Trey Anastasio wakes up in the morning, pours himself a tall cool soy milk, and heads to the front porch... when his cell phone rings…
Ring…Ring.
Trey: Yessum.
Mike: (with Page & Fish): Hey buddy, it’s Mike. How ya feelin? I’m here with Page & Fishman.
Trey: I was wondering when you guys were gonna call. I’m doing really well. It’s great to hear from you guys. How’s everybody doin’?
Page: Good man. But we’re calling to figure out what we should do about this lifetime achievement award? Those cheeky bastards over at Relix really backed into a corner this time. Well, we can’t blame ‘em for trying I guess.
Trey: Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it lately myself. I mean, I definitely want to go and all I assume you guys do too, right?
Mike, Page & Fish (together): Yeah…
Trey: Thing is you know if we get up there and play together, we’re entering into a world of speculation about a reunion, summer tour, a bazillion interviews, and who knows what else with the eighty-five summer festies coming up?
Fish: I know it, but I totally want to go and be there for the award though. And if we all show, how can we not play? I have an idea; what if we hopped onstage as part of a group jam session, but we come out one at a time and rotate through, so we’re not technically ever playing together? Maybe we do a Wolfman’s and let Phil lead it and we take turns coming on stage? How annoying would that be?
Page: Awww, come on Fish, now that’s just being mean.
Mike: Glad to see you’re still thinkin’ my man. That is pretty cruel though. Although, it’s not nearly as mean as taking those photos with fans from only the neck down on Europe Tour though. Now, that was mean!
Trey: Hahahaaa. My god, that’s right. I had totally forgotten about that. What the hell were we thinking? By the way, I'll tell what we're NOT gonna play, the Boys Are Back In Town. If I hear one more person recommend that song, I swear to god, I'm coming out with my shirt off in a tutu and ice skates like that cover we did for Rolling Stone. Thin Lizzy, you gotta be fucking kidding me?
Page: Settle down, Trey. Hey, what if we took a crack at the tune you played with the rehab kids at Road Recovery? I think that would be a really cool move and it would really speak to your sincerity around the whole situation. By the way, you wouldn’t know where I could get a recording of that tune would you?
Trey: Oh I don’t know, I don’t think we should do that. That song was really between me and those kids – not really meant for public consumption.
Fish: What about this idea? We come out together and tear up an Umphrey’s tune? After all, that would certainly leave little question as to whether or not we are ready come back yet or not. Besides, unless Grace Potter shows up in a thong, these folks deserve something pretty epic. The tickets were eighty bucks after all. That's insane.
Mike: Very true, you raise a good point. Besides, this is technically the Garden right? A little bustin’ out isn’t gonna really do any harm, is it? By the way, I do hope Grace shows up in a thong though.
Page: What if we conjure up a little medley of all of our favorite tunes from the different side projects? How sick would a Mr. Oysterhead -> Balloon -> Only A Northern Song -> Back in the Basement -> Push on Till the Day medley be?
Trey: Oooh, now that’s not bad. I could probably be talked into that idea.
Fish: No wait, I got it! I know just the song. We can jam the living shit out of it and nobody we’ll start bugging us about a tour. It’s all there… clear as day.
Mike: Well, what is it?
Fish (stands up and busts some rigid David Byrne dance moves): And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack. And you may find yourself in another part of the world.
Page (nodding): And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile.
Trey (nodding): And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife
Mike (nodding): And you may ask yourself-well... how did I get here?
The Phab Four (belting it out in unison): Letting the days go by; let the water hold me down. Letting the days go by; water flowing underground. Into the blue again; after the moneys gone. Once in a lifetime; water flowing underground.
So let us know what you think? Is Phish gonna play at the Jammys?
22 comments:
I figure, even if they don't play, everyone else there is gonna play Phish , so it'll be a blast regardless.
They are coming back!!!
Nope.
Wayne Fontes you douche, complete waste of time. I want my five mins. back, are you even a phan? Geeez!
I'm not getting my hopes up, but I do like your Once In A Lifetime call.
"Woke Up in the Morning, poured myself a tall cool soymilk" - Makisupa 8/10/04!
hahahahaaa, not bad guys
I always read these, and they always very entertaining, so I just wanted to say thanks. I can't lie though, I bought my ticket just in case they all show up. Of course I'd love to see them play, but even just to see all four of them on stage together would be worth it to me. Can't wait, I've always wanted to go to the Jammys. I just wish they would hurry up and announce who all will be playing!!!!
oh, man... these always make me so sentimental... wonderfully imagined phone call, Wayne. I just... seriously, I'm like, on the verge of tears every time I think of the genuine possibility of a Phish reunion. what I like about this is that they're just as excited as we are... oh, wait, one of us wrote this...
now you're making me think I should maybe go to the Jammys! and I really just don't want to, unless Phish is gonna throw down... they're so badass..... so badass...... so badass.....
