#1A - Phish "New Years Eve '93"

Editors Note: Continuing with the ongoing series "The Ghosts proudly present the Top 101 Albums…EVER." Worthy to note, this collection is comprised of OUR personal favorites and shouldn’t be used as a compass or declaration of what many music critics may have written or compiled in the past. This list is solely for the establishment and entertainment of, for and by the Ghosts. We will continue to randomly run our selections in no particular order. As usual, we encourage you to make us whole with your angst-ridden additions. Enjoy.

Phish - New Years Eve '93 @ The Centrum, Worcester, MA

"Is Everybody In?"

Overview: We had to bend the rules just a hint in order to slip this nugget into the mix. And all things considered, since it's New Years Eve today...we had no choice. Contrary to what many a Phish fan would argue, this is in fact the BEST Phish New Years show ever recorded. Yes, quite bold words considering the options like the famed New Years '95 or '99 shows. However, in our opinion it's a one horse race and this show wins the prize, over and over again. For anybody who's familiar with the venue, they'd know the intimacy of the smaller and older building.

This would be the last time Phish would take the stage on the smaller scale for the New Year's Holiday. And by no means does this shame their desire for the grander stage, but it just makes this show all the more special. The energy level is intoxicating from the onset and it's well heard from the opening notes of music. This remains the high end of many Phish "bootleg" collections. Ah yes, a crispy clean FM SBD circulates all around the trading scene and can be had at a minimal price.

Key Musical Highlight(s): Where do you start? Where do you end? Notable staples such as "Harry Hood" and "YEM" are monsters, but that's what we expect most times we hear those songs. The "Countdown>Auld Lang Syne>DWD Jam" is by far the most impressive moment of the night. In fact, it's the birth of the "Down with Disease" jam. Just as the clock strikes midnight the band ushers in the ceremony with their more or less "unique" and improved take of the New Years classic "Auld Lang Syne." This is followed by an improv guitar jam from Trey, which floods into the first ever take of "Down with Disease", the instrumental version. It's an intense jam put in simpler terms, just fucking whales.

Where and When to Listen: Well, since today is New Years Eve...why not today? OK, seriously though...this album works anytime. It works anywhere, but again that all depends on how much you're obsessed with Phish like we are. However, that just happens to be "your" problem not ours, if you ain't diggin' the "Phish."

Why you should own this recording: If we haven't given enough reason yet, then we'll sum it up right here. When it comes to live recordings, you'd be in hard luck to find something better. The sound is the perfect mix between the clarity of music and blend of crowd noise. It feels like a live recording, it feels like energy packed into a fucking CD-R.

Overall: Happy New Year, this was just our little excuse to write about Phish and the best friggin' concert we've ever heard. Sure, we'll gladly take a listen to any Phish New Years show today and probably will. However, this is the first one in the rotation. And it's also our little wish...that Livephish.com releases this in the next round of "professional" clean recording, so we can at least enjoy our continued love for the band. And that folks is why this album "technically" made the Top 101...EVER.

The Best Blog Posts of 2007

It's the end of another year, which means the hangovers get worse, the nose hairs grow longer, and the balls dangle lower. Fun times. Anyway, before we get tied up in 2008, we thought we'd take some time to salute the best blog posts of 2007 from around the blogosphere. I'll obviously start by apologizing, because I'm sure I'm missing a lot of great work from a lot of our friends, but these are some of the ones where I vividly remember laughing... hard. So, cheers to everyone on the list and thanks for doing this thing we do so well. Happy New Years folks and thanks for being a part of this weird, undeniably lame world we love so much.

• The first post to come to mind when I thought of this best of '07 list was from the hilarious dudes at Joe Sports Fan. It's the one and only, Tiki Barbaro. Genius. I wish I was that funny.
  

• Next, the Sports Hernia ran a hilarious 3 part review of the old caricature sports t-shirts. Check out all three here, here, and here. You won't be sorry.
  

• Unfortunately, I started reading the Spirit of Jake Plummer a little too late. Casualties of the day job, SOJ decided to hang it up after a great run. Apparently, the 19 cents a day wasn't motivation enough to spend endless hours slaving away over a blog. They make the best of the year with this damn funny list of alternative career choices for NFL coaches.
  

• Flyers Fieldhouse drafted a gut busting reply letter from Roger Goddell to Pac Man Jones regarding his appeal of his suspension.
  

• My Brain Says Rage dropped a great primer for creating a crappy sports blog. What's so bad about long blogrolls anyway?
  

• Stan's gay crush on Big Daddy Drew jumped about 10 notches after reading Ten Yards of Akwardness With: Prince
  

• Before he was mysteriously deported, Hank at Winning the Turnover Battle wrote an eye opening "Where are They Now" piece about sports movie tomboys. The results were quite a surprise.
  

• Finally, Stop Mike Lupica penned an angry rant about some of the crap that gets linked on Deadspin. Despite the fact that the whole post was directly aimed at us and highlighted how badly we suck, we pretty much agreed with the whole thing. We were kind of offended at the time, but it definitely raised some hell and ended the era of "no saying mean things in the blogosphere."

If anyone has other recommendations for the best posts of the year, feel free to email us or drop them in the comments. I suspect this list will evolve a bit over the course of the next few days. Cheers to another year and great work to all. Have fun on your New Years Eve and try not to black out for once.

Bowling for Respect

It’s been since 2003 that the Michigan State Spartans were given the privilege to compete allowed to embarrass themselves in a Bowl Game over the Holiday Season. That was the infamous Alamo Bowl in which there were several “rumored” bar room binges, heavily intoxicated student athletes, fights, near fights, guarantees and overall egg and shame on the football program. Several Spartan players guaranteed victory over Nebraska only to be dealt a 17-3 loss. However, don’t be fooled by that score...it was hardly that close.

As of recent, many thought that Spartans Football had put the checkered past behind them and that we were witnessing the ushering in of a new era; where discipline, pride and responsibility were the backbone of the program. And yet, on the eve of the Spartans first bowl game in nearly 5 years…they are off to the egg and shame, yet again. In case you’ve missed the news, the Spartans will be shorthanded against Boston College for tonight’s Champ Sports Bowl.

And I don’t mean just short of talent, but short two key pieces of their already shaky defense; Senior Linebacker SirDarean Adams and sackmaster extraordinaire Jonal Saint-Dic. However, it should be noted in Mark Dantonio’s defense, he has changed the landscape and culture of the program. However, it’s quite saddening to see this course of events happen just prior to arguably the most meaningful game Sparty has seen in a while. Oh well, you take the good with the bad. Regardless, were the Spartans going to beat Boston College?

Well, I’m not going to answer that one for you, it’s for you to figure out if you want to lay (4.5) measly points against a shoddy defense that couldn’t stop anybody all year and is missing two key components. Again, that’s your call. I mean I’d be leery about going against a team that hasn’t won a bowl game since 19 "fucking"99. Anyhow, "respect" as a program looks as though it will have to wait at least a few more years.

At least, I can still deliver an idiot's guide to losing your money on Bowl games (sans a few games), because honestly…this is just a guessing game for me. And due to there being no NFL picks worthwhile this week, I’ve turned to Bowl Week…or month, as it now seems. Yes, a bunch of meaningless match-ups set-up for the ideal TV viewer to eat, drink and be merry about watching. It’s kind of like the strategy for staging Wrestlemania match-ups, the best we can offer…for ratings.

Moving on, let’s diagnose these games before I get drunk and wallow in the misery of another Sparty collapse on the National stage.

Emerald Bowl - Maryland (+5) over Oregon State

I just don’t like Oregon State all that much. I know they’ve got some big wins on the resume, but any team that gets dropped 40-14 at UCLA warrants my suspicion. That being said; feel free to make some money by opting to go against me in this one.

Meineke Car Care Bowl - Connecticut (+3) over Wake Forest

Is that for real? Come on, that is not really a Bowl game? We’ve sunk to a new low, but desperate times call for desperate measures. And I’ll take the Huskies in the battle of “gee, these teams might be OK, but their conferences are SO bad…we’d never know.”

Independence Bowl - Alabama (-4) over Colorado

Saban in a big spot, I’ll take the prick every time.

Insight Bowl - Oklahoma State (-4.5) over Indiana

Caution: A lot of these games, I know absolutely nothing about these teams other than the names. And hence, I go with my gut. This is one of those games.

Outback Bowl - Tennessee (-1.5) over Wisconsin

“Let’s go Outback tonight…life will still be tomorrow, let’s go Outback tonight.” I always take an SEC team over a Big 10 team in any Bowl game. Do I need to dig up some further proof for you?

Cotton Bowl - Arkansas (+3) over Missouri

This one, kind of feels like a “bite-me” in the ass kind of game. I think Mizzou is pretty damn good and has a slight chip on their shoulder from being so close, but then again Arkansas has been hanging around in a tough ass SEC. When all else fails, I go with the best player on the field…McFadden.

Capitol One Bowl - Michigan (+10) over Florida

I believe it was a few moments ago, I said “I always take an SEC team over a Big 10 team.” Well, I still think Florida wins this game by “SPREADING” Michigan out, but I think the Wolverines have enough “HART” to not get blown out in Lloyd Carr’s swan song.

Rose Bowl - USC (-14) over Illinois

Arguably the worst game on the board. USC is GOOD enough to beat either Ohio State or LSU and yet they get gift wrapped a sacrificial lamb like Illinois? Well, if the Trojans lose focus and start talking to their agents, yada-yada---enough, they are going to steam roll in this game.

Fiesta Bowl - Oklahoma (-7) over West Virgina

Could you imagine if the Championship game really was Mizzou vs. West Virgina? The BCS got what they wanted, so we can all just shut up about it. Meanwhile, the Sooners and the Trojans just might be the best teams. Huh?

Orange Bowl - Virginia Tech (-4) over Kansas

For the last time…you made me do this, you will all pay.

BCS Championship Game - Ohio State (+4.5) over LSU

All year I’ve been going against Ohio State, because I just didn’t think they were that good. And in fact, I’m probably right…they aren’t that good. However, I don’t really think this LSU team is ALL that great either. In fact, I think Ohio State can kind of feast on the way everything played out last season and relish the underdog “nobody is giving us a chance” card. I mean, sure LSU has played a much tougher schedule and their overall team speed is what leads most to the conclusion that they will win.

Yet, just like I did last season…I’m taking the underdog. Did you know that the last 5 BCS underdogs have won the game outright? Yeah, google it…I don’t make this stuff up. And if you're keeping track of my theories about the Big 10 and the SEC...just disregard all I've said.

The Results Are In, What's Left to Ponder...We Rule!

Yes, it’s another entry about somebody else's Fantasy Football league and NOT yours. So, close your eyes if you’re easily annoyed by such gibberish. Yet, to that I must say...tough shit. It's as they say, “one man’s reality is another man’s fantasy.” Gross; I think that was meant to go the other way around, but I have neither the time nor effort to change it.

Moving on, for most of us the Fantasy Football season is now complete. Another chapter in the legacy of our dominance, another peg in the old swagger belt, more bragging rights or perhaps the other owners in your league were so jealous you received death threats. Either way, much like the NFL regular season this week’s games “SHOULD” be meaningless to anybody associated with Fantasy Football. Some things will always remain a constant in life, Brandon Funston as a virgin and Fantasy Football ending at Week 16.

And my sincere apologies go out to anybody still vying for a title this week, as well as those of you like myself who went with Carson Palmer over Tony Romo last week, because you worried about his thumb. Carson Palmer sucks, but that’s for another time and place, breath deep. Well, this season myself and Rupes piled on about 4 leagues from around this here thing we’ve gotten to know over the past year as the blogosphere. And that’s why today I just had to drop by and do a little gloating and congratulating. Rupes is way too modest for shit like this, lucky bastard just went Back-to-Back in our “Friends and Enemies” League.

However, there was still plenty of Fantasy joy and artificial splendor scattered around for myself in these meaningless nerdy fucking Blogger leagues of which I speak. And I’m just kidding about the nerdy part, because that would make me an accomplice to being a nerd, which just wouldn’t fucking--- OK, I’m moving on.

First up…

The Ghost “Bloggers” Invitational

This was OUR league, OUR creation, OUR idea, yet low and behold OUR team pretty much dragged ass for the early stretch of the season, hightailed it into gear and snuck into the discussion for a brief moment before being slammed back to reality by eventual Champion Jon Pyle and the boys over at Pyle of List. So, I’d be a damned fool if I didn’t offer up strong congratulations to JP for his mastery of the 14 man league and Fantasy Football knowledge. I know that we promised some sort of gift/trophy at the onset of this all and we fully intend to honor that…once we can agree on the reward.

Finishing the “PLACE” level were the guys at Empty the Bench and The Pacifist Viking himself. The co-managed Ghosts squad, well I’m not quite sure where we finished, because there was no constellation round scheduled, but I’m almost certain we’d have won it if there was. That’s not arrogance talking, that’s confidence.

Cryptozoology Club – Empty the Bench League

The "CHAMP" is here, the "CHAMP" is here. We rode out the season sitting shotgun (2nd seed), but just kept our distance and kept biding our time. Another league, another roster carried by Tony Romo. Fortunately, our "DEPTH" carried us over the hump, despite Romo laying an egg in Week 15. Was this my favorite roster, probably not. Did we get a bit lucky? Possibly, but when you run off an 11-2 regular season record, you've got something formidable. Do I need to keep bragging?


Brahsome League

Technically speaking, I had no idea this team even existed. I recall making draft picks on a conference call or chat with Rupes, while I was drunk. However, I gotta give him the street cred and props for this squad, as he was locked into the "Brown Hour" with the good dudes at Brahsome.com building the dream. I think we both forgot about this league, but just in time we re-grouped and polished off, yet another Blogger title. Are you starting to see the trend here? Put us in your league and you're bound to get shanked have a serious challenge on your hands. Word to the wise, we fuck models win Fantasy Football Championships.

The Epic Carnival League

This one hurts. Shit, it fucking stings. After somehow juggling a drinking, gambling and Fantasy Football addiction, I was burnt out prior to this draft. So burnt out, that I set my Yahoo! default to my "prize" picks and elected for auto-draft. Fuck it. Well, to nobody's suprise we ended up with our buddy Tony Romo at the QB slot. Jeez...somebody was "high" on Romo. Throw in T.O, Kellen Winslow, Frank Gore, Adrian "All-Day" Peterson, Steve Smith, Calvin Johnson, Brandan Marshall, etc. 12 and fucking 1. 12 and fucking 1. It wasn't even close, it wasn't fair. Yet, that's Fantasy Football and we lost in the 1st round of the playoffs. Thanks again Romo, you fuck stick.

Anyhow, overall -- I think there is little doubt that we're in this to win this. And I did just devote an entire post to bragging about winning, placing or showing in several "Blogger" Fantasy Football leagues in which half the people probably didn't care or bother to set rosters. And oh yeah, there was no cash money involved. Yet, it's all about pride...I guess. Who's the fucking nerd now?

#37 - Smashing Pumpkins "Siamese Dream"

Editors Note: Continuing with the ongoing series "The Ghosts proudly present the Top 101 Albums…EVER." Worthy to note, this collection is comprised of OUR personal favorites and shouldn’t be used as a compass or declaration of what many music critics may have written or compiled in the past. This list is solely for the establishment and entertainment of, for and by the Ghosts. We will continue to randomly run our selections in no particular order. As usual, we encourage you to make us whole with your angst-ridden additions. Enjoy.

