excitement, the thrill, the procrastinating...the urgency and waiting for the next game. It all ended faster than Luther Vandross could even finish "One Shining Moment." And while many Kansas fans are elated today, that feeling won't last forever.
For the endless devotees like myself who simply worship College Basketball and savor this time of year like no other, this is the end. Well, at least the end for a long, long time. Today always seems to be the slowest day on the Sports calender. A few meaningless baseball games, the Tigers dropping to 0-7 and a few more useless NBA games. We are officially entering a Sports down time. What's on ESPN tonight? The friggin' NCAA Women's Championship. There are no NBA games on TV and not even a Baseball game... not even on TBS. Fuck me. No; fuck all of us.
Sure, the NBA Playoffs are right around the corner, but this week leaves a huge void. I now know what post mortem depression must feel like. Bad example? Maybe, maybe not. Am I destined to go down the same road as Zorba. Well, I can't lie that is kind of how I felt this entire afternoon. Didn't you? OK, don't answer my plea for sorrow. After all, it was an exciting Tournament...right? Wasn't the Championship game just flat out amazing?
Yes, another deep sigh. Why the bleak outlook? That's just the way I feel on the Tuesday after the finale. That's always the way I've felt. In fact, in 2005 after Carolina won the Championship I put myself on a self-imposed Sports Hiatus. I was worn, I was spent, but more importantly I was just sad the damn thing was over. In 2000 when Michigan State won, after recovering from a 2 day bender...a super hangover from the culmination sank in like a migraine.
I know what you're thinking ...damn bro, what a buzz kill. Well, I'll recover in due time. I'll forget I lost my ass on the Final Four. I'll forget that Memphis choked away the Championship and I'll forget that Carolina gave one of their worst performances ever in the Final Four. Time heals all wounds. For now, I guess I'll bubble at the optimism of the NBA Playoffs. Oh wait, don't the NHL Playoffs start soon? Yup, let's go RED WINGS.
There...that wasn't so bad now was it? I already feel better. Argh, one last deep sigh.
While pacing around his office at Tiger Stadium, Jim Leyland hears a page from his receptionst, Sheila.
Sheila: Mr. Leyland, are you available to take a call from a Mr. Millen of Millen, Rothstein, Carr, and Williams?
Jim Leyland: Sure, send him through. These a-holes have been up my ass since Sunday.
Sheila: Alirght, I’ll patch him through.
Matt Millen: Hey Jimmy. How’s it going my man? Listen, my colleagues and I have started up a consulting firm called, Millen, Rothstein, Carr, & Williams and we think we might be able to provide with some invaluable services. It's me, John L Williams, Lloyd Carr, and Ron Rothenstein. You see, we’re turnaround specialists for sports teams now. Think of us as a private equity firm, but for coaches and front office professionals.
Leyland: What the fuck are you talking about? You guys all sucked. You still do suck, actually. And aren’t you supposed to be preparing for the draft? And who the hell is Rothstein? You just hired a jew to make it sound official, didn’t you?
Ron Rothstein (audibly insulted): Ahem. I’ll have you know I coached the Detroit Pistons for one season in 1992-1993. And if it wasn’t for those washed up old sandbags who wouldn’t freaking retire, we would have gone all the way.
Leyland: My apologies. I never heard of you. Do you smoke? Nevermind. So what exactly are you guys offering? Why am I listening?
Lloyd Carr: Mr. Leyland, we believe that Millen, Rothstein, Carr & Williams can provide you with a wide range of professional services to help you overcome your abysmal underachieving start to the 2008 season. We at Millen, Rothstein, Carr & Williams understand that going 0-6 with the best team in baseball is not all your fault. First, we will teach you what we call the “ABCDs” of coping. Then, once we get you thinking clearly with the ABCDs, we can provide you a sure fire program to ensure the safety of your job – no matter how bad you suck this season.
Leyland: Unless the ABCDs of coping stands for "Anybody Care for a Drink?" than you can go fuck off.
John L. Williams: That’s not too far off actually Jim. You see, the great thing about Millen, Rothstein, Carr & Williams is that we have all been there. We understand that part of this coping process that leads to your emotional health and longevity in mediocracy is drinking. In fact, that’s the D. With our program, drinking is encouraged. In fact, we’re drunk right now.
Rustling and kicking sounds are audible through the speaker phone as is Lloyd Carr saying, “Shut the fuck up you dumbass.”
John L. Williams: Well, we’re just drinking Zima actually and were not even drunk. The A in the ABCDs? That stands for apathy. You think Matt Millen learned to ignore all that criticism overnight? No way. The B, that stands for breathe. When Rothstein got canned after one lousy season, you don’t think he and his family panicked? Shit, the guy still takes 5 Xanax a day for panic attacks, but he is an expert in teaching breathing for high stress situations. And the C, well that’s for cry. You don’t really think Lloyd really held off a good cry after the Appalachian State game do you? Ha, no way. And after he lost his job in favor of one of them high fallootin' spread offenses. We’re talking waterworks, son. The process starts with the emotions. We need to thicken up that skin. Once we have successfully worked that portion of the program, then we transition you the next step – the turnaround.
