It's something much bigger than the Super Bowl. And that is the return of the famed TV Series "LOST." Not that we've ever plugged the show... oh, wait. Anyhow, being HA-YUGE fans we couldn't be happier that this day has finally arrived. No, we aren't going to get all misty eyed or break into some elaborate analysis of what we think is gonna happen this season (Oops, that's not a bad idea).
Ah, moving on...actually we are just patiently going to sit through the monotony of another day at the office and eagerly wait for the highly anticipated premiere in less than 12 hours. The countdown is on and we couldn't be more pleased. Yup, for some it's all about the Super Bowl, but we've gotta a sneaking suspicion...LOST might be a bit more entertaining. Of course, that's just a humble opinion. Anyhow, feel free to share your theories, hopes, predictions, etc. in the comments forum below. Don't all jump at once. Are they gonna get off the Island? What the fuck is gonna happen?
Also, whose idea was it to add those horrible text comments to the season 3 finale rerun last night? If you missed it, they replayed the final episode from last season with these terrible US Weekly/Pop-Up Video style comments on the screen throughout the entire episode . I kid you not, there was actually a point when Jack admits to Kate that he loves her and the comment read, "Jack and Kate, aka 'Jaters.'" That literally made me fucking sick to my stomach. First of all, nobody has ever in the history of the world called Jack and Kate fucking "Jaters." Second of all, I want to find you whoever you and pin you down while I throw up into your mouth. You are a disgusting human being with terrible taste and stupid ideas.
What, like you didn't see this coming? Every sports blog has to have some dumbass list of Super Bowl related goodness, right? Well, we are no different. In fact, we're probably the worst offender, no? Well, at least we know where we stand. Anyway, you are looking at the "Dumbass Heroes of Super Bowl Past." Some of these are actual big game heroes and others are more heroes in our minds, but make no mistake, they are all in one form or another, dumbass heroes.
Eugene Robinson - Robinson has a fine dumbass hero story for setting the world record for the biggest reversal of public opinion in a 24 hour period. Long known for his good Samaritan ways, Eugene was granted the Bart Starr Award for "high moral character" the day before the Super Bowl. Later that same night, he offered an undercover lover $40 bucks for a hummer. As if that wasn't bad enough, Robinson proceeded to get burned deep by Rod Smith for an 80 yard TD and miss a key tackle on a Terrell Davis breakaway run into the red zone. As expected, Robinson wasn't exactly the toast of the town after that 24 hour life-destroyer.
Phil McConkey - McConkey is the first real Super Bowl hero I remember all the kids wanting to be on the field at recess in about the third grade. There was literally fights over who got to be McConkey. The funny thing about it was that we had no idea that he wasn't really very good. He kind of just groveled the whole game for a garbage time Super Bowl TD and then caught a lucky one that deflected off Bavaro's fingertips. He was smart about it though. He got his little taste of fame and rode it - although it's hard to tell if whether or not it helped him in his later ventures. Regardless, never underestimate our man McConkey, he'll take on anybody.
Johnny Unitas - Unitas is an interesting breed of hero, because by hero we we mean he fucking sucked. In his Super Bowl V victory, Unitas went 3-9, 88 yards, 0 TD, 2 interceptions in 16-13 win over Cowboys. He is the lowest rated winning quarterback in the history of the Super Bowl. But it's like our good friends at the MSM always say, "He just wins football games."
The Buffalo Bills Offense - You all probably recall the fact that Buffalo got beat badly in Super Bowl XXVII against the Cowboys, 52-17 to be exact, but did you remember that the Bills had 9 fucking turnovers? It's probably time to think about some adjustments after the first 7 turnovers, no?
William "The Refrigerator" Perry - Everybody knows the '85 Bears. They are oft included in conversations about the best teams of all time. Anyone who has ever played a video game knows this all too well - Mike Singletary and Richard Dent are unstoppable. The Bears were also morons though. Not only did they do the terrible Super Bowl Shuffle, but why would anyone hand the ball to a 300 pound lardass on the goal line (of a Super Bowl) when you have Walter Payton? I guess Ditka thought that was a good strategy at the time, but around here it's called braindead. For that, the Fridge scored and will know live on in infamy as the the doughiest player ever to score a rushing touchdown.
Don Beebe - Maybe the greatest unsung hero in Super Bowl history is that fast little fucker, Don Beebe. Beebe made Leon Lett look like the biggest assclown of all time when he zoomed from behind on Lett's fumble recovery - complete with premature ejaculation celebration- and popped the ball out into the endzone for a touchback. You gotta love the highlight reel sound effect "bloop" whenever they replay this classic Super Bowl moment. That's called "Onomatopoeia" kids.
This isn't the Don Beebe highlight we're referring to, you've seen that. This one is better.
The Ice Box - The Ice Box was the greatest unsung hero in Bud Bowl history. If my memory serves me, the Ice Box came off the bench in for Budwesier in Bud Bowl III to pull of a come from behind victory. I can't locate any visual evidence, but I believe he was a 22 ounce bottle of suds that steamrolled everything in his path. We haven't seen or heard from the Ice Box since, but his Bud Bowl efforts will never be forgotten. OK, that's a total lie. I actually have no idea what Bud Bowl he was in, I just vaguely remember there was something called the Ice Box in one of them. In fact, I cannot find a single piece of living proof that the Ice Box wasn't just a figment of my imagination.
"Was the Ice Box real?" "I think so, but I can't really remember either."
Well, not everyone can be at the Super Bowl. And for those of us less fortunate or unable to piece together an extra few thousand for a ticket we are left carrying on America's tradition..."The Super Bowl" Party!!! And don't think such an event is left only for the common folk. There are a shit load of celebs, current and former NFL players that opt not to hoard in on the week that is a media filled circus. Rather, they'd just as soon watch the game at home with cold booze and warm friends...or vice versa. Yet, that hardly means they don't know how to throw a fucking shindig.
Today, we're putting on the thinking helmet and trying to imagine what's happening at some of the various "hot" spots...away from the scene in Glendale, AZ. We'll do our best to surf the festivities of celebs and athletes alike for the next few days. And who better to pick on first than Tiki Barber. Now, you may think Tiki is actually going to be in attendance, but you're wrong. Tiki wouldn't want to rain on Eli or the team's parade. No sir, Tiki would much rather have a gathering at his posh loft in Manhattan. And so, let's take a look at what's on tap...follow me...
Food Menu: Tiki's world famous deviled eggs. Psst...the secret is a little hint of spicy mustard and not too much paprika. Vegan Chili, stuffed mushrooms, goat cheese pizza, plenty of chips and dips.
Music: Tough call for Tiki to keep the crowd "into" the whole scene before and after the game. Maybe a little "Foo Fighters", "James Blunt" and "Jamiroquai." OK, fuck it...why not a quick playlist?
Snow Patrol "Chasing Cars" Ah-ha "Take on Me" Coldplay "Speed of Sound" Ben Lee "Catch my Disease" Prince "Raspberry Beret" The Fray "How to Save a Life" Falco "Rock me Amadeus"
Beverage of Choice: VOSS Artesian Water. However, for those interested in something a little more refreshing there will be a secret stash of Michelob Ultra's.
Extra Perks: Cocaine and Strippers. (Just Kidding!)
Halftime Entertainment: SPEECH!!! "See I told you Eli sucked cock." - Tiki.
Fun and Games: Taboo.
Pseudo Celebs of note in Attendance: John Tesh, Barack Obama, Ronde Barber and Al Gore.
I've been biting my tongue on this here, but I gotta get some shit squared away. So, do tell how it feels? How it feels to slither your way into the 2nd Super Bowl of your career? Fucking snake. This time of course you're part of the dynasty. 18-0 and it's all you buddy. Shit, not you're fault the Chargers and Dolphins gave up on you...now is it? Just tell me how bittersweet it tasted to make it this far after beating the team and the town that watched you grow up and beloved you like a "Saint." Wait, don't bother explaining the "conflicting" emotions you had, because it's a bunch of shit anyway.
For the record, I hope it tasted like shit. I hope the bizarre feeling stings you from here on out. And I hope that when you finally win that Super Bowl it's the most hollow and empty feeling you've ever experienced. Yup, they always do say it tastes "so-so" sweet, but I hope for you it tastes like the shit of a hippie that just got off a two week tour bender. Dainty and crisp for your taste buds, prick.
Am I being a bit harsh? No, really I do NOT think am Junes. You were San Diego. You were the Chargers. This town, this city may get a bum reputation for being "somewhat" lethargic about their sports. However, Junes...you were worshipped. Of course, we know it wasn't by choice that you left. Ownership was going in another direction and they thought you were done. Nobody took exception with you when rolled out with the Miami Dolphins. And Junes had you handled things differently with the Patriots...we wouldn't be having this conversation.
Ironic isn't it that in order to get to the Super Bowl again, you had to piss on the old stomping grounds? It's kind of like how Red Sox fans always claim that seeing Wade Boggs riding around on a horse in a Yankee uniform with a cop at Yankee stadium was like seeing the Apocalypse. Well, maybe this wasn't all that bad for Charger fans, but it still was filthy. It'd be like catching your sister blowing Dane Cook. Well, maybe not that dirty.
I'd compare it more like the time when Ronald Miller through shit on Kenny's house in "Can't Buy Me Love" just to impress the "cool" crowd. "You shit on my house. YOU SHIT ON MY HOUSE!" Well, you shit on San Diego...Junior. Yet, somehow you keep getting a pass. The benefit of the doubt. Everyone keeps talking about how great it is that Seau gets another chance. Really?
Did these people all fucking forget how you announced your retirement (afterthe Chargers offered you a small contract that you turned down) and still the Chargers threw you a retirement party and inducted you into their Hall-of-Fame? Two days later you were on a plane to Boston to shake hands with the devil and the rest is history. Yet, San Diegans are too laid back to call you out? Fuck that Junior. I'm not afraid to call you out.
You're probably going to get your Super Bowl, but I hope the feeling is as unsatisfying as being left hung by a Tijuana hooker cause the time ran out. I hope the feeling is like bragging to all your friends about your hot "new" girlfriend only to later find out that she blew the entire varsity football team. I hope it leaves you scratching your head like...this is it? Yeah, I wish you no joy, because really all you are doing is covering for your shame. You sold your Soul pal and I hope it haunts you...prick.
Thanks for nothing Junior, I hope they close Seau's in Mission Valley for excessive cases of diarrhea. Good luck this Sunday...ass, break a leg. And please try not to celebrate every fucking tackle you make this Sunday...please!
It's pretty much a forgone conclusion that we're gonna get along just fine with Grateful Blue. Anyone with a blog dedicated to Michigan sports and Jerry Bear is OK in my book. Here's a couple fine links to check out over there at the cool new blog: Some most excellent Grateful Dead lookalikes and the worst Super Bowl QB performances ever (apparently they aren't too strict to their namesake either). Before we kick into the rest of the links, let's check in with Jerome and Bob playing When I Paint My Masterpiece on Letterman - dedicated to the Grateful Blue crew (Part 2 with the scintillating interview is here).
I expect all of Scrap's video selections at On205th to be good, but this one is really good.
The good proprietor at Randball has discovered not one, but two interesting things. One of which is that FoxSports is in no way a potential employer for any of us.
Suck at Sports feels that Eddie Sutton is coaching for all the wrong reasons, particularly his stupid #800. He should be doing it, "Ya know, for the kids."
One of the RivalFish guys dropped by Japan to talk about the Pats from a Pats' fan point of view. Andy, I too have been wondering all year why 4th round draft picks are more valuable than gold bullion.
The Deuce of Davenport soothsayers are skeptical of the Giants' chances on Sunday. Note to readers: If a pro hockey player comes into the stands wearing full pads and skates, don't just stand there. Go get the flaming hot nachos.
The Legend of Cecilio Guante nailed this epic Rec-Specs memoir. It's good to see Rambis getting some love. That's my fantasy hoops team name this season with the Empty the Bench crew.
Don't cut yourself yet, our good doctor, Brandon Hansen, is back for your weekly visit and ready to talk you through it.
There is a strange affliction that has been affecting millions of people worldwide, and while it can’t be traced backed to birds or Isaiah Thomas, it’s nevertheless a very dangerous epidemic.
In fact numerous medical and counseling services have actually positioned themselves outside of Buffalo and Miami sports arenas to prevent fans from committing suicide after another defeat.
Sports depression is defined as an individual becoming emotionally distraught over the play of their respective team. While most people experience small bouts of this while watching the game, there are those tortured fan bases that are in a constant state of sports depression because their team performs worst than Marvin Harrison in the playoffs all the time.
If you experience fits of uncontrollable rage toward people in Patriot jerseys, swear when they show Derek Jeter or Curt Schilling on the TV screen and cry uncontrollably when your team resigns Vin Baker, then it’s time to get help.
However, before you go running out to buy a bottle of Prozac, make sure you understand the level of sports depression that has afflicted you, so you don’t overreact and end up higher than Ricky Williams at a Bob Marley tribute.
First Level: General Sports Depression “We’re really terrible, but at least we have a future”
Symptoms- Your area sports teams have a lower winning percentage than Michael Jordan’s minor league batting average, but you’ve got a plethora of young players that you know are going to develop into quality players. You have something to hope for, but can’t get too pumped this season because you just lost to Houston in double overtime, and Ming just dunked on your star center… twice.
Example cities: Minneapolis, San Francisco, Tampa Bay
What you should do: Don’t jump off the bandwagon just yet, because when your teams get good, you won’t have to be that guy that admitted he didn’t buy NFL Sunday Ticket and but instead invested the money into reupholstering the mini-van.
Second Level: Wasted Potential Depression “My head hurts”
Symptoms- Your teams are consistently supposed to be good but always end up sucking. Every season you tell your buddies that “this year is the year we give the Yankees a run for their money” and every year your team ends up getting lit up by the Texas Rangers for 30 runs. Example cities: Arizona, Toronto, the Carolinas
What you should do: The problem with this classification of depression is that the team usually falls off into a worse kind of category as listed before. Because as we all know, team’s that usually don’t live up to expectations end up hiring Norv Turner or Art Shell.
Third Level: What the hell happened? Depression “We used to be good…”
Symptoms- After a fantastic string of success your local sports scene comes crashing down in one fantastic explosion. It’s not so much that they’re not winning as much as usual, but they’re terrible in a very extreme sense. Guys that we’re playmakers slump or get injured, ESPN runs the “This is how bad this team is” graphic (You know the one that makes you so made that they put it up on the air that you call their offices and chew out that poor intern they made answer the phones. Those kind of graphics.) And that genius coach and GM start making some desperate moves. “We just signed Jose Conseco to how big of a contract? Oh god, we were in the ALCS last year!”
Example cities: St. Louis, Chicago
What you should do: Even though the natural reaction is that your teams will turn things around, however when dynasties fall, they usually crumble back into the medieval times (or last place in the NFC West) and take years to recover. It’s going to be a long road back, you might want to watch American Gladiators instead.
Fourth Level: The Choking Depression “Why am I wearing a Duke Blue Devils t-shirt”
Symptoms- Your teams are good. They win tons of games during the regular season, but once the post-season rolls around, disaster strikes. It happens with such gusto that you can’t even get excited about regular season success because you know what’s happening down the stretch. So while analysts and fans start mumbling about a championship, all you can think about is how the eight seed is going to upset you in five games. Or you know that there is some sort of dynasty team waiting to crush you once you play them in the post season. Either way, you’re screwed.
Example cities: Seattle, Indianapolis
What you should do: Since I am from the fine state of Washington, I know all too well what exactly choking entails, whether it be the Washington State Cougars in the NCAA tournament last year, the Sonics getting the No. 1 seed in a mid-nineties Jordan-less NBA and then promptly losing to the Denver Sucketts, the Mariners winning 116 games and not even making it to the World Series and of course the Seahawks laying an egg in Green Bay this year.
However how do we deal with it?
We drink. A lot. I’m not sure if you’ve been to Qwest Field during a Seahawks game or Martin Stadium during a Washington State Cougar football game but by just walking through the sections your BAC immediately rises .05 from people’s exhaling alcoholic breath.
Fifth Level: We just suck Depression “Where are the razor-blades”
Symptoms- There’s no hope. Your teams are a joke, management doesn’t even care about winning, just making some profit. There’s no promising players, just expiring contracts of expensive has-beens. The arenas and stadiums are half-full and people walk around the concourse like extras from the “Dawn of the Dead”
Example cities: Miami, Buffalo, Oakland
What you should do: Keep sharp objects away from you, and call for the beheading of your owner.
I don't understand why Super Bowl week is supposedly the best week of the year for football fans; I'm already depressed. That first taste of no football Sundays from the off-weekend has set in already and there's nothing Osi Umenyiora can do to make it go away. The reality has already hit home that the sports page is going to have sparse football coverage and a bunch of really fascinating stories about Carl Pavano for the next 5-6 months. Someone please melt my eyes with a Bunson.
Anyway, that's enough whining. I'm here to be optimistic. I'm counting down the things that I'm counting down. In other words, there's still life in sports even though the depression is weighing me down like a thick suit made of American cheese. Here's some of the things we still have to look forward to in sports (or mostly sports) after the NFL closes its doors. 10) Duke vs. UNC - Nobody knows shit in college hoops until we've seen a Duke vs. UNC matchup. Especially this season, with Singler heating up, DeMarcus tearing it up, and Coach K and the boys playing really good ball, UNC might have their hands full. I was floored to see that Duke came back against Osby and the Terrapins this weekend. The Terps had control for 30 minutes and Duke ended up with a sizable victory. Duke is damn hard to put away this season. The first matchup is a week from tomorrow.
9) Newcastle vs. Arsenal - We don't have to wait long for this one; it's today. I'm a Newcastle supporter, so my DVR is psyched about this rematch today after the 3-0 spanking just this past Saturday. Sure, Arsenal will probably mow the lawn with the Magpies, but shit, the money line is +1200. I'd bet on the Generals at +1200. Hey Newcastle, here's a tip. Throw a bunch of balloons on the field. Apparently, the keepers are too dumb to realize that they can just pop them with their cleats.
8) Lost Season 4 premiere - I'm trying to control the excitement for season 4, because it's the blue ball special this season. We got an 8 episode run to kick it off with a hiatus that could last forever. There is no telling when the rest of this season is going to air. While 8 episodes sounds pretty good after 9 months of abstinence, it'll be over before it starts.