Smashing Pumpkins - Siamese Dream

"Can't live for tomorrow, tomorrow's much too long. I'll burn my eyes out, before I get out ."

Overview: I know what you are going to say already, because this happens every time I say "Siamese Dream" is my favorite Smashing Pumpkins album, "'Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness' is their best work." Well, agree to disagree. MCIS is a great album, but this one that defines Smashing Pumpkins and took them from a grungy Chicago band to World-Class superstars. The album is brilliant from beginning to end - really without any weak songs - and you can keep going back year after year and rediscovering why you liked it so much in the first place.

Key Musical Highlight(s): There are many, but I would be remiss to ignore the fact the Today was, on a relative scale, one of my favorite songs of all time in my formative years - right up there with Beat It, Invisible Touch, and the Power of Love. Other crowning achievements are the hard charging Cherub Rock, the so-you-wanna-learn-guitar classic, Disarm, and the tranquil Luna and Spaceboy.

Where and When to Listen: "Siamese Dream" is the perfect album for a drive on a really snowy day. Throughout the album, Billy Corgan plays with heavily distorted guitar tones, lots of octaves and open strings, and sings,well like he always sings, creating a really warm sound throughout. Crank up the heat in your car, turn the stereo really loud, and drive slow. If you get stuck in traffic, consider yourself lucky.

Why you should own this album: Even if this album didn't play a big part in a previous life of yours as it did ours, it's still a must own. Chances are "Siamese Dream" is a nice departure from most of the music you have in the rotation these days. While you can hear the Smashing Pumpkins influence on a lot of newer bands (see Silversun Pickups), they pretty much have their own sound. Corgan has a book of tricks that he continually utilizes in his playing and writing, giving them a really distinct and repeatable sound. Fortunately, it happens to be a really good sound.

GoWF Connection: Oh whippets, we sure had some good times together, didn't we? "Siamese Dream" hit stores in near perfect conjunction with me turning 16. Hence, this album was really my first heavy rotation album with a driver's license. I used to play this on repeat in the 1985 Mazdaratti 626 as my friends and I sat in the parking of our local head shop and took whippets to the dome. If there was a Dazed and Confused movie made for my friends and I in high school", Siamese Dream" would no doubt be a big part of the soundtrack.

Lasting Impression: What I wouldn't do to be 16 again for a few weeks.

Overall: Some albums are great on their own, but a really great album is one that embodies a period of your life and when you listen to it, takes you back there. This is album is chock full of high school coming-of-age anthems. Those first notes of Today played at unusually high volume can make a kid feel invinsible. Half a lifetime later, this album has stood the test of time and sounds just as good now as it did then. That's why "Siamese Dream" was as easy nominee for the GoWF Top 101.

These kids are feelin' it.

The Lee Evans Corollary

What do slot machines, the IRS, Suzy Greenberg, and Lee Evans have in common? They pay off once in a while, but then they’ll rob you clean.

Lee Evans is a very fine receiver for the Buffalo Bills and year after year, he puts up solid numbers that rank him as one of the top 30 wide receivers in the league. Nevertheless, I am divulging one of my most sacred truths today in an effort to spare my good friends the wrath that is known as the Lee Evans Corollary. Never waste a roster spot on Lee Evans on your fantasy team. You might ask, why do I say this if he is in fact a top 30 wide receivers in the NFL? Surely, that warrants him worthy of at least a #3 WR starter on the team or an occasional flex start. Trust me; he goes against the cardinal rule that sets a fantasy lord (me) apart from a fantasy peasant (you) in the hierarchical classes of fantasy football. Consistency is the key and the wide receiver position is typically the toughest place to find consistency.

This theory requires you to be nimble. Clearly, there will be players who emerge and exhibit consistency on a year to year basis, but the real key to this theory is making smart late round receiver picks who will prove themselves to be serviceable #3 starters or flex players. To illustrate the point, lets take a look at three comparable wide receivers who could have been picked up around the same draft position (if not significantly lower) and exhibit relatively comparable stats.

• Lee Evans - Stats thru week 16 (54 receptions / 847 yards /5 TDs) / Average Draft Position - #41

• Hines Ward - Stats thru week 16 (71 receptions / 732 /9 TDs) / Average Draft Position - #39

• Bernard Berrian - Stats thru week 16 (67 receptions / 920 yards /4TDs) / Average Draft Position - #111

ADP source

While none of these receivers are likely to be the key starter on your team on a weekly basis, it is important to distinguish the difference as it relates to their reliability. I noticed this problem about 3 years ago when Lee Evans yet again was projected to be a top ten receiver. So, I drafted him and started him on a weekly basis. Sure, he dropped the occasional 2 TD game, but more often that not, he produced a couple catches for 20 or so yards. Worthless performances from him were not rare then and they are not rare now.

To illustrate, lets take a look at the average stats (not counting injury weeks) for each of these third tier receivers. Evans averaged 9.4 fantasy points per game this season, certainly a decent return for a later round pick. Hines Ward averaged roughly 12.5 fantasy points per week (though he was injured for 3 weeks), certainly an impressive #3, maybe even #2. Finally, Bernard Berrian averaged right around 10 points per game. So, as you can see, the stats are all fairly close and all seem like a decent start.

This is not the case. When we look closer we see that Evans output is far more volatile. Recall standard deviation from your high school or college math classes. Standard deviation is a basic measure of the dispersion of results around the average. In this case, the standard deviation represents the amount +/- you can expect the results to fall within 68% of the time. Specifically, the standard deviation of Evans' output is 8.25. More specifically, Lee Evans will likely score somewhere between 1.15 and 17.65 within one standard deviation. Translation: Lee Evans is not consistent and might shit the bed on a fairly regular basis. Hines Ward is slightly more reliable, but still volatile as well with a standard deviation of 7.6. Thus, Ward is likely under "normal circumstances" to produce results between 4.9 and 20.1. Bernard Berrian on the other hand has a standard deviation of just over 5. While Berrian is definitely the least acclaimed of these 3 players, he is by far the most reliable. His data suggests that is is likely to produce between 5 and 15 each week - more consistent results.

So, the point is not to make a bunch of excel spreadsheets before you draft, but just to take this WR consistency into account when building your WR corps. It pays off. A cursory look over a players stats should suffice. Just look at Lee Evans. He has games with 9 catches, 165 yards and a TD contrasted by games consisting of just 1 catch for 7 yards. The day will come where that 1 catch game is in your fantasy playoffs and you too will experience the Lee Evans Corollary.

#34 - Arcade Fire "Funeral"

Editors Note: Continuing with the ongoing series "The Ghosts proudly present the Top 101 Albums…EVER." Worthy to note this collection is comprised of OUR personal favorites and shouldn’t be used as a compass or declaration of what many music critics may have written or compiled in the past. This list is solely for the establishment and entertainment of, for and by the Ghosts. We will continue to randomly run our selections in no particular order. As usual, we encourage you to make us whole with your angst-ridden additions. Enjoy.

Arcade Fire - Funeral

"Children wake up, hold your mistake up, before they turn the summer into dust."

Overview: Arcade Fire's "full-length" debut album helped to shape the modern wave of indie dominate music. Or in better terms...the changing of the guard from general "pop" genre rock n' roll to the much more intriguing wave of indie talent that continues to produce fascinating records. And this album was simply just one small piece, but a very significant piece of this movement. The album is an uplifting, delicately written, energetic and uplifting compilation of music that will continue to fascinate listeners for quite sometime. In few words or less...this album is a classic.

Key Musical Highlight(s): The unique blend of talent shines throughout this entire record, thus producing a diversity in musical selections. The triumphant collection of "Neighborhood" tracks all possess their own vibrancy and soul. However, the track that most represents this majestic album has to be "Wake Up." It's an anthem laden theme that transcends what this album is all about. It's hard to not hear the variety of undertones and an almost David Bowie-esque influence.

Where and When to Listen: This album can be friendly, yet very desolate as well. Does that make any sense? Probably not, but what I'm getting at is that this album can be whatever you want it to be...all depending on the mood of the listener. I'm not certain this is your party record, but then again...I'm not sure why it wouldn't be.

Why you should own this album: If anything this record dispels the notion that "rock n' roll" is dead. The argument is very simple, this album rocks. It's a tribute to the notion that indie rock has seemingly over taken "bubble gum" rock and the catchy love tunes. It gages the listener based on it's deeper originality and depth in musical talent. This album is one of the better albums to come out in the past 10 years. Your musical collection would simply be naked without it.

Lasting Impression: Originality and uniqueness. Haven't I said that already?

Overall: Rock n' Roll is alive and well. It breathes strongly on this record. This album contrasts itself with it's immense variety. Many would argue that the groups most recent release "Neon Bible" is to be considered their masterpiece. However, I'd be beg to differ when it comes to this record. And that's why this album simply had to make the cut on the Top 101.

The Big Vagina is going home to the Whales Vagina

That's right...you've read that title correctly. Mark Prior, King Vagina himself is down to his last stroke at making a career out of this baseball thing. And it just so happens he's landed in a pretty decent situation with the San Diego Padres. The bigger question, have the Padres landed an ideal suitor by signing Prior? Well, it's a homecoming for Prior and one can only wonder and yes, even hope that home cooking is all Mark needed to revive the scattered ashes of a once promising career.

Fair or not, Cubs fans always seemed to give Kerry Wood the benefit of the doubt more so than Prior. And to be honest, I'm no different. Prior always just seemed a little pampered and soft on the edges. He always made me wonder how some dude with such fat calves could be so much of a pussy. However, to be fair, Prior has endured a few freak accidents along the way that have helped to slow his career.

Yet, facts are facts and the once prodigy has been reduced to nothing more than a "what if." We all pretty much know the tragic story of Prior. Since 2003 it's been a free fall from grace based on injuries. He has spent a much greater amount of time on the shelf than on the mound, but you don't need me to explain this to you. Prior was just 5 outs from leading the Cubs to the World Series in 2003. And had Dusty Baker not left him in the game a few pitches too many or had Steve Bartman not have reacted like a human...Prior might have been the winning pitcher on the night the Cubs went to the World Series.

However, again...we all know how the story went. And perhaps, it was that post-season that wore Prior down. Yet, it simply can't explain how a dude with his physical prowess and talents has gone from where he was back then to where he is at now. If anything this second go round for Prior (still just 27 years old) could be the redemption song he's always wanted to write, but was never given the chance.

The Cubs dropped a slab of humble pie on Prior a few season's ago when they dropped him to the minor leagues. Prior responded by saying it was his goal to make the Triple-A All-Star team. Through it all, Prior bit his tongue and kept biding his time for another chance...anywhere, but Chicago. So, if anybody thinks that the golden boy who had it all in front of him is at all humbled by a mere $1 million contract...forget it.

Look, I know I've often rode the "Prior is a Pussy" bandwagon, but you won't see me the least bit upset if he really makes it back. And I'm not saying making it back to where he was in 2003, but at least...BACK. I'm sure a lot of people will be rooting for Prior to just be able to pitch regularly. Whether or not he has the dominant stuff he once teased us all with...who cares? Good luck, Mark...and sorry for calling you a Vagina.

The Loose Ends And Links: Go Jonny, Go, Go

Today, we feel like a couple proud parents slapping our son's first "Student of the Month bumper sticker on the Ford Windstar. One of our sports blogging buddies, Jon Pyle from the Pyle of List, is gonna be on a game show. Tomorrow night, JP is appearing as a contestant on the Singing Bee, a airing tomorrow night at 8 pm EST on NBC. It's a great opportunity to get drunk, cheer for JP, throw your beer cans at Joey Fattone, and oogle the honey bees. In JP's words, "I'll be the big black guy in the purple shirt."

Around here, we don't have anything nearly that cool to promote, but it's been a pretty busy week. We posted our second edition of the weekly column on Glide Magazine's Hidden Track. We took a look at some great show openers from a variety of concerts and compared them to their sporting equivalent. It pretty much went over like a ton of bricks, but in true musical spirit, we gotta warm up the crowd, right? Over at Epic Carnival, this week's subject for Match.com Mondays was this year's fantasy god, Ryan Grant. We also got excited about all this Rich Rod hullabaloo and profiled mega-recruit, Terrelle Pryor, for this week's Doc Brown's Imminent Luminaries.

Before we get to the links, we just wanted to give a heads-up. Posting will be spotty at best over the holidays. We'll likely get bored and throw up some stuff here and there, but no promises.

Now, for the best of the best this week.

Our buddies at Halftime Adjustments finally settled it. That horizontal bar that connects the other two bars is now called the "Dawson Bar." I usually call it the now-so-lame-seeming "Cross bar," but Dawson Bar is way better. Our version would be probably more Richard, less Phil.

With Leather has the video of the Washington Capitals taking a Segway tour of town. At my office, team-building exercises usually involve middle-aged guys in Santa hats. This is way cooler.

Since it's Kitna day (see below), check out the Sports Pickle's prediction for God's first round draft pick.

The Hall of the Very Good asks if relievers can get in the HOF, why not designated hitters? Extra points for referencing Harold Baines. I think I have about 75 Harold Baines cards in my parents basement, so let's hope he gets in one day.

Over at the Rival Room, Andy unlocks the mystery of Gunther. This guy is the real deal. Don't take it from me though. Andy breaks down some of his masterworks.

Finally, this one isn't really current, but it cracked me up to see Denver the Last Dinosaur on the list. I honestly thought I was the only kid in the entire world who watched that show. It's the top 11 best stoner-created cartoons ever.

In case anybody was wondering...Stan is still gambling. However, he is currently selling plasma on a weekly basis and has his infamous baseball card collection is making the rounds on Ebay. Still no takers...yet. And to think this all to pay off his bookie debt. That's a joke, but anyhow if you want to ride the degenerate train here are his picks for the weekend.

CINCINNATI (+2.5) over Cleveland

Sure, the Benglas have played like utter shit this entire season and I won't lie, I am enjoying this Browns season. However, something just tells me the Bungals pull out the upset.


INDIANAPOLIS (-7) over Houston

Cue the credits on Houston's "nice" little season.

BUFFALO (+3) over N.Y Giants

Meanwhile, the other Manning brother should be good to continue the collapse of the Giants.

NEW ORLEANS (-3) over Philadelphia

For all of McNabb's critics, it's still baffling that nobody can ever point the overall suckness of his WR's. He's had one WR in his whole fucking career and we had him...he was just as good as Manning or Brady.

MINNESOTA (-6) over Washington

"ALL DAY" and back-to-back National TV games...how nice?

Tampa Bay (-6.5) over SAN FRANCISCO

Garcia to Galloway -- the Fantasy Football wet dream.

Alright folks, be nice to your families, eat lots of good food, and win those fantasy titles. Happy Holidays. We'll let Sam Bush and the gang send you off with some Holiday Cheer.

What's Playing on Jon Kitna's iPod?

Are we ever going to run out of topics related to Jon Kitna to write about? Well, the end is probably coming sooner than later. Our boy is hardly treading water with the Lions. He is getting knocked on his ass at an alarming rate and the Lions have long since gone into the tank. Will he back in Detroit next year? Or will he join hands at the table of the Lord and move on to a much better calling in life?

