Get You Some!

Oh well, Michigan State may have gagged just a little late on Saturday in Madison, WI. In case you missed it, the Spartans had victory in their grasp, but continuously watched golden opportunities and crucial moments slip through their hands. However, it'd be hard for this Spartan fan to be left feeling bewildered. There is a new era of Spartan football being ushered in before our very eyes. This team is tenacious, tough nosed and fearless. When is the last time those words were mentioned in relation to Michigan State football?

And if you need further evidence, go ahead and take a gander at the "hit" of the weekend in College Football from CB Nehemiah Warrick. Now, that is what I call stickin' somebody.

Why Do I Care About Brett Favre?

Attention sports agents, I have a question for you...

What do Dan Marino, Tony Gwynn, Magic Johnson, Cal Ripken, Barry Sanders, Joe Montana, and Brett Favre have in common?

Yes, you are right. They probably all could have worked the free agent market a lot harder. What else?

Yes, they did make lots of money in endorsements, what else?

You got it again, they were all beloved by masses of fans. And, why is that?

Um, no it wasn't because they had staunch agents who managed their off the field personas. At least that's not what we are concerned with here. It is because they dedicated their sporting careers to one team and to one city. And for that, we loved them.

Every single player on that list every single guy on this list with the exception of Magic (and believe me it would have been if I could get it) is a proud resisdent of my "cash box" - a minature safe where I keep all of my favorite rookie cards. Yes, I admit it. I was a terrible sportscard addict for a good chunk of my life. I cut the cord around my sophmore year of high school, but believe me, I still remember my favorite cards. All of these guys were favorite players of mine, because I have always had a strong affinity for guys who were loyal to one team throughout their career (we allowed a little leaway for guys who got traded for some last ditch attempts late in their careers). To me, the most admirable thing an athlete can do to stay with the same team for the duration of the career.

With the cut throat situations that coaches face these days, the lifespan of a coaching job is far shorter than ever before and winning seasons are now expected immediately. A "rebuilding" period is the offseason, not four years of keen drafts, building farm team players, or developing cohesive units. It's fervid poaching in the offseason of the best talent mney can buy. Therefore, free agents are treated like a fiddle on an Ebay auction. The winner is the highest bidder. End of story. Thus, it is difficult for players to stay with one team for the duration of their careers, so those that do are rewarded by a proud, devoted fanbase.

I think Barry Sanders is the best example of this in recent history. Barry spent his entire career playing for one of the worst franchises in sports. He ended up getting so fed up with the Lion's losing ways and incompetence in the front office that he left the game for good. He could have just walked; asked for a trade or waited for free agency. Instead, he simply walked away... as a Lion. Barry could have played anywhere. He was probably the best there ever was and while he left game unhappy, he never his city or the fans. Sure, we would have loved to see him play longer in Detroit, but to this day, I love that he never suited up for anyone else.

And even though Brett Favre started his career in Atlanta, he is defintely a Packer down to the core. Sure, he threw five passes (two of which were INTs), but he never even gained a yard in Atlanta. So, that is why I care about this Brett Favre touchdown record. I like Dan Marino. He was a Dolphin for life. I like Brett Favre. He is a Packer through and through. Nobody in recent times embodies loyalty to a team like Favre. Favre has started at QB for the Packers since before George Bush Sr. was sworn into office (16 straight season) and led them through one of the great legacies in NFL history.

In a city that embodies everything I love about the NFL, tremendous fans, lack of corporate sponsorship, the great Lambeau Field, and a town when football is a religion, Brett Farve has been a masterful commander in chief. It's not every player who stays in a small market with blisteringly cold winters for 16 years. I just wish there were more players with Brett's loyalty. So, while many other fans or writers will inevitably be busy digging up dirt on Favre's painkiller addiciton and booze habits or other skeletons in his closet as he inherits the venerable record, I'm tiping my hat to a great quarterback who I have the utmost respect. I love him as a player, but more than anything, for his loyalty to Green Bay. Enjoy the rest of the ride Green Bay, because guys like Favre don't come around more than twice in a lifetime and we already had Dan Marino.

THE CUBS ARE IN THE PLAYOFFS!!!

WOO-WOO!!! WOO-WOO!!!

It's World Series or Bust!

We are gonna party like it's 1908. Pop n' Bottles!

The Loose Ends Edition (9/28): Oh, Lacey!

You should know the drill by now; pack that bowl, fire it up, come along and take a hit from the bong. Whoops, I meant something totally different; shut it down. That's right, turn off the computer, punch the time clock and call it good for the weekend. At least that's I'm ready to do, closing shop for the weekend. Hit the door and head for happy hour, one more bottle for this happy hour hero.

It's another installment of the "loose ends" and today our guest of honor is thee Lacey Chabert. Normally, we try and not saturate our shaky (lazy) posting by selling sex, but TGIF, why not? And who doesn't love them some Lacey? If you want to know just how sick-minded I am, I've been waiting for her "Maxim" spread since way back when she was playing the Violin on "Party of 5." And Jack from "LOST" would yell at her; "No Claudia, I can't give you a ride, because I HAVE CANCER." Ah, yes let's move right along...here is a nice little gallery of Lacey, enjoy. (Semi-NSFW).