7) Smoking a Super Bowl - The season's not over yet. We still got Sunday. And while another Boston vs. New York finale is probably about as desirable as a bearded Jack Bauer in a Chinese prison torture session, we still got gambling, those lousy boxes that even when I win, I'm too drunk to collect the money, bean dip gas, and a super bowl blowout.
6) Comebacks - Is it really a throwback if it's reuseable? Don't ask me how this happened, but I actually have both a home and away Chris Webber Warriors jersey from his rookie of the year season. Anyway, this week we got great news of not one, but two stellar resurgences. C-Webb is gonna play for Don Nelson and the Warriors and 37-year old Teemu Selanne is coming back to the Ducks. The way we see it, anything that makes us feel slightly less old is a good thing.
5) NBA All-Star Weekend - Who cares about the game? The dunk contest? Ha, maybe in 1988. I'm just excited to see the lock down that goes down in New Orleans to keep the thugs behavior in check. After last years "Negro Woodstock" or whatever Simmons called it, I wouldn't be alarmed if the National Guard showed up. Who's gonna make it rain this year? My money is on Nicholson. T-minus 19 days until the storm hits New Orleans.
4) NFL Draft - I guess if there is one thing to be thankful for with the Lions' 1-7 finish is that we can look forward to an idiotic first round pick followed by another preseason chock full of Matt Millen blog posts. The Draft is Apil 26-27th this year, so we got a solid 3 months of mock drafts to read. Contrary to popular belief, Mock Drafts rule.
3) Terrelle Pryor Signing Day - We find out where the best football player in the country is going to college, February 6th. Allegedly, he is going to wait until the night before, hang out by himself, and make the decision. He skipped his LSU trip, so it's pretty much down to Ohio State, Michigan, and Oregon. Three out of four Rivals.com recruiting experts predict he will select Ohio State.
2) March Madness - Fifty-two days until the single best weekend in sports (the World Cup is growing on me too). In fact, I would say that Thursday and Friday of round one are of my favorite days of the year and they are work days. The ability to stream round one of the tourney is probably the greatest Internet innovation of all-time. Thanks to all of you good sports-loving people who made that happen.
1) Next Season - Who the hell am I kidding? I'm miserable. No fantasy, no Sundays, no nuthin'. The schedule for season number 89 isn't out yet, but we got about 7 more months until for next season. Is Purple Jesus going #1? Will Peyton buyers win yet another championship? Is Darren McFadden the next star rookie? How much is left in Brian Westbrook's tank? It's never to early to start the debates.
Honorable Mention) The Felice Brothers - Alright, nothing to do with sports, but if anyone reads Hidden Track, you're excited to catch these guys live. If you wanna meet the Rupeman in person, I'll be at the Mercury Lounge for the Felice Bros. first NYC headline this Friday. You got about a week until these guys blow up.
On Sunday night the NHL hosted their annual All-Star game. Yes, they are still running those things, but more importantly...did anyone even know it was on? The NHL has quite the marketing team. Well, if your curiosity led you to the "Vs." channel in search of a "Rocky" marathon on Sunday, you were probably surprised to see Hockey is still around. And if you stuck it out, you saw a thrilling 8-7 win by the East All-Stars thanks to a dramatic goal with about 20 seconds left on the clock.
Of course, I wasn't "in tune" to sit through the game, rather I just clicked for the results on the Internet. Regardless, I did watch little bits and pieces and it as usual when I watch hockey, it led me to the one hypothesis as to why the NHL continues to plummet as a television sport. And that's due to the lack of marriage with a major network...or more importantly, ESPN. Hockey needs ESPN, but continues to be gobbled up by the low budget of "Vs." Well, at least they finally got an HD feed, but hockey just ain't the same without Gary Thorne and Bill Clemente. For the record, I can't ever lament enough as to just how missed they are in the booth.
Yes, Gary “effin” Thorne is the man. And he can call a hockey game like nobody else in the business. If you care to disagree, I urge you to find any old NHL Playoff games called by Thorne & Clement for a refresher on just how good these guys were and still could be. The soothing sounds of Thorne’s voice always stirs up some good ole' memories of when the Red Wings would win Stanley Cups.
Hockey just hasn’t been the same since the strike, but more importantly since it left ESPN. Barry Melrose has pleaded the case over and over to anyone who’d listen, but to no avail. Instead hockey fans are forced to tune into broadcasts on "Vs." or TLN, which appear to be 80’s stock footage of a game recorded on a fucking beta max. I mean what the fuck channels are OLN, TLN and Versus? Why not just put the games on lifetime?
I sorely miss the commentary of Darren Pang, Thorne & Clemente, Barry Melrose, Steve Levy and yes even Brian Engleblom. And fuck it, I’m going all out for these guys, but for me the Thorne/ Clemente combo arguably comprised one of the greatest announcing duos in all of sports. They brought a certain element to the games and without them; it’s hard to engage the sport.
The NHL lost out big time when ESPN severed that TV contract and despite any level of competitiveness and rise in star power, the league still won’t interest the casual fan. Rarely, will you ever again find more enthusiastic, educated and articulate announcers coupled with superb analysis and studio coverage. That simply doesn’t exist anymore. And how could the NHL not realize that?
I've continued to try and give hockey a chance, but it might be time to face the facts that it's all, but dead. I'll still stick around for the playoffs to watch the Red Wings gag in the first round, but that's about it. It’s too bad that ESPN and the NHL had a divorce. It’s even worse that the best two announcers alive (Thorne and Clemente) won’t have a chance to revive and save the sport anytime soon.
I'm sure last night's All-Star game was thrilling, guess I'll never know for sure.
We've invited a very special guest today to sit down and shot the proverbial shit here on the Blog Wiser Hot Seat. Everyone's favorite wiseass and knocked up cutie, Juno, is joining us from her busy schedule of cracking solid jokes, listening to music, and watching random slasher movies. Thanks so much for dropping by Juno, we're big fans of you and your ways.
Ghosts: Juno, we're pretty big music fans around these parts, so let's start there. You mention that you think 1977 is the best year in a rock history. You also adamantly proclaim that the Stooges are the best band ever. Isn't this basically contradictory since Iggy Pop went into rehab in '76 and came back as a solo act? In other words, the Stooges were broken up in 1977.
Juno: Touche. You're going that route are you? First of all, you twisted my words around you little shit. I said it was the best year to be in a rock band, not the best year in the history of rock. You gotta point about the Stooges though, but he was touring with Bowie and the other guys in the band formed New Order, so 1977 was actually a pretty kickass year in Stooge history.
Ghosts: How can you mention 1977 as the best year to be in a band and not hat tip the Grateful Dead? I mean, the three night run in May (5/7, 5/8, and 5/9) is oft regarded as the best in their history. Not a Jerry Bear fan? I guess you'll probably hit that phase in college. Have you even smoked weed yet?
Juno: Fuck you guys, are you trying to get me suspended? No, I don't smoke weed. I've tried it a few times, but ya know, I'm pregnant? I try not to feed the kid too many mind altering substances. Trust me, my genes will keep his head plenty fucked up without any help at all. Dude, why you keep gazing into my eyes like that? You have a crush on me, don't you?
Ghosts: I do not, shut up. I was just like, uh, thinking about what you said (turning red). That reminds me though, I'm still slightly haunted by the imagery you provided via those two very special words: "Pork Sword." Did you make that up or is that some Urban Dictionary shit?
Juno: No, that's one of mine. Glad you like it. Oh, to your earlier question about the Dead, I think it's definitely a cool scene, but I haven't really gone down that road yet. I'm definitely curious about it though. Maybe you'll make me some tapes? I'll check 'em out for sure.
Ghosts: You got it. What do you think of the soundtrack for your life, the Juno Soundtrack? It's growing wildly popular. In fact, another site we contribute to, Glide Magazine, did a review of the album. Think he's on the right track?
Juno: He's right on about Kimya and seems like a smart music guy, but he missed a big part of it. The thing that is making people go crazy about the album is the youthfulness. Think about it; the songs are called Tire Swing,Mike Piazza, Catcher, I'm Sticking With You, I Like Giants,All the Young Dudes, and Loose Lips to name a few. The whole theme of the thing is about making people think and feel like kids. That's the big draw of it all. I mean, the music is all super simple. It's the catchiness, quirky singing, and witty lyrics with lots of childish references that make it special.
Ghosts: Speaking of those references, I couldn't help but notice that stellar reference to the cheat code from the old Nintendo game, Contra. The original of the tune you and Pauly sing, Anybody else but you," contains this lyric: Up, Down, Up, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, B, A, Start. Just because we used cheats doesn't mean were not smart." That's sick.
Juno: Yeah, pretty cool lyric indeed, although if you think about it, when the Moldy Peaches wrote that song, they basically told everyone they had no friends as kids. Everyone knows the cheat as "Up, Down, Up, Down, B, A, B, A, SELECT, Start." The Peaches' way without the "Select" button they play one player. That game is no fun playing one player.
Ghosts: I totally agree, it's way more fun when you and your wingman can devise attack tactics and stuff. Hey, what do you think of your chances at winning Best Picture at the Oscars?
Juno: Funny you bring that up, because Pauly Bleecker and I just had a long talk about this. We actually think we have a decent shot. I'm not trying to say that I think my movie is the best thing ever, but rather the Oscars are so transparent. Every few years they have a theme to kiss some particular segment of the industry's ass. It's so unbelievably overdue that they start acknowledging comedies in the awards. I think we might just be the perfect candidate to win the long-awaited comedy hand job. Remember the "black Oscars" a couple years back when fucking Training Day got Denzel a nod and Sidney Poitier got the lifetime achievement? I think we are gonna be the comedy version of that.
Ghosts: I hope so. Juno totally deserves to win, especially for screenplay. Alright, we're about out of time, so we'll close with just one more. Where do you think you'll go to college?
Juno: I'm narrowing it down to three choices, Cal, Michigan, and Vermont. Vermont is cool, but Pauly is too smart for that school, so it's really between Cal and Michigan. I think Pauly wants to be on the Cross Country team, so I think he's probably leaning towards Michigan. Plus, they just got Rick Rodriguez and Terrelle Pryor is gonna sign any day now. I'd say we're going to go blue.
Ghosts: Alright. A wise choice. It's been a pleasure, Juno. Keep it real. We'll leave you with a great clip of Michael Cera and Jason Bateman getting down.
Every now and then I poke a little fun at the big hick from Poplar Bluff, Mizzo. However, rest assured -- it's only out of love. Technically speaking, Tyler Hansbrough is one of the best College Hoopsters and Tar Heels, I've ever seen. And I'd be lying if I said he wasn't a personal favorite around this corner of the Internet. Yet, you gotta admit he's easy to nit pick or have fun at from time to time...right? OK, quiet down Durham, Raleigh, Winston Salem, Tallahassee, etc. Well, this is simply an homage to the famous white boy who can really throw it down.
And thus, the visuals are here and handpicked. Of course, with a little curiosity, a computer and a "YouTube" search...you could've roped these in own your own. However, since it's a "lazy Sunday"...I did the work for you. And so, if you'll follow me...let's take a gander at Psycho "T" throwin' it down.
EditorsNote: Continuing with the ongoing series "The Ghosts proudly present the Top 101 Albums…EVER." Worthy to note, this collection is comprised of OUR personal favorites and shouldn’t be used as a compass or declaration of what many music critics may have written or compiled in the past. This list is solely for the establishment and entertainment of, for and by the Ghosts. We will continue to randomly run our selections in no particular order. As usual, we encourage you to make us whole with your angst-ridden additions. Enjoy.
Jimi Hendrix - Electric Ladyland
"We'll it's too bad...that our friends, can't be with us today. The MACHINE that we built would never save us...that's what they say."
Overview: How do you really start with a Hendrix overview? This studio album is rough and raw on the edges. Still though Hendrix delivers his usual dominant axing guitar throughout. It's Hendrix in his finest hour. An album where he lays it out there with "epic" jams and beautiful Hendrix songmanship and lyrics. It's a blend of rock, blues and a sprinkle of psychedelia, but isn't that Hendrix in a nutshell?
Key Musical Highlight: Plenty to choose from, but if you're looking at a defining moment in the Hendrix legacy, then look no further than "1983...A Mermaid I Should Turn to Be." It's a slow building, somewhat dark song that pays off with a refreshing vibe and redeeming chorus. Better yet, this lengthy track takes many a twist and turn. At one point the band pulls you into what appears to be a "bad" acid trip. However, this leads to some brilliant free form noodling from Hendrix. The band lays down an ambient groove and you fully understand the aura that was Hendrix. Rarely, do you find Hendrix lay into spacey noodling jams with a soft undertone and that's what makes this particular song so special. And don't blame me if you get exhausted from this jam.
Connection: Whippets. Lots of whippets. A lot of nitrous is a great partner for this record. The "Voodoo Chile" is downright demonic when you've got a balloon in your lungs. Not that we'd ever encourage huffing "hippie crack." Anyhow, the connection lies deep in the balloon for us.
Who Wears the Shirt? The actual image is a orange hazy Hendrix himself and the shirt is pretty catchy. Later album releases would feature a series of naked women, so feel free to sport that shirt around town on your own merits.
Overall: What are we supposed to do...a quick summary? You know the drill, this is one of the finest guitar players/musicians ever and this is arguably his most complete and exploratory studio recording. Really, the words are blurring up the page. You know damn well why this album is a part of this list and here's some visuals to enjoy. And there you have it folks, another peg on the board we call the Top 101 albums...EVER!
Fade up sound and picture (i.e., click this YouTube clip and start it at the 30 second mark for the intro music and begin reading).
Episode 2 begins with an action packed montage with Doug Christie swinging through the jungle from vine to vine while being chased by the always-confusing black smoke. In this particular instance, it looks like a pack of buzzards, but we can’t be quite sure. As he weaves through the trees swiftly like a sloth, we juxtapose against to a saddened Jackie Christie pacing around her tent at the beach. It is evident that something is weighing heavily on her emotions. Presumably, she assumes that Doug is dead. Next, the montage cuts to the group of Losties who left on the expedition hiking up a hill through the jungle, sweaty, exhausted, and worn. Clearly, they are all out of shape and annoyed that they decided to join the expedition, while their counterparts are back at the beach. Next we see Dock Ellis, Allison Stokke, and Maglio Ordonez lying in makeshift beach chairs in the shallows of the ocean lazily stabbing into the water with spears, presumably in a lazy attempt to catch fish.
Allison Stokke: Guys, do you really think were going to catch any fish just sitting here like this?
Dock Ellis: Sweet thang, if you visualize the fish on your stick, it will appear. You just need to visualize. Besides, aren’t you a pole-vaulter? You should be the one catching all the fish. Get your fine little ass in the water and catch us some mutha fuckin’ fish, cuz.
Maglio Ordonez: Watch your mouth, pendejo. Do not speak like that to her. That is not how you treat a lady (makes a gesture of holding two big melons and thrusts his pelvis while Allison isn’t looking).
Allison Stokke: No, he’s right, Maglio; I’m the pole-vaulter. I should be the one doing the spear fishing. I’ll go out into the water and catch us some fish. You guys should go try to round up some fruits and vegetables. Dock, don’t just try to find mushrooms though, OK? We need berries, bananas, kiwis, or maybe some yucca. Think you guys can do that? We’ll meet back here in a few hours, OK? Also, can you guys check on Jackie Christie? She’s freaking out over there. She’s been pacing like that for hours.
JACKIE CHRISTIE FLASHBACK
The year is 1987 at on a Tuesday night in the parking lot of the Rib Crib. Jackie’s and her mom are pulling in their Fiero for a quick bite to eat.
Jackie Christie: Hey mom. How come daddy never comes with us to the Rib Crib? I thought daddy loved the Rib Crib?
Jackie’s mom: He does love the Rib Crib, honey. Daddy just has, some, um, high cholesterol, so he can’t eat ribs anymore.
Jackie Christie: Does high kilester mean he’s going to die? Jackie Christie: No, No, No, honey. He’s not gonna die. It just means that he can’t come to the Rib Crib anymore with us.
Jackie and her mother waltz into the rib crib and take a seat at their regular booth in the corner. The usual waitress approaches the table and chats it up with Jackie’s mom. Meanwhile, Jackie zones out the conversation completely and focuses in on another table. She sees her father at a table where a strange really hot white woman, who looks mysteriously like surfer, Missy Gibson, is feeding him ribs. She gets a little bit of barbecue sauce on his mouth and then gives him a big wet kiss and licks the sauce off his face. Jackie fills with utter rage as her face turns whoopee cushion red. She goes into a fit of rage, grabs her glass bottle of Orange Crush, walks over and smashes the bottle right over his head. Jackie’s father falls from his chair and crashes to the floor. He is completely unconscious.
Meanwhile, back at the beach… After a couple hours of spear fishing, Allison Stokke has all but mastered the technique. She has compiled a veritable bin of delicious sea bass and is still going strong. Then, on the following attempt at piercing a fish, her spear is greeted with a firm resistance. She reaches into the saltwater to see what she hit and extracts a small metal disc. Upon closer inspection, she discovers it is a strange disc covered with a variety of strange markings, including numbers, letters, keys 1935, and the worlds “Radio Orphan Annie’s SS.” Allison decides she had better hang on to this strange object and inserts it into her spandex top.
Across, the beach, Doug comes walking out of the jungle carrying a wild boar and a bath of bananas over his shoulder. He approaches the camp and everybody gradually takes notice. Jackie’s face lights up and she’s runs towards him.
Jackie Christie: Doug! Doug! You’re alive. Oh my lord. I thought you were dead. Thank the lord, you’re alive. Oh Doug. I missed you so much. Where have you been? What happened? Why didn’t you call?
Doug: I missed you too Jack, but get off my back bitch. We gotta talk.
Like we always do 'bout this time...it's an old favorite of ours better known as "Ask an Expert." It's our chance to rub elbows with fame and pick their brains on anything and everything. Although, we're still a long weekend away from the hype of Super Bowl week, we decided to toss our hat into the party a tad early. Pardon the premature ejaculation, but we just couldn't resist. And considering today's guest is a well known cult majority leader Scientology advocate and Oscar winning actor...we couldn't resist. Yup. that's right we're tossing on our best Perez Hilton face and shooting the shit with thee Tom Cruise.
Ghosts: First off Tom, let us start by saying it's an honor. We're not quite sure how you managed to set aside saving the world for a couple nobody's like us. Regardless, we're simply overwhelmed at the chance to interview a cult leader an icon like yourself.