Leyland: Yeah, I’m listening. It has been hard keep this image of the gruff exterior after I let everybody down. We’re 0-6 with what’s considered by some to be the best lineup of the decade. It’s just not fair sometimes. Fuck. Sorry, I’m okay.
Rothstein: We know John. That’s why Millen, Rothstein, Carr & Williams are here for you. We’ve all been there, buddy. And we’re gonna help you through it.
Leyland: So then what?
Williams: At this point, we have a number of choices for you to make. This step is where we lower all the expectations of the fans and media so they remember that this is the state of Michigan. We always choke at all levels when the pressure is on and can only surprise people when the pressure is off.
Just think about it; the Wings choke every playoff series, the Wolverines lose the minute they get in the top 10, the Pistons can’t turn up the heat in the playoffs, and the Lions turned a 6-2 start into a 7-9 season and missed the playoffs altogether.
Leyland: The hype is fucking bitch. Hype reminds me of that fat fucking bitch at CVS who curses when I buy my smokes and beer, because she says it’s the devil. Fucking bitch. Whoa sorry, I just got a little hot there. So what are the next steps?
Lloyd Carr: This is where our extensive expertise comes in to play. We each bring a unique specialization. John L. Williams is good for implementing team collapses for drugs. He can help you expose the players like Jeff Smoker and Charles Rodgers who get high too much and get all fat and lazy. Actually, this is how Millen got off the hook for his asinine draft choice of Charles Rodgers and Mike Williams. Those were all John L. Williams smear campaigns.
John L. Williams (blushing): Oh, you’re just saying that. Well, Lloyd can help you blow the fans expectations in just a few big losses and then make them wonder what the hell is wrong with you by arranging some inspirational meetings with Russell Crowe.
Rothstein’s approach is a little riskier. He just gets you to make all your best players retire, so that one is a little less desirable. Then you are just left with a really bad team. The Rothstein method is more for teams who wanna get shit canned altogether and move to a new town or something.
Millen: My job is to search out all available URLs and protect you from the bloggers. I’ll buy up www.fireleyland.com and www.leylandsucks.com.
Leyland: Good thinking. Those are so played out. I like your line of thinking guys. I think we should probably think about setting up an onsite later this week at your offices.
Rothstein: Great. Glad you are on board, Mr. Leyland. We’ll get that ship righted in no time.
Millen: That’s great Jim. They have these great new things called wraps at the deli downstairs. It’s like a sandwich, but all rolled up. Oh man, they are so good. We’ll bring all different kinds for the meeting. It’ll be awesome.
Carr: Shut up, Millen. Listen Jim, thanks so much for your time and we look forward to the meeting and to working together. And we’ll even try to get you some face time with our chairman, Steve Fischer. See you next week.
This is it, folks. It's the moment that absolutely nobody has waiting for; it's the finals of the hot 80s movie characters tourney. We'll keep the voting open until Friday and then it's cork popping time. We have a battle royale in the finals as Linda from Fast Times at Ridgemont High squares off against Lisa from Weird Science. Let's get it on.
#1 - Linda Barrett (better known as Phoebe Cates) - Fast Times At Ridgemont High:
Shocker. Linda and her cans made it to the finals. Apparently, her critically acclaimed acting really wowed over fans as she has won every round approximately 90% to 10%. No competition has even come close to making a game out of it. We'd like to thank Judge Reinhold's imagination for concocting this immortal scene and we'll be surprised if she doesn't cut down the nets because of it.
Vs.
#6 Lisa (a.k.a Kelly LeBrock) Weird Science -
With a surprising run from the #6 seed, Lisa has proven she might just have what it takes to go all the way. Gary and Wyatt may have to work a little magic though, because Linda from Fast Times garnered over 10,000 votes so far. Judging by her previous rounds, Lisa should at least make this thing interesting though. She has also absolutely destroyed her competition. We think it's probably her keen fashion sense. That top is slammin.
Looks like today is our lucky day. Lozo has unearthed the field of 64 for the 2008 Suckiest Sports Blog That Ever Sucked Tournament. We got a #15 seed and were going up against Kissing Suzy Kolber. Talk about a lock; Vegas is setting the money line at +9,000,000 against Kiss Me Suzy. I actually think we might be able to win this thing. Most of the blogs in the field suck a whole lot less than us. In fact, a decent portion of them actually get paid.
At the time of this writing, the voting is not open yet (or I'm too dumb to figure it out), but it should be sometime on Monday. Anyway, this is big time win-win situation for us. Great idea, Lozo.
It was supposed to be the single most competitive Final Four in years, but it quickly turned into a massacre late Saturday afternoon. UCLA was simply in over their heads against a bigger, stronger, quicker and much more athletic Memphis team. North Carolina couldn't withstand the initial Kansas onslught (the first 10 minutes) or match the intensity of the moment. Hence, by the time they made their predictable run...it was much too late. However, neither the Tar Heels or Bruins appeared to be the "best" team many figured to cut down the nets.