Over at Epic Carnival this week, Rupes dropped off his running bit, Match.com Monday's. This week's profile, the one and only Jon Kitna. Yup, the skinhead Christian himself. I shared a tibbit of my vast and radiant Fantasy Football knowledge. OK, so I introduced the dilemma's an owner faces when he/she owns multiple Fantasy teams. Basically, Fanball.com isn't calling me for a weekly Expert Column, but I digress.

In bigger and better news, we interviewed Darren Heitner of "I Want to Be a Sports Agent" Blog. This is a man on a mission for world domination, like Nino Brown "the world is mine." Seriously, Darren's a cool dude and it was pleasure to grill him about the new site he and Matthew Allinson launched this week; Access Athletes. In case you didn't get the press release or have yet, to sign up...please check it out. We can only hope that Darren remembers us when he is famous.

Here is the mission statement: "AccessAthletes.com is an interactive, social community that connects athletes, agents and the media across the globe so that they can communicate with each other more effectively and efficiently. Users may search for an agent, recruit talent, network or stay informed of the latest sports news. Athletes can make their AccessAthletes profile their home base for recruitment, bring their teammates online and create an official Access team, or inform the media of their latest achievements on the field."

Coincidentally enough, we face Darren in the Bloggers Invitational Fantasy League this weekend. And considering the Ghosts are 0-3 thus far, it's a make or break game for us. Right now, the chalk has us laying a few points as the favorite. We were equally suprised.

It's a HUGE weekend of Baseball, just in case you were unaware. The Cubs season is on the line in Cincinnati, thank god we can ROOT for Greg Maddux against the Brewers tonight. And I must say it's sure fun to watch the Mets implode. Pssst...the Phillies are JUST better anyway, sorry Met fans. The American League is just about set, with the Yankees trying for one last push to overthrow the Red Sox. Probably not gonna happen, but nonetheless I'll be intune, as to how it all shakes down.

And who could forget...Michigan State @ Wisconsin on Saturday morning...HUGE!

What's playing on my iPod right now? Well, you know we are semi-obsessed with Phish and are just yearning for the comeback. So, this week's iPod selection is Phish 7/24/99 from Alpine Valley. I've got a nice little audience recording that I put through the editing process to clear out the sound and I must say it's quite the show. Even though Trey is noticeably drunk, the "Fluffhead" is amaizng and a "Glide>Camel Walk>Alumni Blues>Tweeprise" Encore...are you kidding me? I faintly remember that night, it was about 90 degrees in Wisconsin and I mistakenly took too many Valium before the show and could hardly stay awake...um, long night prior in Columbus.

Where is this going? Right...onto more important items.

As a new bit, we are closing things out with a quick touch 'round the blogosphere. Our favorite post of the week comes via double hat tip to "Extra Mustard" and "Larry Brown Sports" for the video clip of Fantasy Football Loans. Rather amusing and ultimately hysterical. And lastly, our quote of the week further proves that Big Daddy Drew of KSK should be writing comedy scripts (hands down he's still the best the Blogfrica has to offer).

Quote: "It's like being tied to a chair and forced to watch your girlfriend fuck Jimmy Fallon."

That's tough to counter with anything potentially more torturous. However, I'll take a quick stab...being tied to a chair and having to watch your girlfriend give Dane Cook a blow-job, while he makes those stupid douche bag faces at you. Argh.

That's all for now folks, chew on that thought for the weekend. And as always, make it a great weekend.

The Weekend Wagering Smorgasbord

It's the calm before the storm; the hours and minutes that preciously tick away until the weekend arrives. However, lately I've been occupying my time just fine...wagering on Baseball games and playing a little bit of online blackjack. And so, if you'll excuse me for just one second I've got split a pair of 8's. Just kidding...about the splitting part, but maybe not about the blackjack.

Anyhow, as usual things didn't go so bad last weekend, but not so good either. Strikes and gutters as they say. My big play of the weekend was Michigan and for once they actually delivered for me. However, I missed a couple nail biter parlays that would've forced me into early retirement or a higher tax bracket. Yet, again that's why you seldom hear the stories about the young, rich and famous Brat Pack Gambler. Those people are usually backed by a trust fund and/or cocaine money.

Moving on, let's just roll into the picks. And for the record, I'm off to a good start with Boise State (-11) last night.

NCAA

West Virginia (-7) over SOUTH FLORIDA
The Friday night lights. Normally, I am beyond hesitant to wager against a home DOG. And I've seen a little bit of South Florida and them boys are no joke. However, I've seen enough Slaton and White to know they are the Creme de le Creme, Jeter and A-Rod...as their coach would say.

VIRGINIA TECH (-17.5) over North Carolina
I seldom rally around Virgina "YOU MADE ME DO THIS" Tech and they've done very little to warrant the pre-season hype. However, Butch Davis just does NOT have North Carolina back to the level he'd hoped for and they are lousy on the road (see South Florida last week).

CENTRAL MICHIGAN (-3) over Northern Illinois
Fear the Chippewas!!! And thank me later. Mount Pleasant going off!!!

California (+5) over OREGON
Balls deep. I'm gonna regret this, but I'm still just not sold on Oregon. Who have the beaten? And don't give me Michigan...they still stink.

GEORGIA TECH (+3) over Clemson
Scary. Tech was screwed me once already this year, but I've got a hunch on this one. Send me an email on Monday to remind me what a lousy decision this was, as a reminder to never bet on Georgia Tech again.