Cruise: "You don't need a patch on your arm to have honor."
Ghosts: Well said...um, suppose. Real quick, you have long since moved on from Nicole "the fire crotch" Kidman, as well as a few others and have since locked down Katie Holmes...nice work. And here we all thought this was just a front for you really being gay...hmm.
Cruise: "Nothing ends nicely, that's why it ends.."
Ghosts: Huh? Moving on...initially the Holmes family wasn't too fond of you brainwashing affectioning their daughter. Was there anything you said to them to persuade their opinion of you?
Cruise: "$10,000 is that all your daughter's worth? I don't want your god damn money. You can't buy me out of your daughter's life."
Ghosts: So, this whole Scientology thing...you're all about it huh? Anything you can share about it for our readers who might not have a clue?
Cruise: "It's classified. I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you."
Ghosts: Very well, but is it true that you are working very closely with Tom Brady and Giselle in hopes of converting them to Scientology?
Cruise: "What you have to understand is, four days ago he was only my brother in name. And this morning we had pancakes."
Ghosts: OK, enough about religion...let's talk about the Super Bowl?
Cruise: "I'm not finished with my examination. Sit down."
Ghosts: Nobody's going anywhere Tom, take a deep breath. Now about the "big game" next Sunday...your thoughts on this becoming America's big excuse to get drunk, have parties and indulge in a week long circus of hoopla and hype?
Cruise: "America...you're just devoted to every flavor I've got, but if you wanna get loaded why don't you just order a shot?"
Ghosts: What's the best thing about watching the Super Bowl?
Cruise: "Speed. To be able to control it. To know that I can control something that's out of control."
Ghosts: Hmm. A lot of NFL players and even some fans all seem to have weird superstitions about how they prepare for a game or pre-game rituals, etc. Sometimes they even wear the same lucky shirt or undies. What are your thoughts on being superstitious for the big game?
Cruise: "WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE WHERE YOU BUY UNDERWEAR? WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE? UNDERWEAR IS UNDERWEAR! IT IS UNDERWEAR WHEREVER YOU BUY IT!"
Ghosts: Ok, not really the question that was asked, but anyhow. Ever have any dreams to play sports or was acting always the agenda?
Cruise: "My dreams are a cruel joke. They taunt me. Even in my dreams I'm an idiot... who knows he's about to wake up to reality. If I could only avoid sleep. But I can't. I try to tell myself what to dream. I try to dream that I am flying. Something free. It never works..."
Ghosts: We're kind of losing you Tom. We're talking Super Bowl...stay with us. So, a lot has been made about Eli Manning finally growing up and getting the respect he rightfully deserves. Your impressions of Eli's rapid development?
Cruise: "Respect the cock! And tame the cunt! Tame it! Take it on headfirst with the skills that I will teach you at work and say no! You will not control me! No! You will not take my soul! No! You will not win this game!"
Ghosts: Is that a metaphor? I don't get it...should we take a quick break?
Cruise: "I will not rest until I have you holding a Coke, wearing your own shoe, playing a Sega game *featuring you*, while singing your own song in a new commercial, *starring you*, broadcast during the Super Bowl, in a game that you are winning, and I will not *sleep* until that happens."
Ghosts: Fine, let's just keep going. A lot of people have taken on the assumption that Bill Belichick is an evil dude and may have possibly sold his soul to the Devil. Your thoughts?
Cruise: Evil is a point of view. God kills indiscriminately and so shall we. For no creatures under God are as we are, none so like him as ourselves.
Ghosts: So, you're saying that you're fan of Belichick?
Cruise: "I have no idea. But I'm suppose to kill him in less than thirty-six hours."
Ghosts: Wow, we're at a loss.
Cruise: "I think maybe the money's what's throwing you off here today."
Ghosts: What money? You really are fucking nut job...you're a train wreck.
Cruise: "That's right! Ice... man. I am dangerous."
Ghosts: Yeah, thanks for the time Tom...we really do appreciate it. However, it's probably time to pull the plug.
Cruise: "Thank you, but maybe you should let me handle the big decisions."
Ghosts: You need help.
Cruise: "When you drive past an accident...it's not like anyone else. As you drive past you have to do something about it...cause you know you're the only one that can help."
There is a lot of chatter afoot in the wide world of sport about the current freshman class in NCAA college. A better portion of the teams in the top ten are seemingly led by one of this season’s super frosh and it’s making for one of the most exciting years for college basketball in recent memory. Sure, last year gave us the two-super frosh, but this season, we have five, six, or maybe ten. For good reason, the debates are heating up as to whether or not this is the greatest class of freshmen of all time and you won’t hear us arguing. Instead, we’ll just add to the hype the only way we know how: by comparing this new breed of megastars to potentially the best TV show all time, Beverly Hills 90210.
Michael Beasley – Despite the overwhelming urge to go with Mrs. Teasley, Michael Beasley is our Steve Sanders. The consummate prankster, Beasley is known for such antics as putting a rat in his teacher’s desk and scribing his name – MB-Easy – on the Oak Hill headmaster’s car. Much like Sanders, the hoed-out ‘Vette and KEG House campus status, Beasley is set to become the BMOC at Kansas State.
OJ Mayo – A troubled past, exposure to too much too soon, delusions of grandeur, a penchant for fighting, a bad name to live down (OJ), and the ability to score at will makes McKay the obvious choice for Mayo. McKay was better known for scoring with his 2 best friends, Brenda and Kelly, but he had no issues stirring the pot and causing trouble. Likewise, Mayo allegedly busted his teammates jaw and getting a little too close with a referee, yet hopes to lead Pac 10 in scoring. We suspect the addition of Lil’ Romeo should help him out with the other kind of scoring where McKay excelled so well.
Eric Gordon – Much like a young David Silver, Gordon is set to achieve monumental accomplishments at a young age. While he might not be quite up to Silver’s skills in scoring with hot record execs in the back of a limo or dropping slammin’ dance moves, he’s already being billed as the top off guard in the country and being recruited as a lottery pick for this years’ NBA draft.
Jerryd Bayless - The next in a long line of highly touted recruits at Arizona with question marks as to whether or not they can deliver. Much like, Valerie, we knew she looked good, but also wondered if she was capable of making an impact. Both come blasting out of the gates, bringing unbridled intensity from day one, and both make great additions to the team. Kyle Singler – Singler is maybe not the most electrifying of the bunch and he is certainly the whitest, so he makes a dead ringer for Brandon Walsh. Don’t let his conservative façade fool you, these two are both capable of getting it done. A big white dude surrounded by serious dorks, the comparisons to Walsh are haunting (or at least very loosely related?). We just hope that Singler’s competition doesn’t get run over by a semi-truck.
Donte Green - This fireplug PF at the 'Cuse has proven to be a little inconsistent in his early days, but he is more than capable of lighting it up on any given night and it's always exciting when he's in the game. No mention of 90210 would be complete without Ray Pruitt, so here we go. Like Green, Pruitt didn't show up every night, but when he was on... he was on. We expect Green will have a tidbit more cash and resist any urges to throw his girlfriend down the stairs, but we'd sure be thrilled to see him crank out a Pruitt Power Ballad.
Derrick Rose – Wise beyond his years, demonstrates explosive tenacity in their game, yet still maybe second best on the team; Rose sounds a bit like Zuckerman. Chris Douglas-Roberts often outshines the young speedster despite brilliants performances on a weekly basis for the number 1 team in the nation. Likewise, Zuckerman is editor-in-chief of the West Beverly Beat, but is often outshone by her partner in crime, Brandon Walsh. Fortunately for Memphis and his future in the NBA, Rose isn’t secretly 38 years-old.
Kevin Love - Kevin Love demonstrated from day one that he can get it done with his white collar style of play. We all know he is one of the top big men in the NCAA, but his reliability and to serve up a tasty dish liken him to the one and only, Nat. Plus, Love's dad was actually in the Beach Boys, so we assume he'd feel right at home with the smooth tunes floating across the Peach Pit airwaves.
We'll leave with a couple memoirs before we part ways...
"So I was blitz shopping Melrose yesterday, and I see Jockey for her, Calvin Klein for her, BVD for her. Now I don't get it, I mean I don't see them making Maidenform for him." - Donna Martin
"Suspend Donna, suspend us all." - Andrea Zuckerman
"Brandon, these are going to be the most awesome girls we've ever seen. Each and every one of them have been hand picked by dirty old men who call themselves producers." - Steve Sanders
In high anticipation of the return of "LOST" next week, I felt this to be an ideal time to summons the characters and spirit of the island and compare them to the state of College Basketball. That's right, I'm pullin' rank around here and dolling out the current ranks of the "Elite" or the "Sweet 16" as I see it. Of course, my rankings will teeter slightly from the AP and coaches poll, so don't go blowing a gasket. Everything is subject for change, but let's dig into the hierarchy of the Island and the Hoops scene. Shall we?
Too bad, follow me... The Leaders - The Jack/Ben Plateau: The un-disputed, hard to argue who is in charge.
1. Kansas - Despite what the rankings might say Kansas deserves to cling onto the top billing this week. An utter beat down of Oklahoma and a tough road win against Mizzou bump the Jayhawks to the top.
2. Memphis - Considering it'd be impossible to push them down the ranks, my guess is they fluctuate between #1 and #2 from here on out. I know, I know...they aren't losing during the regular season. Say hello to St. Joe's part 2.
The Pseudo Leaders - The Jon Locke Corollary: They want to be something special, they want you to believe in them and they want you to follow them, but something is missing.
3. Tennessee - Are they really ranked #3 on this list. Shit, on cue...they go out and lose to Kentucky. On the road, but still a gagger. When your coach proclaims that "rebounding" isn't a strong suit for your team...sound the alarm.
4. North Carolina - Teetering on the danger line. Not sure who they can trust, they've put all their stock in Hansbrough and hence the offense has become stagnant and predictable. Teams are playing him more physical, which is working for the moment. Expect adjustments. Defense is not a priority for this group...it would seem.
The Con Artists - The Sawyer Line: It's easy to be deceived by ranking and record at this point in the season, but these teams are going to burn some brackets in March. The con will be on you.
5. Duke - Do NOT be deceived by Duke's stellar play out of the gate. Outside of Henderson, they still lack athleticism. And we can that to depth and size down low. Nobody wins in March with that formula.
6. Washington State - They're probably locked into being a #2 seed in March, but the jury is still out on them.
7. Indiana - I know, I know...they are running the Big 10 at the moment.
8. Georgetown - This team is struggling at home against sub-par Big East teams. They are sketchy to say the least. They aren't real athletic, Ewing and Wallace are nice, but come on. Hibbert hasn't exactly taken over this season...um, just my opinion.
The Kate Face Divison: Nobody is going to argue that Kate isn't "sexy." However, there are times she looks as though she has a man face and those shoulders are so broad...ew!!! Still though, overall she's pretty hot. You just question why she comes off looking rough at times...is it the lighting? What is it? Same here, these teams all look HOT at times and other times you're sitting there like WTF happened?
9. UCLA - If they put it all together...not many are capable of playing as suffocating "D" and solid offense. For this team judgement will finally be passed in March. Yet for now, what's the deal?
10. Michigan State - If Neitzel doesn't wake up from the chemo quickly their flaws will be fatally exposed. Outside of Morgan there is no "clutch" go to scorer when the well is dry. And Morgan spends 50% of each game in foul trouble.
11. Texas - I like DJ Augustine just as much as you do. I just would like to see some inside presence and height before I start calling this a Final Four team.
The "Shady" Juliet Division: Sure, they might be cute, but do you trust them? Juliet isn't really all that cute, but she keeps playing these head games with Ben and Jack, so how can she be trusted. Both of these teams have plenty of reason for being suspect.
12. Pittsburgh - They are sucking it up with tough defense through the injuries, but eventually the mental wear and fatigue is gonna kick in...right?
13. Wisconsin - Evidence Item A: Michigan game footage.
The PAY attention to Sayid alert line: Nobody seems to give Sayid the props as a leader, nor do they realize the significant role he could play in getting them off the island. Everyone is simply not paying attention as to what he could do. Hmm, what about these teams?
14. Vanderbilt - Sleeping. Sleeping. Sleeping.
15. Dayton - They are moving up in this pole, while MSM continues to drop them. Big mistake.
The Anna Lucia "fun while it lasted" Slot: She simply wasn't around long enough to really love or hate her. And that goes for the last line in the totem pole.
Editors Note: Continuing with the ongoing series "The Ghosts proudly present the Top 101 Albums…EVER." Worthy to note, this collection is comprised of OUR personal favorites and shouldn’t be used as a compass or declaration of what many music critics may have written or compiled in the past. This list is solely for the establishment and entertainment of, for and by the Ghosts. We will continue to randomly run our selections in no particular order. As usual, we encourage you to make us whole with your angst-ridden additions. Enjoy.
Grateful Dead - American Beauty
"There is a road, no simple highway, between the dawn and the dark of night. And if you go no one may follow. That path is for your steps alone."
Overview: Bill Walton would be proud. And I'm not in the business of disappointing the red-headed stranger. This record requires little attachment, if any, to the Dead and that's why you'll find it stapled on most any Top Albums "ever" compilations. You simply can't pay this record high enough praise, because you'd be doing it a disservice. Adjectives? Who needs adjectives...just listen to the anthems, the spirit, the folk, the blues, the joy, the splendor, etc. And those are my words...not Bill Walton's. This is simply a beautiful composition of music from the most beautiful and grandest orchestra of them all, the Dead.
Key Music Highlights: The radio catchy "Friend of the Devil", "Sugar Magnolia" and "Truckin" always grab the headlines from this offering. However, ever song is solidly put together with lead vocals changing from Lesh to Garcia to Weir to Pigpen on the first 4 tracks. The lead track "Box of Rain" tickles the intrigue of many a Dead fan and always holds a dear spot. The Garcia led ballad "Ripple" begs that you were born without a soul if you can't relate and feel the healing and refreshing vibe from the song. "Brokedown Palace" is a ballad that digs deep and will be played at my dog's funeral...when she passes.
Connection: How could you not feel a connection the first time you picked up this album? Perhaps, you were into Rap, Metal or what not, but if and when you started smoking pot (which I naturally just assume) at some point the Dead came about. And at some point...this record entered your life and you sank or swam with it. It either converted you fully into the Dead or turned you completely away...for GOD knows what reason. Many a night back in the day, this record graced the tape deck in my old car for road trips, etc. It will always have deep connection for me...what about you?
Where and When to Listen: What can I say...the Dead simply aren't for everyone. And after years of denial, I'm fully understanding. Yet, that hardly means I won't put this album on any damn time I want to hear it.
Who'd wear this T-Shirt: Well, me for one. Not the tie-dyed version...I axed those after I graduated from college. OK, I didn't axe them until after the lady moved in, but you get the point. Shit, if Bill Walton can still wear a "Dead" shirt...than I'd say it's still pretty friggin' cool.
Lasting Impression: The SOUL. The live recordings of the Dead always captured the rawness, the greatness, the flawlessness, the energy and the soul that encompassed the Dead. If any studio record ever did that honor...it's this one right here.
Overall: The results are in...what's left to ponder? Are people going to argue...of course. That's just what you get with the Dead, you either love them or hate them. Shit, your loss...my gain. And that's why this album is smack dab at #2 on the Ghosts TOP 101...EVER!!!
It’s been a little while since we dropped some links from around town, but first let’s drop a little funk for your trunk. This is probably the most obvious choice ever, but this is some prime 1974 action complete with excellent afros and yellow tinted sunglasses.
Admittedly, I was hoping this was an NBA post, but nevertheless I’m Writing Sports breaks down the battle of the two best offenses in baseball. Thankfully, the Tigers come out on top. Oh yeah, spoiler alert. My bad. Can we make Boston part of Europe yet?
Nyjer Please tipped off this doozy. I am Legend actually predicts the results of the forthcoming Super Bowl. I’m actually going to bet based on this. Believe me, it can’t be worse than I’ve been doing on my own.
In honor of Doc King, The World of Issac takes it deep as he recaps the most memorable speeches of all time.
What I typically consider a pretty sterile source of content, New York Magazine, let’s Favre have it. Actually never read it, because I can’t afford most of the places they recommend, so that was entirely unfounded assumption.
Deuce of Davenport is sure to get the blood boiling as they recap the colossal bastards that are the biggest bigots in sports. Good god I hate John Rocker. Just look at that guy. Grrrr.
G$ has a nice rant at the Money Shot on all those putrid hats from that cold game the other day. Unfortunately, I can never figure out how to link specific posts over there, so just read a bunch of shit while you’re there. It’s always funny.
Let’s admit it, when we trade in our hoodies for neck ties and a brief case, we’re probably going to get a little regretful that we didn’t slack off enough to go to college for eight years. It’s the only time of your life where certain activities like taking a beer bong in your underpants while hanging out somebody’s car window and playing Halo 3 against a small Asian girl over the Internet for eight hours straight are perfectly acceptable things. We’ll definitely miss it.
However, if you’re like me, and you went to a mid-major or low-major university (Eastern Washington University, the Harvard of the West Plains of Spokane County), you probably had a completely different higher education experience than the guy who just spend $15,000 to pimp his Jeep Cherokee out in Michigan Wolverine accents.
And that’s not a bad thing, because let’s face facts here; there’s nothing more annoying than an alumni that loves nothing more than to talk about his school and how great athletics are - especially if they only went like two years and then transferred to ITT Tech.
The crowds may not be as big, the stadium may be somewhat high school-ish
But chances are, you didn’t have to camp out or pay to get into the game. It’s also way more fun to be belligerent and in the student section because there are instances during a game where everything is absolutely quiet, giving you a prime opportunity to shout something clever dig at the opposing coach’s butt cleavage… and you know everyone hears it.
And since the crowd management dude was an alumni from like 1953, he’s not going to kick you out of the game because he’s more fragile than Reggie Bush.
Your school usually has some direction
And by direction I mean there’s some sort of directional designation in front of your school’s name. Can you hear me Eastern Kentucky State University? North Central Arkansas State College? You know what I’m talking about. And nothing’s better than having an in conference match up where both teams have such horrible directional naming that the abbreviated score reads something like NWCSU 79, EWSCD 71.