The underlying theme to the hype or build up of this weekend was two of the biggest and whitest stars on the stage; Kevin Love and Tyler Hansbrough. Both were praised, scrutinized, dissected, judged by their color and over analyzed in terms of an NBA skill set. Well, if you consider the last decent Big white American Basketball player to be Chris Kayman...you can understand why the racial card always gets tossed around. That being said both Hansbrough and Love made their critics look like prophets.
Yup, cast aside the stat lines for both guys, because on paper neither played awful. However, what was evident is that neither player has star material in the NBA written all over them. On the biggest stage both looked slow, a tad outmatched and just not sensible enough to be the centerpiece of an NBA team. This was the topic on most talking heads agendas leading into this weekend; to see how they fared on the grandest stage of them all. And neither passed the eye test.
Kevin Love looked very slow footed and wasn't able to clear the lane for his post up shot. He seemed in awe of the beast Joe Dorsey and was never able to dominate the glass like the Bruins expected. At times he drifted in and out of the offensive flow and despite Billy Packer questioning why Love wasn't camped on the blocks, sometimes a player has just got to want it more. Love certainly didn't want it more, as he began to drift out to the three point line with hopes of getting a clear shot. His best Bill Laimbeer impression is still short of NBA material.
Will he get drafted? Sure, but Saturday should convince us all that he will NOT be anything to hold our breath about in the league. In the UCLA/Memphis game there were three solid NBA prospects that stood out from the rest; Russell Westbrook, CDR and Derrick Rose. Love was trying to keep the pace, but simply couldn't stand out. He simply blended in amongst the many and shriveled to the ground as CDR rose up and threw down the exclamation point dunk over him with Joey Dorsey pointing and chuckling. America's superstar? More like the great white hype.
As for Tyler Hansbrough he still worked his ass off, but simply tried to do too much. If there is one knock on his collegiate game it's passing out of the double team. Somehow, this goes without mention when people dissect Hansbrough's game. However, his decision making is a one track mind, "me get ball, me score." Several times last night Hansbrough was manhandled and blind sided by the weak side help, which led to either a turnover or a blocked shot. Is one man supposed to conquer three on one? No, but a wise man kicks it out to his teammates.
Hansbrough looked small out there and he was hardly the best pro prospect on the court. Perhaps, of both teams Danny Green appeared to be one of the more suitable NBA caliber players, aside from Brandon Rush. Hansbrough was out muscled and outwitted and yes even at times out hustled. Case and point was his lazy pass late in the 2nd half off an inbounds that led to a steal and an easy bucket for Kansas. At the time Carolina was still within in striking distance, but that bucket pretty much sealed their fate.
He found rebounds hard to come by on this night. He found easy baskets hard to come by and he most certainly found the reality of his pro potential to be very dim. Sure, the buckets went in for him in the 2nd half, but they looked more like prayers than solid attempts. Nobody will ever question the guy's heart and motor, but it will only get you so far. Will he make the jump to the NBA next season? I doubt it, because why put an end to the peak moments of your life? There will be no praise bestowed upon Hansbrough when he finally does join the league.
Gauging everything we saw on Saturday night, Hansbrough and Love didn't necessarily shrivel in the moment. In fact, they stuck to who they were; a couple of big white dudes who can certainly ball, but just not quite good enough to make an impact at the next level. If you didn't see that in their games last night, then you and I must've watched two completely different things last night...or I was drunk.
Before we jump into this week's links, we'll kick off with a little food for thought. Last night, I went to the Yankees-Blue Jays game at Yankee Stadium and the experience shed a little light on the events thus far this season. I was wearing a winter coat and still froze my balls off. It was so cold, washing your hands in the bathroom felt like pouring hydrochloric acid on chapped skin and holding a beer was like grabbing a frozen flagpole with wet bare hands. In other words, the thought of making contact with a wooden bat must have hurt like hell and running would be a dangerous proposition. Translation: it's way to cold for baseball still. It's no wonder we've seen such a proliferation of hammy pulls and tendon strains. Baseball is not a winter sport. This is too early.
Anyway, thanks a lot MLB for the 0-3 Tigers start and the already battered lineup. Let's listen to some Guns N' Roses.
My Brain Says Rage takes a nostalgic look at not only the best baseball movie ever, but the best sports movie ever. Although, guys there’s nothing wrong with Scott Bakula? Bakula is a juggernaut of sports movies, particularly as the aging simpleton who wants to prove he’s more than just a big arm, Paul Blake, in Necessary Roughness. Plus, Major League 3 is pretty good. Finally, who doesn’t mist up when the Wild Thing comes out? That’s some inspirational shit.
Grateful Blue continues their in depth look at athletes gone actors. That’s a dangerous road you embark upon. Tread gently for you know not what you may encounter. There’s some scary shit out there.