KENTUCKY (-22.5) over Florida Atlantic
I seldom use the term "lock", but this is as close as it gets. Parlay it, hammer it, tease it, BANG IT.

Oklahoma (-21.5)over COLORADO
The Sooners are the team I am riding from here on out. I'll be sure to tell you what it feels like to go 11-1 with one team ATS. There is still room on board the Sooner wager bandwagon, I'd suggest grabbing a seat.

USC(-20) over WASHINGTON
Like I would let a Saturday night game go un-touched? Especially when it's the Trojans? Puh-lease. I hate giving up 20 points, but why not? Actually, I'd suggest the teaser.

NFL

Philadelphia (-3) over NEW YORK GIANTS
McNabb is BACK. Of course, everything could be an aberration considering it was the Lions.

MIAMI (-4) over Oakland
Joey Porter guaranteed the victory.

DETROIT (+3) over Chicago
Homer pick my ass. How the hell is Brian Greise going to help out? It's like the Bears have talked themselves into this "oh, we have a proven winner on the bench" philosophy. If the dude couldn't bump Rex Grossman from the top line for the past few years...what does that really say about him?

MINNESOTA (+2) over Green Bay
I just am not sold on the Packers. The Chargers did everything they could to basically gift wrap that game. We are also going on a three game hot streak from Favre. Aren't we due for the shit stew?

BUFFALO (+4) over New York Jets
Are the Bills really that bad? I think we'll find out this weekend.

Stan (-15) over Rupert (Fantasy Football)
It's the first match-up between Rupes and I in our friends and enemies league. 10 man league, 5 years of existence, 3 death threats, 2 titles between us and a lot of rivalry. He's bringing friggin' Peyton Manning, but I can counter with McNabb. Of course, I am using Kenny Watson as a filler for the death of Steven Jackson, but I do have T.O and Chad Johnson. Rupes counters with Deion Branch and some dude named Jeff King. I'll stop now.

Lastly, I'm a huge fan of the TEASER. It's basically my insurance policy to cover my ass. I better knock on wood, but I find it hard to lose a 3 TEAM, 10 POINT TEASER in the NFL. Maybe I'm a bit naive. Anyhow, the gem for this week to clear your bank account on is the Colts, Chargers and Cowboys...all at home. After the TEASE here is what you've got.

COLTS (+.5) over Broncos
CHARGERS (-2.5) over Chiefs
COWBOYS (-2) over Rams

As always, play at your own risk and gamble responsibly. Make it a GREAT weekend and I'll leave you with the classic Deion Sanders Video "Must be the Money." Hat Tip to the Fanhouse for originally posting this months and months ago...

...And the Marlins will Continue to Haunt Cub Fans

Brace yourself, it's gonna be a long weekend. The Cubs are doing their best to gag away the NL Central, but the Brewers just won't allow them to do so. The magic number is "2." Yup, read it anyway you want; the Cubs need a combination of a win and a Brewers loss and this friggin' thing is over. Take it or leave it...do they want it?

The Cubs were swept away in Florida by the lousy Marlins in front of about 15 Marlin fans, Bill Murray and a couple thousand drunk Cub fans waiving "It's Gonna Happen" signs today. Well, maybe we should just not even mention the stupid curse thing, 1908 or what "it" is referring to in those dumb signs. Does it mean "choke?" To make matters worse it now seems as though the Cubs haven't beaten the Marlins dating back to pre-Bartman.

The Cubs didn't particularly play all that bad, but they were certainly not that good. And yet, again the Marlins were better. The lone bright spot was Kerry Wood's electric 2 innings of relief this afternoon. He pitched out of a bases loaded, nobody out jam to give the offense one last chance...they couldn't capitalize on.

Yet, there seems to be a karma god on their side as the Brewers basically pissed away their window by losing 2 of 3. So, we'll just have to strap ourselves in for a gut twister this weekend. Thankfully, we've got more than 1 ace going for us tomorrow; Greg Maddux for the Padres against the Brewers and Zambrano against the Reds. Cheers to a Zambrano win and Maddux helping to clinch the NL Central for the Cubs.

Let's all just HOPE it doesn't go down to the wire on Sunday. Nobody said it was gonna be easy.

At Least We Always Have Barry

So, it looks as though we may have gotten ahead of ourselves just a wee bit on this whole Lions "Restore the Roar" campaign. Look, nobody wants it more than us, but reality took a swift kick to the face from a steal toed boot in Philadelphia last weekend. And although we've never been fully optimistic or pessimistic when it comes to the Lions, we are one thing for sure and that's realistic. The dream season, the Kitna Prophecies...it ain't gonna happen.

And let's be honest Lions fans are getting pretty damn tired of the humiliating years, the loss of hope, the jokes, etc. So, I'm not saying this is the END, rather just trying to keep things in better perspective and that being; this team can't run the ball or stop anyone. That just seems like a recipe for disaster of a team probably not bound for the playoffs. However, I'd love for them to prove me wrong.

Anyhow, at least Lions fans will always have the memories of Barry Sanders. And when you stop and think about it, are there really any other absolutely positive Lion memories since Barry left? No, I don't think there are. Oh well, the day the Lions play in a Super Bowl (if that ever happens) it will bring the same level of joy that I experienced watching this Barry Sanders tribute video. Until then, cheers to the memories. WE MISS YOU BARRY!