We aren't so sure about what path the devout Christian is headed. However, far from the subject at hand...today we are poking around and taking a gander at what "might" be playing on our boy's iPod. Yup, another Friday and another iPod mix to take you into the weekend. Big ups, J-Kits...you've been our favorite QB in Detroit...EVER.

Jesus is Just Alright - Doobie Brothers: When he hops into his car and drives off into the sunset right out of Detroit...you can bet your ass this will be playing on Kitna's radio. There will never be any hard feelings, he's a peaceful loving dude. And Jesus IS just alright for him.

Holly Holy - Neil Diamond: Some of his teammates might not find this to be the most tolerable of locker room music, but J-Kits needs to hear his Neil before he takes the field.

Jesus left Chicago - ZZ Top: Technically speaking, Jesus is about to leave Detroit. WWJKD will probably no longer be a mantra in the Motor City, as this season is suddenly ending in disaster.

Thank you Lord - Bob Marley: If you don't think J-Kits has a little bit of "rasta" in his blood, you're dead wrong. Praise Jah...Rasta mon live up.

He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother - Rufus Wainwright: Ah yes, for J-Kits and the Lions, "The road is long...with many a winding turn." And that's just about how this season has felt for the Lions. It's been a depressing embarkment for quite sometime, much like Zoolander going back to work in the coalmines. What the hell that meant...I'm not sure.

We Ain't Goin Out Like That - Cyress Hill: We saw another side of Kitna this past Halloween when he dropped the comedic equivalent of a KFC dump. He dressed up in a birthday suit costume decked out with complete Wendy's accessories to simulate the epic nude arrest at the Wendy's drive thru. Even though he is straight up Goy, Kitna has the Chutzpah and he's not gonna let this season end with 8 straight losses.

Two Outta Three Ain't Bad - Meatloaf: We knew we knew we needed to win the final three games to have a shot at the Wild Card and everyone is already going all Eeyore around Detroit, but 8-8 is still technically a winning record right? No? Well, it's not a losing record and we haven't even done that since the turn of the century.

Love Reign O'er Me - The Who: The restful and relaxation our boy needs after getting put on his 10 times per game. One of these times his head is bound to fall off.

Holiday- Madonna: You know, just for those times he wants to "get" weird.

Let it be - The Beatles: When he finds himself in times of trouble Mother Mary comes to him...speaking words of wisdom...Let it Be, Let it Be.

Pistons/Celtics...the Rivalry, Welcome Back!

Normally, you'd be hard pressed to find me the least bit interested or intrigued by a regular season NBA game. And when that NBA game happens to take place prior to Christmas; shit why bother? However, I simply couldn't resist watching Wednesday night's Celtics/Pistons game. Considering the media knob job the Boston sports scene is getting, I had to see what the fuss was all about. Or at least I had to watch just to see my beloved Pistons put the Celtics back in their rightful place.

Well, a few things came to mind as I watched. One was "ha ha, be sure to write about this Simmons---enough about fucking Boston." However, more importantly what I noticed is that a rivalry is re-born. No offense to the Cavs and Heat, who for all respective purposes buried the Pistons in consecutive years in the Eastern Conference Finals, but there is just something more luring about a Celtics/Pistons rivalry. It's like a vintage twist down memory lane. Who could ever forget the magic of the 80's?

Well, maybe this rivalry won't reach those heights, but if Wednesday night was any indication...this is THE class of the Eastern Conference. The Pistons were able to sneak out a nip tuck win in a packed pseudo-Boston Garden (what do they call it now?). Anyhow, the distinction between who is the team to beat between these two was hardly defined. The game could've gone either way, but the Pistons snagged the tough "W." However, let's face it, for the Pistons this was a "been there done that" type of game.

They've won THESE games in the regular season the last several years, but it hasn't always translated into post-season success. Does that change this year? I'm not quite sure, because...I'm not sure the Pistons are actually better than the Celtics. So, I'm not going to get ahead of myself, but at least I know on this night Detroit was able to shut down the Boston fellatio fest, if only for a night. How significant the win turns out to be...not sure.

It was vintage Pistons basketball with Chauncey taking over down the stretch, the defense stepping up, clutch plays down the stretch...that's what I've always loved about this team. Should I mention that crushing block 'Sheed laid down in the final two minutes against Perkins. Where these teams are in June is yet to be determined, but I'd say last night this win was a good start. And let me be the first to say, let's all welcome back the Pistons/Celtics rivalry...been a long time, but I'm excited about the notion.

One From the Vault: Scoring on Your Own Goal

This post is one from our archives (one of our first Deadspin links ever) that stirred up some serious emotion the first time around. Some people loved it, while others apologized on behalf of all Americans. Looking back, I still like the idea, but I can see where it ruffled some feathers. More than anything, it cracks me up that looking back that I was mortified to get a few angsty comments. Man, that was only the beginning.

Before I get to the crux of this post - an idea on how to popularize the beautiful game in the U.S. - I want to ask for some opinions. I cannot decide what to call soccer anymore. I’m not a huge fan of using “soccer”, but when it is clearly somewhat offensive to the rest of the world. I can understand the irritable sentiment, since American football has relatively little to do with the feet and is just a fraction as old; however, I am certainly not about to disrespect our football on account of diplomatic relations. What are the other options? I like “footy,” but I feel like a bit of a poser, since I haven’t really been to any “matches” yet and haven’t closely followed my “side” for too long. So, until further notice, I am sticking with “futbol,” since it seems random enough, but I think we need a better name for us Yanks.

Well, now that I cleared that up, what is this so-called solution that I propose to popularize the beautiful game? For starters, I’ll tell what is not going to work. Trying to muscle into the premiership by buying an established club is a bad idea, i.e., Liverpool, Aston Villa, or Manchester United. How would you like it if Katsuaki Watanabe, the CEO of Toyota, decided to storm in and buy the Boston Red Sox? Would Japanese people all over the world race out to buy tickets and hats? Just because baseball is a potential profit center due to increasing popularity in Japan, does not mean that Japanese fans are interested in having teams owned by their corporate leaders. On the contrary, Japanese baseball fans are interested in the game as they have grown to know it and particularly because their favorite players have assimilated. There’s no need to meddle in an established institution. I do not mean to say that some of these newfound U.S. owners are not capable owners or genuine fans, but I really don’t see this approach boosting popularity of the game in the states.

Alternatively, handpicking a few post-prime stars and plopping them into the broke-ass MLS is a really bad idea. Do you think strapping some skates on Gordie Howe and signing him with a team in St. Petersburg would entice Russian rising stars to forego playing with the world’s top talent, with peak salaries, lucrative advertising clout, and rabid fans in the NHL to play hockey with local Russian teams. I didn’t think so.


The approach that I am suggesting is relatively far-fetched, but feasible as a long shot. I propose that the Premiership allows the U.S. one team to join the league. Now, this does not mean that we are allowed to show up with the U.S. national team, the playing field would have to be fair and compete for talent on the worldwide market. Realistically, this would be a good time for the Premiership to institute a salary cap, because the league seems to need one. Since the formation of the league in 1992, only four teams have won the title and Manchester United has won 8 of 14, since the Premier League became an entity in 1992. If that was not the case, the perceived threat of the U.S. coming in and buying itself an immediate dominating force is not as pertinent as it might seem. Many premier league clubs have the funds to bid for top talent, but the talent market is very competitive no matter how much cash is on hand. It takes time to build a top team.

The tricky part is the actual execution of this ridiculous brainchild. Well, there are two possibilities here. The ideal method would be to simply add the team, expansion style. We could even agree to wear the requisite expansion team green, if need be. If the league were against adding the additional team, there are some heavily debt-burdened smaller clubs, struggling to overcome their financial woes, which could be interested. This would be particularly interesting, as it would likely mean adopting a team in one of the lower 4 leagues below the Premier League and competing our way into the big time. Assuming we could entice a club into this idea, this approach would surely be significantly more complicated. No fans or city are going to give away their club, so perhaps some home matches could be played there and some here. Not an insurmountable hurdle, I don’t think.

Where would we base the club? New York and Miami seem to be the most logical locations as they are very manageable flights to London and they are both popular locations for British travelers. I hardly see the Brits complaining for their annual trip to see their favorite club play in Miami. Likewise, New York is a convenient location with cheap flights and fun nightlife. Plus, everyone has friends they like to visit in New York. In addition, the team could potentially play matches at other stadiums across the country on a periodic basis. Tell me this would not be a blast, when your boys play at Soldier Field once a year.

In order to get this thing to catch on here, we do not need the dumbed down version complete with Jock Jams on the loudspeaker with cheerleaders prancing about. We need to experience the real thing. We want the world famous legends, crazy fans, and of course, singing. Would you pay to see players like Rooney, Henri, and Ronaldo in their prime, in your backyard, and against a team you actually want to win? I would… I think.

Who Do We Root For Now?

The Detroit Lions have officially been eliminated from the playoffs. There will be no 10 wins this season, “God’s Team” just wasn’t meant to be this year. This team has been exposed and it only took SIX (count ‘em) SIX straight losses for us, as fans, to throw in the towel. Don’t get me wrong, we were holding out for dear (albeit delusional) hope that there was some ounce of pride and/or hope left in this season.

Well, I went to the game here on Sunday in San Diego and the Lions left it all on the field. And when I say “all” I mean all of what remains of a pathetic little season filled with false dreams and expectations. It’s all been washed down the drain like pubic hairs in a public shower.

What ever happened to that 6-2 team? Remember “Big Baby” chugging down the sidelines against Denver? Remember, remember, and remember? That’s all we have are memories. For Lion fans, this collapse wasn’t exactly unexpected, but it’s still not that easy to take. As the Turd recently put it, it’s like we banged Jessica Alba, bragged about it for 8 weeks and then found out we were related. Egg and shame on our faces, but enough about the sympathy whine, we still do love the NFL.

And that means we’ve got to root for somebody to win this damn trophy. So, as we usually do much earlier in the season, today we are going to carefully select a bandwagon to bang hop along and ride to glory. This is an annual rite of passage for many Lions fans, getting to cheat on your spouse or team for a few months and not feel the least bit guilty about it.

In the order we've deemed as "most likely" to win, here goes...

New England Patriots

Pros: You get to root for a potentially undefeated team, a modern dynasty, the essence of beauty (Tom Brady) and arguably the greatest team ever.

Cons: It’s a hollow feeling rooting for an anti-Christ like Bill Belichick.

Verdict: No thanks, we’d like to avoid the obvious and keep our soul.

Indianapolis Colts

Pros: Laser rocket arm. Check. Mooning a trainer at Tennessee. Check.

Cons: Too many endorsements. Too many "nobody respected us" scenarios that could come into play.

Verdict: No thanks, the bandwagon is already full…they’re the defending Champs.

Green Bay Packers

Pros: The Brett Favre feel good story.

Cons: The Brett Favre feel good story.

Verdict: Favre = Madden's Cialis.

Dallas Cowboys

Pros: That Tony Romo is so hot right now.

Cons: Jerry Jones looks like his facial tissue has been sucked out by a vacuum. The mere thought of T.O winning a Super Bowl is brutal.

Verdict: Not in this or any other lifetime.

San Diego Chargers

Pros: LT, LT, LT.

Cons: Phil Rivers is a douchebag.

Verdict: This seems like my obvious choice, considering the attachment to San Diego I now have. However, can I root for Rivers in the playoffs? Can I?

Jacksonville Jaguars

Pros: Hmm.

Cons: Hmm.

Verdict: Hmm.

Cleveland Browns

Pros: They are a generally likeable team, they are exciting to watch, they play hard, and they too suffer from that whole “tortured franchise that used to stink, but is now a feel good team" syndrome.

Cons: The State of Ohio currently owns the State of Michigan in sports. The Cavs up-staged the Pistons last year, Ohio State owns U of M and the Indians trumped the Tigers last season.

Verdict: We simply couldn’t root for another Ohio team to further distance themselves from our inferior Detroit existence.

Pittsburgh Steelers

Pros: None.

Cons: Everything.

Verdict: They're lucky to be in the playoffs, because they are just NOT that good.

Tampa Bay Bucs

Pros: If the Bucs can somehow win a Super Bowl, can't the Lions? Oh shit -- the Bucs already won a Super Bowl. Scratch that.

Cons: Jeff Garcia fucking homo was atrocious when he played for the Lions.

Verdict: No chance, the Bucs will ever get my support.

Seattle Seahawks

Pros: Obscurity.

Cons: Boredom.

Verdict: Undecided.

Minnesota Vikings

Pros: "ALL DAY"

Cons: Tavaris Jackson still sucks.

Verdict: Yup.

N.Y Giants

Pros: Can’t think of any, please let me know if you can.

Cons: Eli Manning, he never gets made fun of enough. He’s a sappy puss chops who will never lead a team to a title.

Verdict: Pass.

So, if you're keeping score at home...we are pulling for a Jacksonville vs. Minnesota Super Bowl. Go fuck yourself NFL and media hype. If the Lions can't be there, let's hope this thing friggin' bombs. Odds of this happening of course are absolutely ZERO. Yet, at least we can hope it's not the Patriots and Packers.

Gnome In Bill Walton's Closet, False Alarm

After responding to inquiries from neighbors, police responded to the 700 block of Tennyson St. in San Diego to investigate a residential disturbance. Reports show that ex-NBA star and commentator, Bill Walton, had allegedly expressed repeated concerns to the neighbors that there was a gnome in his house.

Despite Walton's insistence that "everyone stay cool, he'll come out when he's ready," neighbors reacted to this erratic behavior by calling police. Fortunately, no gnomes were found, but in fact Bill experienced an adverse reaction to a food item known as a "Goo Ball" he had eaten at a local musical performance hours earlier. Local authorities determined that the complaint was unfounded and no changes were filed.

The Idiot's Guide To Leaving A Tip

I've been in and out of the restaurant business since I was 16. I've been a busser, a barback, a runner, a server, a bartender, hell I've even worked in kitchens. You name it, chances are I've done it. I have seen every type of customer there is to see, and then some. You wouldn't believe some of the crazy fuckers I deal with on a regular basis, although that isn't what this post is about. I'm not here to stereotype types of customers. While stereotypes exist because they are often true, there are exceptions to every last one.

I currently work as a server/bartender at a restaurant in the heart of downtown Philadelphia. It's right across the street from Jefferson Hospital, which is also a med school, so we get a lot of scrub wearing customers. But a we also get a healthy mix of tourists, locals, drunks, people who work downtown and beloved regulars. It's a very diverse crowd and pretty cool place to work. That being said, all it takes is one fuckface (or one group of fuckfaces) to ruin my day with an undeserved shitty tip. That happened today - a party of 10 people left me $9 on a $90 bill six days before x-mas - which is why I finally decided to write a post I've been formulating for months, if not years. I'm not saying I don't make mistakes (though I know I made none with this group). I'm human. But I am damn good at what I do, and I can count the number of times on one hand when I actually deserved a shitty tip.