This is an interesting little blurb from Gelf Magazine from a couple weeks ago. Edward Wasserman, a professor of journalism ethics at Washington and Lee University, is mobilizing his troops to defend writers against mean commenters. Gimme a break. It comes with the territory. Have you ever read some of the comments we get. Toughen up little buckaroo. Here’s a nice one from yesterday, “Wayne Fontes you douche, complete waste of time. I want my five mins. back, are you even a phan? Geeez!” Ahhh, makes it all worthwhile, doesn’t it?
Joe Sports Fan never disappoints. This time they have the Tom Henke Army – the platoon of giant glasses wearing soldiers. I think if I had to guess which of these guys I would sneak off in the jungle and smoke joints with it would probably be Corporal Mike Norris.
You probably heard that the futile attempt of the head coaches and general managers (read: the Chicago Bears) to pass a rule preventing punting out of bounds was overwhelmingly rejected. I'm sure some top league officials see some lost entertainment value in the strategic game of pinning teams deep inside their own twenty and preventing showy returns from stars like Devin Hester, but gimme a break. This is a key part of playing the field position game. It's maybe the stupidest attempt at a rule change I have heard in years.
BUT... As long as we are in the process of making up new rules, we have a few we would like to pass as well. These are all in the interest of the game of course.
1) Anytime a wide receiver does a stupid touchdown dance, the lights will go down, disco lights will come on, and Barry Manilow's "Looks Like We Made It" will play over the loudspeaker. Then, that wide receiver should get punched in the crotch by his teammates and sent home for being gay.
2) Intentional grounding is totally legal if you A) hit a cheerleader in the face or B) hit a drink vendor in the stands.
3) Coaches should not be allowed to change starting running backs between July and September unless there is a season-ending injury. Also, Mike Shannahan should not be allowed more than one running back on the team at any given time. Finally, Tatum Bell should be kicked out of the league for good, because he sucks and kills too many fantasy teams.
4) Punters will earn 4 points for making a tackle and 1 point for taking on a blocker.
5) If there is a moment in a game coming up where a team obviously needs a timeout, they should be allowed to prearrange said timeout. It's not that complicated; there is a giant press box full of officials wired up to communicate to people on the field. Why can't one of them receive the instructions, "We would like a time out after the next play?" The jumping around like ape-men making hand gestures is a little old-fashioned at this point.
6) Matt Millen should not be allowed to use a phone, microphone, walkie-talkie, blackberry, or computer on draft weekend. Just lock his fat ass in a room with a giant bag full of Big Montanas and unlock him on Monday morning.
7) Should a team score a touchdown on the Reverse Fake Z-Post from Super Tecmo Bowl, the score will become automatically tied, regardless of the previous deficit.
8) Any time a mule, Irish soccer player, or super model kicks a field goal, the opposing team must count to "7 apple" before bringing the rush.
9) The Super Bowl will never, ever, under any circumstances be played on a night before a work or school day - especially a Sunday you God-hating bastards.
10) When referring to black quarterbacks, all announcers should be forced to say "jive turkey" instead of "athletic quarterback," because it's painfully obvious that is what they are thinking anyway.
With the Memphis Tigers finally "arriving" at the Final Four this weekend; now is as good a time as any to turn back the clock. I'm not talking 'bout going back in the day, rather just a few years ago. The recent run of success at Memphis can certainly be traced to the succession of John Calipari as head coach. And several members of this current crop of Tigers got their start and motivation from a 2006 loss in the Elite Eight to UCLA. The point guard of that Memphis team just happened to be at the time a Sophomore and NBA Legend dream in the making, Darius Washington Jr.
And let me refresh you if I may with another installment of "catching up with" the series. Darius Washington was "one" of the first key recruits that Calipari brought to Memphis. The crew of Rodney Carney, Shawne Williams and Darius started the transition or better yet ascension of Memphis into College Hoops Elite. Darius Washington always appeared to be on the shorter side of his 6'2" listing, but the kid played tough. And I mean street tough.
Pardon me, if I'm speaking about the poor kid as if he'd dead, because he is very much alive and well. And for better term he's still a young 22 years old with hopes and dreams like so many to make it to the league. Washington was on feature display at the McDonalds American Game prior to his time at Memphis. He brought a swagger, intriguing skill set and glimmer of greatness to Coach Cal. He'd gone to battle straight up with Sebastian Telfair, who at the time was summoned to be the next point guard prodigy.
Washington always believed his place was in the NBA, as if that was his entitlement. As he watched Telfair ascend to obscurity in the NBA, Washington gave Coach Cal everything he had to help transform the Memphis program. Although, his freshmen season was hardly the success he'd envisioned (more on that in a second), Washington had little choice other than coming back to school for a 2nd year. It was in that season in which Washington and his homies would set the current standard for the program.