In Defense of Sample

Anyone who has ever spent time listening to, talking about, or touring with Phish knows that there are a select few songs that are more or less considered taboo. It’s hard to say this without making the whole thing sound really contrived and stupid, but the reason is essentially that they are the songs that are the mainstream, played out songs that the dip-a-toe-in-the-water fans come to hear. Typically, they are the uppity tunes that sound a lot more like a hit single that you might hear for 3 minutes on the radio than for 15 minutes live in concert.

In fact, there are quite a few Phish songs that could easily be classified as top 40 hit candidates. They have made MTV videos (Down With Disease), received regular radio play, topped the Billboard Internet Album Charts, and even been featured on Dawson’s Creek (Birds of a Feather). Depending who you ask, this list could get a lot longer, but there are probably four songs that I would say everyone agrees belong in this camp: Sparkle, Bouncin Around the Room, Sample in a Jar, and Farmhouse.

As I mentioned before, it seems silly to admit it, but if you’re a big fan, it’s a given that none of these are your favorite songs. The majority of fans probably liked each of these at one time quite a bit, but in general, these are pretty much beer songs - time to go out and get a refill before the next song. I’d say it’s general consensus that these songs have run their course. They pretty much suck the life out of the crowd for a stretch of 5+ minutes.

Presumably, you have a pretty good idea where I am going with this. I have a little grudge that Sample in a Jar fell into this camp. Before I start, this has nothing to do with my like or dislike for the song, I don’t jump for joy or pout when Sample comes on. I’m pretty neutral on it at this point. The point is that it is a better song structurally than people give it credit.

First, let’s talk about the catchy tune in general. The catchy song stems from a formula that pretty much every musician in the world is versed in. Not to get bogged down in the structure of a catchy song, but any song that has that really upbeat happy or peaceful sound - think Blue Sky, Wild Thing, Sweet Jane, Knocking on Heaven’s Door, Patience, Like a Rolling Stone, Brim Full of Asher on the 45 (or whatever that song is called), Ramblin Man, Tubthumping, Heavy Things, etc. The list could literally go on for thousands of pages.

The structure of these songs is essentially simply based around the I, IV, and V chords in the major scale of any major key. It’s not important to get into the details of the structure, but to put it in perspective; this basically means all these songs are founded on the first three chords everyone ever learns when they pick up an instrument. Essentially, they are really easy to crank out.

Well, I have a personal philosophy on this type of song. I believe that in order for a catchy song to be considered great, it has to earn its stripes in one of a few ways.

1) Songs that earn the right to play the catchy segment – I would classify this as a Harry Hood or Fluffhead type of song. This is the type of catchy song that meanders to complex portions of the song before rocking out the catchy part. This is the best way to do it, because it tells people that the musician or band is competent, talented, and knowledgeable in song musicianship, but that they still like to wail. These songs have two of the best endings in the history of music, because they build and build (and wait) to get the climax. The complexity and composed sections make you yearn for that finale.

2) Songs that our strong enough lyrically and have “soul” – This is pretty much 80% of all Lou Reed or Bob Dylan songs. These are the guys that probably aren’t the world’s greatest musicians, but they are lyrical and vocal geniuses. Plus, the catchy feeling tends to suit the themes and topics of the songs. These guys have soul and know how to play this type of song with a ton of feeling. A great example of this is Reed’s “Heroin.” It’s the easiest song of all time to play on guitar, but he brings the emotion to those two chords.

3) Good Party Songs – A good party song has got to be catchy. A song like Madonna’s Holiday has got to be catchy. If you can make a bazillion people want to dance, you get a pass. Just don’t go overboard like that new Avril Lavigne song.

4) Songs that flat out wail so much it doesn’t matter – Enter the Allman Brothers. When you can jam over these songs like this, do whatever the hell you want. Songs like Ramblin Man, Blue Sky, and Jessica are all in this catchy tune classification, but they have so much awesome playing from everyone in the band, that the actual songs is simply just a vehicle for the rocking.

5) When you have an arsenal other songs everyone likes anyway – A good example of this is Pearl Jam. Eddie Vedder often gets on the guitar to play this type of song, such as Long Road. Pearl Jam is clearly not gonna live or die by Long Road, but it is a nice change of pace to hear a catchy tune. The most blatant violation of this is that Brim Full of Asher song I referred to earlier. That song just abuses the catchiness to attract a crowd. Has anyone even heard another song by those hacks? If I recall correctly, there is not even a single change in the entire song. Just the same 3 chords over and over and over.

So, getting to the point, why am I defending Sample in a Jar? Well, according to my rules, Sample is cleared due to adherence to #1, #2, #3, and #5. Let’s take a look.

In evaluating point #1, it is not exactly a complex song. To the contrary, it is really a four-chord song. What I love about the structure of the song is that the verse portion includes a subtle key change (A C G D). Interestingly, with the rocking catchy chorus, Trey chooses to solo over the part with the key change. To me, this shows great restraint. If he were to solo over the chorus part, the solo would wail similar to that of the Fluffhead ending. Instead, by playing through the key change, the solo has a lot more color and a lot less catchiness. It leaves you wanting a little catchier jam, but instead highlights one of Phish’s really unique sounds. So, despite the catchy chorus, the song still showcases a more advanced musical approach to structuring a song.

As for point #2, it depends who you ask. Including it here as validity to the song is gratuitous given that the lyrics are nonsense, but hey - great lyrics are subjective. I say if they are fun to belt out, they are good. These are fun to belt out.