Now, I'm not implying, dear readers, that any of you specifically are bad tippers. I'm sure some of you tip quite well. But at the same time, I know some of you are shitty tippers. The law of averages makes it so. And, chances are, those of you that tip poorly probably don't even realize it. (If you tip poorly on purpose because you're cheap and/or a dick, your eternal fate will be worse than than that of sodomite pedophiles.) But fear not, that's why I'm here. Follow these easy and reasonable rules and I can guarantee that my genitals will never find their way into your coffee.

- Tip 20%. Always. 15% is what your grandmother tipped. You ain't her. Times have changed. If you get decent service, you tip 20%. This is NOT negotiable. Of course, there are a couple of reasons to tip less than 20%. If your server is rude to you, for any reason, even if you're being a dick, that should affect his or her tip. Also, if he or she forgets something important like an entree, and it ends up taking considerably longer than it should have, that's a fair reason to reduce a tip. Also, you have every right to be needy and demanding, as long as you tip well. Don't make me get 7 different things for you and then leave me a 17% tip. I will remember you next time. And, if you leave more than 20% (which you are by no means obligated to do) it WILL NOT go unnoticed. That $10 you leave me on a $25 check will absolutely make my day. Yes, it's that easy.

- It is NOT okay to tip less if: your food is not properly prepared (in most cases). If you order a bacon cheeseburger without the bacon, your server is responsible for making sure there's no bacon on that burger. However, if you order that burger medium rare and it comes out fully cooked, that (probably) isn't the server's fault. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Cooks fuck up too. Server's shouldn't be punished for something like that. Two wrongs don't make a right. (Which leads me to another thing - if your server fucks up, don't be a dick about it. Mistakes happen, and as long as they do everything they can to rectify a mistake, you have no right to act like a shithead. It's a little known fact that Dante actually reserved the highly exclusive 10th level of hell for people that mistreat waitstaff.)

While a server will never complain about a 20% tip, things do change a little depending on just how much your bill is. Here is a scale that will guarantee you a genuine smile from your server:

- If your bill is less than 7 dollars, leave at least 2 bucks. The only time it is acceptable to tip $1 (it is NEVER acceptable to tip less) is for a single drink at a bar. If someone served you food, it's a $2 minimum.

- If your bill is between $7.01 and 14.99, leave at least $3. I don't care if 20% of $11 is $2.20. The 80 cents won't kill you.

- If your bill is between $15 and $25, leave $5. If you're thinking "But $5 is 33% of $15! That's too much!" then you have obviously never worked in a restaurant. (By the way, everyone in this country should be required to work at least 6 months in the service industry. If they did, I wouldn't have to write this.) Is $2 really the difference between you making ends meet and the poor house? If the answer is "yes", don't go to a fucking restaurant. That extra couple of bucks adds up, and we appreciate it. You can never have too much good karma.

- If your bill is over $25, calculate 20% (for those of you who weren't math majors, divide the total by 10, multiply that by 2) and then round up to the nearest dollar. For example, if your bill is $33, leave $7. If you leave me $6.60, I'm not going to complain, but I'm not going to remember you either. If you leave me $7, it will make my day a little better, and really, isn't that worth 40 cents?

Honestly, that's pretty much it. Follow these guidelines and you will never eat mashed potatoes that were garnished with grundle butter.

As far as tipping your bartender goes, it's really easy. Leave no less than $1 per drink. You order 3 beers for you and your buddies? Leave $3. Anything below that and the bartender will take his or her time getting your next drink. This is especially true at a crowded bar. Leave me a $10 tip on your first drink and you had better believe you wont wait long for your next drink. Or the one after that. (This is especially true at open bars, where yes, you ARE supposed to tip.)

So anyway, thanks for reading. I hope this helps. For those of you who already follow these guidelines, I, and millions of others, thank you. For those of you who don't, you no longer have an excuse. We make $2.80 an hour before taxes. Many of us like our jobs, but we aren't doing it because we're bored. Your tips are our livelihood. Remember that the next time you're debating whether or not to throw in that extra dollar.

The Wolverines Get Rich With Rodriguez

How did I do? I tried to come up with the absolute worst fake newspaper headline I could think up. Anyway, everyone has heard about the Wolverines lassoing in yet another Mountaineer’s coach. And this time it’s the big steer, Rich Rodriguez. Unfortunately, Zoolander was passed over for the job, again. While Michigan fans are all a twitter with excitement, this is a giant shift for Michigan football and it doesn’t seem to have hit home. The hiring of Rich Rodriguez is undoubtedly a new era at Michigan and I think Big Ten fans will be surprised to find out just how big an impact this will have.

Is the end of Michigan Football as we know it? OK, I know that’s going a little overboard, but think about it for a second. Bringing in the spread offense at Michigan is going to be a pretty drastic departure. Michigan is typically synonymous with smash-mouth football. While, I don’t expect to see the running game go the way of Crystal Pepsi, because a spread offense can certainly cater to a strong running attack, but things are gonna look a lot different. The program’s emphasis is going to experience a change, so bear with me for a minute and I’ll take you through some potential shifts and question marks in this program’s future.

Quarterback Play

This is already one of the biggest areas of speculation. What will the future hold for Ryan Mallett? The news traveled like a runaway freight train that Rich Rod already spoke to Terrelle Pryor about his decision to head to Ann Arbor and Pryor immediately added Michigan to his 5. In fact, some pundits claim that Pryor is not only close to sold, but might be bringing friends. It’s hard not to be excited about this potential megastar heading to Michigan, but what about Mallett. He was slated as the future and held up well as a replacement for Chad Henne over the course of the season. While Mallett is not necessarily booking his flight already, he must be wondering where he fits in the equation. Maybe he likes the idea of the wide-open offense and the ability to run; in fact he runs quite well actually. Mallett is competitor and on many occasions you see that spark where he tucks it away and fearlessly heads for pay dirt. He may not be Vince Young, but he may also surprise you.

The other looming question is what this means for the future of Michigan QBs in general. Does this signal the end for the pro style pocket passer in Ann Arbor? I think it’s silly to make sweeping generalizations like that, but I suspect the type of QBs who put Michigan on their short list will change somewhat. Plenty of pocket passers played in spread offenses, but I think we will see more guys who want to be Vince Young than Joe Montana. Both can be successful at the college ranks, but I for one welcome the change. Let’s be clear though, it’s probably gonna change.

What Happens to Debord, English, and the Rest of Carr’s Staff?

Another big question mark is will any of Carr’s guys still have a job? Given Rodriguez’s track record at WVU, I suspect he will want to bring his guys. Not exactly known for his defenses, Ron English makes the one logical guy to keep on staff, but English is also considered in some circles to be a head coach prospect. I suspect we’ll see Rodriguez hand pick his staff. I’m purely speculating here, so take it with a grain of salt. California recruit, Vaughn Telemaque feels pretty strongly that he stays and we all know that recruits have some clout. However, it looks like DeBord is already out as Rich Rod has “announced Monday that WVU offensive coordinator Calvin McGee and secondary coach/recruiting coordinator Tony Gibson will be joining him at Michigan.”

What about Sam McGuffie?

While Terrelle Pryor is considered by many to be the number one recruit in the country, McGuffie is considered by me to be the most exciting. He’s given a verbal commitment to Michigan, but with a coaching change, all bets are off. McGuffie was allegedly (pretty low conviction in statement) planning to decommitt if Les Miles came to Ann Arbor, so it remains to be seen if he will stick around for Rodriguez. Seemingly, his shifty flat out blistering speed will fit in well in the offense, but only if he gets to play running back. Miles comment that he would likely not play running back in his offense was a big deterrent. I’ll give you a piece of advice Rich Rodriguez, when Mike Hart is blown away by a running back's abilities, he’s good enough to play in your backfield.

We profiled Sam on our Doc Brown’s Imminent Luminaries segment before, but in case you haven’t seen him in action, feast your eyes on this. I’ll sum up Sam McGuffie in 3 words: he hurdles people.



Finally, do your part and sign the Keep Sam McGuffie petition.

The Fullback and the Tight End

These two positions are historically cornerstones of the Michigan offense. Does the Rodriguez offense have a place for them? In an offense that regularly features 4 or even 5 wide receivers, it is reasonable to question what role these stalwart Michigan positions will play in the offense. Presumably, very little. Particularly, recruiting top tight ends and full backs will likely be a difficult task.

At the same time, just because somebody runs a “spread offense,” doesn’t mean every play in playbook revolves around it. A coach understands this and will not overlook opportunities, whether they are out of a spread offense or Power-I. Touchdowns are touchdowns.

Who Will Follow Suit?

With Michigan making the move to Rodriguez’s volatile offense, eyes are peeking over at OSU to see how they react. For one thing, they are on Terrelle Pryor’s short list. Tressel has t be sitting in his lazy boy with a glass of scotch, thinking, “God Damnit, my life got a LOT more difficult. Someone get me Clarett.” In addition, many big ten teams run pound the ball football, particularly Wisconsin comes to mind. The Big Ten shows some glimpses toward the spread offense, most notably Northwestern, and Purdue have heavily utilized varieties of the spread and explosive running QBs. It should be very interesting to see how the rest of the conference looks to keep pace with the Wolverines.

Ann Arbor is a Buyer’s Market

Now, if everyone would please refrain from looking for a “Michigan Man” for another 10+ years, I would greatly appreciate it. That term reminds me of something they would say at a training course teaching employees to sell buy one get one free coupons for local Ann Arbor restaurants. He is a Michigan Man now and he was the best choice available. Way to open the pocketbook and get it done, guys. Let’s hope he is here for many years to come.

This calls for celebration; celebrations call for Celebration Time; and Celebration Time calls for roller-skating. So, here is the roller-skating.

An Homage to the Montage

Cue up your Battleship Potemkin, folks. Today, we are paying homage to the montage. That’s right, we have some of the finest sports montages all in one place and at your disposal. So, go pop some popcorn and enjoy this little trip down memory lane.

We’ll start with the basics. This is the mothership of sports montages and popularized the training montage. In fact, I might argue that this is the most famous montage in cinema history.



Here’s another blatantly obvious selection. This is probably the second most popular montage in sports flicks, the Karate Kid tournament set to the one and only, “You’re the Best.” Ever notice LaRussa looks about 8 years younger than most of these dudes?



Alright, time to get a little more obscure. This one is a random crew doing a little spoof of the training montage. Slightly corny, but overall quite well done. Nice job guys.



Maybe not a sports movie per se, but there is a boat race at the end right? Here is a nice boat building montage from the Cusack classic, One Crazy Summer.



If anything can compete with a boat building montage, it’s an arm wrestling montage.



Strange how you think something is cool when you’re young only to revisit it later in life to find it’s basically a lot of people dressed like transsexuals prancing around. On second thought, I guess that’s still cool.

Random thought - What do you think your kid would grow up to be if you named him "Turbo?"



We’re losing focus a little here folks. This one is from Beerfest and is not actually part of the film. Still, it’s a montage about Beer Pong, so what the hell.



No tribute to a montage would be complete without the tribute to the montage from "Team America." Due to our increasing readership in Peru, we have provided Spanish subtitles for this montage.



We’ll leave you with a tribute montage to Caddyshack. Again, it’s not part of the movie, but it’s stellar work with a truly inspired musical selection.

The Loose Ends: Go Joe! Edition

First, I bring you this public service announcement as a concerned citizen and patriotic member of this society. If you're not really in to politics, but care a little bit; this is your lucky day. One time GoWF contributor and lazy alcoholic, Leopold Mellonbottom, showed me this great site. Essentially, you answer 11 questions and rank their level of importance in your mind. Presto. They provide with with a list of the presidential candidates that most closely match your viewpoints. I got Joe Biden. Go Joe!

Now for a few of the weeks links around the sphere.

Babes Love Baseball transposed this whole Mitchell saga into the touching tale of the 'Twas Night Before Christmas.

Brahsome throws a musical salute to Mario Williams in the form of the Who. You know John Entwistle is my dad right? I also strongly urge you to check out their dictionary. It's damn funny. Although, I am 30, still say dude, and am an older brother. Ummm. Oh well.

One of my new favorite sites, The Sports Hernia, discovers a certain famous dead horse is on the Mitchell Report.

Is Marvin Lewis the man for the job at Michigan? The Meaningful Collateral says not so.

Is you brain tired from a long week? Wanna watch people get hurt? Me too. Here's a couple nice crashes. Man, I want to go skiing.





Ouch.

This week in Elsewheres, we had a pretty productive week. We started our weekly column over at Glide Magazine with a bang. OK, maybe it was more of snap-pop, but nevertheless we are thrilled about the opportunity. Unlike someone I know, they actually have readers. We also caught up with the lovely Jenn Sterger for the Blog Wiser Hot Seat at Epic Carnival. Thanks again , Jenn. Finally, the running weekly bit Doc Brown's Imminent Luminaries featured the #1 college basketball recruit in the country, Greg Monroe. If you don't his name yet, you will. He's 6 feet ten inches of man steel.

So that wraps it up for the week. Have a fun weekend and beware of N'oreasters. They're vicious. In fact, if you still have duck boots, it might be wise to get them out. Peace out. We'll see you on Monday.

What's Playin' on S-Jax's iPod?

Today we are pulling an old favorite off the shelf of good/bad and everything in-between ideas around our turf. This is where we get to be wise asses and attempt to logically decipher what “might” be jamming on our favorite athlete’s iPod. Sure, there have been varying degrees of lame ass attempts at humor and the occasional reputation of beating the dead horse, but oh well. You see, that’s why we buried this nugget for a bit.

Anyhow, I’m drifting on you…aren’t I? Well, today’s guest is by no means here to be mocked. For one, I am scared shitless at what the repercussions might be and secondly, we actually really dig this dude. It needs to be noted, that I’d love to party with this guy, maybe not during a night like this one, but nonetheless. And so tilt your glasses and raise up for a long time fave of the Ghosts, Mr. Stephen Jackson. Please note the spelling and you’ll realize that this is NOT the RB with dreadlocks.

Nope, this is the same man who notoriously went into the stands at the Palace of Auburn Hills to stick up for his boy. Some may claim he has a checkered past, but the man is just moving on. He is currently leading the Golden State Warriors back into prominence and let’s face it, he is a Warrior in every sense of the word…on the court. Off the court, he’s putting the past behind him, as he recently got a full sternum tattoo with praying hands covering a gun. Hence, he prays he never has to use a gun again…everyday, dog.

Well, here’s to S-Jax! And here’s to what tunes are cranking as a soundtrack to his "fictional" pre-game rituals.

Move On Up – Curtis Mayfield: Hmm, Hmm...this one always gets the juices going for anyone. And for S-Jax this is the gasoline on the fire.

Oaktown - Too $hort: "Straight from the West, Oakland is the best. Oh-Oh-Oh-Oak-town." Who does like Todd Shaw? So-so smooth.

Pat Benatar - I am the Warrior: Um, I agree that one was bad. Let's move on.

Me So Horny - 2 Live Crew: Mutha fucka gotta get his swerve on.

Damn, it feels good to be Gangster - Ghetto Boys: Just an ode to the better life for S-Jax. Shit, done changed.


Got To Be Real - Cheryl Lynn: Simply because, S-Jax loves him some "Carlito's Way."

Stretchin' Out (In a Rubber Band) - Bootsy Collins: Dude, likes the funk.

Bozak - EPMD: Ride it.