They steamrolled through Conference USA (now the status qou) and earned a #1 Seed in the NCAA Tournament. However, the success came to a halt as it did for three straight seasons prior to this one for Memphis, in the Elite Eight. Washington would defy the scouts and the advice of many and opt to bolt Memphis. Some thought perhaps, he was too short or wasn't quite refined enough to run the point in the NBA. Despite it all, Washington and his father felt he was ready to be the savior, ready for the NBA. He was...NEXT.
He even launched a website in proud proclamation of his decision and spoke of himself as the future NBA Superstar. It was even rumored that the website is how Coach Cal found out about Washington's decision. However, a funny thing happened...Washington's name wasn't called on draft night. Was his ego shattered? Absolutely not...or so he'd like us to believe. Regardless, he sought out to try and make the league as a free agent. His fortunes weren't destined to be in his favor like so many other casualties who felt they belonged in the league.
There was very little interest or need for the likes of an undersized guard who wasn't exactly "solid" at the point. Washington still wouldn't give up the dream and hasn't done so to this very day. He's trolled around the D-League for a while and is now playing over in Greece. For the record, he did get his wish this past December when he was called up to play for the Spurs. However, the dream was short lived as the Spurs cut him less than a week later.
A kid like Washington always makes you wonder what could've been? Another casualty of a kid who left College too early or a kid who just wasn't cut of the NBA mold? Would another year of school helped Washington? You never know. Perhaps, Washington's peak was before he even ever played a Collegiate game. Should he have gone straight to the NBA draft? Maybe, maybe not. He might have been paid in full, but there's also no guarantee his destiny would've played out any differently.
With Memphis landing in the Final Four you can always think back at the footprints Darius Washington helped to imprint in the program. If you've ever wondered if failure makes a person comeback stronger look no further than Darius Washington. Yup, as I vaguely alluded to above we all remember Darius Washington as the kid who missed the free throws. No, it wasn't for the right to go to the Final, rather the right just to qualify for the NCAA Tournament.
Sorry, to stir up the painful memories of yesteryear. However, not many will ever forget that moment of humility. Washington was a freshmen and on the free throw line with three free throws and no time on the clock. His team trailed by 2 points and all he had to do was hit 2 of 3 free throws to tie the game. If hits all three free throws Memphis wins the game, Conference USA and goes to the "Big Dance." Washington missed the last two attempts and crumbled into tears covering his face with his jersey. His teammates would pick him up off the floor.
So, for anyone who thinks that Darius Washington Jr. won't recover from the humbling experience of not being drafted and eventually being cut from the NBA...you're dead wrong. He was just a kid back then who wanted it so bad that emotion overcame him. His still only 22 years old and maybe he doesn't make it to the league, but if his recovery from missing those free throws gives you any indication...he'll pick himself back up and move on with his life.
Maybe Memphis wins the Championship this weekend, maybe they don't. Regardless, they can look at Darius Washington Jr. and be thankful he helped kick start this program. And then they can pick themselves up just like he did after missing those free throws.
Isn't that an open ended question? Well, aside from eating some glass, continuing to be the hardest working white boy in the universe...I'd say beating Kansas is priority #1. Seriously though, you have to wonder how the man we only know to "eat, sleep, and shit" basketball kicks back and enjoys the moment. I'd guess that in between rounds of ping-pong and scrolling the Riverwalk for pussy with Bobby Frasor there is probably a family dinner at Applebee's with Gene, Ben, Greg and mom. Then of course it's back to preparation.
Well, wait there is always reading the numerous articles that have come out and will continue to print through the weekend about Hansbrough's NBA prospects. There will also be the gleaming praise about him being hard working. Then there will be the backlash articles about how we only praise the kid, because he's white. It will go and on, so the dude can't win.
Seriously though, we all know the only thing occupying Psyhco T's mind is cutting down the nets. Fair enough, but how does he mentally prepare for the biggest stage of his life? Better yet, what's kicking on his iPod, what's kicking on the tube. Well, enter an idiot like myself to take my best guess at what's going down with Hansbrough this weekend. Follow me...
What's playing on Tyler's iPod?
1. The Number of the Beast - Iron Maiden: Nothing spells amped like a song about the Devil. Hey, you guys keep saying the dude is psycho...not me.
2. Eating Glass - Bloc Party: If you're gonna give me the lane, it's a give me bucket...every time.
3. Epic - Faith No More: Who doesn't want it all?
4. Low Self Opinion - Rollins Band: Piss him off and plant the seeds of doubt. Now, that's inspiration.
5. Comin' to Your City - Big & Rich: Mutha Fucka gotta party when the dance is done.
What's on the tube?
1. The Gauntlet III - Marathon: If you ever wonder the drive Hansbrough gets, a lot of it comes from watching CT. The man will drag somebody's head off a chain just to win. Sound familiar?
2. Roadhouse (TNT): "Pain don't hurt." Ah yes, a quote, a motto, a creed to live by.
3. Are you Smarter than a 5th Grader: Dude just loves Jeff Foxworthy and he's still trying to win at home.
And there you have it, pretty fucking lame if you ask me. My humor that is...enjoy the Final Four.