Your parents can’t even remember the name of school that you go to
For example, EWU is located in Cheney, WA, which is a fairly sleepy college burrow (they’ve decided that they really don’t even need to put stop signs at intersections) located just outside of fairly inconspicuous city of Spokane. My parents have yet to master the wordage of “Eastern Washington University” and call it instead “that Cheney school” or “You still out there living in Cheney? Are you taking any classes?”
Nobody in the Student Section remembers the fight song
Which is probably a good thing since everyone is so drunk anyway they’d probably screw it up. Your mascot terrifies little children
Since the school athletic budget hasn’t updated the mascot since a brief period of financial stability in the 1980s, your mascot looks like it came straight out of the movie Saw III.
Your main rival is an upper-major school in the same area as your school
Is really interesting how these inter-school rivalries build up when the two schools don’t play one another, because the bigger school is afraid of being called “The Hawaii Football Program” and having a weaker strength of schedule than Westline Middle School. These sort of rivalries really exist, Jeremy Schapp needs to do a Outside the Lines on this one.
People in the area don’t even know where your school exists
“Oh, that’s the school down in Pullman (or any town where your upper-major school rival is located at)?”
“No, no, no, it’s in Cheney, Wash. (or any town where your mid-major school is located, unless it’s actually located near a truck stop, then you can just say ‘truck stop’”)
“Oh really, yeah I think we dropped off some cattle there before, wait, there’s a school there?”
“Yep, we have books and everything.”
If one of your athletes makes it to the pros, you get to see the heart-warming story of how they came from humble, impoverished beginnings at your school
“Jeremy Schapp here with Rico Lungedes from Southwestern Texas State University, so Rico what was it like going to a school with a football stadium of less than 40,000 seats.”
“Oh man, we didn’t even have whirlpools to sit in after the game, I had to go all the way home and sit in my hot tub that a booster got for me.”
Your famous alumni lists includes a Olympic gold medalist in rifle shooting and the creator of the SPAWN comic books
… go look it up, every school has an Olympic gold medalist in something, just maybe not in a sport that's actually televised.
The weather in San Diego today is dreary, damp and rainy. Does it match the mood and spirit of this proud town? Well, maybe not as much as you'd like to believe. The Chargers came up short in New England yesterday and despite covering the wide point spread, they seemingly weren't ever really in the game. Sure, the score may have said differently at times, but the game was seemingly in control from the outset by the Pats. And that's simply not the end of the world.
The Chargers poured their hearts into this game, into these playoffs and into this season. It was a season of change for the organization, but certainly not a season without high expectations. The Chargers rolled out an undermanned squad on Sunday with a hobbling QB and All-Pro TE. Make no excuse about it, still the Patriots were the better team...healthy Chargers or not. Would LT have made a significant difference? Probably so, but there's still nothing to be taken from just how special the Pats really are. Of course, LT does have a nose for the goal line once this team gets into the red zone...that might of helped a little.
Moving on, for the Chargers getting to this point and competing was quite the accomplishment. Would a "W" have felt a little sweeter? Sure, but there is simply no reason for the Chargers and their fans to be ashamed of losing. Just being around San Diego yesterday, the spirit was a buzz and you could feel the kind of excitement and energy that this fine city often gets accused of lacking. After the smoke cleared and the dream was dead, still that energy and positive feeling continued to linger.
This post-season was something for the Chargers to build upon. They aren't as far away as one might believe. They'll be back next season slugging it out with the "big boys" in the AFC. And who knows, maybe a healthy and hungry squad is finally ready to take the next step, next January. We'll see, but for now...it's good to enjoy a fine season and feel not an ounce of shame for just what the Chargers accomplished this season. And here's to looking forward to next year.
Editors Note: We take these vacation days pretty seriously around here, but we'll be back up and running soon enough. In the meantime, chew on this oldie but goody.
What do accounting professionals, high school debaters, and white NBA basketball players have in common?
Well, besides the fact that they are going to be really rich one day, these people are all at a massive disadvantage when it comes to being cool. These poor guys get stereotypes as no fun, annoying, uptight, and even crappy in the sack. Perhaps none of these groups has it tougher than white NBA players. Let’s face it; the NBA is overflowing with the cool. Even Miles Davis would look lame compared to Dr. J, Dwayne Wade, and Michael Jordan.
Since the beginning of time, the league has been subjected to so many Duke and Indiana graduates that whenever we see a white guy in the NBA, we are programmed to assume they are a knob. For every one cool white guy who came into the league, there were handfuls of dweebs like Cherokee Parks, Christian Laettner, Brian Evans, Danny Ferry, J.J. Reddick, and Bobby Hurley. We grew up watching – and detesting - these guys and their pesky play and awkward appearances. When we were younger, they even made a movie about white gumpy ballplayers and their inability to get above the rim. While I totally respect these guys as ballplayers, they never could pull it together as likeable white dudes. In fact, with the exception of Duke fans and a few purists, most people despise these guys.
Nevertheless, throughout the history of the league, some of the whiteys made their mark in the annals of cool. So often, we see the white NBA players trying too hard by acting all gangsta, like Reddick and his terrible poems and rap lyrics. Today we are tipping our hats to the guys who embrace their whiteness and pull it off with panache. These are the guys with the goofy jumpers, the Rec-Specs, and the socks up to the sky. Today, we tip our hats to the coolest white dudes in the history of the NBA.
Kurt Rambis
Rambis is by far the number one loveable white guy in NBA history and forever the icon of cool. If it wasn’t for his size, Rambis could pull over on highway 80 in the middle of Nebraska and rap about travels in his eighteen wheeler and nobody would even question him. He is the down home NBA player complete with a dominating moustache and thick-rimmed glasses. Rambis was all heart and we are proud to give him a big thumbs up for the list. A little known trivia fact, Rambis had a reoccurring role on 7th Heaven as a basketball coach alongside it-girl Jessica Biel.
If you are like me and enjoy looking at Rambis photos for hours at a time, here’s a great tribute website.
Tom Chambers
As far as Chambers is concerned, sometimes a picture or an action shot is worth a thousand words. Dude, could flat out play ball and he defied the notion that white dudes couldn’t dunk. Do yourself a favor and peep this…
Larry Bird
Love him or hate him, you can’t leave Bird off the list. The tight green shorts and bleach blonde pube ‘stache may not have done it for you, but ask the 80's Boston ladies and they’ll tell you what’s up. Larry Legend didn’t get his name for that ugly ass three point shot. According to Isiah Thomas, “If Larry Bird was black; he’d be just another good guy.” Well, Isiah, you might be right about that, but I’ll never forget the game 5 steal against Detroit in 1987. I was ten years old and I knew that was not just another "good" guy.
Chris Mullin
He was the first and only white dude to sport a fade. And coincidentally he still sports the fade today. The soft little lefty floater, the re-birth of the Warriors franchise, an integral part of “Run TMC”…who can deny Chris Mullin?
Steve Nash
Many will attest he isn’t actually white, rather he is Canadian. However, he needs very little introduction, as he is a wet dream to play with for anybody in the league today. He’s wrapped up 2 MVP awards in the past three seasons and even flipped styles from long haired hippy to the spike hawk look.
Dan Majerle
Thunder Dan’s fame as a badass white dude came from that really terrible game when Nintendo first released the Game Boy. I can't even figure out the name of it, but you must know what I'm talking about. He was dominant. Thunder Dan was a suave tour de force. Plus, if you are ever in the Phoenix area, Marjerle’s Sports Grill has the best happy hour in town (4 years running). The Sir Charles chicken sandwich is to die for.
Bob Cousy
I hate show boaters. I mean I really hate show boaters. Even so, Cousy makes the cut, because he was after all, the Houdini of the Hardwood. Cousy was the original playmaker. Besides, rumor has it his dad was to blame for the hoopla crap. He taught him that the only way he was going to make it in the NBA was to play flashy. Regardless, he is often regarded as the best passer in the history of the game.
As you probably guessed, Cousy made the list because he played his game with style, because as you can see he looks exactly like the 40 Year Old Virgin. Plus, he has a heck of a story to go along with his career. From NBA.com, “Cousy grew up a "ghetto rat" on Manhattan's East Side. While very young he played stickball and boxball and stole hubcaps. At the age of 13, he fell out of a tree and broke his right arm. So he did what any other kid would have done: he learned how to dribble and shoot with his left arm.”
Scott Skiles
On the fact that he was busted with Coke alone. A proud Michigan State Spartan.
Bill Laimbeer
This is classic hypocrite material right here. If Laimbeer wasn’t a Piston, there is no question that I would hate his guts. Laimbeer is the quintessential annoying white guy, but he was the king of the annoying white guy. He was slow as hell, couldn’t jump, played a little dirty, and talked shit. Nevertheless, he is Bad Boy for life and I grew up cheering for him and I always will. Not only is he still the leading rebounder in Piston’s history, but he has fought with Bird, Barkley, Bard Daugherty, Robert Parrish, and James Worthy. Yeah, he pretty much took crap from nobody. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome the head coach of the world champion Detroit Shock, Bill Laimbeer!
Bill Walton
Walt from the Vault obviously earns a spot on the list. Walton is another love/hate guy, but as loyal Deadheads, we got nuthin’ but love for Walton. This picture shows Bill hanging out with Bob Weir, his long time friend and member of the Grateful Dead. Stan even runs into Walton from time to time at the local San Diego Grateful Dead cover band night. It comes as no surprise that for a big guy, he still can move.
Rex Chapman
Dude was an oozy behind the arc. The famed Kentucky product could also throw down some nasty white boy dunks. If you ever stumble upon him in NBA Jam…look out, because “he’s heating up” is only moments away.
Grant Hill
Probably not the coolest on the list, but no doubt the whitest.
Who isn’t excited for this week’s Championship games?Over here we are just downright friggin’ giddy in anticipation.And just about everywhere you turn you can find informative and thorough analysis of Sunday’s AFC Title Game. (Hint: The overall consensus is that the Chargers shouldn’t even bother showing up).We’ll we’ve never claimed to be the most conventional or insightful when it comes to breaking down a “big game.”However, we’re always willing to take a stab at it in our own little quirky way.So, if you’ll follow me…we’re going through the plot points, the vitals,the power point bullets, the tale-of-the-tape and all you need to know for Sunday’s “huge game” at Foxboro.
Story lines: The big story here is whether or not this game is even going to be worth the effort it takes to turn on the TV. What should be an epic playoff battle worth drinking 9 beers before 9 am, might well be a total joke. San Diego has major question marks in all three of it's top offensive skill players - Gates, Tomlinson, and Rivers. Come on guys, that’s what the Percocet's are for; so what if the ball feels like a down feather pillow, you certainly won't feel any pain.
Best Sub-Plot/Tabloid Story:Really, only Randy Moss is caught in the drama side of the back story.Did he or did he beat the girl…we may never know.Belichick has advised Moss and the media that "we're moving onto San Diego." And now we wonder if this fuels or defuses Moss?
All that hype: The suits and talking heads around all types of multi-mediums are foaming at the mouth over Tom Brady’s ass.They are circling the wagon’s on wall-to-wall coverage in the pursuit of perfection.Every sneeze, snit, etc…has become magnified.There is hype and then there is hype, but they have to do what they can, because they all seem to feel a bit let down it’s not Manning vs. Brady…again.
Bulletin Board Material: The Chargers just can’t seem to keep the trash talk to a dull roar. As customary, most people are paying way, way too much mind to the senseless babble from Igor Olshansky this past week.Is it really that BIG of deal?Seriously?I think he was drunk when he initiated those comments. Why is everyone blowing gaskets?We get it, the Chargers talk smack, the Patriots use it as motivation.It always seems to work in the Pats favor, so whether Olshansky was “dead-on” serious, the Pats will be amped and ready.Yet, wouldn’t they be ready either way?What more could Brady possibly do with extra motivation?I mean is he gonna bang the Chargers cheerleaders in-between TD strikes?
History: The Chargers seemed to have the stars aligned last January in the Divisional Round against the Patriots.However, divine intervention or Satan stepped in and took a big fat shit on their dreams.And that came in the form of yet another remarkable Brady rescue job.This season seemed to be all about redemption and revenge for the Chargers.As some idiot (me) wrote before Week 2’s clash – that game meant everything to San Diego.Of course, the Chargers laid a complete dud and the Pats have gone on by running the table and simply the GREATEST creation God has ever made. Argh.
Rivalry:Typically, it’s not a rivalry when one team psychologically owns another team.And that’s “sort” of the case with the Chargers and the Pats.The Pats are in the heads of the Chargers. And the Chargers want them so bad…it stings/tastes like acid in their mouths.Essentially, there is a small rivalry brewing, as these teams just don’t like each other. Period.The Pats openly mocked the Chargers at Qualcomm last season and several Charger players felt utterly disrespected. And so they've been holding a grudge ever since. The ingredients for a rivalry are certainly there, we just need to stir the pot a tad.
Key Match-Ups: The burning question is can anyone slow down Tom Brady and his quartet of WR's? The answer is maybe. If anyone if capable of disrupting this them, it's Antonio Cromartie. He'll be locked in on Randy Moss and one can only hope he neutralizes Moss. However, that leaves Wes Welker and who covers him? Really, the key match-up is the Chargers front seven vs. the Patriots offensive line. Can they get pressure on Brady? On the flip side, will the Chargers exploit the lack of speed in the Patriots LB's?
What's at Stake: Pride, history and respect.For both team’s it’s going to be about pride.For the Patriots, it’s about history…duh.For the Chargers, it’s about earning the respect they “feel” as though they deserve.
Locker room groove: "We got more bounce in California" seems logical for the Chargers, but I'm imagining it's a bit more intense. As per request, they're rocking out to She Wants Revenge "Tear U Apart." Hail for Emo Rock. Whereas on the Patriots side of the building it's probably a more business like approach, perhaps a lite jazz eclectic mix or something along those lines, but who cares?
QB Fame Game: Let's see, Rivers is famous for arguing with drunk fans of the opposing team. Meanwhile, Brady bangs models. Case closed. Thanks for coming out.
Intangibles: We'll let the idiots on ESPN break down Tom Brady's early morning preparations and Bill Belichick's hawkish analysis of game tape. All we know is that the Chargers have this stylish disco groove and that's all the intangibles we need - +1 for San Diego.
The Leon Lett or Scott Norwood award for the guy most likely to blow the game: For the Chargers the obvious choice that comes to mind would be Phil Rivers or Billy Volek. Relatively speaking, I'm figuring Rivers plays and he will certainly be under the microscope. However, I'm going with the guy who has cost the Chargers dearly in the playoffs and that's Nate Kaeding. His regular season FG accuracy is daunting. However, in the playoffs it's a different ballgame. He's missed crucial FG's in nearly every game he's played in the playoffs with the Chargers and that includes missing a game winner against the Jets in '04 and a game tying 53 yarder last season against the Pats.
For the Pats it's really simple, if they have a goat it's going to be their LB's or Rodney Harrison gambling for a pick and/or making a stupid personal foul that extends a late Chargers drive.
What everyone thinks: According to anyone outside of San Diego, the Chargers seemingly have ZERO chance to win this game.That’s what we’re led to believe, which I find a bit amusing.The Chargers WERE the best team in the league a year ago.They started out very slow this season, but were predicted by many to be amongst the elite in the AFC.A slow start, coupled with Rivers inconsistency and having Norv Turner as a coach has seemingly knocked the Chargers down a peg.However, let’s not wash the 8 game winning streak down the tubes.The Chargers are still equipped with LT (who will play) and they are still quite talented and could very well beat the Patriots.On paper, take a look – it’s not as lopsided as one might think.Now, will it happen?
Odds: Currently the Pats are listed at (-14) which is a bit much, but then again – it is the Pats.
Fearless Forecast:The Chargers are going to give it everything they've got.They’ve been looking forward to this game for quite sometime and something in my gut tells me they CAN win.Then again, something in my common sense says Patriots 38 - Chargers 27. Ah, fuck it...Chargers 34 - Patriots 30.
The late game on Sunday features a battle between the New York Giants and the Green Bay Packers. Perhaps, this is for the right to get waxed in the Super Bowl by god's Satan's team. Of course the funny thing for us here at the Ghosts would be to see our 2nd cities or areas of current domain (Stan - San Diego and Rupes - New York) face off in the Super Bowl. A lot of obstacles will have to be overcome, but that'd make for a bizarre, yet intriguing friendly wager of some sort. Of course, don't hold your breath...there's a lot of ground to cover with this NFC Title game before we get that far. And so, let's jump into it the only way we know how...a bullet pointed list of what's important about this game.
Story lines: You know the story, c'mon. It's all about Brett Favre and his eternal quest to lead the Packers back to the Super Bowl. It doesn't get much deeper than that, other than will the Manning family (including Peyton) be sitting in a press box watching Eli brave the elements of the frozen tundra? What else are we looking for here? Is it gonna snow? Let's all relax, we know the story and we SHOULD all be rooting for Favre. Well, at least that's what the TV has been hypnotizing us to believe, right? Fuck it, go Eli.
Tabloid Stories: None.
All that hype: What hype? The Pats are stealing everyone's thunder. Favre is pissed. Bulletin Board Material: Considering the fact that Ryan Grant was a Giant at the start of the season, he should have no trouble motivating for this "what's up now, bitch?" display. Grant went from un-drafted, to fifth string, to a top NFL rusher in the span of one year. Expect more of the same; the guy is legit. Other than that, mums the word for these two teams.
History: History certainly does not favor the G-Men as they got spanked 35-13 in week 2. Most pundits and Giants fans will have you believe that the Giants are a different team now. Maybe they are right, since the Giants also lost 45-35 to the Cowboys in week 1 in Dallas and again in Jersey, but this is another "we'll believe it, when we see it" games.
Rivalry: Not much cooking in this department, other than Packer fans believing the food in Green Bay (beer, brats and cheese) trumps any of the fine and exquisite dining in New York. That's just a stretch...isn't it?
Key Match-Ups: A big factor will be Osi Umenyiora and the sack happy Giant's defensive line versus the fats from Green Bay. They need to get Favre out of rhythm or this game will be over before it starts. Favre played nearly perfect last week in the snow with good protection and we expect more of the same as long as he stays off the ground for the most part.
What's at Stake: The biggest stakeholder here would have to be Favre. We all know he has cemented his legacy, but this would make commentator penises spontaneously combust. If Brett makes it to the Super Bowl, we could live underground like mole people and they would still find us somehow to felatiate Favre in our ears for two weeks straight. The other stakeholder is probably Coughlin. His seat has been warm for a couple years now and while the pressure is off for now, a trip to the dance would probably cool it off for the foreseeable future.