Is it a good party song for #3? Admit it, you know it is. Just think about the huge build up before the chorus.

Finally, #5 is a slam-dunk. A lot of people disregard how absolutely amazing this number is – Phish wrote 244 original songs. What’s crazier than that is that a majority (I think) of them include intricate melody compositions, odd timings, multiple sections, or other intricate elements. Sample in a Jar is absolutely not the star of any show.

So, it is conceivable to say that Sample in a Jar is not the best song of the repertoire or certainly not your favorite, but I raise the question: Should it really be included on the list of songs that our reserved for beer runs? According to the rules of the catchy tune, the answer is a resounding “No.”

Hail to Nothing...PRICKS!

As expected, Michigan has bounced back from their HUMILIATING 0-2 start and now you are hearing the rumblings. Yup, the rumblings from the legions upon legions of pseudo and real Michigan fans claiming "WE ARE BACK." Can we get a court order to have this stopped at once? You aren't fully back...yet. And in case you hadn't noticed there is a new Pope of Chili Town in East Lansing that has the Spartans off and running to a 4-0 mark.

You see, I am a Michigan State Spartan tried and true, proud, through and through. And I hate losing to Michigan in any sport, or when it comes to the typical argument, 'which college is cooler' or the typical you couldn't get into Michigan, because you are dumb...so you went to State. Who really cares? I could care less if the Spartans lose to a Division 1A team (sorry Michigan). Those types of losses never bother me as much, but if it wasn’t for those damn Wolverines…arghhh (deep sigh).

Mainly, I’m stung from Football where Michigan essentially bends us over year in and year out and those snotty smug pricks just laugh about it. However, the tables have turned just a little now haven't they? We are 4-0 and Michigan is 2-2. OK, let's not get carried away...the big game is still a month away.

I'm still pained from the recent memories. I could go on and on about the collapse in Ann Arbor three years ago, but there was also the shitting the bed in East Lansing the following year when our field goal kicker shanked a 27 yard attempt in overtime, which nearly led to me punching a 75 year woman wearing a Michigan sweater in the face for taunting me at a bar.

And how could I ever forget the way Michigan toyed with State last year at the “Big House” like it was an inner-squad scrimmage? Laugh it up you fucking pricks…I’ve erased this one from the memory bank, it never happened. The fact is, the Spartans haven’t beaten Michigan in Football since 2001 during the infamous .01 second TD pass from Smoker to Duckett.

Since then Smoker has gone to rehab (but has not absolved himself from any Michigan fans ridicule repertoire) and T.J Duckett is playing arena football…I think. What he's on the Lions...oh, well. And during this rough stretch, Michigan has done nothing but humiliated the Spartans in every way, shape, or form you or I could imagine.

As you may have already known, a few of the other Ghosts are actually diehard Michigan fans and/or Michigan alums. So I am dedicating this shout out to them and all Michigan fans in general. I’m tired of the arrogance. I’m tired of the swagger. I’m tired of hearing about how you are back. You got beat by a Appalachian "fucking" State. And this year we are going to switch it up on you, the Egg and Shame will be on your face.

And you know what? The Maize Rage is fucking gay. So here you go fellas- I’m devoting endless vents on the University that I love to hate. It may be enough to get a restraining order placed on me, but it will still be a soul cleansing of sorts. This is my chance to release the burden of years of frustrations.

So with that…a big Hail to Michigan for being nothing more than arrogant pricks. Here is my "Hail" to you jerks...

Hail to the Fab Five for getting every banner wiped off the books in Michigan Basketball.

Hail to Ed Martin (R.I.P) for single handily destroying what could have been quite a legacy in the history of Michigan basketball. You really did a smart thing by sliding $50 bills inside Nike shoes and chocolate cakes. That team needed the incentive…

Hail to Steve Fisher for letting the scandal take place while turning the other cheek. A bonus hail goes to Fish for being so incompetent; he couldn’t get one of the greatest ensembles of college basketball players ever to win a National Championship or a Big 10 title for that matter.

Hail to Chris Webber for the timeout, following your blatant traveling (no-call?). Carolina was going to win the game anyhow, but you made it easier.

Hail to Lloyd Carr, finally, there is a “fire a Michigan coach.com” domain instead of a Michigan State coach. And you make me feel better about the John L. Smith era.

Hail to Michigan for losing at least one non-conference game *almost* every September when they open the season in the Top 10. It’s nice to see them play out a yearly string and then demand to be in the National Title picture at the end of the season.

Hail to Appalachian State for backing the statement above.

Hail to Oregon for exposing the Wolverines as a slow and lethargic team with NO HEART!

Hail to USC for whooping Michigan's ass in the Rose Bowl last season even though the Wolverines thought they should be in the National Championship game.

Hail to Michigan Running Backs in the NFL. Wheatley, Biakabatuka, Jamie Morris, Anthony Thomas…it’s nice to see you got to shine so bright for a brief moment in time. Yet, you somehow managed to eventually kill somebody’s fantasy roster in the end.

Hail to Elvis Girbac.
What…are you expecting more elaboration?

Hail to Brian Elerbee for an amazingly successful run as interim and full-time Basketball coach. Your record is impeccable in the Big 10 and the NIT.

Hail to Michigan Basketball fans, yes to all 25 of you that admit to still being a fan of Michigan basketball after the Fab Five days.