I know that Baseball Season is at least two days old and maybe even two weeks if you count Japan. However, that's not going to keep me biting my tongue. Never known to do things the conventional way, I promise nothing less from this preview. Perhaps, you don't get the baseball itch until the snow melts in the Midwest or the Summer months sink in. And it'd be easy to just forget about the season until the weather is warm and the beer is cold. After all, we've got reasonable distractions with the Final Four this weekend and the NBA Playoffs right around the corner.
Despite it all, I'm still a connoisseur when it comes to America's past time. And this is a season of great intrigue and engaging story lines that should help shape the sports continued popularity. Aside from the American League on the verge of completing owning the National League, yet again...you've got the greatest story of them all. Yup, the century mark for the Chicago Cubs. Can they do it? Fuck if I know, but it sure be nice. That said, I'm taking a stab or my best guess at which 8 teams will represent this October. Jesus, that is a long friggin' time away.
However, hang with me as I take this journey set to the theme of the legendary duo Eric B. & Rakim. I couldn't help, but throw that wrench into the season. The album has been in regular play on the old iPod, so as always bare with the strange and unique ways I or we deliver unfiltered un-educated sports wisdom.
American League
Boston Red Sox - "Eric B is President"
Outlook: That's right; the Red Sox are the President of baseball. "Make 'em clap to this." On paper they've got every asset you'd want. They didn't shake up the roster much at all from the World Series team this time around. Their banking on the youngsters carrying over the magic from last post-season. However, they are also relying on a banged up pitching staff with a few holes and a couple unproven youngsters to carry them this season. Will it be enough to hold off the Yankees again? Me thinks so and for two reasons; Ortiz and Ramirez.
Worth Noting: The Red Sox have lofty faith in Curt Schilling. Why? I'm not quite sure myself. Dude is worn and tired. At some point the wheels fall off the wagon and pitchers simply no longer have "it." Unless, they are Roger Clemens and they take HGH to outperform the aging process. However, Schilling is WAY too classy to ever do such a thing...right?
Cleveland Indians - "I know you Got Soul"
Outlook: I know you've got "soul" Cleveland. And that's why you are my not-so-sleeper pick to win the World Series. Fear a jinx...not. The Indians were close to burying the Red Sox last season, but somehow managed the bad luck of the Sox entire line-up catching fire at the exact same time. All the while, an electric Josh Beckett didn't help matters. However, the Indians are stacked, young and hungry. They boast arguably the best starting pitching and bullpen, sans Joe Borowski. They have depth, experience and really don't have a glaring weakness on the roster. Does Borowski play a factor or become a crutch...TBD.
Worth Noting: It's probably been said before, but Travis Haffner is due for a bounce back season. The Indians fortunes could hinge much greater on Haffner returning to form than a shaky closer at the back of the bullpen. Their set-up guys are lights out. That my friend's is the "soul" of this team.
Anaheim Angels -"Don't Sweat the Technique"
Outlook: Love 'em or hate 'em, you can't dispute that the Angels have used quite the techniques for building a winning organization. They're essentially a fixture in the post-season by now. Consider the West...the Angels division to lose. Have I praised the technique enough? Well, the knock on the Angels the past few season's has always been their lack of a big bat to protect/help Vlad. Perhaps, Tori Hunter isn't he answer, but he'll still provide a solid and consistent bat in the lineup. Can the Angels breakthrough the American League? Sure, but I don't see it in their future. It'll probably be another nice run that ends at the hands of the Red Sox. Although, based on my playoff predictions...that series could never happen.
Worth Noting: I think they'll miss "OC" a tad more than they realize. Just my thought.
**Wildcard** Detroit Tigers - "Follow the Leader"
Outlook: Ah yes, follow the leader is right. The Tigers have gone from pathetic losers to greedy bastards in the span of about 3 years. They're seemingly following the Yankees blueprint of paying big prices for big name bats and forgetting to add pitching to their Championship recipe. Will it work this season? The results from the first week would indicate otherwise. And that's why the Tigers spent all that money to chase the Indians and hopefully grab a Wild Card. This team needs Bullpen help...ASAP. Otherwise, they'll follow the leader right out of the October picture and fall into the category of "BUST."
Worth Noting: Dontrelle Willis is NOT that great of a pitcher. The Marlins simply threw him into the trade, while the Tigers purged young players. In the headlines it looked great, but on paper and on the field it will haunt Detroit. The team once predicated on pitching and a budgeted line-up has abandoned ship. We'll see how this plays out.
National League
San Diego Padres - "Lyrics of Fury"
Outlook: Although, this should really be worded as "arms of fury." Anyhow, you get my drift...I hope. The Padres probably don't have a dude that will hit over .250 this season and who in that lineup is going 30/100? However, that's simply not going to matter when you trot out the nastiness of Jake Peavy and that pitching staff. The pitching staff alone will carry this team, even if their backs seem as if they may break. This team is filled with fury due to the collapse from last season. And you thought the mentality was much too laid back? Hmm, redemption is on the mind of Peavy and you don't want to piss him off.