My thoughts exactly. I think they are purposely not announcing the line-up, until the tickets are almost sold out. Then they will announce that Phish is playing. You know, so that us phans don't make it all about Phish when it is about all the other great bands as well. I don't know. IT's my deep thought of the day.
I thought that this was a funny and rather touching little skit. I like to think that if the guys could bring their 92-94 sensibilities to the conversation they will doubtless have this year, it might go, or have gone, down something like that. As it is, who can say? They might not play; they might play and get back together; and they might just play and then return to their separate lives. Any way is fine by me; they have their own lives to live, and they don't owe us more than they have already given us. Peace, LJ :)
Hey, thanks to all you folks who got a little kick out of this. I know it's pretty dumb, but I wanted to keep it positive and not take it too far or anything.
My God people. Let it end. They were good. Now they're not.
Trey's pharmed out, musically masturbating weedley-weedly-wee, Page's career is stuck in boring fluffy solo pap, Fish is arrogant and trapped in celebrity drummer mode, while Mike has weird diddling fun.
ITS OVER.
Let them go wookies, dirty hat wearers and neo-twirlers. Enough.
Hey, "Enough," - the reasons you listed are exactly the reasons Phish DOES need to get back together? Do you think *ANY* of the members, virtuosic musicians though they be, could possibly reach the musical heights they did in one another's company/musical context? Trey's (mostly?) finished rehab, who cares if Page needs to write crappy lyrics with him to get the band back together - so long as they JAM like all sweet holy hell like they used to!
PS Believe me - they used to! If you heard the February '03 tour, you heard a band ready to GO, working off the hiatus-rust, and if you heard the '04 tours, you heard a band that did too many drugs and still had some of that hiatus-rust. If they'd been back for a long time, you'd've seen something. Musicians like that, with a 20 year history of playing together, just don't make bad music, and don't abandon the magic they only have with one another forever - ever. I'm content to wait as long as it takes for them to feel like it's time, because they WILL be back, and they WILL bring the phuckin' house down.
My guess: they will rock a small set of favorites, maybe 3-4 (e.g. Ghost, YEM, Hood, Gin, maybe even a Mike's Groove) followed by everyone joining the band to jam on 1-2 more straight-ahead tunes (e.g. Chalkdust, Sample, Possum, CTB, Wolfman's). No way Phish doesn't play in honor of this honor. It will be nice.
However...older heads know that the Boys are not yet ready for a grand return - it's emotionally way too soon and not far enough down Trey's "road to recovery." If they toured now, it would be another frustrating 2 years of substandard Phish, followed by another maudlin break-up. JEMP take themselves and the band way too seriously to go down that unfortunate path again (the hiatus should have been 4-5 years). I say they don't (and shouldn't) return for at least another 2 years, so that they can let the alchemy fully recharge. As a much-loved fat man once sang, "All good things in all good time."
Peace to All,
SF Swerdlin
ps - Dig the imaginary phone call, and the Once in a Lifetime prediction. Maybe they kick off the night with an a capella Star Spangled Banner?
The drummer from Phish does yardwork for at my parents house and he says he hopes that they're going to play again but Trey won't return his calls. My parents are hoping they won't reunite because Mr. Fishman is pretty handy with a rake.
Actually, Mr. Fishman does some part-time works for my parents as well. They had to fire him though because they found him standing naked in their living room with a pair of hedge clippers.
i know that the chance of the boys playing anything together is next to slim. im excited to have the chance to see them together on stage for the first time in what seems like a lifetime. my concern is that they at least show up for the award. its the smallest tribute to the fans that have allowed phish to do what they did while alive and a huge thanks from a man that lied to himself and to the flow that we all surrendered to.
Almost as horrible as Animal Chin's 'Deli Guy' rumourz.
Daniel-Spot on. '03 had amazing energy and new jamming approaches. If and when they come back- and they should'nt YET- they need to PRACTICE first. For a year. I say do what Zeppelin did-Practice in secret, and then break out the Jams. See you on tour! ~Adrian
They are all going to walk on stage....and play one note, and walk off stage...they are then going to Sell the Epic “one note” show for 99 cents on Livephish.com and the entire one note show will be a ringtone exclusively for Iphones (But only when you buy the JEMP Iphone)
phish will play again when everyone stops wpndering if and when they will play again. it would be nice but personally those years with phish are over. move on people.
my mom told me not to listen to bands like phish. she said only bands like amy grant were ok, so i'm glad there is no more phish.
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