Ten Reasons for all the World Records

Have you been wondering how every single swim involves at minimum one broken record and sometimes as many as three? Clearly, something is fishy is the third place finisher still breaks the previous ALL-TIME record.

Anyway, we have some ideas as usual...

10) The pool is full of Red Bull.

9) The new spandex pants are far less likely than Speedos to create boner drag.

8) The Chinese equipped the pool with an underwater sound system that pumps out Night Swimming all the time, prompting sad athletes to get out of there and home to their ex-girlfriend as soon as possible.

7) There is actually more breathable oxygen underwater than anywhere else in Beijing.

6) All that Chinese food gas makes swimmers especially buoyant.

5) In the interest of ratings, the television stations speed up a tape delay a tiny bit.

4) I'm not exactly sure why, but it has something to do with being stuck inside a golf ball.

3) The button on the Timex they use is a little sticky.

2) The swimmers have been sneaking bendy straws into the pool, enabling them to breathe underwater.

1) Michael Phelps' tummy is rumbling and he has to take a number two soon from mixing coffee, sausage, eggs, and chocolate chips.