Hail to Tommy Amaker for taking over a bad program and making it worse. I wanted you around at least one more season for one more NIT run. Take off the mockneck and get youself a fucking tie.

Hail to the “bandwagon” Michigan Basketball fans, who actually bought into Amaker and his coaching staff. Do you realize these people actually showed up to Chrysler Arena to support the team these past few years?

Hail to Maceo Baston. Why? I just like the name.

Hail to Braylon Edwards for catching 30 touchdowns in one game against MSU.

Hail to “The Brown Jug” for being the only establishment open in Ann Arbor during the New Years blizzard of 1999 that left my buddies and me trapped in Ann Arbor for 2 days, at an apartment, with a combined $5, and a bag of mushrooms between all three of us.

Hail to 1999 when Plaxico Burress gained 200 yards in one game against you.

Hail to Charles Woodson for embarrassing the Spartans in 1997.

Hail to the whining Michigan fans after the longest second in football history (Smoker to Duckett) in 2001.

Hail to Gary Moeller, for being a bar brawling drunkard that proudly adorned the headset on the sidelines for years at the “Big House.” (He later would lead the Detroit Lions into another abysmal season.) Truly an icon, representing the blue collar ways in the State of Michigan…drinking beer and kicking ass.

Hail to Brian Griese for following in old Gary’s footsteps and throwing a barstool through the window at “Touchdowns”…I believe. He will be given second graces from the Michigan alumni for their “SPLIT” National Championship in 1997.

Hail to Nebraska for causing that infamous 1997 split, sorry Wolverines…Nebraska was still #1 in the AP Poll.

Hail to Eric Riley, James Voskul, and Rob Pelinka, the other guys on the Fab Five teams of the Fisher Era.

Hail to the Breslin crowd for chanting “Jalen can’t read” at Jalen Rose, while he shot free throws. Quite a clever crowd that couldn’t be more honest and truthful.

Hail to the arrogance of Michigan fans in general.

Hail to the 75 year old woman that went out of her way to antagonize and taunt me at the bar immediately following the Michigan State collapse in 2005. What was I supposed to do? She was a senior citizen, do I talk back? Ask her to step outside? I should’ve punched her.

Hail to the overweight middle aged man that resembled Drew Carey for “jersey popping” in my face after the Michigan/Michigan State game that same year. At least I could retaliate on him: “Sit your fat ass down Drew Carey.”

Hail to the Legions of Wolverine fans that have never even stepped foot on the Campus, let alone been to Ann Arbor. It’s nice to be a Michigan Football fan, Duke Basketball fan, as well as love the Lakers, Cowboys, Yankees, and Red Wings. It’s tough like that.

Hail to another run to the N-I-fucking-T this season.

Hail to the Motor City Bowl, because that is where you headed this year.

Hail to Michigan for not being ranked in the Top 25 in College Hoops in over a decade.

Once again, hail to the arrogance. “The Leaders and Best”…sheer fucking arrogance. I hate that fucking fight song.

One more time, hail to Appalachian State.

And finally, “Hail” to nothing you smug pricks.

The Vast Majority of the World's Current Problems Can Be Blamed on Bud Selig

Wow, it sure has been a while since I wrote anything here. Good thing my pay isn't affected by how often I write. Wait a minute... you bastards don't pay me at all! Damn you Rupert and Stan! Damn you both to hell! I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. Really, I love you both. You're like brothers to me. Brothers I never met because my dad knocked up a couple cheap hookers in 'Nam. Just kidding. My dad was never in 'Nam. But he sure does like cheap hookers, so hey, maybe we are related. No offense to your mothers. I'm sure they're lovely women.

Anyway, moving on. Yes, almost every major problem in the world, at least as far as The United States is concerned, can be blamed on Bud Selig.

Now, I know what you're thinking: Bud Selig is a worthless piece of shit, but surely tragedies like Katrina and the Iraq War (yes, at this point our involvement has reached tragic proportions - if you feel otherwise feel free to send your explanation to 3,000+ American families and countless more Iraqis) can't be blamed on Bud, right? WRONG. It's all his fault. Let me break it down for you.

The year was 1992. Biggie and Pac were still alive. The Lions weren't the laughingstock of the NFL. The New Commander-in-Chief was just beginning to realize he could stick his dick anywhere he pleased, including ugly women and fat chicks. And a group of crude, lovable, mullet-sporting drunks were one year away from representing the National League in the World Series. All was right in the world. (Except for the part about the Lions.) And then, things started to go awry, especially for baseball.

It should be noted that, at this time, a certain slack-jawed yokel was running the Texas Rangers (into the ground). It was in 1992 that then-current commissioner Fay Vincent resigned after an 18-9 no confidence vote by the owners, led by Big Bad Bud himself. Shortly thereafter, Selig assumed the role of acting commissioner, a role he kept until 1998, when he was officially made The Commish.

It should also be noted that in 1992, the same aforementioned slack-jawed yokel wanted to be the commissioner of Major League Baseball. But the owners went with Selig instead, eventually leading to G-Dubs running for (and becoming) Governor of Texas in 1994. All Selig did in 1994 was preside over a players strike that began on my 10th birthday and did irreparable damage to my childhood. Fuck you, Bud Selig.

