The Ceiling Fans (a.k.a. The Dumbest Names For Fan Sections)

As we turn our attention to the college hoops season, it is high time we raise a longstanding issue. Why can't any of America's youth think of any good names for fan sections? Honestly, in running through the mental list and conducting a solid nine minutes of research, I have only come across one name for a hoops fan section that is even remotely good.

Exhibit A: The Best of the Worst

The L Raisers: I have to hand it to the Louisville kids; this is as good as it gets. Granted, it is still pretty bad, but considering the competition, consider this a victory. On the pizza equivalent scale, it's not quite Little Caesars, but it's also no Pizza Hut. In other words, it's still hot and delicious, but not the best, not the worst. Maybe about a Propa Johns.

Exhibit B: I Eat My Own Cooking.

The Maize Rage: As a proud Michigan graduate, I can honestly say, I wouldn't be caught anywhere near anything called the Maize Rage. I think this is just terrible. Couldn't we at least make it rhyme like the Maize Blaze. At least that way we get some street cred for the herb reference, right? A truly good name would include a reference to some sweet old throwback players like the Rice Pad (Glen Rice).

Exhibit C: Fortunately, our rivals down Interstate-96 suck just as bad.

The Izzone: With all due respect, Izzone makes nice use of Tom's name and all. I just think there are some great directions you could take this one. Like "the AmIZZOne," "the SchIZZOfrenics," or my personal favorite, "the Blake IZZOrs."

Exhibit D: When in doubt, speak Snoop.

The Zou - The Zou isn't awful or anything, but I can't help but think that the Tigers have forgone a terrific opportunity to utilize jive with something to the effect of the Mizzou Hizzou.

Exhibit E: Don't fix what ain't broke.

The Paint Crew (formerly the Gene Pool): This one is a shame, because Purdue's Gene Pool was a total keeper (meaning the Gene Keady pool), but as Keady moved on, so to did the once proud name of the fan section. Now Purdue opts for the Paint crew, which both sounds dumb and makes little sense. The Gene Pool was a clever double entendre, whereas the Paint Crew is pretty loose as it relates to the school, the team, and anything resembling creativity.

Exhibit F: You know it's bad, it's bad, you know it.

Orange Crush: Alright, this one actually ain't so bad. Orange Crush was a very solid beverage back in the day when sugary sodas didn't make my heart skip like a Michael Jackson record.

Exhibit G: When in Rome... Go on.

Crimson Crazies: Come on Indiana; this is robbery. As much as we all hate Duke, you can't just rip off their moniker and hope nobody notices. This the worst one of all.

Exhibit H: In their defense, at least they didn't make a Tuck reference.

Friar Fanatics: Here is another one from camp braindead. Why not just name the crew "fans of the home team?" I might suggest the Deep Friars.

Exhibit I: Rhyming may be the lowest form of poetry, but it sure does sounds nice.

Screamin' Demons - Screamin' Demons? More like Dreamin' Demons. Oops. Well, at least the Demons can rhyme. I'll give em that.