Catching Up with Paul Davis

It's time again for us to play a little catch up with a blast from the recent past, Mr. Paul Davis. Ah, yes the same Paul Davis that hing around and teased us at Michigan State for 4 years. Yet, that's not at all to say the memories aren't fond of P-Diddy. However, in this image (pictured) where he needed an icepack for menstral cramps against Wisconsin is one that many Spartan fans would like to forget. Anyhow, the big man is in the NBA now and we're here to shine some light on whether or not he's making a name for himself.

Yet, first let's take "fictional" recap of the Davis proclamation just before his Senior season at Michigan State.

I am Paul Davis; I am “the” Warrior.

“Shooting at the walls of heartache…Bang, bang; I am the warrior!”

I am Paul Davis and I mean business this year. I know I say that every year, but this year is different, it’s my last chance. Perhaps, you don’t know me or even know of me, but I am a baller and a damn fine baller at that, if I must say so myself. Perhaps, you do know me and you remember me pouting on the sidelines or struggling to reach my potential.

I know I’ve heard it before…yet I promise it’s different this time around. Go ahead; I am open to your criticism. I’ve had to deal with it for obvious reasons throughout my tenure at Michigan State. A lot of the criticism is warranted, I may look like a clumsy big oaf, but I’m not dumb.
----------------------------------------
Yup, that'd be the same Paul Davis that guaranteed he'd average a double-double during his stepping stone tenure to the NBA at Michigan State. The same Paul Davis who mysteriously suffered from cramps in nearly every crucial Big 10 game of his career. And of course, the same Paul Davis that couldn't out rebound a bunch of small forwards at the collegiate level. So, let's not beat around the bush, Paul Davis was easy to criticize in College, but maybe he brought that all on himself --- just a bit.

Anyhow, let me remind you of a few things -- we are talking about the “same” Paul Davis that slammed home the game winner against Maryland in the Sweet 16 during his freshman season. What Spartan fans weren't going crazy, high fiving and trying to mimic the "mean face" that P-Diddy dropped on us all like Magnum? It was the highlight of an otherwise dull and dry season of hoops. However, in that moment of clarity and AUTHORITY -- Paul Davis was our hero. Perhaps, it was all a tease as he battled the ups and downs of expectations for the remainder of his career.

Yet, there again in the Sweet 16 during his Junior Season, Davis simply owned the “Landlord” Sheldon Williams (a.k.a Gargantuan Head). Does that ring a bell...or did we all forget? National TV, State vs. Duke and he was spectacular. In fact, P-Diddy was a beast the entire Southeast Regional as the Spartans made their way to the Final Four that year.

However, Davis could never back his critics completely into a corner in the state of Michigan. He spent the summer between his Junior and Senior season, perfecting the “Paul Davis” face and building the hype meter, his doing or not. The "Paul Davis" face as it should be known is nothing like “Magnum” or “Blue Steel”, but rather the look of someone on the verge of crying. Davis was never animated enough for his critics, but his skill set was good enough to land him in the NBA.

The appeal of a 6’11 white dude with big feet can be too tempting to resist at times. And thus, the Los Angeles Clippers drafted P-Diddy in the 2nd round of 2006 NBA Draft. However, he intends to not turn into just another Danny Shayes, Jim McKlevaine, Eric Montross or Greg Ostertag. Yet, he will probably never turn out to be a far better player than Kevin McHale or Tom Chambers, which is fine.

Currently, he's sucking pine for the Clippers, averaging about 7 minutes a game...if that. His lone moment of fame and notoriety in the NBA came from a commercial that feature Dwayne Wade dunking on him in slow motion. Not many people usually pick up on the dude who is getting posterized, but I knew right away that was Paul Davis. Yup, that's Paul Davis. And here's to my boy P-Diddy getting his moment to shine...someday.

One Timers: The Glass Is Full Enough, I Guess

Editor's Note: One Timers is a GoWF feature where we rap about the random odds and ends on our minds. Feel free to stick around and chat with us in the comments if you feel like hangin out.

Lots of ups and downs around here these days. To begin, what started as a 6-2 season for our Lions is now a 6-8 season and the playoffs are nothing but a pipe dream - the kind of dream where you are running a marathon and you turn the corner, burst into overdrive, and fly by the leaders of the pack to win just as you cross through the finish line. Then you wake up and realize you can’t even run 3 miles and you’re 30 years old with a belly that droops over your belt like a water balloon. Forget it; that dream doesn’t make sense. The season’s over.

Looking at the big picture though, let’s say the Lions get spanked by the Chargers and Packers, while squeaking out a win against the Chiefs – a somewhat likely scenario. They finish 7-9. It’s a big improvement from years past and there’s reason to be optimistic. Calvin Johnson hasn’t been healthy all season and it is becoming more evident that his back injury was more serious than most people thought. Roy Williams, Kevin Jones, and Taco Bell were all dinged up for extended periods over the course of the season. The secondary sucked as predicted, but not as badly I we thought. If the Lions really work to improve the offensive line, this is a contender. Watch how they play the Packers; the Green Bay defensive line will win the game. They hardly bring any blitz packages and will disrupt Kitna with ease. Hence, they will likely win the game with ease again. It’s early to start talking draft, but it’s looking like it's time to spend a first rounder on the offensive line.

Another area of both malcontent and joy this week is fantasy football. I know what you are going to say. "Don’t talk about your fucking fantasy teams." Guess what I am going to say, “What? I can’t hear a thing. The mechanic is working on the Canon here in my office today.” Where was I? Our dominating team in the Epic Carnival league (12-1) laid a monster turd AND we lost in our own GoWF blogger invitational league after a truly inspired run to make the playoffs. Hence, we’re pretty much down and out. We still have our team in the Empty the Bench league and the Brahsome league, so hopefully we'll pull at least one out. This year’s additions to the fantasy shit list are Chad Johnson, Adrian Peterson (what the fuck happened to you last week?), Terrell Owens, Steve Smith, Reggie Bush, and Frank Gore. This year’s additions to the “My Heart Will Go On” list for players I will cherish forever are Tony Romo, Andre Johnson, and Ryan Grant. Don’t worry, Peyton. I still love you too - always and forever. Fortunately, I wrecked Stan last week. I mean wrecked him. I doubled his score, somewhere in the neighborhood of 130 to 65. Plus, I am starting the playoffs in my other moolah league. The Mannigham Steamroller shall prevail.

Always and Forever, Peyton

One piece of very good news is that in our never-ending quests to get fired from our real jobs, we are starting a weekly column over at Hidden Track, - the blog over at Glide Magazine. So, check it out. If you like what you see; we’ll be there every Thursday. They really have a good music site over there, so we’re pretty psyched to contribute. It sure beats this ghetto ass gig. Just kidding, GoWF; you're still in our 5. To celebrate, we have a special You Tube dance party clip to share with you. Thank my brother for digging this one up. At first, you may not think it’s great, but this is addictive. Say what you will about technology, but I feel proud to live in a world where someone thought of this project and was compelled to see it through. Bravo, whoever you are.



Guess what I don’t care about? The Mitchell Report. There is only one good article I have read about performance enhancing drugs in as long as I can honestly remember. This is that article. Klosterman pretty much summed it all up right there and everything since has seemed like sensationalist minutiae. Wake me when it’s over.

One thing that I am mildly curious about is the plans of one Alex Legion. Legion was a highly touted recruit who opted out of his letter of intent to Michigan after Amaker was canned last year. Since then, he enrolled at Kentucky, but withdrew his scholarship and decided to transfer after just 6 games. Given he is a Michigan native and his previous interest, speculation is abound that he may be considering a transfer to the Wolverines. Others speculate that he may opt to go to the NBA. Hot tip: he might also go somewhere else. I don’t know shit nor anyone who knows shit, but considering where the program has been in the past 10+ years, I will keep an eye on this.

One last notable, we have an interview with Jenn Sterger going up tomorrow (Friday) on Epic Carnival. You probably know her better as the Cowgirl from the Florida State games a couple seasons ago. The interview turned out great. We discovered that she doesn’t smoke weed, but she does enjoy Natty Light, Family Guy, and blogging so you guys might still have a chance.

#64 - Public Enemy "It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold us Back"

Editors Note: Continuing with the ongoing series "The Ghosts proudly present the Top 101 Albums…EVER." Worthy to note this collection is comprised of OUR personal favorites and shouldn’t be used as a compass or declaration of what many music critics may have written or compiled in the past. This list is solely for the establishment and entertainment of, for and by the Ghosts. We will continue to randomly run our selections in no particular order. As usual, we encourage you to make us whole with your angst-ridden additions. Enjoy.

Public Enemy - It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold us Back

"Turn it up...Bring the Noise."

Overview: Public Enemy was a one of kind, once in a generation Rap group that evolved during a time when "gangsta" rap was rapidly on the rise. However, PE used their lyrics and microphone as a political platform. They were essentially the Spike Lee of rap music. And this was their ground-breaking album that caused the mainstream to take notice of not only their message, but also their skills. Backed by the genius of leader Chuck D, the infamous Flava-Flav and Terminator X, PE carved their niche in the hip-hop game.

Key Musical Highlight(s): "Bring the Noise" was the album's anthem that would later be covered in a joint effort by PE themselves and the heavy metal band Anthrax. The catchy "Don't Believe the Hype" was Chuck D's ode against the media creating false representations on society. To be honest, the entire album flows from start to finish and it's one of those "story-book" album's that's hard to separate.

Where and When to Listen: What else needs to be said -- the album is a timeless hip-hop classic, you can listen anywhere you fucking please.

Why you should own this album: It's hard to believe that a white kid growing up in the burbs could find this album so intriguing. Maybe it was for the actual aggression or music itself, because at the time this album was hitting my airwaves, I wasn't all too sure what the hell it meant. However, if ever there is a rap record with strong meaning and cultural significance -- this is the record you'd want to own.

Lasting Impression: Flava-Flav --- "yeaaaaah booyeeee!!!" How could you not enjoy a certified crackhead chiming in on the background. OK, that's a joke. Seriously, it's got to be the intensity and well crafted lyrics of Chuck D.

Overall: I'm done explaining it and that's why this album makes the Top 101.

Altering the Course of History: The Tuck Rule

Sports are often defined and decided by such a thin line. A fraction of a second here or there, one step to slow, one step in the wrong direction, inches, intangibles, etc. It all equates to the ultimate in bar room debates about "what if's" and "woulda-coulda-shoulda's." If my team won this game or made that play they would've won that game or that Championship. There are so many scenarios we can rifle through over boredom or 18 beers, but isn't that what makes Sports so great? The thrill of debate?

What if that Never Happened?

Well, today we are rolling out another one of these things we'd like to consider a soon-to-be regular in our setlist rotation. And that being an alternate universe of sports, so to speak. A look at what might be if that one "little" teeny-tiny thing never happened. Because we all know the result can and does have a lasting impact and/or changes the course of history. Consider this a twisted perspective or altered universe like that incredible ending to the season finale of LOST, where Jack and Kate were in some bizarre dimension. And dear lord how I miss that show, but that's another story.

Anyhow, I'm opening the set with a pretty relevant moment in recent sports that needs little introduction and that being the old "Tuck Rule" game. And my how that one little play changed the landscape of the NFL for the recent era and it's lasting and significant impact is felt so-so-so strongly today. You might be living in a gutter, but you still know the New England Patriots are the GOLD standard of the NFL. They are the end all of discussion, they reek of greatness, genius and represent everything a Dynasty should be. Go ahead and self high five yourselves now Boston fans.

The name Brady and Belichick have become synonymous with success as it just oozes and emanates from the names alone. Belichick is the asshole genius that is smarter than anyone alive and Brady is revered as the most dominate or despised athlete around. Women want him and men want to be him. Well, this whole path or destiny to greatness can be attributed to that one little play back in the snow when Charles Woodson seemingly stripped Brady of the football and secured the Oakland Raider victory at Foxboro.

However, the rule book at the time begged to differ with the notion. And we all know the rest of the story, but I like to think what would've become of the Patriots and Brady if that never happened. Breath easy, this isn't meant to be an absolute in terms of analysis. Rather, this is just my twisted and somewhat sarcastic take and what might be if that play hadn't been ruled in the Pats favor. Would they be the same Pats? Would we utter there name in disgust and/or jealousy? Argue it all you want, but that play alone changed the course of history.

And so, here is what I ponder may have been if that had never friggin' happened. Aside from the obvious -- no Super Bowls and no Dominance...

-------------------------------------------------

There would be no such thing as the "Man-Genius."

We'd hardly be talking much about this weekend's Jets-Pats game, because this whole spy gate thing would've never happened.

Giselle would be considered un-tapped, um...maybe.

Bill Belichick's adultery counts would be significantly reduced.

We would not refer to Bridget Moynihan's baby as the "son of God."

The "Hoodie" would remain a fashion statement amongst hippies, but not in the NFL.

The words Tom Brady and "Dreamboat" would NOT coincide.

Boston fans would still be insufferable.

Bill Simmons wouldn't have approximately 3,573 simultaneous orgasms at the mere mention of Brady and Belichick.

Junior Seau would be serving Sushi and Burgers at Seau's in Mission Valley, instead of riding an already established Dynasty's coattails to a Super Bowl.

We wouldn't have been able to make fun of Peyton Manning for all those years of coming up short.

Somehow, the negativity would've trickled down to the RED SOX and they STILL would NOT have won the World Series.

Rodney Harrison would NOT have ever needed steroids to keep up with the young punks in the league...maybe.

The negative vibe of always losing would cause the Celtics into having the worst stretch in franchise history. Followed by them losing out on the Oden/Durant Sweepstakes...oh damn...that happened.

OK, Kevin Garnett would have said "Eff You" to Boston and the Celtic renaissance never would happen.

The Cleft chin would NOT be sexy.

Blogs would be void of good material to poke fun jealousy at the expense of Tom Brady. Hence, Peyton Manning's life would be under even greater scrutiny around the Blogosphere.

We never would've shamed ourselves to make this pathetic youtube clip.

Boston fans would still be insufferable, yes that's on repeat.

Jon Gruden might still be the coach of the Raiders.

Kurt Warner would be a two time Super Bowl Champion and MVP. Angels would rejoice and Warner would be forced to spend eternity with a woman that looked like a man in repayment of God picking up the tab on his soul from the Devil.

Mike Martz would be a genius, not a mad scientist and he would not currently be running the Lions offense into the ground in attempts to get fired.

Elivs Grbac would still be the greatest Michigan QB ever to play in the NFL.

Donovan McNabb and T.O might still be together, as they may have won that Super Bowl.

The '72 Dolphins would've already popped the Champagne this season.

Belichick would still be an asshole.

Cleveland fans would still remind everyone what a jack ass and pathetic coach Belichick was for the Browns.

Charlie Weiss and his man boobs never would've gotten the chance to destroy the storied Notre Dame football program.

Romeo who?

Randy Moss would probably be on the Green Bay Packers this season, split wide across from Greg Jennings.

Marty Schottenheimer may have won a Super Bowl.

We would never again have to hear Bill Simmons refer to them as the Cobra Kai Yankees.

We'd be able to stop arguing that we really aren't jealous -- we just hate them.

We wouldn't have to suffer anymore to hear the name Brady and Belichick shoved down our throats constantly.

And lastly, it doesn't matter, because Boston fans would still be insufferable.