Now, had George W. Bush become the commissioner of baseball, I think he would have done a pretty good job. I don't think he would have let a strike happen and I know he would not have tolerated steroids. I'm pretty sure he had multiple people in Texas executed for farting in church. Do you really think he would have allowed illegal drug use to run rampant throughout America's pastime, culminating in Ed Bighead breaking Hank Aaron's all-time homerun record? Aw hell naw. He would not have stood for that. (And yes, I did just shamelessly self-promote in that link. Deal with it.)

And, not only would baseball be in better shape, but more importantly, someone other than Dick Che- er, George W Bush would be the current president! Everybody wins! Except Dick Cheney. But you know what? Fuck him. And fuck Bud Selig. This is all his fault.

Go Ahead Boy, Go Ahead Get Down

Say what you will about a showboating - perhaps it slows down the game, breeds a culture of individualism, or just flat out looks stupid - it's all true. Personally, I think the vast majority of them are moronic, but when I see a good one, I - like most everyone else in the free world - am moderately entertained for 0.9 seconds. I will say though that if you rewind about 15 years and there was nothing I loved more than imitating a good TD celebration.

So with that gripping introduction, here's a list of some notable ones. I was really hoping to compile a epic YouTube collection, but I couldn't find shit, so we're stuck with pics for the really cool ones and videos of the ones you've seen a hundred times. As you can see, this didn't go as well as I had hoped.

Flipper Anderson

Aptly named, Flipper has it goin' on long before wide receivers were whores. Flipper was the Ozzie Smith of the gridiron. Those back flips (and front flips) were as legendary as the 336 he dropped in a single game. Untouchable.



Random Arena Bowl Player

Not so much a dance, but a special celebration nonetheless. Thanks to commenter "Canadian" for cluing me in that this is actually the Dallas Desperado.




Deion Sanders

Nobody tried harder and failed on more attempts to grab the spotlight the Neon. Let's face it, the guy was a junkie for the spotlight and pretty much still is to this day Nevertheless, he left his business card behind at the NFL school of dance. His toe tapping definitely goes down as one of the more memorable celebrations in the game. Plus, he had to work harder than anyone else to get in the endzone as a DB, so you know he really wanted to show off these moves.

Even better than a look at the actual Prime Time dance, we found a rap trio with a tribute song and instructional "how to" video.



Chad Johnson

It's pretty tough to narrow down Chad's repertoire of moves to just one groove, but the Irish Jig is the best in our opinion. Not only was the jig crafty and original, but he clearly practiced his moves for this dance. If it wasn't for the fact that he is basically black and wearing football pads, he could've been in Riverdance.



Icky Shuffle

Icky gets the nod simply for effort. This just sucked. I think this one was only popular, because it is pretty much the only one white kids could ever pull off. Plus, he danced this groove in the Super Bowl.





Terrell Owens

This was creative. I hate TO too, but you gotta admit this was pretty good at the time. I remember I was watching this game live and did a solid, "Oh no he didn't" when he pulled this move. Plus, to his credit, TO was still flying just below the "colossal ass" radar with the Niners. He still seemed slightly entertaining at this point.

Rod Tidwell

I have actually seen Tidwell's moves make people cry. I'm not kidding. This is one of the most inspired celebrations in the history of the game. I guess that is expected, since it was in a movie and all, but it's still an inspired number. Plus, he got a big fat pay raise out of it.

Joe Horn

The famous cell phone gag. This could be classified as a rip of of TO's Sharpie stunt, but I thought it deserved attention simply because Joe Horn is so damn ghetto. I love Horn. He was a mainstay on the fantasy team for years and nothing capped off a TD for my team like a sick celebration. It's sad that his career ha tapered off, because of injuries, because Joe "Little Big" Horn (I could never resist than Bermanism) was a joy to watch.



Ernest Givens

Hands down the greatest touchdown celebration of all time. If you never pulled this one out in the back field or at the family Thanksgiving day game (do people actually have that?), you just are not cool. This dance literally revolutionized the TD celebration and nothing will ever touch it. Marino's TD record and Aaron's Home run records may fall, but you can take solace knowing that some things are still sacred. This is the only reason I wrote this stupid post and I couldn't find this anywhere. If anyone can find it, send it our way. What a waste of time.

Well, it's not all for naught. I'll leave you with this inspired montage from the good folks at Beantown Sports. This includes a few of the ones mentioned above and a bunch of other embarrassing moves. I still gotta find that electric slide though, so stay tuned. I'm on the lookout.

It's Essentially Mathematical

The Chicago Cubs ARE going to make the playoffs. Oh shit, hold your breath, here I go again jinxing shit. No trust me, relax...IT'S GONNA HAPPEN! And I can't believe I just caught myself quoting that ubberly gay catch phrase in an actual post. That's -1 for me. Anyhow, I know it's early to jump the gun, but I know more than ever that the Cubs ARE going to win the NL Central. What happens from there...well, that's a wait and see approach.

There are 6 games left in the season, yup...only 6. And the Brewers are 3 games behind the Cubs. That means the Cubs would NEED to go 4-2 and the race is OVER. Easier said than done...I know. However, there are plenty of "positive" scenarios for the Cubs this week. They could go 3-3 and the Brewers would need to go 6-0 just to force a tie. Correct me if I'm wrong, because I don't have the playoff scenario, but the Cubs do hold the season series advantage over the Brewers...right? Yes, of course I'm right.