Intagibles: The dreaded Wintry Mix. The weather is supposed to flat out suck again in Green Bay and quite frankly, that kicks ass. If there is one thing that can make a game feel legendary, it's wintry mix. I hope we see hail, sleet, ice, and meteors. Oh, when does it start already?
The Leon Lett/Scott Norwood award for the guy most likely to blow the game: It's tough to say this, because there is actually an Eli Manning picture that my brother actually thought was my senior picture, but still it's the clear choice. Eli has high morale for the first time this season, but he's going to Lambeau and it's not going to be pretty out there. The Packers front four is nasty and they should cause him serious havoc all day long.
On the pack side of the coin, look no further than Old Man Favre himself. Perhaps, the nostalgia and emotions of leading the Packers back to the Super Bowl in front of the home crowd simply overwhelms the man and he tries to do too much. Of course, if Ryan Grant fumbles twice in the first five minutes again, say hello to the GOAT.
Locker room groove: The late great Freddy Mercury and David Bowie would like to send a shout out to Eli. Just go out there and have fun. Bowie would also like to follow up by mentioning that the cold does in fact allow him to transmit data back to Earth with his nipples, so Eli is free to contact him if he has any questions. For the Packers, it's gotta be something All-American and that's why Favre has requested an acoustic set from his good buddy Jon Cougar to be delivered as a pre-game ceremony...in the locker room. No Shit.
The QB Fame Game: With Favre you've got those classic Wrangler commercials where he, the fellas and "Old Yeller" are tossing around the football near the barn. And how could we ever forget "There's something about Mary." Eli's resume is really dry, unless you count the double stuff adds where he and his brother have a lick off. That just sounded gross.
WhatEveryone thinks: Does anyone actually not think a Packers-Pats Super Bowl is already carved in stone and detailed with some blood for effect? Everyone is usually right.
Odds: Currently, the Packers are listed at (-7). Who wouldn't be surprised to see that widen as the game gets closer? People will probably expect Brandon Jacobs to be a difference maker in the cold, but experience wins out.
Fearless Forecast: The New York half of this tandem is tempted to go with the G-Men, but the San Dimas half is saying "Hold it right there, Giuliani." This here ain't no cushy Texas stadium and there sure as shit ain't no celebrity gossip gonna fuck up Brett's season. The Pack is taking this in a cruiser. Packers 28 - Giants 10.
For most folks just following the NFL Playoffs is enough excitement. However, for a couple of Fantasy Football junkies like ourselves, the season never ends. Yup, we aren't ashamed to admit that the simplicities and doldrums of our everyday lives has steered us down a lonely road and delusional dream of being the next "Talented Mr. Roto." Ah yes, the job never ends and that's why we've kept our eyes glued to the "Up and Up" of breakthrough assets in these playoffs.
We'll break aside from the more obvious names like Tom Brady, LT, Moss, T.O, Favre, etc. Although, don't be alarmed when you see a few obvious names on the market watch, but take note that their stock has indeed changed. Through careful eyes and a lot of beer, here are the "hot commodities" making a move on the Fantasy Stock Market.
As always, in no particular order.
Ryan Grant - Plucked from the "Waiver Wire" by many after becoming the first Packer rusher to hit the century club on the ground in a game all season. Yet most wondered throughout...was he for real or was he a fluke? He answered those questions and more with (yawn) solidm but stale stretch run that helped shape plenty of 2007 "FF" Championships. However, many still wondered and questioned just what lay in store for Mr. Grant. And after his two fumbles that might have cost the Pack the game (at the time) his stock was plummeting and damn near bottoming out. However, 201 yards later and we consider many the fool. Grant elevated his stock during the most phenomenal turn events we've arguably ever seen. The jury is back, they cut their break short, there's no need to read the verdict...Grant is on the rise. He looks to be an upper tier back by August and no amount of time will temper the Cialis boner Brandon Funston now has for Ryan Grant. Of course, if that erection should last longer than 4 hours months he may want to consult a physician.
Vincent Jackson – The waiting FINALLY appears to be over. Nobody was ready for another off-season of “this guy is a sleeper” or “he’s got tremendous upside potential.” Jackson has performed at the level many thought capable of a 6’5” 230 pound beast with hops. He’s torched opposing corners to this point in the Playoffs and has brought forth a Top Tier WR level of Fantasy play. Of course, we're not saying this warrants Jackson being considered in the upper echelon, because his play stems directly from the play of his streaky QB. However, Jackson may finally turn the corner from hit or miss to rather reliable and that’s an up and up movement based on today’s market. We're looking for Jackson to make a Brandon Marshall type impact next season, if that helps gauge his value.
Ahmad Bradshaw - Bradshaw is the fantasy football equivalent of one of those hot stock tips you find at the fax machine. They are always dirt cheap, so it might seem like there is nothing to lose, but a little thinking will tell you to stay away. You can still lose a lot. Bradshaw certainly has some TUP, but the Giants are essentially reincarnating the ghost of Mike Shanahan. They are just cycling through the whole depth chart until something works. Brandon Jacobs is presumably still the go-to-guy and Droughns and Ward are lingering, so Bradshaw could be worth a first look if you need someone bad, but don't go blowing your load on him based on a decent playoff run.
Greg Jennings – Is there any reason to stroll down obvious BLVD? Jennings needs to shake off the “soft” label and the consistently rolled ankles and he’s having drinks at the VIP table with T.O, Moss, Chad Johnson, etc. How dare anybody give Jennings that leap one might ask, but can it really be argued? Jennings was 3rd in the NFC with TD grabs and he just has that drive to take everything to the house. Imagine him running the course of a full 16 games and you’ve got the next Elite WR joining the party. Who is Donald Driver again? Jennings has opened the playoffs on a tear and needs to do very little to prove he’s making the leap like Reggie Wayne did a few years ago.
Steve Smith - A ghost in the Giants offense most of the season, barely reaching the double digit catch plateau on the year. However, as he's gotten healthy and more PT he's turned into a reliable guy Manning has turned to down the stretch. He's made some huge grabs in the post-season for the 'Gints and his stock is at a premium low. A quality bargain buy heading into the 2008 Fantasy season as he continues to earn valuable playing experience. With the ageless wonder Amani Toomer still in the fold and the double coverages Plaxico will most assuredly get, Smith could emerge as a smoother version of the Bengals Chris Henry, minus the criminal charges of course.
David Garrard - We expect a bull market surge on Garrard come draft day. While he has not elevated himself as a top tier QB by any stretch of the imagination, he has made himself a nice value play. Garrard makes a nice late round pickup (we're thinking 8th round) for those who like to stockpile their RB stable full of horses in the earlier rounds. Garrard should equate to a 2005 Matt Hasselbeck in terms of this strategy with possibly even more upside. Let's wait to see what Jacksonville does in terms of getting him some WR support, but nevertheless, go along the Guh-RARD option and your headed into the money.
Tony Romo - Romo's stock is likely set to suffer a bit of a sell-off after a second consecutive playoff collapse. We smell a discount here though. The negativity surrounding Romo is thick, but we're not too concerned about most of it. First, the whole Jessica Simpson / Mexico thing was certainly a distraction, but that is mainly stupid tabloid idiots with nothing better to do and it doesn't have anything to do with ability. The real concern is whether or not the hype surrounding Jason Garrett is founded (he was a QB coach in a former life). He suddenly is the hot shit coach that everyone is talking about. Is he the secret behind Romo's success? It's doubtful, but certainly is a stock price killer, so this will weigh on Romo's value as well. Ultimately, he'll drop below elite status yet again, despite positive and VERY consistent regular season numbers (franchise records for yards and TD's). Who cares what happens in the playoffs? They don't even matter in fantasy football. If he falls to the third round or later, he is a steal.
And a few other folks on the watch list would have to be Michael Turner, Phil Rivers, D.J Hackett (as always), James Jones and Jabar Gaffney. Of course, these are just names and assumptions, so monitor your stocks regularly. As you know the market changes everyday. Hero in January, all but forgotten in August. Mental notes. Mental notes.
Pardon me for the quick hitter, but it's late and I'm a touch exhausted. This is the "Bullets Lite" version. And for those uncertain about the gist, it's my swing through the College Hoops scene in a quick re-cap, generally delivered once a week. All things considered, I'm now fully engaged in this season of College Hoops and you should be as well. I'll move on from there...
ACC Wednesday's are a long lasting staple of mine. And I should note, that I'm not gonna lie...I miss Dick Vitale. Never once did I imagine those words popping out of my mouth or for all practical purposes being typed. Tonight's double feature was the love and hate couple of Duke and North Carolina. Isolated of course, pitted in their own ACC road battles.
I picked up the 2nd half of the Duke game and thus, I'll be brief. For a moment I fully believed in karma taking over and somehow by my spiritual influence Duke was going to lose. Then I again, I like to trace a lot of Duke's shortcomings in any given year to the influence of my deeply religious and somewhat insane negative rooting. Have I told you lately that I hate Duke? Anyhow, that makes me just another number or statistic in the lenghty line of hate.
Long and short of my rambling point is that on this night, my powers were rendered useless. Duke trumped Florida State on the road and was never really in jeopardy of losing the game. The lone consolation prize was seeing Greg Paulus getting "inadvertently" punched in the face. However, for me that's like cheering for some other dude getting to bang a hot chick. Without getting graphic, you should get my point...I wish that was my hand that punched Paulus.
Onto the North Carolina/Georgia Tech game. The Tar Heels never seem to play well at Georgia Tech. Factual evidence proves my point, as coming into tonight's game the Heels hadn't won there since 2001. So it should come as no surprise that the Yellow Jackets played out of their asses and probably should've snuck one by a North Carolina team that didn't quite look to be on all cylinders.
For Carolina the defense is lurking it's ugly head as an issue once again and the lazy effort on the boards shouldn't go un-mentioned. However, the Tar Heels are certainly not as deep as we once imagined, which is of greater concern. Bobby Frasor is sorely missed as the back-up point guard. And for as great as Hansbrough is and can be, he can't do it alone. Tonight was another example of the rest of the team standing, kind of watching, and hoping he was going to rear back and buck down the victory.
In essence, that is exactly what Hansbrough eventually did, but it came with a price. He shoved, pushed and punched all night long and wore the battle scars on his face. At one point in the game he had to leave, because he was bleeding. In the end the rest of the crew opted to join the party, but Carolina is simply not good enough to pull off the lazy, one trick pony act. Of course, that being said...get ready for a mercy in their next game, as they'll probably look to pour out another one of those "statement" games. In any event, end result Tar Heels snag a tough road victory in the ACC to keep pace with B.C.
While most people are glued to coverage for this week's up-coming NFL Conference Championship's and just trying to make it through another week in Cubicle Hell, we are busy digging a little deeper. We're trying to find the headlines that you aren't seeing as front page press. You know aside from the obvious, like T.O cries or when is Jessica gonna dump Romo's sorry ass? Oops, the latter made the cover of "In Touch" on newsstand's now...kidding. Anyhow, we're taking it one step further and tuning you into the back story headlines that you might be missing.
(Of course, for legal purposes...we must issue a disclaimer that this is SARCASM and not REAL. Although, we are backed by a legal team that would fuck your day up if you step to us).
Anyhow...here go the newsbreakers for the NFL Playoffs, thus far.
T.O re-hires former publicist, Suicide Watch Day 2.
Favre and Koren Robinson go on bender in Green Bay in celebration off Saturday night's win over Seattle, share vicodin and whiskey.
An emotional T.O reaches out to Jeff Garcia, "you ain't a fag, man."
Chargers QB Phil Rivers jumped by a group of Massholes on Saturday night, not because he is Phil Rivers, rather simply because he's a douche bag.
Dungy admits he sold his soul to the Devil to win it all last season, Belichick issued him a refund this year.
Billy Volek awakes from hangover to lead Chargers to AFC Championship. (Whoops!)
Rodney Harrison caught with HGH, blames Merriman.
Manning family whores out for Super Bowl ad campagin.
Tiki Barber proclaims Eli Manning = Gay.
Eli Manning proclaims Tiki Barber = Fag.
Pacman punches woman at strip club. (hmm?)
Plaxico busted with "brick weed" blames Charles Rogers.
Brady to be cloned.
Bored Blogger can't think of anything else to write, so he delivers this shit.
Editors Note: We'd like to proudly introduce our newest contributor to the GoWF crew. This is the inaugural first post of our new weekly columnist ,Brandon "The Swede" Hansen, who doubles as the Editor and Chief of the Easterner, the Eastern Washington press.You can also find him at his blog, The Swede Factor. So, consider this your weekly grammar lesson. Without further ado, go ahead and sniff each other's asses and enjoy the post.
With the second round of the playoffs upon us, NFL quarterbacks will be measured on a whole new scale of greatness. Anyone can have a couple of good games during the regular season, but when it's one-and-done, legends are made.
Now you can bust out stats, past performances and John Madden analogies, which will be what FOX will probably do... and they'll more than likely use those weird moving football robot guys.
But I've found an entirely new way to rate players in terms of greatness. Much like my man in the photo, Kyle "The Boot" Orton, a large determining factor in how you play on the field is how you handle your alcohol and you handle yourself in the time-honored sport of beer pong. Just think about your favorite player and how they would handle themselves at the table.
Brett Favre -- He's that old guy that always seems to show up at parties and talk about the "Nam." Everybody is just waiting for him to have a heart attack, since he usually outdrinks everyone and smokes more than a 1976 Ford Fiesta.
"Did he graduate from this college 20 years ago and he's still coming to parties here?"
However, all doubts about the greatness of this guy are immediately erased when he deathcups two teams in a row on the table.
Eli Manning -- Remember that guy that shows up in a North Face Jacket and immediately starts telling inappropriate stories "about that one time with that one girl." That's Eli.
And when he gets on the table and misses ten straight shots, he's claiming that the cups aren't regulation.
Matt Hasselbeck -- There's some people that come to a party that make you think, "There's no way they're good a beer pong, there's just no way."
Matt's the kind of guy that would show up in a sweater vest and that bald head of his, but he'd gain immediate respect as soon as he sunk his first five shots.
However, after he polished of three beers, he'd start to lose focus and start making the terrible judgement calls that we're used to seeing. That's right, Matt Hasselbeck would end up waking up spooning with a manbeast under the kitchen table.
Phillip Rivers -- He's underaged and would get an MIP... or just let LT take all the shots for him.
David Garrard -- Do you really think that David Garrard would be bad at Beer Pong? I'm sure this man could take up knitting in the morning and have a sweater by the afternoon. He's that intangibles guy that not only hits his shots but distracts the other team to the point where their shots are actually hitting the drunk crying girl sitting on the couch.
Tom Brady -- Chances are this guy would probably refuse to play. That or he'd first retreat to the back room to watch some film of his opponents before getting up to the table.
Peyton Manning -- He's that heart-wrenching kind of player that makes every cup except for the final one and eventually suffers the biggest meltdown in beer pong history. Unless he's playing Rex Grossman of course, who would probably find it tough to even get the ping pong ball in front of him.
Tony Romo -- This is easy, he's not on the table; he's too busy hitting on all the girls at the party.
Editors Note:This editorial begins a bi-weekly column dedicated to providing our readers with unique musings on the election of America's next leader.
The State of Michigan was formally reprimanded by the DNC for defying party leaders in holding its Democratic primaries early this year. Senators Obama and Edwards chose to respect the DNC by withdrawing their names from the ballot in tomorrow's elections, while Sen. Clinton's name will remain on the ballot. All three candidates have largely bypassed campaigning all together in Michigan in lieu of upcoming primaries in other regions. The outcome? We all lose in the process.
While all Democratic candidates seem to be embracing the ambiguous message of "Change", everyone seems to be confused as to exactly what that means. The State of Michigan would provide these candidates with an extrodinary podium to unwrap this ubiquitous message. For starters, Michigan has the highest unemployment rate of any state- more than 50 percent higher than the national average- it is also second in home-mortgage delinquencies, and third in foreclosure inventory according to the Mortgage Bankers Association. Michigan's coveted Great Lakes are recording some of their lowest water levels in decades, and the auto industry has been hemorraging jobs and profits due to the stinging effects of globalization.
In short, things are bad in Michigan, and as domestic-issues begin to gain more attention as this nation sinks closer to recession, Michigan provides the perfect forum for these "Change" candidates to articulate how their respective agendas would help steer Michigan out of a financial crisis. Just to point out exactly how perfect of a case study the state represents, Michigan's population is growing increasingly more polarized each election, much like the rest of this country. Geographically, the left-side of the state is composed largely by right-wing republicans who embrace the party's religious agenda. While the right-side of the state historically votes democratic because of the deep ties to the Detroit auto industry and union support.
Michigan has all the necissary elements for an impassioned debate as to the best way to shape up our domestic economy, create more jobs, combat the rising housing crisis, address the significance of religion in our politics, and competing in a global market place. Instead, candidates chose to bring their campagin tours to other regions and keep stumping on this message of "Change." Yet for Michigan, change could not come soon enough.
You're not living if you're not diving into the College Basketball season. Yes, I fully understand the NFL is in overdrive and most people don't take the temperature of College Basketball until the madness is about to start. And these are the same folks who wonder why they got dusted in the first weekend of the bracket challenge? However, you are nearly a paragraph into the works of a die hard and deranged College Basketball fan.
While most folks were tuned into the Pats/Jags game on Saturday night, I was white knuckled on CBS game center trying to figure out how the hell my beloved Spartans could lose to Iowa. And I don't just mean lose, but only score a mere a 36 points? Well, let's move on and let me explain the roll out of this new installment. I figure everyone has their own system for going about ranking the "Power 16" in College Hoops. Although, I just couldn't make our official ranking system boring and monotonous. Nope, there always has to be little twist somewhere along the road.
That's right it's the themed and tiered NCAA Power Ranks. Long and short, I've gone ahead and ranked each team in a specific tier, which will happen to have a new theme each week. Am I losing you? Good, this week's theme is "Grateful Dead" lyrics. And you may be asking yourself, just what do the Dead and College Hoops have in common. The answer as always...absolutely nothing, don't ask questions just follow along.