What if? Ah yes, what if? Oh well, back to reality.

#17 - Led Zeppelin "Houses of the Holy"

Editors Note: Continuing with the ongoing series "The Ghosts proudly present the Top 101 Albums…EVER." Worthy to note this collection is comprised of OUR personal favorites and shouldn’t be used as a compass or declaration of what many music critics may have written or compiled in the past. This list is solely for the establishment and entertainment of, for and by the Ghosts. We will continue to randomly run our selections in no particular order. As usual, we encourage you to make us whole with your angst-ridden additions. Enjoy.

Led Zeppelin – Houses of the Holy

"Close the door, put out the light. No, they wont be home tonight. "

Overview: Not many will argue against the brilliance of Led Zeppelin. However, most people would argue any other Zeppelin album before this specific record. Yet, we found this record most suitable to our interests for the purposes of this countdown. It's a short listen, but filled with 8 classic Zeppelin tracks that range along just about every spectrum of music. "The Song Remains the Same" would later become a live performance and film that Zeppelin recorded in support of this tour. The album hardly pales in comparison to the other Zeppelin classics and is a testament to the root of Zeppelin and just what a phenomenal and "ahead of their time" band they really were.

Key Musical Highlight(s): I'll let you flip a coin here. There are a lot of nuggets in the offering to choose from. "Over the Hills and Far Away" was and is the most commercially successful track on the album and Page is brilliant on the orchestration. However, for me "Rain Song" and "No Quarter" take the cake in terms of musical peek. "Rain Song" is a beautiful song, delicately written and backed by the comforting and dynamic characteristics you'd only expect from the band. "No Quarter" is a trippy ballad that has that unique, creepy and engaging organ. That song always does it for me. Wait, did I forget "D'yer Mak'er"?

Where and When to Listen: Get yourself a bag of the finest "nuggage" you can find. Light yourself a fat fucking joint and enjoy. This album has all the elements of a stoned voyage. It's rock, blues, folk and psychedelic all in one. If you prefer to not listen alone, make sure the rest of your crowd is sedated or stoned. Yet, it still does have some jams on it that can engage even just about anyone. So, my disclaimer is alone, but it's also very fun for the whole family. In fact, I'm stoned right now.

Who wears the T-Shirt: Well, a lot of people. Mainly old stoners still clinging onto Zeppelin as the end all of Heavy Metal, but it's a pretty trippy t-shirt, all in all. Vintage rock t-shirts always seem to resurface and make a comeback at some point. And I'm fairly certain this is a pretty decent shirt to add to any collection. Shit, I'd sport it.

Lasting Impression: The diversity of Led Zeppelin. If any album shows the many dimensions to Zeppelin, this is the record.

Overall: I'm only a mildly interested Zeppelin fan. Most of their records don't always strike me personally. However, this is one of those albums that I can thoroughly enjoy from start to finish and have a hard time shutting down. It's a staple in the Zeppelin collection and should be the same in yours. And that's why it makes the cut on our Top 101.

Ask An Expert: Mike Myers

It’s time again for a GoWF favorite, the one and only, Ask an Expert. Today’s guest has graced both screens and brought us some legendary characters like Lothar, Middle-Aged Man, and Deiter. Laedies and gentlemen, it’s the one and only, Mike Myers.

Ghosts: Mike, thanks for being on the show today. How’s everything going with you these days?

Mike Myers: Ok, so I still live with my parents, which I admit is bogus and sad. However, I do have a cable access show, and I still know how to party.

Ghosts: Sounds like not a lot has changed.

Mike Myers: You look like an undercover cop TRYING to look hip.

Ghosts: I’m not trying to look hip. Shut up. So, we hear you are big sports fan. Hoes does the fantasy hoops team so far this season?

Mike Myers: Yes! Let us sing "The Man Song"! You know the tune!

Ghosts: Yeah, us guys sure like those fantasy games. I hear you are a college football fan. Who do you think Michigan will talk to now that both Les Miles and Greg Schiano declined the so-called prestigious position?

Mike Myers: Lothar…. Of the Hill People. Yes! Chieftan of all the Hill People! But in my own hut, I am deemed no better than foul humors discharged from the body!

Ghosts: Oooh that would be sweet, Lothar could whip those underachieving country club brats into shape for once. Hey, you know how Bobby Bowden is so old? Do you think he should quit this butcher job on the Seminoles?

Mike Myers: Vhy is it that the truly brilliant are doomed to a life of obscurity, surrounded by a sea of mediocrity, only to end up covered in sores in a pool of their own filth? Oh vell, the beat goes on.

Ghosts: It’s not really a life of obscurity; he’s just too old for all that stress and the long hours. I would think the fans would want a change considering the poor performance in recent years?

Mike Myers: Well, I vana toilet made out of solid gold, but it's just not in the cards now is it?

Ghosts: OK, take it easy on the Lowenbrau, Mike. We’re all friends here. It’s a real shame about Sean Taylor, don’t you think? What’s wrong with this country that guns have become so easily accessible to young, impressionable youth? If there is one thing we could change about this country, it would be the gun racket. Too many innocent lives are lost and it’s a damn shame.

Mike Myers: A gun rack... a gun rack. I don't even own *a* gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack. What am I gonna do... with a gun rack?

Ghosts: Gun. Racket. I said “Racket” (making quotations with hands). Speaking of racks though, who’s the lucky woman these days?

Mike Myers: Woman... woe-man... whoooa-man. She was a thief, you gotta believe, she stole my heart and my cat. Betty, Judy, Josie and those hot Pussycats... they make me horny, Saturday morny... girls of cartoo-ins will leave me in ruins... I want to to be Betty's Barney. Hey Jane... get me off this crazy thing... called love.

Ghosts: You rhymed “cat” with “cat.” That poem sucked.

Mike Myers: Thank you, thank you very much. I'm here 'til Thursday. Try the veal.

Ghosts: Alright, Mike. Thanks for coming out to hang out with us. We loved having and it’s been a lot of fun.

Wayne: Will you still love me when I'm in my carbohydrate, sequined-jumpsuit, young-girls-in-white-cotton-panties, waking-up-in-a-pool-of-your-own-vomit, bloated-purple-dead-on-a-toilet phase?

Ghosts: Yep.

The Ghosts of Christmas Future

It's that time of year again for drinking egg nog, getting cold, listening to the same 8 songs every single place you go, and falling asleep on your desk because you've been hungover for a month straight. Yay, the holidays are here. We wish everyone a joyous holiday season and hope Santa brings everyone exactly what they want for Christmas. To kick off the season for giving, we asked some of our our favorite sports teams, personalities, and locales; what do you want for Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa, or whatever you use to buy each other shit?

Chris Webber - A new set of knees

Bill Walton - Some Aludium Fodex so I can fuel up the UFO and head back to Tralfamadore.

LeBron James - Some decent NBA players to play on my team.

Matt Millen - A free resume builder tool.

Yao Ming - Some of these Lego guys. They look just like me.

Wayne Fontes - Some of the add revenue you pricks are pulling in off my name.

The Redskins - A 24 year old strong safety that is lightning quick and hits like a brickhouse. RIP Sean.

Bill Belichick - Your soul, his soul, her soul, everybody's soul.

Kevin Garnett - Ditto.

Stan - To beat Rupert this week and win another Fantasy Title.

Tom Brady - Another model to bang. Or maybe that hot Rawson bird.

DJ Augustin - My turn.

Eli Manning - Respect.

Peyton Manning - Somebody to pull a Nancy Kerrigan on Tom Brady before he breaks my record.

Michael Vick - A pit bull named Roxy.

Brett Favre - Some admiration and attention.

Jon Kitna - An exorcist to banish these demons that hath poisoned our locker room.

Johan Santana - A choice.

Mario Williams -To say "What's Up Now, Reggie?"

Kentucky - Rick Pitino (Picture source)

Stan and Rupes - Phish to re-unite and play a 10 night stand at Van Andel Arena.

Huey Lewis - A new drug.

Boston - Some black people.

Screenwriters - Some money to go to Taco Bell.

Michigan - I wish I knew? Everybody already said "no."

Rupert - One of these. It will be mine. Oh yes, it will be mine.

Tim Tebow - World domination.

Chad Henne, Mike Hart, and Mario Mannigham - My whole year back.

Phil Jackson - I receive no joy from gifts. For the true zen master seeks not the personal gratification that comes from material possessions - only from giant contracts.

The GoWF Top 10 Favorite Harry Hoods of All Time

Notice we said "favorite?" We are well aware we are skating on thin ice in trying to assemble this list, so we will clearly state that these are just our favorites and shouldn't be taken to be the "BEST EVER!" I will say this though; there is absolutely no doubt on our end that any of these gems fall short of being well worthy of full-on face melting status.

For those of you who may be wondering what the hell we are talking about already, we are about to embark upon assembling ten of the finest renditions of perhaps our favorite song in the entire world, the Phish epic, Harry Hood (check out this link for the story behind the title Harry Hood and the lyrics). This is a song that is really definitive of the song structure that Phish became known for in the early days. Some call it a serial song as it is akin to progressing through serial numbers, but I have grown to refer (ever so elloquently) to this type of song with several composed sections and improv sections as either "composed stuff" or a "ramble song." They're dumb names for sure, but the idea is they meander from section to section like wandering from place to place, environment to environment.

Harry Hood in particular, starts out in a reggae groove with a couple minor chords, beginning the song with a darker color, then weaving in and out of a catchy chord progression and a dirty-ass dark guitar riff, until finally it crescendos and resolves to the floaty happy place that is the end jam. The song typically concludes with anywhere between 5 and 10 minutes of improvising in a pretty basic major key jam that builds and builds until the roof comes off and your arm hair feels like it's falling out.

Enough already, let's get to the damn list, right? Here goes...

1) 12/31/93 - The Centrum, Boston, MA - It's only fitting. This also happens to be our unanimous favorite show of them all. Ten years from the day it all began, Phish held nothing back and delivered a handful of our all-time favorites. Why does freaking Boston get everything? What's the deal with that place? It's a decent kid brother to New York and all, but seriously. Enough is enough.

2) 3/31/93 - Roseland Theatre, Portland, OR - If you hadn't guessed we are '93 fans and like when they go bananas. The nice fluffy ones are good, but this is a balls to the wall jam right here.

3) 10/23/94 - The Band Shell, Gainesville, FL - The only reason this one isn't a stronger contender for the throne and the #1 spot is that we have listened to it to death. This is the probably the most widely known (for VERY good reason) Hood ever played as it was featured on the live release, A Live One. This Hood illustrates the "building" for Harry Hood which the song is so well known. While it often takes a serious hiatus to bring this one back in the repertoire, there is absolutely no denying its place on this list.

4) 8/17/97 - The Great Went, Limestone, ME - The oft cited "best ever" is definitely an epic, but we think it's partially due to the introduction of the glowstick war. Don't get me wrong, I love this one and have listened to it probably 100+ times, but it's the history that makes this one special. Any recording will illustrate a crowd roar unlike just about any crowd roar in any capacity, be it sports, concerts, or even tractor pulls (I couldn't think of anything else), and it comes at a bit of a random part of the song. A keen historian knows that it's the glowsticks coming out for a truly visual spectacle. While the glowstick war became a bit of a pain in the ass as they hurt like hell and make lots of annoying noises during the music, there is little denying that they look freaking amazing.

This is a Spectacle

Here's a really cool slideshow set to the end jam from the Great Went with some really tremendous pictures. A funny part is Trey's stoner moment at the end. "Keep thowing those things up in the air, cause it looks amazing. You have no idea. Go get some more of those things man."



5) 12/6/96 - The Aladdin, Las Vegas, NV - Just one of the brilliant moments of this epic night in Vegas, but it's a monster. Obviously, this one pops in mind, because this is the big new release from Live Phish. This is a damn fine way to spend ten or twelve bucks.

6) 11/4/90 - Fort Ram Nightclub, Fort Collins, CO - Better known as the "Spooky" Hood in many circles. This particular version builds upon a slow eerie intro backed by some creepy keys from Page before eventually givving way to one of the more refined and up-lifting jams of this era of Phish. It was recorded on the small club tour the band was gaging upon in Colorado at the time. However, moreso than any other jam of this era, you can really feel in the music just what direction the band was going and how much potential lay beneath these four hippies from Vermont.

7) 12/31/98 - MSG, New York, NY - This is a fairly unique rendition in that the into part is improvised, which more often in the later years seems more and more rushed - typical of most of the composed stuff in later years. This one also gets a little favoritism, because it was a hilarious trip including but not limited to fake tickets, Tom Marshall's parents, scalped skybox seats, and lots of Jagermeister.

8) 11/22/97 - Hampton Coliseum, Hampton, VA - A blip on the radar in terms of the significance of "Hood." However, this vastly under appreciated version of "Hood" just happens to be set to the back drop to one of the more influential and evolving era's of Phish. The storied Hampton Coliseum is elevated by a brilliantly played and softly driven "Hood" that the ecstatic crowd hangs onto by life and limb upon every twist and turn. Does that sound weird? Probably so, but "Hood" is a weird engagement...now isn't it?

9) 8/2/97 - The Gorge, Quicy, WA - Stan had the pleasure of catching the gang at the Gorge and nothing about it could be more appealing than seeing a Harry Hood jam with the lights off with nothing around but the stars.

10) 4/18/1992 - Stanford, Palo Alto, CA - At first, I almost nixed this one from the list, because I remembered thinking it was sort of overrated, because of the Linus and Lucy jam (a.k.a., the Charlie Brown theme). I hadn't possessed a copy since an old tape, so I tracked it down and listened to it again a few times. It's awesome. It's another one that the over listening did some damage, but the noodling and teasing the theme is fun and definitely a classic for sure.

Strong Honorable Mentions: 12/11/99 The Spectrum, 12/31/96 Fleet Center, 8/8/98 Merriweather Post, 11/2/96 Coral Sky Amphitheater, 8/16/96 Clifford Ball, 2/28/03 Nassau Coliseum, etc. Of course, feel free to add your own favorites. I'm sure we missed a hundred better ones than these.

Fantasy War: The Tale of the Tape

‘Tis the Season for Fantasy Football playoffs. And while everyone knows that Fantasy Football is all about friends becoming rivals and eventually sworn enemies…it’s no different ‘round these parts. You see, aside from Rupes and myself dominating several other “blogger” leagues around the Internets, we also have our traditional mainstay “cash money” league called “Friends and Enemies.” And this weekend it just so happens that blood will be shed as the playoffs are upon us and we will now be forged in a win or go home battle for Fantasy Football supremacy.

So, without any further ado, let’s get a look at the tale of the tape for Sunday’s game.

Season Series: Rupes broke somewhat of a draught this season against me and in rather convincing fashion with a (2-0) season series sweep. The first match-up was hardly a contest as my team managed to wage my worst ever point total in the modern Fantasy Football era. I was only able to scamper up a measly 50 points in the loss, thanks to McNabb and his negative point total. Round 2 was just last weekend and I lost the heartbreak of heartbreaks by less than one point. That’s right 144.63 to 144.49. Go figure.