Worth Noting: The Padres took a waiver on Mark Prior and I won't lie...I'll be rooting for Prior. If he can FINALLY get past the injuries, he can still be effective. Let's keep an eye on this, because it could be a HUGE steal for the Padres if it pays off to be successful.
Chicago Cubs - "I ain't no Joke"
Outlook: 0-2 hardly makes you feel any better about this team ending the 100 year drought. However, this team is going to be much better than you'd expect. Am I worried about Kerry Wood having absolutely zero command? Sure, but not until I hear the words "Wood and MRI." The pitching staff remains a bit shaky, but they have depth. The lineup should be as potent as ever with a bounce back year from Derrick Lee in the making. Can the Cubs finally make it back-to-back playoff runs? When is the last time that happened? Oops...let's not jinx anything now.
Worth Noting: Moises Alou finally came out 5 years after the fact and admitted he wouldn't have caught the Bartman ball. Really? Fuck you...pal. Poor Bartman. In a twist of irony...I for see the Indians ending their long curse over the Chicago Cubs in the World Series. How would that be for a kick in the nuts?
Philadelphia Phillies - "Let the Rythm Hit 'em"
Outlook: In a shocking revelation to the Mets fans...sorry the Phillies are just better. Let's not forget the mental anguish from the collapse last season. At the start of last season many thought the Phillies were the better team. They started slow and raised the level of play as the season progressed. I'm just not seeing much changing this season. That's that.
Worth Noting: Pedro down 3-4 weeks...the Mets pitching staff is already in shambles.
**Wildcard** Los Angeles Dodgers - "Paid In Full"
Outlook: Everyone in L.A is sooooo excited about Joe Torre. However, in order to make this work in Dodger land, Torre must learn to trust the youngsters. This will no doubt be the swirling theme as the year goes along. Torre is long known to be a "veterans" only type of a Manager, but his hands are tied now. The youngsters are ready to play...how will the Vets react? Is Nomar Garciaparra really still on this team? Wow. Seriously, the Dodgers will have to put it all together for this to work. The Division is very tough and certain breaks and bounces must go their way. I might be going out on a limb with this pick, but fuck it. Joe Torre is "paid in full."
Worth Noting: Juan Pierre is riding the pine for this team. Hmm, you mean to tell me he can't find a starting gig elsewhere? I call bullshit.
Thanks for reading, enjoy the season. Only about 159 more games to go.
I don't know which one of these two events should merit more hype:
1) The Detroit Lions started the season the season at 2-0, or;
2) The Detroit Tigers started the season at 0-2.
In both cases, we already knew exactly what was going to happen. The Lion's obviously loaded us up on excitement like a delicious cafeteria tray piled with tacos, pudding, ice cream sundaes, and red drink only to drop it a smash everything with the whole lunch room starting at us while we run and hide and never come back. On the contrary, the Tigers will just pull a little Yankee-like sputter while they shake off the pressure of having an overloaded lineup and work out the rotation and bullpen kinks before dominating the AL Central.
Let's be rational here folks; a lineup this good cannot continue to struggle to score for long. There's 4 players in the lineup who hit above .320 last year; don't kid yourselves. Perhaps Trey Hillman is a mad genius and the Royals are better than we thought - we'll hold onto that thought for now - but the Tigers 0-2 start is a total anomaly and is not indicative of anything more than a slow start.
Disclaimer: Brandon Hansen is a Seahawks fan, which means he still wakes up in a cold sweat some nights after horrible nightmares of Super Bowl XL. Sometimes his friends find him huddled up in a corner poking pins in his Big Ben voodoo doll chanting "Stuffed at the goaline, Ben". Doctors have diagnosed this as "Seahawkfanscantletthingsdietis" and it's afflicting roughly 80 percent of football fans in the Pacific Northwest.
Most NFL fans are likable, high-cholesterol people who just shelled out 80 dollars for a nosebleed seat and have some normal command of proper human hygiene and social skills.
But not Pittsburgh Steeler fans.
The league is facing a problem of unimaginable proportions, as Steeler fans pop up everywhere from Florida to Quebec, Canada (the French do love their football, as long as they can Lattegate before the game), bringing their terrible towels to every game that Pittsburgh plays.
Forget Yankee fans, if there's ever a band-wagoningfanbase in sports, its the PittburghSteelers. It's got to be real tough for fans to struggle through those five Super Bowl championships and what could be the most dominant team for an entire decade in professional football (The 1970s Steelers). Long-suffering, let me tell you, you've got to be a real trooper to stick with this team.
And when you're not from Pittsburgh and decided to start supporting the team at the ripe age of 32, well... you can go to hell.
NFL ticket offices must know when the Steeler are coming to town when they start seeing an influx of moustached, burly looking men (and women) with mullets that would make McGyver proud. It's a sort of traveling home field advantage, not because the people of Pittsburgh are airplane savvy (they'd probably have to buy two seats a piece) but for the simple fact that the most annoying people all over our country want to be Steeler fans.