The Elite - "Standing on the Moon...a lovely view of heaven, but I'd rather be with you." These are the creme De Le creme in terms of College Hoops, but each team knows they are walking around town with a bulls eye on their chests. They are the envy of their competitors and the longer the un-defeated campaigns continue, the greater the pressure. Sometimes, it's better to lose a game here or there in College Hoops. Sometimes.
1. North Carolina - On paper and on the court, it doesn't get much better. Hansbrough is always going to be a beast to contain, but it's the stellar play of Danny Green, Wayne Ellington and of course Ty Lawson that will continue to determine the outcome of Carolina's season. They aren't going un-defeated during the regular season, but it's going to take a mammoth effort or collapse for them not to run the table in March.
2. Kansas - They had to go a notch above Memphis, based simply on the scheduling gods. The Big 12 isn't quite the swagger it once was, but nonetheless...Kansas will face a tougher road from here on out and should be well tested come March. A #1 Seed is on lock down.
3. Memphis - If anything, Conference play will weaken this team. Sir Rupes has a man crush on CDR and Rose, but after playing butter for the next month and a half I smell your first #1 seed going down in the "Big Dance."
4. UCLA - Love will guide you home. The Bruins are simply biding their time for another March run. For them, they know what they've got and it's a capable team of winning the entire shindig. Can you imagine Love vs. Hansbrough?
The 2nd Tier - "Won't ya try just a little bit harder, won't ya try just a little bit more." I'm still waiting for these teams to really find their calling. Their at the fork in the road, they are going one way or the other...to the elite or to mediocrity.
5. Georgetown - Wasn't sold on them coming into the season and they've given me little that would persuade my mind. Jeff Green was special and I'm not sure they've quite made up for the loss of him yet.
6. Washington State - Roster check, give me a week.
7. Michigan State - No comments on the Iowa debacle...please. This team had better not turn into the inconsistent, insecure, underachieving team...we've seen in the past. I thought Izzo toughened this bunch up? I'm still banking that Iowa was an aberration.
8. Tennessee - "Baby won't you carry me...back to Tennessee!" Had to throw that in there. Has Bruce Pearl snapped yet? No, good...this team is still very, very scary. They still play with the chuck it up mentality that could bite them, but if it ain't broke...don't fix it.
The 3rd Tier - "Show me something built to last" On notice as soft, until further notice...or conference play.
9. Indiana - The Hoosiers have the makings of being able to win the Big 10 and they've got the upper hand on MSU. However, judgement need not be passed until those two face off. And for now, I've got 'em one peg below the Spartans. Consider it motivation to prove me wrong.
10. Duke - Are they back? Short answer...NO! Who have they played? I hate Du---moving on.
11. Texas - The win over UCLA still holds water in these rankings. Let's see how they shake out during conference play. Augistine is still arguably the top PG in all of the land, so life can't ever get that bad for the Horns.
The "Not-so-sure" Tier - "Wake up to find out that you are the Eyes of World" The under the radar crap is gone. WE know fully well about what these teams CAN potentially do. However, is it a mirage or is it for real? It's sink or swim time and all eyes are on these teams to see where this thing is going.
12. Texas A&M - Mums the word, for now.
13. Marquette - Tom Crean always gets the most out of his squad. They hung with Duke, if that says anything and very well could've won that game.
14. Vanderbilt - Another that we'll know more about -- come conference play.
The Cusp Tier - "Feel like a stranger...how 'bout you?" They are closing the gap and stepping into relevance. However, they still feel kind of left out of the big party...kind of like a stranger. "Gonna be a long, long, crazy, crazy night."
15. Butler - OK, so they've pretty much been planted "on the cusp" for a few years, but that's just where they are stuck...this week. Deal.
16. Dayton - Congrats to the Flyers...they are for real. And the good peeps over at Flyers Fieldhouse are loving every minute of the rise.
It had the makings of another "sick-to-your-stomach" game if you're Chargers fan. Peyton Manning was in a the "zone", the calls seemed to be going all in the Colts favor, Phil Rivers seemed more content to bitch and moan then play football, Gates was hobbling around and Norv Turner was popping veins and misusing his challenges and timeouts. Oh wait, I almost forgot, LT was sitting on the sidelines.
It seemed as if destiny was crashing into the Chargers bandwagon once again, much like it had last year against the Patriots. And then it happened. The Chargers stopped making excuses, looking for flags, blaming others and more importantly pouting.
The 2nd half spoke volumes for this team and just how much they'd finally turned the proverbial corner. It's easy to say, but you had the sense that Phil Rivers made a huge leap in this game before being injured and having to depart. He was faced with the prognosis of having to attack without the comforts of LT and a healthy Antonio Gates. Rivers delivered admirably and fired out the performance, I must say...I didn't see coming. Despite it all, Rivers headed to the locker room and handed the ball over to Billy Volek who looked as if he had just woken up from a long night of boozing. Yet, Volek delivered.
At this point, it would've been totally conceivable for the Chargers to throw in the towel on the season and head home griping with a load of excuses. However, that wasn't the mantra on this day. The team picked itself off the floor and everyone stepped up and delivered a gutsy victory that in short can only be described as special. An emotional Norv Turner spoke in high regards and endearment of what this victory meant for the Chargers. And honestly, putting this victory in words would only serve to diminish it's value.
The sting from last season's loss at home in the playoffs now seems like an eternity away. The surmounting pressure that surrounded their coach and this team earlier this season...is now gone. You don't have much of a soul if you don't feel a sense of relief for a guy like Turner. Much maligned this entire season, perhaps this lone win can change the verdict to a slight degree on Norv.
This was the Chargers team we expected and hoped to see all season. Well, I mean competitive and spirit wise, not roster wise. Sproles, Turner, Volek? Nobody in their right mind outside of San Diego gave the Chargers much of a chance in this game. Vegas bumped them up to a (10.5) point underdog just before kick-off. This made it a no-brainer for me to put my money on the Chargers. Yes, hindsight wagers always sound great. Anyhow, the Chargers defied odds and delivered something special for San Diego.
And that's another chance at the Patriots. Another chance at redemption, a chance to avenge everything that happened last year against this same team. Are they going to win? I'm not sure, but if the team that showed up at Indy this weekend shows up...they have a damn good chance. I'm not predicting anything, but I do know Sunday was a great day for San Diego sports and next Sunday is just another chance to celebrate. Thankfully, the Chargers finally put everything aside and didn't let their hang-ups hinder them anymore. Let's hope for more of the same in one week.
Editors Note: Continuing with the ongoing series "The Ghosts proudly present the Top 101 Albums…EVER." Worthy to note, this collection is comprised of OUR personal favorites and shouldn’t be used as a compass or declaration of what many music critics may have written or compiled in the past. This list is solely for the establishment and entertainment of, for and by the Ghosts. We will continue to randomly run our selections in no particular order. As usual, we encourage you to make us whole with your angst-ridden additions. Enjoy.
Van Morrison - Astral Weeks
If I ventured in the slipstream, between the viaducts of your dream where immobile steel rims crack...and the ditch in the back roads stop. Could you find me?
Overall: From the obvious department, here come another one. What greatest album collection would ever be complete without Van Morrison? And is there any other choice than this record? Seriously, this is perfection at it's finest and this one you can't really gripe or argue about. This album is...to burn a cliche; simply a beautiful masterpiece. It's a friggin' piece of art. And to be honest, it chaps me a bit that it fell into the 20's on our countdown, but rules are rules. Either way, I promised to shorten these reviews just a touch...in hopes to finish this project at some point before 2010.
Key Musical Highlights: No need to be vague or cliche in this spot. This is the type of record that you simply have to play from start to finish. It's simply that engaging and it's a sum of the parts making up the whole picture. Does that make any sense? Oh well, what I'm getting at is there is no single moment or song to point out and isolate. This is a raw collection of exquisite music that simply is better enjoyed in one sitting. Go ahead, start the record and try not to finish it. It's like a great sushi experience...you leave nothing, you complete the task. Yet, for the sake of argument I'll pinpoint "Sweet Thing" and "Cypress Avenue" as a couple personal favorites.
Where and When to Listen: Long and short, this is a relaxing and refreshing record. I'm not taking this to the gym with me. And like I said above, you've gotta be engaged and ready to digest the whole record. So, if you just want to chill out...here you go.
The Connection: I'm not big on Van Morrison, but this album is different. I'm not quite sure what the "connection" is, but somehow, I've always "connected" to this record. It's the perfect soft blend of phenomenal songwriting, jazz, folk, rock and blues. I can always connect with a record like that.
Lasting Impression: "To be born again." In simpler terms, the delicate lyrics and brilliance behind Van Morrison's songwriting. I'm not about to get sappy on this review, but seriously this record is so emotionally charged and it's driven by Morrison's unique voice and strong lyrics.
Overall: OK, for the record this album probably makes the cut on any sane person's Top 100 albums ever. And there has to be a good reason. This is by the far the best offering Van Morrison has to offer and it's one that couldn't possibly go unnoticed. And that folks is why it's smack dab on our Top 101...EVER.
It’s the NFL Divisional Playoff weekend, arguably one of the last remaining weekends to enjoy the splendor that is the National Football League. Because if you stop and think about it, from here on out the number of games left in the season splits in half. Technically speaking, after Sunday there are only 3 games left in the span of three weeks. Well, that’s if you really consider the Pro-Bowl an actual game. They get you hooked on the smack, by running games on Thursday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday and then they pull the rug out from underneath.
Yes, I could go on and on, but I won’t. Because of much greater importance is the fact that after this weekend there are only THREE games left in which you can donate money to some rich American who denounced his citizenship to live on some remote island with Jack, Kate and Sawyer all because he loved gambling. That’s it, maybe the “Others” really run a gambling site and…OK; I’m losing you and myself here. Moving on, let's just get to the breakdown and the analysis that is paying off credit cards, one week at a time.
And for starters this week, I'm doing things a bit different. I'm dibble dabbling in what I like to call the "Big Tease." In simpler terms, the loafers are on, the cigar is lit and I'm taking a look at all four games and piling on extra points one way or the other. Hence, the tease and hence the inflated spreads that probably have caught your eyes. Of course, if you're only vice in life isn't gambling like mine, then none of this makes sense. And with that...it's onto the games. Of note, this is a 4 team 7 point teaser. Gambling 101.
Seattle (+14.5) over GREEN BAY
We all laughed at Matt Hassleback back in 2004 against Green Bay when he said, “we’ll take the ball and we’ll win the game.” A few plays later Al Harris was waltzing into the endzone singing “girl you know it’s true…ooh…ooh…ooh…I love you!!!”
And now we fast forward a few years and they are back in that position of going to Green Bay. Surprisingly, I think the Hawks could very well win this game outright. I know the Packers are mysteriously tough, but honestly just how good has Favre really been as of late? The Seahawks have gutsy defense, a good QB, an underachieving RB and the experience. Green Bay...they have Favre.
NEW ENGLAND (-6) over Jacksonville
What have we heard about all week? Right, how Jacksonville is somehow going to upset the Patriots. Seriously, save your money...it's not gonna happen. The Patriots aren't going to fold at home nonetheless, against the Jags. Sure, the Jags are going to try and run the ball, eat the clock, slow the game and shorten the amount of possessions. In theory, that's a great game plan, but one the Pats will quickly expose considering satan Belichick has been spying priming for almost two weeks. Do you not think the Pats have heard all week about just how much of shot the Jags really have to come in there and win?
INDIANAPOLIS (-1) over San Diego
This one stings. I'd love no more than to see the Chargers roll into Indy and snake a win. However, I keep going back to Phil Rivers, over and over. I just can't talk myself into believing his is ready to go on the road to a place where they pump in crowd noise and get a "W." Against Manning? Argh. Then again, the Chargers are on fire...they could surely keep that spread under 2 TD's, plus isn't there a chance they could win outright? Fuck, does any of this make sense? How about Chargers (+15) over Indy? Coin flip, Sunday morning.
N.Y Giants (+14.5) over DALLAS
Everybody loves Eli. He's finally becoming a MANning. Big deal, he learned to manage a fucking game finally. It only took about 3 years, now can he do that week in and week out? I'm not sure, but I guess I'm riding shotgun on the Eli bandwagon this weekend. It's hard to beat a team 3 times in one season. And to cover 2 TD's with a "potentially" ailing T.O reeks of success to me. Of course, a healthy T.O spins the diretion of this wager 180 degrees, but that is jsut a wait and see.
And so, that folks is livin' and dyin' by a Teaser. Nobody said gambling was easy. Happy Wagering and Happy Weekend.
Welcome back to our favorite show here at GoWF. Today we have an extra special guest, one time ass-whupah turned political swashbuckler, Arnold Schwarzenegger. As usual, we’ll touch on some hot issues in the sports world, but since we got a political talking head, we’ll also take this opportunity to get into the primaries a bit. Without further ado, let’s get started.
Ghosts: Thanks for joining us here today, Mr. Schwarzenegger. It’s truly our pleasure. To kick things off, what do you think about Roger Clemens, the allegations of his performance enhancing drug use, and his handling of the media coverage?
Arnold: He is strong! If I die, I have to go before him, and he will ask me, "What is the riddle of steel?" If I don't know it, he will cast me out of Valhalla and laugh at me. He is strong on his mountain!
Ghosts: Well put. He is quite strong on that mountain, er mound. Who do you like to take it deep into March Madness this season? I think it’s probably Georgetown, but Stan seems to be dying hard on UNC. Your thoughts? Arnold: There are still two stalkers out there, Dynamo and Fireball. Who do you think will make the next kill?
Ghosts: I’m guessing Dynamo is Douglas-Roberts and Fireball is Derrick Rose. That Fireball sure can run. Not a bad choice at all. Maybe you could call him, the Running Man. Oops, that was horrible. Anyway, why did you leave a movie career and legions of fans for fucking politics? Arnold: I'm not into politics. I'm into survival.
Ghosts: Um, yes you are. You’re the governor of California. What do you think about George W. Bush? Think he ruined any hopes of any of the GOP candidates from making a real run at it?
Arnold: I can straighten that out. See that camera up there? I'll strangle you in front of the whole audience.
Ghosts: Please don’t. Isn’t it naïve to assume that the GOP has a chance after the abysmal approval rating that GW has achieved, giving the whole party a big black eye?
Arnold: Why don't they just call him Girl George? It would cut down on the confusion.
Ghosts: Ooh, nice one. But still you didn’t actually address the question. ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION.
Arnold: Stop shouting, I’m not deaf.
Ghosts: With all do respect. It’s just a question and I hardly raised my voice.
Arnold: Stop whining! You kids are soft. You lack discipline.
Ghosts: You know, we used to think you were the coolest. I mean, the way you survived that ferocious game show was just amazing. Now, you’re turning into a big wank after just a few years in politics. How do the words “credibility gap” make you feel?
Arnold: Basic Psychology is not among my sub-routines.
Ghosts: Point taken, let’s move on. Do you Jessica Simpson is a good match for Tony Romo? I mean, at this point he could have just about anyone. Shit, if the question was limited to only Jessica’s, I’d prefer Alba.
Arnold: Well, Cohaagen, I have to hand it to you. It's the best mindfuck yet.
Ghosts: Hmmm, intriguing. Think it’ll last?
Arnold: My database does not encompass the dynamics of human pair bonding.
Ghosts: Are you related to Jason Schwarzenegger from the Darjeeling Limited and Rushmore?
Arnold: Well, I may not have been in show business for as long as you have. But I'm a quick learner. And right now, I'm going to give the audience what *I* think they want.
Ghosts: Lay it on me. Whatcha got? You going to do an impression?
Arnold: No more complaining. No more "Mr. Kimble, I have to go the bathroom". Nothing! There *is* no bathroom!
Ghosts: That was terrible. You ruining the god damn interview. Why can’t you just stay on track an answer a few simple questions?
Arnold: Because all fucking hell is going to break loose.
Ghosts: OK. Well, thanks for coming. It was still a pleasure to meet you, despite your childish behavior. I don’t know why we always end these things on such a sour note. Anyway, until next time, this has been another episode of “Ask An Expert.”
Has it really been 2 years? Damn, this is kind of awkward...isn't it? Well, I mean aside from me writing this fictional letter on my stupid fucking blog, that'd I'd never really have the balls to send to you. Yet, anyhow...let's not think about all that. What's awkward is me asking you "what the fuck happened to you man?" You WERE the Detroit Pistons. Not kidding, you WERE the franchise. You built us up from the ground, set the wheels in motion, reaped the rewards, and will forever be held near and dear in our hearts, particularly when we recall the 2004 Champions.
And then somehow, I tend to agree that Flip tried to make you the scapegoat of not being a "fit" in his offense when we clunked out in the playoffs against Miami a few years back. Yet, where is the drive and the passion? OK, enough about nostalgia...seriously Ben, what the fuck happened? You were the prize of the free agent market a couple summers ago. You "claimed" Detroit was your home. And still, when you left I promised to bear no hard feelings. However, Chicago? Come on...I still wonder why? Wait, I know why...it was the money, no it was the respect. There you went on your way to turn the young Bulls into the elite team of the Eastern Conference. Father time is a bitch...ain't it?
Fair is fair, but what was I supposed to do with my inflatable defender? Again, like I promised back then and stand by today...no hard feelings. Besides, as it is today the joke is kind of on you now isn't it? I mean dude, Tyson Chandler is making you look like a chump. You single handedly confirmed what most Piston fans already knew, Joe Dumars knows his shit. I feel kind of bad, because technically speaking he pawned off a lemon on the Bulls. And sorry to be harsh Ben, but you were that lemon. I guess in technical terms...he really didn't pawn off the lemon. Basically, he suckered somebody else into buying a used car that he knew was run down.
I'm dead serious, you saved his ass and you may have saved the Pistons. I know all the expectations you carried with you to Chicago, it was simply too much. And now, the notion of taking this young team over the top seems like a far away mirage. I mean, when you are fighting for "PT" with Jo-Jo Noah and Joe Smith; it can't be good. I feel for you in that regard, because Ben...I loved you when you were with the Pistons. How the hell did it take you until mid November to grab double digit rebounds in one game? OK, don't answer that.
And that's why I've gotta let you know, I'm not trying to be harsh. No sir, I'm grateful for all you did and continue to do for the Pistons. I don't know what we'd do if we had you on the books for $15 million a year, including close to $18 for next season. My god, what would we do? Don't answer that, just know you saved the Pistons twice buddy and that's why there will NEVER, EVER be any hard feelings. Long and short, I guess I'm saying thanks.