Edge: Rupes

QB: For me, this season has been the shuffle at QB. I guess, I was one year off on the McNabb revenge tour and have been living off that mistake all season. Marc Bulger ain’t much better and desperate times have led me to David Garrard. On the flipside of the coin, Rupes is rolling with his mainstay option of Peyton Manning. Not too shabby of an option.

Edge: Rupes

RB: I had know idea Edgerrin James was still in the NFL and who the hell knew Ryan Grant was on the cusp of Top 10 RB material – (shoot me now)! Anyhow, that’s Rupes starting unit, with a banged up LenDale White, Marshawn Lynch and a useless Thomas Jones on the bench. For me, it’s pretty simple – AD as in “All Day.” And you can factor in a finally healthy Steven Jackson and my pick between Kevin Jones on life support or the other Adrian Peterson.

Edge: Stan

WR: Rupes is trotting out an always questionable Andre Johnson who probably just lost his QB for the season. AJ is paired alongside Calvin Johnson (expected to see increased chances) and/or the option of Deion Branch as his FLEX. I’ll take my chances any day with an average thus far Chad Johnson against the Rams and Joey Galloway (who is having a quietly impressive season).

Edge: Stan

TE: I’m still waiting for the hype on Vernon Davis to come into fruition, but considering he caught one pass TOTAL last weekend there is really no need to hold my breath. My other option is the hit or miss Ben Watson. Rupes sends out the ever reliable Chris Cooley who is generally good for 50 yards and a potential TD.

Edge: Rupes

K: Nick Folk for me and Rob Bironas for him. Are we gonna split heirs here?

Edge: Who cares…it’s a fucking kicker.

DEF: As always defense is a game of strategy and match-ups. Rupes gets to take his chances with a Chargers defense that has been suspect on the road, while I’ll give it a go with Tampa Bay going down to Houston.

Edge: Push

Coaching: Not to brag or boast, but considering the last two titles in this league have been won by both Rupes and myself, we need very little introduction on our coaching prowess. If anything, this season has shown that we are going to compete for the title no matter what happens. On paper Rupes is hardly daunting, but he plays match-ups to a tee. For me, managing a roster with no QB and having my best two players Jackson and Peterson see substantial time on the shelf…the playoffs alone our a success story for me.

Edge: Push

Intangibles: Motivation is no doubt in my corner. It’s DAMN hard to beat somebody three times in one season. Also, considering last week’s affair was decided in such dramatic fashion…you have to wonder if Rupes can pull it off…again.

Edge: Stan

Manifest Destiny: “If it ain’t one thing, it’s another” has been the theme of my Season in this league. First, I lost Steven Jackson. Then I made a panic trade for a RB and dealt away T.O for Kevin Jones and Galloway in the process. When my team finally started clicking, I lost Adrian Peterson for two games. Oh yeah, and did I mention that three times I’ve had a QB get negative points? McNabb twice and Bulger once. It just doesn’t look as though the Fantasy gods are shining on my team this year.

Edge: Rupes

Prediction: Come now, who do you think I’m gonna pick? “All-Day” gets the 49ers, Jackson gets the Bengals and Chad gets the Rams…the Big 3 finally all step it up together at once and I win this bitch. Well, I guess --- I'll go mute --- no prediction this time around. Ah, fuck it...

Edge: Stan

#1 - Talking Heads "Stop Making Sense"

Editors Note: Continuing with the ongoing series "The Ghosts proudly present the Top 101 Albums…EVER." Worthy to note this collection is comprised of OUR personal favorites and shouldn’t be used as a compass or declaration of what many music critics may have written or compiled in the past. This list is solely for the establishment and entertainment of, for and by the Ghosts. We will continue to randomly run our selections in no particular order. As usual, we encourage you to make us whole with your angst-ridden additions. Enjoy.

The Talking Heads – Stop Making Sense

“So think about this little scene; apply it to you life. If your work isn’t what you love, then something isn’t right.”

Overview: I will begin this really simple, if you don’t appreciate the Talking Heads, I can’t help you out. If you don’t think David Byrne is a genius, just stop reading now. Are we going to get some backlash for having this album top the list? Maybe, but I don’t care at all. Folks, this is as good as it gets. It's pure energy, it's the excellence of live music preserved in recorded format to listen and enjoy, over and over again. You won't find a more genuine and heartfelt live recording. And that's just like, my opinion and shit.

This performance is Ritalin and Cocaine mixed with 5 Vodka Red Bulls. It’s brilliant, it’s an overwhelming and charismatic performance from David Byrne that simply trumps anything we could think to stack up against it. This is where the adjective overload takes place, but you had to expect that…right? Well, aside from just being the #1 "Album" to grace our list, there is also a film that accompanies the soundtrack. It's there you can see just how much life is coming out of the music. It's simply breathtaking, hands down the best live concert you can possibly EVER view in the comfort of your own home.

Key Musical Highlight(s): Ok, where the hell do I start? I mean ideally speaking; every single rendition on this compilation is the single greatest performance of each respective song’s life span. “Psycho Killer” starts the shindig off and this is followed by an almost gospel-esque performance of the ballad “Heaven.” At this point you know there is no turning back. This is the beginning of a “Good” Acid Trip that you know is only going to get better.

And yet, if I had to pick the “one” defining moment of this recording, give me the “Crosseyed and Painless” encore. Shit, we don’t have enough time to explain, but trust me…get the album for this song alone and you’ll be pleased.

Where and When to Listen: Anywhere and everywhere. This album has an endless shelf life. It’s a suitable companion to any social circumstance. And I’m not even exaggerating in the least bit. Some albums you want or need to enjoy alone, but not this one. Share, share, share in the groove and enjoy everything that is the Talking Heads.

Lasting Impression: The Energy and genius of David Byrne. He is in his element and leads the transcendent “groove” the band lays down throughout the set, which is downright Parliament Funky. The melodies, the harmonies, the orchestration and the production are nothing short of intense, yet brilliant. David Byrne was relentless on this recording and you can almost feel the energy just spilling out of the music. The momentum builds with each song and it never let’s up, not once. It’s sort of like a potent whip-it that doesn’t end after 45 seconds.

Overall: What else really needs to be explained? What could you have possibly missed? The Talking Heads may not be the kings in everyone’s circles, but this album is a time coated stamp as to just how brilliant the band that no longer is, really was. I sure hope that all makes sense, now grab yourself a thesaurus for more adjectives on this recording. And that folks is why this cracked and rules our Top 101. Submit your argument below…we will be deleting comments in the morning.

And here is a video clip from the actual movie...

The Flip Side: NFL Network

Editors Note: The Flip Side is a semi-regular feature at GoWF, whereby we take a pressing issue in sports and express an opinion on the topic. The catch? Well, since most issues are discussed at length by journalists with actual skills and access to information, we have a little gimmick to make it a little more fun. The Flip Side is when we actually try to prove the opposite point - as opposed to what we really think. Neat.

Over the course of the last couple weeks, the standoff between the NFL Network and the cable companies has drawn intense scrutiny. Fans have complained that the fat cats behind NFL are preventing the real fans from watching key games - most notably last weeks Cowboys (10-1) vs. Packers (10-1) - in order to drive potential customers to pressure the cable companies to offer the NFL Network in their basic cable packages.

Knock the NFL Network as you may, but this game of hardball has a proven track record. In its early days, ESPN2 televised the Duke-UNC game to try to muscle it's way onto basic cable as well, relying on complaints and the support of loyal fans to strong arm the cable companies into carrying the WWL sibling. Well, now we have ESPNNEWS, ESPNU, ESPN Classic, ESPN Yiddish, and so on, so why is it a shock that the NFL Network is trying the same approach with their infant network?

The NFL Network is playing a good hand in becoming a player in NFL broadcasting. They currently only reach 40% of households due to resistance from major cable companies like Time Warner, Comcast, and Charter, because they refuse to eat the whopping 70 cents per subscriber in added costs. Considering they bury about $45 in unknown charges in my cable bill each month, an additional 70 cents seems pretty diminutive.

The cable companies justify this as support for the subscribers who have been unjustly subjected to rising cable bills - citing that they would have to pass the costs on to the consumer for a channel that some subscribers might not choose to purchase otherwise. Instead, they are only willing to add the channel as part of pemium sports packages. Um, at what point did the cable companies start deciding what we want to view? The idea is that cable companies should focus on getting the most and best programming and let the customer choose from the myriad of channels. Believe me, I wouldn't raise a fuss to add the Soap channel to my basic cable package, but when the OC and 90210 reruns come on, I catch myself tuning in. What's the difference?

Let's get down to the real root of this issue. The deal just isn't sweet enough for the cable companies. They were quick to add Versus, Golf, and soon the MLB Channel, so why not the NFL Network? The NFL has more fans than any of those leagues. Well, for starters, Comcast owns Versus and Golf. The MLB on the other hand sweetened the deal by selling equity ownership to the cable companies. Ah ha.

The NFL Network offers great programming for NFL fans. The cable companies are underestimating how popular this channel could be on the basic platform. The real gem of the channel is the replays of games on off nights of the week. Nowhere else can football fans and experts get easy access to the games - particularly out of the region - after the game day. With the boom in fantasy sports, message boards, blogs, gambling, and interactive sports networking sites, the die hard fan will likely use this and appreciate it regularly. Until it reaches basic cable; however, most fans will not know it exists.

While this issue seems to have subsided for the past few days, it is far from over. The Thursday night and Saturday games are just getting started and there are some great games we are all going to miss, most notably the Patriots vs. Giants in week 17, which looks like it very well could have New England's undefeated season on the line. Want to watch tonights game between the Bears and Redskins? You got two choices, either go to a bar or get on the hamster wheel at your gym.

What do we really think? I actually do believe that the NFL Network is a great channel and I love the replays and 24 hour NHL coverage, but this is bullshit. NFL Network, go negotiate a deal with the cable company, give them some ownership or do whatever it takes, but we as fans do not deserve to be penalized for your greed. And while your at it, give us On Demand games so we can watch our favorite teams from out of state locales without spending $200 on NFL Sunday ticket and get with the damn program and get some live internet streaming. As fans, it should not be our problem that you cannot negotiate a deal and it certainly is not our job to help you make it happen, it's yours. Go do your own job.

Millen and the Intern: A Farewell Letter

From: Millen, Matt (G.M)
Sent: Tuesday, December 4th, 2007 9:01 AM
To: intern3@detroitlions.com
Subject: RE: Where are you?

Ok, I had to wait a couple days before I opened up the vent vine, but never a better time than right now, huh? Has anyone been looking for me...the media? Well, just tell them I'm in Hawaii scouting Colt Brennan. Go ahead, throw a dart at your dartboard of negative adjectives and pick one, they all work. Normally, I'm a glass is half full guy, but I can't bring myself to believe anymore. The dream is dead and "God is clearly not a Lions fan." So much for all this "God's Team" talk and "team of destiny" bullshit, I can't believe that stupid "blog" about Fontes actually made t-shirts for us with the wrong fucking jersey #.

Oh well, what the fucked happened? Was it something I did? Don't answer that question. I thought we finally figured it out. We were supposed to be the Patriots of the NFC. What can I do now?

I thought we'd done it kid...you and me. Look, I know it's been a couple weeks and I haven't come out of my office, but relax...I'm fine. I've got a couple ketchup packets and some leftover Wendy's in the fridge. Did you know how much shit you can get at Wendy's with $20? Well, of course you do...you've got a fancy degree from the University of Michigan. You were always a smug prick like that.

Have you seen our remaining schedule? It's a nightmare. Don't give me any "ra-ra-ra" bullshit. Do you understand what the team's record is on the road since I took over? Let them blame Martz for now, but I know eventually they'll come looking for me. I haven't returned any of the Ford's phone calls in over two weeks. They've turned off my cell phone and I imagine the company car has been confiscated as well. Last night I heard keys jingling on the door to my office and I hid under the desk. I need to get out of here and I need your help.

Relatively speaking, I have no clothes. I threw them out the window during Sunday's game after watching Adrian Peterson urinate on our Playoff dreams. I could also be wanted in connection with the death of Jose who cleans the windows on Monday's. I had the blinds open and was um, pleasuring myself. Well, look I may be desolate and alone, but I still have urges and needs.

I don't need to stick around and watch the end. God bless, Jon Kitna, but the writing is on the wall. It's only a matter of time before my contract gets ripped to shreds. They'll probably let you stay, because you've been so loyal. Consider this all my confession and admittance that I'm a fucking idiot. 6-2 all seems so long ago and now the reality of us losing our final 8 games seems more and more of reality. In all likelihood this will be our last form of communication. I thank you and say goodnight my dear friend.

Of course, if we win on Sunday you are to destroy any traces of this email or I will shit on your life. Got that...good. I love you.

#45 - The Velvet Underground "Loaded"

Editors Note: Continuing with the ongoing series "The Ghosts proudly present the Top 101 Albums…EVER." Worthy to note this collection is comprised of OUR personal favorites and shouldn’t be used as a compass or declaration of what many music critics may have written or compiled in the past. This list is solely for the establishment and entertainment of, for and by the Ghosts. We will continue to randomly run our selections in no particular order. As usual, we encourage you to make us whole with your angst-ridden additions. Enjoy.

The Velvet Underground – Loaded

“I found a reason to keep living. Oh, Girl and the reason; is you!”

Overview: Right now, I am already starting to get goose bumps just thinking about this album. Relatively speaking, this was the last “hard copy” of music I’ve ever purchased in a store several years ago. Since that time, technology has advanced to the point of music formats being much less personal and in download-able, instant gratification formats. How that hinges upon this record, I’m not sure, but I’m just saying long gone are the days of reading cover booklets or adoring the art of an actual record sleeve. However, this album hardly leaves out the personal touch. It’s the finest you can find in the often times thought to be bizarre or obscure Velvet Underground catalog.

Key Musical Highlight(s): The album begins with the memorable “Who Loves the Sun.” I am not sure, but I would have to guess this was probably a radio-released single that soared to the pales of obscurity back in the 70’s. The modern acceptance and cover versions of “Sweet Jane” have allowed it to become the most recognizable sample of this album. The raspy vocals of Lou Reed, is an enchantment to the moving “Rock and Roll.”

However, the slower-paced songs such as “New Age” and “I found a Reason” are the vitality of this album. And for me, the crowing musical moment is “Oh Sweet Nothing.” I really don’t think it gets any better. A graceful song with an uplifting redemption value that only Lou Reed could tie together. I wouldn’t say it stands out alone, but maybe slightly ahead of the rest of the album.

When and Where to Listen:Anytime, anyplace. Seriously, it’s not your everyday run of the mill album. However, it is the type of record that you can’t get through just one song. It takes a complete listen from front to back and maybe even twice over to soak in the subtleties and nuances that make the album so masterful. It’s one of those albums you can appreciate alone when all you want is the comfort of great music. It’s certainly not an album for everyone, but it does mighty for me.

Lasting Impressions: For me the most notable aspect of this album are the lyrics of Lou Reed. This is not to sell any of the music short, but all it takes is a good listen to discover the strength of the songwriting. And when you couple the meaningful lyrics and unique voice of Lou Reed, you really hear the brilliance.

Overall: This record is raw and original. It’s a timeless classic that depicts a band and singer far ahead of their time. It holds instant credibility equally today as it did yesterday. I’d consider it to be an album that can change your life; it’s just that damn good. And that’s why it makes the cut on our Top 101.