You can see the real sad ones, the ones that just dropped down $400 for the window screen of the Pittsburgh logo on the back of their 82' Ford Fiesta.
And when they're not down at the local sports bar downing a couple pitchers of Milwaukee's Best or writing poems about the greatness of Roethlisberger, they're annoying the hell out of all the other fans in the NFL.
Do you know any Cleveland Browns fanatics that say they've been fans all their life and it the same sentence say they love the team because it has a "cute" helmet?
(Although the Browns might be a bad example because, their helmet looks like poop. But they usually play like crap, so it's fitting.)
While there are some knowledgeable (read: old) Steeler fans that know the history of their team, most people around the country jumping on the Pittsburgh bandwagon couldn't tell you who Terry Bradshaw or Franco Harris is. But, by god, they have their terrible towel.
When a guy - who doesn't really even follow sports picks the Steelers to support for no other reason than he didn't want to be called a pussy by his friends - starts jawing with Seahawk fans, he's got some serious problems. We're going to boot him quicker than Kordell Stewart on an Arena Football practice squad.
Unlike most Steeler fans, who usually decide to become Steeler fans because they like the team colors, watched a Pittsburgh game at an airport, or have a mustache (roughly 98 percent of Steeler fans have mustaches), Seahawk fans were brewed from an early age as parents forced their kids to watch some really atrocious Seattle teams in the early 90s. It was torture, seriously, I have scars from beating the remote control on my head.
So this sort of Pittsburgh band-wagoning really gets under our skin.
When you have (a) no geographical ties, (b) didn't follow the team from a young age, and (c) know minimal knowledge amount about the team that you're rooting for, you're not a fan, you're a douche bag.
And I think I just described most of Steeler nation outside of Pittsburgh.
It’s official, we give up. A little over a year on the scene and no major publications have come knocking on our door and we’re still waiting for “google” to send us more than a $25 check with a pubic hair stuck in the envelope. What does nobody take us seriously? How can you possibly not take a couple of dudes named Stan and Rupert seriously? OK, the cats out of the bag…we are NOT really named Stan and Rupert. Who the fuck is seriously named Rupert? Stan? What the fuck were we thinking?
Wayne Fontes? Who the fuck is that and who cares? Look, we could spend another year posting pictures of chicks in bikinis for the traffic spike or for nerdy college kids to romance their bone in front of the computer screen. However, that’s what internet porn and 95% of every other blog out there is for. We could say goodbye and bash the shit of Will Leitch’s new book, but that just seems less constructive. Instead, we’ll just give a big middle finger and ride off into the sunset, but not before we reveal our true identities.
We are…fuck off, it’s April Fool’s Day…idiot.
And thus, here are your cheesy; pseudo filled April Fool’s Day Headlines that you might read on this day. Let’s just hope you’re not actually gullible enough to believe this crap.
Tyler Hansbrough benched for being lazy.
Memphis boasts highest GPA and graduation rate of the Final Four teams.
Barry Bonds welcomed back as Giants honorary captain.
Cubs announce Kerry Wood will be their closer for the season. (Oops!)
Mark Prior throws complete game for the Padres.
Alex Rodriguez, so not gay.
Will Leitch’s “God Save the Fan” reaches #1 on the best seller list.
Matt Leinart vows to sobriety and abstinence.
Bloggers agree; Brady Quinn is a pretty cool dude.
Roy Williams promises to NOT get emotional about playing against Kansas.
Jose Canseco admits to injecting steroids in Mark Prior’s calves.
Drew Neitzel goes scoreless in Final collegiate game. (Oops!)
Detroit Lions void Tatum Bell contract, opt to go with “All-Streaks” as only play in the playbook.
Chris Webber contemplating coming out of retirement to join the Celtics for stretch run.
LeBron demands a refund for Ben Wallace.
Detroit Tigers dream of an undefeated season is jolted by the Royals…in the first game of the year.
I Feel I've Never Told You the Story of the Ghosts...
It's been an eternity since the Lions have been relevant. Of course don't cry for us Detroit fans. Yes, we're just another blog about everything and nothing. Coming live and direct from a Spartan and a Wolverine...imagine that.
Feedback? Tips? Links? Ads? Email the Ghosts
Drop us a line if you with links, advertising & freelance inquiries, or general shooting of the shit.
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The NBA Playoffs have been as good as advertised this spring. However, on the other side of the coin so has the bastard step child sport we know as the NHL. The argument still lurks that nobody can watch these games, because they are stuck on some remote cable channel that most people have never heard of nor do they get. Yet, it's worth noting that "Vs" has upgraded this year and is actually available in HD. Have you seen Hockey in HD? It's phenomenal.
It keeps getting worse. Putting the pieces together, I think it's safe to say that in the two short months since free agency commenced, the Lions' bloodsucking leech of an organization has erased any residual evidence of progress from the heroic 7-9 season of yesteryear.