Editors Note: Continuing with the ongoing series "The Ghosts proudly present the Top 101 Albums…EVER." Worthy to note, this collection is comprised of OUR personal favorites and shouldn’t be used as a compass or declaration of what many music critics may have written or compiled in the past. This list is solely for the establishment and entertainment of, for and by the Ghosts. We will continue to randomly run our selections in no particular order. As usual, we encourage you to make us whole with your angst-ridden additions. Enjoy.
Wu-Tang Clan - Enter the Wu-Tang: 36 Chambers
"Up from the 36 Chambers...it's the Ghost. Face. Killah. Wu-Tang Killah bees, we on a swarm. Wu-Tang killah bees, we on a swarm."
Overview: Mixing old martial arts films sound clips and hip-hop seemed rather odd originally. However, the Wu-Tang crew was like nothing rap and hip-hop had never heard or seen before. Led by the innovative and improv beats from the RZA, the clan was carried by an arsenal of hip-hop talent. The RZA was best recognized for lacing catchy piano riffs over hip-hop beats. Meanwhile, lyrical depth and creativeness came from the likes of the Genius, Ghostface Killah, Raekwon, Method Man, ODB, etc. This was hardly the run of the mill rap album to make it's way to the surface.
What seemed like underground New York rap, burst onto the scene and left a lasting impression in not only the hip-hop, but also overall music scene. Wu-Tang would release a string of individual efforts and the varied group collaborations, but none of them could ever stack up this original masterpiece.
Key Musical Highlight(s): The record starts with a fury and ends with a fury. It leaves you wanting more, more, more. This shit is full of anthems, lacking any such dull moment. And where do you pick the key point in a hip-hop record? It's hard. However, let me go ahead and throw a dart at the board. I'm going with "Protect Ya Neck" as just one of my "personal" favorites on the record. "Move it on 'yo left." Yet, don't let that be the defining moment. The whole record brings the ruckus. "Can it Be All So Simple", "M.E.T.H.O.D MAN" and "C.R.E.A.M" are probably the most commercially recognized tracks...if that means anything.
Where and When to Listen: I'm axing this question from my next review, because it's so vague. This album is suitable for any time or place. It's the call of the listener's...why do you need me to tell you when to jam out a fine record?
Lasting Impression: The RZA's beats and the GZA's lyrics. Tough to argue against anything ODB or Method Man spit out on this album, but the RZA broke new grounds with the Wu-Tang and the GZA was simply a fucking Genius.
Overall: This was the hip-hop record that brought me back. After the death of "gangsta" rap...I lost interest. I grew up on N.W.A, Too $hort, EPMD, etc...the newer rap groups of the mid 90's weren't biting my tastes. However, the Wu-Tang came around and everything made sense. A unique and deeply innovative group that dropped one of the best hip-hop albums ever. And that's why this one simply had to make the Top 101...EVER.
Man, another tough decision tonight. Should we watch Diggstown, PGA Tour reruns, the Mets Hot Stove report, American Gladiators (OK, MBSR notwithstanding), the 2007 Timbersports Collection, or the BCS Championship game?
Right, that's what I figured. Pretty much everyone who watches sports - even a little - will be watching the BCS game. So, I have a burning question, which of course doubles as advice. Why hasn't anyone tried airing the biggest contests on the various sports channels (ignore the financial aspects for now) with biased announcing teams? I'm curious why with the multitude of ESPNs and countless other sports channels, why nobody has thought to air big games with commentating biased for each side? Take a couple examples...
First, take a look at this clip.
Which of these would you rather have as your in-game commentary?
1) Announcer: Number 80 displays the warm, pillowy, flatbread position yet again as he flies 5 yards out of bounds. I wish that f*cking kid would graduate already.
2) Announcer: Ooooooh, he ran over #80 like a Mexican runs over the Texas state border. (I call immunity on inappropriateness on account of humor)
3) Announcer: Nice block on #80. That block sprang him free for up for an extra twenty yards.
If you're anything like me, #1 or #2 look damn good relative to #3. Wouldn't the game be a lot more fun to watch with a little bias? And a lot more fun with a lot of bias? Who ever made up the rule that the announcer should be neutral anyway? Why do you think they have sports bars dedicated to one team instead of both? It's more fun to be around, talk about, and yes, even hear about your team and the other fans.
Let's take a look at another example...
1) Announcer: Super Mario celebrates a HUGE win with his best Turbo impression from Breakin' II: Electric Bugaloo. Nothing says victory like the Worm.
2) Announcer: Apparently Manningham cannot control his excitement as Michigan's finally beats somebody. I suppose if you can't get any attention for your skill on the field, might as well do a stupid dance move from twenty years ago. Maybe next time he'll bring a leather vest and plaid pants for some more of this gay shit.
3) Announcer: Oh, now that's unnecessary. Mario Manningham should get flagged for behavior like that.
Who do like in this one? Yep, me too. Numbers 1 and 2 are way more interesting if you ask me - obviously depending on which team you're rooting for to win the game.
We could go on like this, but you get the idea. With 10+ channels dedicated to sports in addition to the networks, why not offer a few varieties of commentating for big games? Everybody is going to watch the BCS Championship, the NCAA Finals, and the Super Bowl. Anyone who even remotely likes sports is watching these games. No programming on the affiliated channels even has a chance.
So, air the same games with some heavily biased announcers on the affiliates. In fact, cut 'em loose. Give Simmons a channel for Boston games. Give Shaq and Maurice Clarrett the BCS game. Hell, give Mike Golic a Notre Dame game. You can always run the conventional version of the game on the main channel, but running different varieties on some of these affiliates could be a cool - and dare I say, innovative - way to have a more biased variety of the game. Some of us have had all we can take of the current setup, so give it a whirl. We'll watch the Timbersports Collection another day.
So much shit happened this weekend in the world of sports that I'm forced to produce this scattered re-cap of the events. Of course, why do you need to hear it from me...this is all practically old news? Oh well, fuck it...just bare with me. Yes, I know there is a lot of more important shit going on; thank god Britney has been released. Anyhow, it's about time to touch 'em all on the Smorgasbord of weekend sports.
First up...
Well, how about that Wayne Ellington? The North Carolina Tar Heels were on the ropes at Clemson on Sunday night. However, the talent and resilience came through in the midnight hour. The game plan was to slow Hansbrough and get "physical" with him. Yet, Clemson forgot about Wayne Ellington, who dropped 36 points including the 3-point dagger with less than 1 second on the clock. For Carolina, many will call this a sign of vulnerability. And that'd be a mistake, because if anything...this further proved the Tar Heels are STILL the team to beat.
Their schedule won't get any easier, as the ACC season is now in full swing. Key games include N.C State and @Georgia Tech coming soon. Let's cool any undefeated talk...for now, but talk more if they hit February with zero in the "L" column.
Also on Sunday night, Roger Clemens went a step further in making an ass of himself and keeping his huge lie escalating. Anybody out there still convinced Clemens is telling the truth? Huh, not me. The smart move for Clemens would've been to take the Andy Pettite route and just come up with a "yeah, I tried it once, but once only" bull-shit story and apologize. Oddly enough, his buddy Pettite has essentially been given forgiveness and a clean slate. For Clemens sake...he'd better pray to GOD he is telling the truth or this country is going to fry him at the stake.
On Sunday afternoon the Chargers finally won a freaking playoff game, but it was hardly easy. For the first time ever it "actually" rained in Southern California. I kid. Anyhow, the rain led to a bit of sloppy play, but that didn't stop Phil Rivers from putting together a nice little game. Even Norv Turner danced a gig of relief. We'll see if this carries over next week in Indy. I'll go out on a huge limb and say...the Chargers are going to win that game. We'll let's see the prognosis on Gates...first.
Also, Eli Manning finally delivered the playoff win for the success starved New York football fans. About time, considering it was only his third try. Was there an easier game to bet on this weekend? I was stunned to see the Giants as a "dog" on the board, but luckily for me...it wasn't a typo. Of course, I snuck in a Bowling Green money line to give the house their money back. Um, they only lost 63-7.
On Saturday night Jacksonville nearly crapped the bed and gave away a gift to a Pittsburgh team that was just a little too worn down, injured and tired to make a serious run this year. Yet, somehow the Jags escaped town with the "W." And now we get the treat of "Can the Jags beat the Pats" press all week. However, I'm not gonna drink that kool-aid; the Pats win easy.
Earlier in the day, Sean Taylor reigned down pissed off at the Redskins, as they ironically lost by 21 points. Coincidence? Maybe, maybe not?
And lastly, that leaves the BCS Championship game. Well, I've been barking against Ohio State all season, but not for this game. Essentially, the BCS game has become a a month and half of the underdog getting slandered and bashed. And we wonder why the underdog comes out and wins? Well, for one...I just don't think LSU is the "end-all-of-dominance" like the media has made them out to be. And that's why my money is riding on Ohio State tonight and my sincere apologies go out to Buckeye nation for jinxing them.
If you have any question how sites like Rivals and Scout are impacting the number of high school football fans, just ask the 36,534 people who showed up for the Army All-American Bowl – a game that features the most talented and highly recruiting high school seniors in the country. The increased access to information on high school recruits is one of the great benefits the Internet has given the sports fan. A new crop of fans (including yours truly) have taken to following the top recruits, making the life of a college football (and basketball) fan infinitely more fun. I happily fork over $9.99 a month for full access to the rivals website. It’s worth it just to sit around at work and watch the highlight reels these kids put together.
The US Army All-American Bowl is a treat to watch to check out the who will be chasing down Heismans in the next few years, but there's also always a slew of highly prized recruits making commitments and other stories that develop over the course of the day. So, we have a complete recap of the days events. Without further do, in bullet point format, here's everything you need to know about this year's All-American game.
I often wonder how they prepare these kids for this game. You would expect them to have a remarkably small playbook, but the offenses look relatively cohesive and have a decent variety of plays. What an experience to practice with all of the best players in the world at your level. You can really tell that these kids have made a lot of friends throughout the preparation, which should make for some good rivalries over the next four years.
The first big declaration of the day is Ryan Williams as he commits to the Hokies. Williams is the #3 ranked running back in the country and got the starting role for the East.
Covaughn Deboskie put on his Cal hat today, passing on Arizona State and Stanford.
Terrelle Pryor is soiling the pants of Michigan and Ohio State fans across the country. His opening drive was pure leadership; we’re talking dominating against the best of his peers. He hit, guess who, Ryan Williams, for a heads up dump off that broke open a giant play. On the following play, he turned the defense into Buckingham Palace Guards as his craftily scampered in for a teed. Pryor is planning to make a couple visits to Ann Arbor and Columbus before making his commitment by the end of February.
Brandon Smith just walked up to the table with the ever-suspenseful three hats declaration. He’s narrowing it down to Rutgers, Michigan, and South Carolina. You know who he wants, right? Yep, he’s going to Michigan. I have a feeling this is going to be a really good day.
Good lord, it’s a Michigan fest. Sam McGuffie just got a carry for a first down and now they are highlighting his hurdling skills and showing his famous flip clip. Don’t worry; we know his name. It sounds as though McGuffie is totally committed to the Rich Rodriguez offense as the commentators have been discussing his role in the spread offense and comparing to Noel Devine’s role at WVU. Make no mistake, however, McGuffie has taken a few monstrous licks throughout this game. This will not put the size questions to rest, but if there were ever question marks about his toughness, forget it.
MarQueis Gray, a four star QB out of Indiana passed on the Spartans (sorry Stan) and chose the Golden Gophers. We assume he passed on MSU, because they already have a Marquise Gray on the basketball team and that would just be too confusing for Spartan fans. Good for Minnesota and Tim Brewster. Looks like the Big Ten transformation to athletic QBs is already hitting full steam ahead. It’s good to see the Midwest guys staying in Big Ten country. Gray was definitely a standout in this game and showed that he is right up there with guys like Pryor and Christ.
If there is one complaint I have about this otherwise thoroughly enjoyable game, it’s that all the side bullshit is blatantly taking away from the on-the-field action. Jonathan Baldwin just reeled in a highlight reel touchdown on a ball that flew about 45 yards in the air. Meanwhile, we were treated to some schlock about ROTC cadet training and the commentators basically missed the play. I had to rewind about 4 times to figure out who made the play. Baldwin is headed to Pittsburgh.
Another declaration, Shayne Hale, a top 5 linebacker out of Pennsylvania, chose the university of Pittsburgh. Dave Wannstedt is having a good day for Pitt. The state of Pennsylvania is just stacked with standouts this year.
None other than, Vince Papale, presents the top underclassman award. That's right, THE Vince Papale of Invincible fame. The award went to QB by the name of Matt Barkley. He is projected to be the #1 recruit in the country next season, so keep an eye on him.
Another superstar appearance, the men of the Golic family, Mike Sr. and Mike Jr, are checking in to talk about Junior’s recruiting process. Shocker, he is going to Notre Dame. I hope he gets to share a dorm room with Screech and Slater and has really amicable residential adviser.
The catch of the day comes from Deandre Brown with the clock expiring at the half. MarQueis Gray lobbed on up in the back of the endzone and the 6’6” Brown made a great catch about 11 feet in the air.
The dick move of the day comes from A.J. Harmon, a top offensive lineman recruit who committed to Clemson back in June. Harmon flip-flopped a little over the past week and officially switched to the Georgia Bulldogs. Ouch.
An interesting combination, Dane Christ hits Michael Floyd on a 56 yard teed. Get ready folks, because these two are both headed to Notre Dame. It's only fitting that they burned a Michigan recruit for the score.
The surprise of the day came from Gerell Robinson, a top 100 Athlete (i.e., QB who probably won’t play QB in college). Robinson was not expected to commit at the All-American Bowl, but announced his commitment to Arizona State. Pundits suspected that he may have been leaning towards Notre Dame, but he stayed local with the Sun Devils.
The biggest catch of the day, LSU and Les Miles reeled in 5-star corner, Patrick Johnson. Johnson is ranked #3 overall on the Rivals #100 list and chose LSU out of respect for Les Miles and his aggressive corner blitz schemes. The day wouldn’t be complete without Miles bringing in a big one.
Terrelle Pryor (we’re gonna need to work in a good Richard Pryor reference for a nickname here soon) took home the MVP honors and proved he is capable of dealing with the hype. This kid is really proving himself at every level – the media attention being the area that I’ve been monitoring. I marvel at how a high school senior could possibly be equipped for this kind of attention, but he takes it completely in stride. He said, “I was just out there having fun today,” and that’s the whole story. He also took home the Army's player of the year award. Oh and by the way, Pryor showed up to the game wearing a Michigan sweatshirt.
All told, the US Army All-American Bowl provided seldom a dull moment. Between the on the field action, the nine declarations, and the bizarre, mildly-annoying sideline tidbits, for a change, this is three hours I don't want back.
Honestly, the combination of the New Years weekend and an exhausting week at work has me running on fumes. All I want to do is go home and eat. What will I eat you might be wondering? I will eat Soon Du Bu. It's a delicious Korean soup made with enough chili powder to burn a hole in your esophogus before it ever reaches your stomach. And to add to the excitement, they cook it in a stone bowl. This means they cook the entire bowl, bringing the temperature to somewhere around 275 degrees. That's two kinds of hot.
Moving on, looks like the bad rumor is turning into bad news in Ann Arbor as Ryan Mallett is planning to transfer to UCLA. That whole Terrelle Pryor siutation really escalated quickly. Now, the Wolverines are looking down the barrell of a gun if he doesn't show up. As reputable as the Toledo Blade may be, this seems a bit rash considering Rich Rodriguez probably hasn't even had a chance to speak to him, let alone discuss the future in any detail. I do respect the good folks of Toledo for naming their paper something a little more unique than gazette, tribute, or herald. It sounds like an expansion team. I think I will name my newspaper the East Village Burst and print it on Lime Green newsprint.
As for the other stuff we put out around the interweb, the Glide column, Story of the Ghosts, came out pretty good this week. We took the One Timers feature that shows up around here from time to time and applied it to the music world. We touched on a handful of good stuff, including Michael Franti & Spearhead, a cool movie called Once, the Disco Biscuits, Quintus, and the Felice Brothers. I think it was probably our best column yet over there - which says little. Also, the usual Thursday feature at Epic Carnival, Doc Brown's Imminent Luminaries, highlighted a 5'6" high school baller by the name of Erving Walker.
Speaking of Epic Carnival, the gang was added to this list of the Top 25 Sports blogs, which is based on actual traffic as opposed to link whoring (ahem, Ballhype). So, that is a good thing. To celebrate, we're throwing a sweet cyber dance party tonight where we will all get our Sims characters together and show off our new moves.
Finally, before we move on to the links around the Sphere, I have a gripe/request. Can the people at Yahoo! please come up with a tool to auto fill fantasy baseketball rosters. Don't ask me why, but I have three fantasy basketball teams and it literally takes over a half hour just to fill the lineups with starters with games on that particular day. How hard is it to just default to the players with games?
OK, it's Richard Linklater time. Sorry, I mean, here are the links...
The Deuce of Davenport takes a look at the playoff contenders as if they were beers. The Seahawks only wish they were Red Hook. Red Hawk is delicious. I'd say the Seahawks are more like Mickeys in the 40 cooler. It's pretty gross, but realtive to the competition, it's the best option.
Lozo poses an interesting question: Who lies about not having sex? Much like the friends in this story, I think I would be confused here as well.
Ever wondered how much your favorite college basketball team is worth? Me too, but mine didn't even make the list. Come on Beilein, it's been like 2 months already. Nevertheless, Storming the floor has some interesting information on the ones who did make it.
With 27 days left until Lost kicks off, we're getting a little over excited around here. In fact, I think it’s time for us to craft our own little island here at GoWF. Yeah, it’s time. I have no idea how to write a TV show or let alone even write a story of any kind, but what the hell. Isn't there some quote about the only people who are failures are those who never try? I think I better keep that in mind. So here goes nothing.
Today, we’re kicking off our own version of Lost starring some of our favorite characters from around the sports world. First and foremost, I just want to introduce our cast of characters. Quite honestly, I haven't thought of a story yet, so we'll kick it off officially next week. For now, let’s meet our bizarro world Losties.
Jack – This is so obvious. There’s only one athlete with the boyish good looks and remarkable leadership qualities suited to play to giant tool that is Jack - Tom Brady. He’s good at everything and everyone is sick of him. Fortunately, there is a giant meltdown out on the horizon and it involves lots of Percocets.
