What's The Point of Neutral Announcing?

Man, another tough decision tonight. Should we watch Diggstown, PGA Tour reruns, the Mets Hot Stove report, American Gladiators (OK, MBSR notwithstanding), the 2007 Timbersports Collection, or the BCS Championship game?

Right, that's what I figured. Pretty much everyone who watches sports - even a little - will be watching the BCS game. So, I have a burning question, which of course doubles as advice. Why hasn't anyone tried airing the biggest contests on the various sports channels (ignore the financial aspects for now) with biased announcing teams? I'm curious why with the multitude of ESPNs and countless other sports channels, why nobody has thought to air big games with commentating biased for each side? Take a couple examples...

First, take a look at this clip.



Which of these would you rather have as your in-game commentary?

1) Announcer: Number 80 displays the warm, pillowy, flatbread position yet again as he flies 5 yards out of bounds. I wish that f*cking kid would graduate already.

2) Announcer: Ooooooh, he ran over #80 like a Mexican runs over the Texas state border. (I call immunity on inappropriateness on account of humor)

3) Announcer: Nice block on #80. That block sprang him free for up for an extra twenty yards.

If you're anything like me, #1 or #2 look damn good relative to #3. Wouldn't the game be a lot more fun to watch with a little bias? And a lot more fun with a lot of bias? Who ever made up the rule that the announcer should be neutral anyway? Why do you think they have sports bars dedicated to one team instead of both? It's more fun to be around, talk about, and yes, even hear about your team and the other fans.

Let's take a look at another example...



1) Announcer: Super Mario celebrates a HUGE win with his best Turbo impression from Breakin' II: Electric Bugaloo. Nothing says victory like the Worm.

2) Announcer: Apparently Manningham cannot control his excitement as Michigan's finally beats somebody. I suppose if you can't get any attention for your skill on the field, might as well do a stupid dance move from twenty years ago. Maybe next time he'll bring a leather vest and plaid pants for some more of this gay shit.

3) Announcer: Oh, now that's unnecessary. Mario Manningham should get flagged for behavior like that.

Who do like in this one? Yep, me too. Numbers 1 and 2 are way more interesting if you ask me - obviously depending on which team you're rooting for to win the game.

We could go on like this, but you get the idea. With 10+ channels dedicated to sports in addition to the networks, why not offer a few varieties of commentating for big games? Everybody is going to watch the BCS Championship, the NCAA Finals, and the Super Bowl. Anyone who even remotely likes sports is watching these games. No programming on the affiliated channels even has a chance.

So, air the same games with some heavily biased announcers on the affiliates. In fact, cut 'em loose. Give Simmons a channel for Boston games. Give Shaq and Maurice Clarrett the BCS game. Hell, give Mike Golic a Notre Dame game. You can always run the conventional version of the game on the main channel, but running different varieties on some of these affiliates could be a cool - and dare I say, innovative - way to have a more biased variety of the game. Some of us have had all we can take of the current setup, so give it a whirl. We'll watch the Timbersports Collection another day.