Rollin' with Drew and Drew

Editors Note: This as an old and once run post, but on the heels of excitement from Tuesday's "BIG" win over Bradley, I figured why not do an update and re-run. Yes, I'm lazy and yes -- this is a joke. Argh.

I recently had the chance to interview Michigan State Basketball stars Drew Neitzel and Drew Naymick on a recent visit back to East Lansing. As an alumnus of Michigan state, it was truly an honor to sit down with the current faces of the proud Basketball tradition just before the season kicked off. Everything was fair game and I got some good insights as to the of a College athlete. Below, you’ll find word for word the “un-authorized and un-official” interview session.

Me: Thanks for taking the time to meet with me today guys. This is really an honor and I want you to know you can be as candid as you want to be. I am only going to post this on my blog, which has a total of about 5 or 6 readers. Most of them are from Michigan (some went to State) and are either reading this stoned, drunk or in hell at their cubicles…either way feel free to shoot it straight.

Neitzel: No doubt dog…I always do.

Naymick: I have Red hair.

Me: Ok, let’s see...(to Neitzel) so Drew you grew up in Wyoming Park, which is a suburb in Grand Rapids, MI…anything special or close to your heart in relation to where you are from?

Neitzel: Yeah man, it’s like…either you know about WP or you don’t.

Me: I don’t?

Neitzel: Well, it’s like this…I’ve been a gangsta my whole life. It’s how you had to be growing up in a place like the “Park.” People, were always tryin’ to take mine.

Me: What is ‘yours’ mean?

Neitzel: You know…just what I’ve achieved as a basketball player and as a man and shit.

Me: They tried to take your shit, like out of the toilet…really?

Neitzel: No dog (laughs), I’ve always had to live by trusting nobody and always watching my back…cause somebody w/ a glock is always right around the corner.

Me: So Wyoming Park was a rough neighborhood?

Neitzel: Man, what the fuck kind of a question is that dog? It’s the southeast side of G “mutha fucking” Rap. Where are you from fool East Grand Rapids, Forest Hills, Bloomington, Rochester? Don’t act stupid.

Me: (to Naymick) Drew you are from Muskegon; listening to Drew’s stories would you say Muskegon is pretty comparable to growing up in Wyoming Park?

Naymick: I have Red hair.

Me: Yes, you do have Red Hair…so did Adam Ballinger, do people ever compare your career to “Ballz’s” career?

Naymick: Not really, his hair was Orange, my hair is Red.

Me: What does it mean to you to be an integral part of the Michigan State Basketball Tradition?

Neitzel: It means the world; makes me want to write poetry and shit, like that cock-eater Redick from Duke.

Me: He graduated and is in the NBA now.

Neitzel: Still a bitch.

Naymick: I still have Red hair.

Me: This your moment now as Seniors and the expectations are pretty lofty in East Lansing. What are you're feelings on the pressure...is it fair or not?

Neitzel: All day mofro. I feel like this season will be a failure if we don't get to the final four and win that mutha fucking 'ship.

Naymick: My pubes are also red.

Me: Tom Izzo is a pretty intense dude, do you call him Tom or Tommy or Coach or just Izzo?

Neitzel: H-to-the-Izzo (laughs)…nah dog, you call him Coach Izzo.

Naymick: I’d bang Lupe.

Me: Does he ever touch you inappropriately in the showers or look at you with lustful eyes, like many have suspected and rumored about Coach K?

Neitzel: What kind of bullshit question is that?

Me: Right, out of line – totally – my bad.

Me: Last season you guys to play against and witness a special player like Greg Oden. Are you going to miss the budding rivalry you may of had with him in the Big 10?

Neitzel: If that dude is really 18, it’s over once he turns 21 and can drink.

Me: What the hell does that mean?

Neitzel: Next question dog.

Me: (to Neitzel) Can you really ever be stopped?

Neitzel: Not when I don’t want to be stopped.

Me: (to Neitzel) You are what 5’5”?

Neitzel: Yeah, my dick is 5’5” sucka.

Me: That really doesn’t make any sense. How do you wear shorts?

Neitzel: Next question dog…this shit is taking forever.

Me: (to Neitzel) yes, sorry…anyhow, a hypothetical situation…would you post a midget up or back a midget down?

Neitzel: Fuck you dog.

Me: Yup, my bad again…sorry.

Me: Favorite CD?

Naymick: The Fray.

Nietzel: Oooh!!! – the Fray is fucking gay dog.

Me: Yes, the Fray is really gay.

Me: Ok, thanks guys for your time and your honesty. Best of luck with the season and let's hope it culminates in a Championship.

Neitzel: Believe that.

#54 - Metallica "Kill 'Em All"

Editors Note: Continuing with the ongoing series "The Ghosts proudly present the Top 101 Albums…EVER." Worthy to note this collection is comprised of OUR personal favorites and shouldn’t be used as a compass or declaration of what many music critics may have written or compiled in the past. This list is solely for the establishment and entertainment of, for and by the Ghosts. We will continue to randomly run our selections in no particular order. As usual, we encourage you to make us whole with your angst-ridden additions. Enjoy.

Metallica - Kill 'Em All

“Hotel rooms and motorways; Life out here is raw, but we will never stop we’ll never quit, cause were Metallica.”

Overview: Potent, Fierce, Aggressive; those are just a few of the adjectives that normally get linked to this album description. It is an epic ode to binge drinking and fighting. Have you listened to the album? Doesn’t it make you just want to start pounding Budweiser’s and then punch somebody in the face? Don’t answer that. Anyhow, this album was a groundbreaking release into the world of thrash metal and the first major recording Metallica put on the open market that wasn’t bootleg formatted.

Originally and fittingly titled “Metal up Your Ass” or the demo “No Life ‘til Leather”, this album is every angry young adolescent males chance to have their feelings and voice heard on a recorded medium without having to go to jail. That doesn’t sound crazy to you does it? Amidst backlash due to a pretty controversial album cover, Metallica forged on into the role of Heavy Metal kings. And it all started with this angry, head-banging collection of tracks.

Key Musical Highlight(s): The music is simply piercing to the ear, seriously. The band played with so much vigor, purpose and intensity back in 1983. The musical highlights of the album can’t be broken down into one song. I mean so many from “Hit the Lights”, “Motorbreath”, “Whiplash”, “No Remorse” etc. I remember saying to myself the first time I heard “Am I Evil” that the guitar intro from Kirk Hammet, was the best guitar riff ever recorded. I am starting to wonder if I ever have backed down from that comment, is there reason to argue it now?

However, the most relative and prominent song on this album is the anthem “Seek and Destroy.” It symbolizes the heart and soul of the record. It defines the purpose of heavy metal music and Metallica at the time. It’s about drinking and fighting and isn’t that what “Kill ‘em All” really stood for?

Where and When to Listen: (See above). This album is made for drinking and fighting. It should be played for aggressive purposes and may cause irritability. The warning label on the album should say, “this album is to be played loud, very, very loud at all times.”

Who you’d meet wearing this t-shirt: Well, let’s take into account that the album cover is a mallet overshadowing a pool of blood -- or there is the original shirt, which I like the best, that is a metal shaft coming out of a toilet with the words “Metal up Your Ass.” Hmm, you tell me who you think you’d meet rolling around town in either option. My guess is you aren’t getting laid in this shirt, but for nostalgic purposes it ain’t a bad add to the collection.

Lasting Impression: The Rawness of the music itself. When this album burst onto the scene it was a one of a kind groundbreaking claim into “trash metal.” The band was so unique, yet so raw, but gifted musically. The guitar work of Kirk Hammet was nothing short of amazing. And the band had this strong bond of chemistry between Lars and James as its co-leaders. Least we not forget the musical soul of the band, Cliff Burton. He was as creative with a bass guitar as Jimmy Page was with a lead guitar in the 70’s with Zeppelin.

Overall: This was an album recorded by four pissed off teenagers. It had that feel to it and their bitter energy shines from start to finish. A much more refined Metallica album such as “Master of Puppets” shows the evolution of the band, but this album is what defined the band. The final product “Kill ‘em All” might not be a proving point to Metallica’s greatness. However, it was the beginning of something special and has the rawness element of thrash metal that has never been re-captured. And that’s why it made the Top 101 cut.

Who's Gnar?

By now, I’m sure everyone has gotten a taste of the rotten road apple that is ESPN’s Who’s Now. Well, you know what they say? One dumb ass project deserves another. So, this is a little riff on that idea that pays tribute to some athletes who may never grace the halls of Bristol. This goes out to guys to some of the greats shedders of the gnar whose quest for the holy grail is about finding the freshy pow rather than being in the now. Without further ado, I bring you the hall of fame of ski and snowboard personalities in Who’s Gnar?

Glen Plake
Having read the following anecdote, there is no doubt that if there is anyone who is comfortable around large mounds of fluffy white powder, it’s Glen Plake.

"For Glen, there fell into place a connection between skiing and the wider world, an understanding that there were deeper forces beneath this sliding on snow. In that brief flash of insight, Plake knew that skiing held something greater for him."

Glen Plake is a shoe in for the Who’s Gnar? Hall of Fame, because he made us want to wear hot pink for some reason. Fluorescent colors and mohawks may come and go, but the Gnar is forever.


Johnny Moseley
Moseley is one of the all-time great Gnar athletes. Not only is he the inventor of the f*ckin Dinner Roll brah, but Moseley played a large part in the converting mogul skiing tricks from this...






to this...

Moseley also parlayed his ski fame into a successful off-the-slopes career as he has his own video game called Mad Trix and hosted the Real World/Road Rules Challenge. We can only speculate that Jonny has tapped some Tonya ass and we’re not so sure that’s a good thing. Notably, Moseley’s hosting of the show coincides quite coincidentally with Tonya’s meteoric metamorphosis from debutante priss to train wreck slut. We will just assume Jonny’s smooth-talking, mellow vibes had everything to do with it.

Shaun White
Don’t be distracted by the massive amount of puberty that is occurring here, it’s Shaun White I swear. This is the kid who got more ass than you or I will get in our whole lives before he was 15. Oh yeah, he also has way more money than you (16 sponsors), an Olympic gold medal, and will probably never have to work a real job. So, I guess we’ll just sulk here for a while. Jesus, that is depressing. I don’t even feel like making a fire crotch joke right now. Il Pomodoro Volante (apparently he’s big in Italy) has it made.

Scot Schmidt
Scot Schmidt is not the most well known of the All-Gnar team, but he is sort of the forefather. Scot Schmidt was really the pioneer of extreme skiing as well as heli-skiing. Most people probably thought is was all those Long Island Jewish chicks in college who made the North Face jacket so popular, but it all started right here.

Just to prove that Schmidt fits the bill, here are some inspired words from a truly Zen daredevil.

Favorite Book
Any book from a true master.

Favorite Place to Travel
Anywhere warm and sandy with good, aqua-blue surf.

Take Us On That Magic Ride, Bill

Normally, were not too big on devoting posts to other people’s work, particularly that of the Sports Guy, given that it has pretty much been done to death. It’s not a high road thing or a criticism of anyone who likes to use members of the sports media for material, but it’s more a function of not really having as well polished opinions as the blogs that really bring an informed background to the table on that type of thing.

What the hell though, today is different. If there is one member of the sports media that is by no means off limits around here; it is Bill Walton. At the recommendation of Wes Coast Bias from the Empty the Bench fantasy hoops league, I listened to the entire podcast with Simmons and Walton yesterday… and what a treat.

Walton is a definitely one of the more hallowed sports personas around here. Having spent our fair number of years coming up with awkward ways to incorporate Dead references into our terrible email addresses and removing paint at our parents house from slapping stickers on any empty surface in the house, we eat it up when he crams Dead references into every nook and cranny of airtime. Hell, Stan even has a Jerry tattoo on his leg and named his dog, Stella. We understand that Walton is not for everyone, but he’s definitely an icon around these parts.

Anyway, since it’s a little tough to find the time to listen to a long chunk of audio like this podcast and can particularly tough to check out audio files at work, I thought it would be fun to discuss a few of the more interesting snippets of the conversation here.

• For starters, the overall tone of the conversation is damn funny, because Simmons consistently tries to keep Walton on track and actually focus on the basketball conversation, particularly that of his beloved ’86 Celtics. Walton definitely answers the questions, but in typical fashion, he answers them in the way an alcoholic picks his kids up from school, forgetting where he is headed, stopping here and there for a drink, and finally showing up 15 minutes late. Nevertheless, it’s all part of the appeal and they make it work. One of the great quotes comes when Simmons finally pins him down and asks point blank, “Were the ’86 Celtics the best team ever?” Of course, Walton more or less says "no" and brings up some of the great teams before his time. It’s the humble thing to do. Nevertheless, Simmons challenges and – as we all probably would have asked – “How can you compare the great athletic teams of the 80s to those teams from the 60s? Those guys would have gotten killed.” In classic form, Walton responds, “How can you even compare the two, those guys would have been like 8 years old.”

• The big musical reference of the show is the Grateful Dead and Dylan at Foxboro in 1987. In particular, he talks about the second set opener of the Times They Are A Changin’. “We pumped our fists in the air and said give us more. Take us on that Magic ride, Jerry.” Walton refers to the show as August, but it was actually on the 4th of July. He also claims he disapproves all of forms of smoking in the interview, so not sure why he would have forgotten the 4th of July. Anyway, the show gets only 2.25 out of 5 on setlist.com. This is certainly tempting though: Uncle John's Band > Playing In The Band > Jam > Drums > Space > Truckin' > The Other One > Wharf Rat > Throwing Stones.

• Here’s your link to a performance at the show of Dylan and the Dead playing “Be Your Baby” and “Joey.” (Embedding is not allowed for some reason). JG sounds great with on the slide for “Be Your Baby.” I think Dylan is blasted though and Bob has his 80s Jorts in full effect. OK,

• Walton references this commercial, which the team shot in exchange for free food for the entire team and their families for the whole season. This is painful.

• On multiple occasions, Walton mentions his house and I realized that a Bill Walton Cribs might be the single greatest moment in television history. First, he mentions his music room, which has been named “Hydridgehoo.” Apparently, the room consists of Bill’s monumental drum collection, many of which are gifts from members of the Dead. He also mentions having Pro Tools and tons of electronics where he and his friends go to let their creative juices flow. I’m impressed they use Pro Tools down there. In addition, he mentions his homages to John Wooden, Red Auerbach, and Jack Ramsay. We need a tour of this place, Bill.

• Then at one point, I was thinking Bill Walton and Phil Jackson should team up for a reality show. Then it occurred to me, Bill Walton had a reality show, Bill Walton's Long Strange Trip. That didn’t go over quite so well, so maybe we better hold off on that idea.

• The Grateful Red at one point expresses that you cannot compare having kids, basketball, and concerts in the happiest times of your life. That’s pretty bold. I don’t think I have ever heard anyone not say the happiest time of their life is having kids. I can see basketball, but I think I would be sort of pissed if my parents said they were happier at a concert than they were having their kids. I think he really likes that omega point – the consciousness he seeks to achieve at concerts.

• Alright, we will leave you with some Frank Caliendo and his dead on Walton impression around the 6:30 mark. Damn, he’s good.

Fun times. Nice work by both Bills – Simmons and Walton.