Sawyer – The highly coveted loose canon role is really a tough call. Is it too weird if I give it to Ray Lewis? It’s safe to assume he likes porn and we know he likes weapons, right?
Kate – Since I don't really like many of the famous, hot female athletes out there on the interweb and none of them can climb stuff like Kate, I am going with a surfer named Missy Gibson. The obvious Kournikova or Sharapova just doesn't fit. Plus, this little cutie looks like she might get down with Ray Lewis, right?
Benry – Who will play the pesky, irritating little mastermind behind this whole operation? I’ll give you a hint; the antagonist of our story likes sweater vests.
Desmond – See you in another life, brah. Desmond is one weird dude and has wicked flashbacks. Enter, Dock Ellis.
Sun – Sun is arguably the hottest character on the show, but also one we do not know all that much about. This seems like a good spot for Allison Stokke. Plus, neither of them say much and both have domineering daddies who will drive them to do something crazy.
Hurley – Alright, our Hurley isn’t fat and he doesn’t have long hair, but this wouldn’t be fun at all without Bill Walton. This is the best spot for him.
Jin – Since they are both Asian, highly skilled at their craft, and capable winning fans without the use of fluent English, Ichiro is the choice here.
Charlie - Mark Cuban, I just want to kill him off.
Sayid - The most ass-kickingest character on the show can only be played by the most ass-kickingest baseball player (with greasy jerry curls), Maglio Ordonez.
Locke - Locke is a really tough choice. He's a wise old sage who overcame adversity to become a real player on the island. He also started to get too much air and got really irritating. It's not a great fit, but until further notice, Brett Favre gets the nod.
Claire - Since Claire is the most annoying character on the show, if not in the world, we chose Sasha Cohen. I have no idea if she is annoying, but she looks like a total brat who probably makes some 35 year old assistant get her soy latte frappes at 4:30 am before practice.
Rose and Bernard - Who else could play the wuss husband and nuts-ass wife better than Doug and Jackie Christie?
Juliet - Juliet is the character everyone perpetually wishes was just slightly more attractive, but she keeps it interesting. So for that, we decided on Heather Mitts. She's not smokin', but there is something curiously likeable about her. Plus, like Juliet, she plays a role that is actually watchable.
Alright folks, that's our cast. We'll see where this goes, but I suspect this will be running for a solid five seasons. Tune in next week to see how it all begins.
What do the NFL Playoffs and Steven Segal have in common? Good question and I'll be sure to let you know when I come up with a solid answer. However, that's not going to stop me today from dropping an awe inspiring comparison between each one of the surviving NFL teams going into this post-season and their equivalence in Segal films. And it'd be hard to not use the word "classic" when speaking of Segal films, but that's another story. How about I just get to the point already? In no particular order, follow me...
New England Patriots - Out for Justice: Yes, just like Gino who went to the streets in an un-marked with a rifle in search for the dudes who murdered his best friend. It was all about closure for Gino (Segal) and it was all about revenge or um, justice. And for Belichick and the Pats, that's what this entire season has been about. One big F.U to the league and an assault for revenge, respect and yes...justice. It's been all about proving they are the greatest EVAH!!!
Indianaplolis Colts - Hard to Kill: Ah yes, that Mason Storm...you just couldn't put this guy down. Consider the Colts the Mason Storm of these playoffs. They ARE the defending Champs and they AREN'T going out without a fight. It's still going to take a monumental effort to kill this Champion.
N.Y Giants - Executive Decision: This will be the last straw. Giants fans are fed up with the one and out playoff appearance and Eli is gonna be the fall guy. If the G-Men drop another playoff turd, Mara and Tisch are gonna have start thinking about the guy behind center. How many chances they are willing to give him before they start thinking about that fat Lorenzen dude on the bench?
Dallas Cowboys - Marked for Death: Somehow Segal always seemed to play the role of the victim out for revenge. In this case, the title is more or less what pertains to the Cowboys. What seemed like a prohibitive favorite not long ago...now appears to be a team ripe for the pickings. Or better yet, a team "marked for death." Sorry Cowboy fans...unless, T.O is 100% and that offense snaps out of the funk, it could be another 1 and done.
Green Bay Packers - The Patriot: Hmm, the parallels are haunting, Segal plays a doctor in a race against time to find the cure for a lethal virus. On the flip side of the coin, Brett Favre is in a race against time with the hopes of winning one last Super Bowl before he calls it quits.
San Diego Chargers - Under Siege 2: Dark Territory: A phenomenal script BTW... anyhow, the Chargers are at the crossroads. After having gone 14-2 last season and gagging in the playoffs, then firing their coach...the pressure is mounting. Now, after struggling in the early part of the season and since surging to the playoffs...it's a must win situation. Technically speaking, this is a team "Under Siege", but more importantly they are in a dark place... win or else.
Tampa Bay Bucs - On Deadly Ground: The Bucs have kind of crawled into the playoffs under the radar. And now, most people are picking against them in the first round... claiming they are prime for the upset. Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't they still battling Eli? Oh well, this under the radar shit ain't gonna fly around here anymore. They are on shaky, deadly ground.
Pittsburgh Steelers - Exit Wounds: You know it's bad when you have to bring up one guy from the practice sqaud, sign one rookie for the second time, and even hire a guy who is better known for his iron crosses and helicopters than his pass catching. The Steelers injuriy problems run deep. The team is holding itself together with a little duct tape and some chewing gum, but it's not going to hold for long. The season ends on Sunday.
Jacksonville Jaguars - Shadow Man: After years of waiting in the shadows behind Old Man Brunnell and Byron "My Ankles are Made of Pretzels" Leftwich, David Garrard has emerged. Behind his 102 passer rating, Jascksonville quietly ammassed an 11-5 season and looks like a great sleeper pick to surprise in this years playoffs.
Tennessee Titans - The Glimmer Man: It's odd, but I didn't even realize the Titans were in the Playoffs. I'd much rather have seen the Browns. And to be honest, I never realized Segal made this movie. OK, the latter part...I'm lying about...I own the DVD.
Washington Redskins - Fire Down Below: The Redskins are playing with a burning fire. They are playing with a greater sense of pride and purpose. Will it be enough?
Seattle Seahawks - Half Past Dead: Yes, Segal was a part of this film and it did come out in the latter stages of his lengthy and still existent career. And the title stings to the Hawks demise, because seriously...do we really think they are going to recapture 2005 all over again?
And there you go, just another shameless way to plug an action hero...ICON...and somehow relate that to the NFL. Ah yes, to be a retired Navy Seal that just happens to be a cook who knows martial arts and is wanted dead by many. Yup, sounds like the NFL to me.
(Sigh) The saga continued today as the Detroit Lions canned offensive coordinator, Mike Martz. What does this do? Why? The team improved this year and scapegoating the season on the offensive coordinator of a team with a flat out horrible offensive line, a ton of injuries, and a serviceable, yet old and never-that-good quarterback makes no sense. These things take time.
Well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. To assist the Lion's front office in their quest to sustain a never ending state of flux in the metaphor for the demise of an entire city known as the Detroit Lions, here are 10 more smart offseason moves the Lions should make.
1) Buy Calvin Johnson a Kamikaze motorcycle and provide him with a sweet jump.
2) Make sure all members of the coaching staff have DVR, so that when they prepare for the draft in April they can fast forward through all the defensive series.
3) Whenever Shaun Rogers finishes a sprint or a calisthenic in practice, reward him with a bag of Combos.
4) Extend Kitna's contract for 6 more years at $120 million.
5) In an effort to drum up some good publicity with our allies, only draft players from Canada and England.
6) Hire Brian Billick as offensive coordinator, because two head coaches is better than one. This always works.
7) Change T.J. Duckett's jersey to read "Peterson," because to compete in the NFC North, it's imperative to have someone called Peterson.
8) Take the team out for some bonding and a boat cruise with some nice girls from the neighborhood.
9) Create an entire playbook based on video games, including the unstoppable Triple Option from Bill Walsh College Football and the Reverse Fake Z-Post from Super Tecmo Bowl.
10) Give the offensive coordinator position to Jim Colletto, the current coach of the worst offensive line in the NFL. Oh wait, you already did that.
12:51 - Take three Immodium ADs to try to prevent the inevitable.
1:10 - Start plowing a plate of eggs, tomatoes, cucumbers, and a pita - wedding diet. Michigan muffs the opening kick and starts at the 3. The volume on my new TV doesn't work and too lazy to figure it out. I have the volume blasting form a tv in another room. Don't be an innovata hata.
1:12 - Lloyd is getting all ironic and runs the spread. Nice pickup by Arrington.
1:14 - My intestines are already burning with indigestion and Michigan has a nice drive going. Apparently, this is a 3 on 3 game. Right.
1:17 - Initially, I expected the Gators to blow out the Wolverines, but Florida's defense looks horrible. With the exception of some mistakes and penalties on Michigan's part, this first drive is shit through a tin horn.
1:20 - Should I smoke some weed? Not yet. Manningham for 6. Florida blows.
1:25 - I hate when teams do this, but I think Michigan is samrt to avoid kicking to Brandon James.
1:26 - Here comes Tebow. God, he's dreamy.
1:27 - I just took a cruise through our site meter. Sports Illustrated on Campus linked a post I wrote about Jim Harbaugh a couple months ago. That is pretty weird. It wasn't very good.
1:30 - It's weird to think this is Lloyd Carr's last game. I feel pretty nostalgic about it actually. I can't wait for the Rich Rod era, but Michigan football is doing a complete 180.
1:31 - Florida missed a field goal try. Can Michigan actually win this thing? If so, that would be devine.
1:35 - This looks more the like the Michigan effort I expected to see. Garbage drive and a particularly garbage third down play. Live blogs are stupid, is this all you do the whole time?
1:38 - So, I got tickets to a surprise Tea Leaf Green show tonight. I really want to check them out with new bassist, Reed Mathis, but man, what a bad idea to go to a concert tonight. I'm tired as hell from this long weekend already and this is gonna do me in for good. Getting to work tomorrow is going to take a Jordan-with-the-flu type of effort.
1:41 - If I named my kid, Urban Meyer, I think it would be in hopes that he would become a sheriff.
1:46 - Oops, I wasn't paying attention, but some guy from Florida is expressing his excitement, holding the ball, and in the endzone. Flag. Scratch that.
1:50 - Another TD and this time it counts. Ooh, the best part. The interview with the suits from Capital One. "We like to name bowl games long stupid corporate names, so they sound entirely uninteresting. Winning the Capital One No Hassle Bowl is about as honorable as winning student of the month in middle school.
1:53 - Third and 12, classic Carr territory here. I predict an 8 yard out.
1:57 - Fumble. Punt. Nice return. Penalty. This game is going south in a hurry.
2nd Quarter
2:04 - Another TD pass from Tebow. 14-7. Our partners in crime got another live blog going over at Epic Carnival.
2:07 - I think I'm actually ready to go back to work for a couple days. I feel like I've been in my apartment way too much this weekend and I think spent like 900 dollars since Thursday. Free time is lethal on the bank account. Am I supposed to be writing about the game? No. Good.
2:17 - Boyahhh, Hart for 6 off tackle. Did they just miss that? Nope. We're even at 14.
2:19 - What are the odds on the Bucket List being any good? It looks rancid, but how bad could it really be with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman really be in a co-starring performance? I tend to like movies targeted for old people.
2:21 - This is really just become evident that this is a game played by two mediocre teams. Both teams have their stars, but the fundamental play on both sides is just not that good.
2:24 - Bloddy hell. Percy Harvin just took it 66 yards into the RED ZONE.
2:31 - Big turn of events - Michigan blocked a field goal. Rich Rod is in the house. He looks good in that Michigan garb. Hansdome fella. Here goes Butler!!!
2:35 - Shite. Hart just fumbled inside the five. Give it away, Give it away, give it away, now.
2:42 - The Wolves got it back and Hart springs free for a nice scamper. And they follow it up with a "trick play" that essentially was a punt on second down. That fooled nobody. He didn't even have to move for that pick. Terrible.
2:48 - Despite the big plays, Michigan's defense is handling Florida quite well. With Tebow and Harvin, it's silly to expect a dominating performance from Michigan, but they are playing their game and doing a fine job. The dreaded spread offense isn't causing to much trouble. The front four are getting pressure.
2:54 - Michigan is driving soundly on Henne's crisp passing effort. Haven't heard or seen from Carr in a while. I would have thought they'd make more of the Carr story. Bam. Henne to Arrington for 6. Interesting turn of events. They play was challenged and reversed. Not a TD, but placed at the 1/2 yard line.
Gonna get it done for one more?
3:00 - Fumble on first down. Henne throws to the corner, battled away on second. Henne to Arrington on a roll out to the corner. TD. Beauty eh?
At the Half
Today on GoWF at the half, we'd rather watch the trailer for the Lost season premiere. I saw it last night, but everyone was drunk and cheering so loud when it came on, I have no idea what actually happened. I call "Future Jack" for my fantasy team next season.
3rd Quarter
3:27 - Pooch kickoff works. Michigan ball. Florida's return team had no idea what was going on. "Oh shit. Is this a kickoff or a punt. Wait, which one do I run away from. Oops."
3:32 - Popcorn and typing go together like coffee and pickles. Big pickup on a strike to Arrington. RED ZONE.
3:34 - Hart is in for the sweetness. We got ourselves a comfortable lead here at 28-14.
3:35 - I think the Lions should try to pick up Henne in the draft this year. He could be a steal as a second or third rounder with the tools to be a great pro-style QB. He is really a quality pocket passer if he is healthy. He can deliver the ball and take a hit better than anybody. As for the Lion's first round pick, I hope they take a premier offensive lineman. The line is really the key problem area on that team.
3:42 - Tebow is starting to collapse and the talk about a post-Heisman turd has commenced. I like the looks of this.
3:45 - I should have kept my mouth shut. Tebow singlehandedly takes over and gets 6 for the Gators.
3:53 - Henne is orchestrating another tight drive. Matthews just showed a little skee bop do wop deet footwork and brings it in to the red zone. Hart nearly scores and the ball is loose. It's a turnover. Man, two fumbles from Hart inside the 2 yard line. This one is under review, but it's a good call.
3:59 - Urban and crew pull off a fake punt backed up at their own 23. Crazy call. Dumb call. Just like that, Percy Harvin springs free and burst up the middle for a huge gain.
4:01 - Breakdown. Caldwell is wide open in the middle of the endzone. TD Florida. Tied at 28-28. Hart looks suicidal.
4:06 - Big play by Manningham on what seems like the 75th time one of these teams ran a "bubble screen." When did bubble screen become a buzz word? We've been here over 3 hours already and it's just now the end of the 3rd quarter. Remind me never to live blog ever again. My ass is getting sore.
You guys getting bored? Wanna jam out to some Bela Fleck? Me too.
4th Quarter
4:12 - So this Bela Fleck is feeling like pretty inspired tribute to Lloyd's last quarter as a Wolverine. I remember when I was a sophomore at Michigan and had a Lloyd sighting where I was walking at Lloyd and he at me on the sidewalk; nobody else was around at all and I saw him from a mile away, so I was trying not to look at him. I never said a word, but man that seemed like the longest 10 seconds ever.
4:19 - Michigan's back up by 3. This game ain't gonna be won by no field goal.
4:31 - Michigan is running a "chippy" drive. That is another word of the day we've been exposed to numerous times. Nevermind, Henne's screen is deflected at the line, picked off, and just like that, Florida ball
4:34 - Tebow is starting to feel it. I can feel it. What has largely been a boring game is finally winding down and starting to get interesting. Tebow to Hernandez down to the Michigan 10.
4:35 - Percy Harvin literally flies around end on the reverse and puts Florida back on top, 35-31.
4:39 - If this Florida team is widely considered as a preseason favorite next year, where do you tihnk Michigan falls? I suspect they would at least be a top ten pick, particularly if Terrelle Pryor comes. I think the Rich Rodriguez era will probably take a couple years to really blossom though. That's a ton of kids to convert on entire offenses and defenses and a new group of coaches at most every position.
4:41 - More importantly, Michigan just came down - and on two beautiful receptions by Arrington - went back up. What a day for Arrington.
4:46 - I been hee 4 howa.
4:48 - Florida turns it over on downs, so it's Lloyd's game to lose. This has been a pretty well-coached game and well played for Michigan, so it's good to see a high note for the end his era.
4:57 - Michigan get's some heat on Tebow on third down and he throws a pillow up to Morgan Trent. Tebow is damn lucky that wasn't picked off. Incomplete on fourth down. This looks to be in the books.
5:00 - Lloyd went out on top. It's been a good run, Carr. And now, ladies and gentlemen... the Rich Rodriguez era.
I Feel I've Never Told You the Story of the Ghosts...
It's been an eternity since the Lions have been relevant. Of course don't cry for us Detroit fans. Yes, we're just another blog about everything and nothing. Coming live and direct from a Spartan and a Wolverine...imagine that.
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Also, whose idea was it to add those horrible text comments to the season 3 finale rerun last night? If you missed it, they replayed the final episode from last season with these terrible US Weekly/Pop-Up Video style comments on the screen throughout the entire episode . I kid you not, there was actually a point when Jack admits to Kate that he loves her and the comment read, "Jack and Kate, aka 'Jaters.'" That literally made me fucking sick to my stomach. First of all, nobody has ever in the history of the world called Jack and Kate fucking "Jaters." Second of all, I want to find you whoever you and pin you down while I throw up into your mouth. You are a disgusting human being with terrible taste and stupid ideas.
For most folks just following the NFL Playoffs is enough excitement. However, for a couple of Fantasy Football junkies like ourselves, the season never ends. Yup, we aren't ashamed to admit that the simplicities and doldrums of our everyday lives has steered us down a lonely road and delusional dream of being the next "Talented Mr. Roto." Ah yes, the job never ends and that's why we've kept our eyes glued to the "Up and Up" of breakthrough assets in these playoffs.
The sting from last season's loss at home in the playoffs now seems like an eternity away. The surmounting pressure that surrounded their coach and this team earlier this season...is now gone. You don't have much of a soul if you don't feel a sense of relief for a guy like Turner. Much maligned this entire season, perhaps this lone win can change the verdict to a slight degree on Norv.
Thankfully, the Chargers finally put everything aside and didn't let their hang-ups hinder them anymore. Let's hope for more of the same in one week. 
