A Totally Objective Assessment: The Lions Resume Worst Offense in the NFL Status

It keeps getting worse. Putting the pieces together, I think it's safe to say that in the two short months since free agency commenced, the Lions' bloodsucking leech of an organization has erased any residual evidence of progress from the heroic 7-9 season of yesteryear.

At this point, the Lions are still sitting on an overpaid, old religious prankster at quarterback (Kitna) who would have made a serviceable replacement from Scott Mitchell anyday (which was right around his prime), but was never really meant to be a franchise quarterback. We have a marginal right tackle playing left tackle (Backus) and a marginal starting guard at best penciled in at right tackle (George Foster). Please god let us draft a good tackle. In case you don't remember how the Lions got Foster in the first place, he was part of the Dre Bly for Tatum Bell and a fifth round pick trade. Given the efforts Marinelli has expended acquiring defensive backfield players this offseason in conjunction with the glaring need for a tackle, I'm guessing this was yet another move whereby they would kill to take a mulligan.

Regardless, at this point it sounds as though the Smothers Brothers (Millen and Ford Jr., may you rest in peace very soon) are looking very closely at USC linebacker Keith Rivers. This is actually a fine decision. If Marinelli feels that he would rather build around a defense, that is fine by me. The pick that scares me is the Mendenhall pick. I'm sure he'd be great on about 20 NFL teams, but anyone who plays fantasy football can tell you, serviceable NFL backs are a dime a dozen with a decent trench. Linemen are the honey pot in today's game.

Speaking of serviceable running backs, surely you are aware, but the Lions waived Kevin Jones, who sucked ass and will not be missed, and T.J. Duckett, who was remarkably effective in a variety of situations last season and was a stupid player to let go. Fortunately, they still have the explosive wheels of Tatum "Taco" Bell and the 182 yards from scrimmage he posted last season to carry the load. The problem now is that they are gonna jump at an early-round runner, when this draft is full of later round gems who can easily fill these holes. Instead, they will plug it with a pick that should be used on someone safer (i.e., a tackle, a tackle, a tackle, a tackle!!!). Besides, they still have Brian Calhoun and his 20 missed games from the last time they botched an offensive lineman pick.

An interesting anecdote about Calhoun, confirmed by three different people who were in the Lions' draft room at the time, is that team officials weren't even talking about Calhoun when they were on the clock for the third round in 2006.

The majority of the debate was about an offensive lineman and whether the Lions would be reaching if they took him at that spot. That argument consumed most of the time and when the Lions were pressed for a decision -- and decided not to reach for the lineman -- an offensive coach piped up from the back of the room: "Take Calhoun from Wisconsin.'' And that's how Calhoun became a Lion.

Also, yesterday we found out today that Calvin Johnson's back is still bothering him and that he played on opiates for the better part of last season. We can't blame him for the Vicodin habit, but we can blame Mike Martz for pushing a franchise player into a career threatening position just three days after a serious back injury. What an ass, Martz. Furthermore, we learned that Roy Williams is looking for about $12 million guaranteed this year, so combined with the $15+ million in dead cap space, this is looking like a killer rebuilding year.

To top it off, let's sack the offensive coordinator and bring in an entirely new offensive system. That's an excellent idea; let's can the personnel, can the leadership, and start a brand new offense that will take a year or two to click. That should right this ship in no time.

Honestly, at this point I am so pissed off, I am about one season away from renouncing the Lions once and for all. I mean, if the Knicks and the Dolans can move on Isiah in a more swift manner than the Lions and Millen, just stick a fork in this carcass of a team. Slap some lime green jerseys on them and ship them all to San Jose. Who even cares anymore? This is beyond the level of cruel and unusual punishment that a fan can endure. Please do something NOT stupid in the draft for once and remember these three simple words: blocking and tackling.

Ahhh, the good old days...