Let's say the Brewers do go 6-0, it won't matter if the Cubs go 4-2. Let's say the Brewers go 5-1, the Cubs could go 2-4 and we'd still have a tie. Brewers go 4-2 and the Cubs go 1-5...still a tie. Cubs go 0-6, Brewers go 3-3...tie, tie, tie! The prospects look good and pardon me for getting ahead of myself, my gut feeling just keeps telling me...this is a good thing. However, I won't be the least bit suprised if the Cubs give us at lease a minimal scare...that's just how it works.

Sure, the Brewers are at home for their final 6 games and the Cubs are on the road. However, the Cubs will throw Carlos Zambrano once and Ted Lilly twice during that stretch. Now, how's that for a brilliant move by Lou Pinella a week or so back, to pitch Lilly on three days rest in order to solidify the rotation down the stretch? In fact, the Cubs have Zambrano and Lilly back-to-back on Saturday and Sunday in Cincinnati to close the season and the clinch the division if need be.

I'm hardly overlooking the Marlins and Reds, but the Cubs are set up just nicely and have been playing top notch ball as of late. The bats are alive and well, the bullpen is clicking, shit everything is clicking. So, please tell me when something is going to go wrong? It ain't and I'm guzzling optimism today...so don't knock me off my cloud, PLEASE.

Anyhow, the Brewers end the season at home against St. Louis for 2 games and the San Diego Padres in a 4 game set to close it out. Sure, the Padres are a wee bit decimated by the injury bug right now, but they do still have the pitching. And yes, the Padres are still fighting for their playoff lives. It would appear that Jake Peavy will close out the season on Sunday for the Padres. However, for the sake of argument...let's hope the Brewers fate has already been decided by that point.

Nobody said it was going to be easy or pretty and it sure hasn't been. However, the Cubs are SO-SO-SO close to winning the division, I can almost taste it. Yeah, I know it really is getting ahead of the present by making such bold jinxing proclamations. However, this team has been rather enjoyable, they get along and they are really fun to watch...at times. And pardon me if that is a complete 180 from everything I've written about the Cubs in the past.

So, here's to the final week of baseball and what's to come we can only hope. The Cubs have dead aim at the dream, so one game at time, let's hope they go out and take care of business. It should for all practical purposes be a celebration in Chicago this week. And not because, Rex Grossman may finally get benched. Yup, book it...the Cubs are going to the post-season and we'll have to take it from there.

World Series? Nah, I'm not making any predictions...yet!

Steven Jackson...Jinxed?

By now, the word is out in the street and some sneaky opposing Fantasy owner in your league is probably plucking a dude named Brian Leonard off the waiver wire before you can even log into your account. Yup, Steven Jackson the #2 pick in most Fantasy drafts has a "partial" tear of his groin and that just don't sound good. Huh, tough shit, but then so is the life of Fantasy Football. You've got to have your hand on the pulse at all times. Or as Dr. Dre said: "Never let me slip, cause if I slip, then Im slippin. But if I got my nina, then you know Im straight trippin."

Um, well whatever that means I guess. Anyhow, the initial report is that Jackson will miss at least one game. However, how realistic is it to think it might be a few more? Let's stop and think about the situation here, the Rams are 0-3 and appear to be headed nowhere fast. Their offensive line is completely decimated, Marc Bulger is getting leveled each week, the offense is pathetic, the defense ain't much better and so why would they mortgage their future and huge investment (Jackson) on a shot at maybe going 5-11?

The plane has crashed into the fucking building and then some. The Rams were a trendy pick in the off-season to make a little noise in the crowded with mediocrity NFC West. We can go ahead and forget about that, they are amidst a huge step backwards. And Steven Jackson fresh off his breakout season of a year ago was supposed to be the end all of RB's and even...gasp...a pre-season MVP candidate.

My how the times have changed. Jackson got off to a slow and sluggish start on the season, but that wasn't about to alarm this proud Fantasy owner. His two fumbles and failure to get into end-zone against Carolina in Week 1, hardly even played a part in the results of my Fantasy match-ups. And for the record, I own Jackson in two leagues, both of which happen to be my money leagues where there is a significant amount of cash earnings at stake.

In my "friends and enemies" league I have owned Jackson for all 4 years of his NFL career, so you could say there is somewhat of a bond there. Anyhow, back to what I was saying, despite the early struggles in the first few weeks, I was not panicking in the least bit. I was ready to sit back and reap the rewards, starting with Tampa Bay. OK, not bad at least there was a little progress and 100 yards...finally.

However, this was and is hardly the performance from the consensus #2 Fantasy RB that most wanted or expected. Sure, all we've heard about during the first quarter of the season is how the "Big 3" (LT, LJ & Jackson) are struggling. Yet, we've also been told not to worry that it's simply the match-ups or the game planning, etc. For Jackson, the sluggish start has now been compounded by an injury that appears to be lingering.

This is maddening from a standpoint of expectations. Jackson led the NFL in yards from scrimmage last season. He hauled in 86 catches to rank 2nd amongst RB's, but really weren't his 86 catches for nearly 1000 yards more valuable than Reggie Bush's 90 catches for 100 yards? Moving on, Jackson who is a beast and a workout machine appeared to yet again be in peak physical shape heading into the season and promised us 2500 from scrimmage.

Maybe a little lofty goal, but if you'd watched the man regularly last season...it seemed realistic enough. And now, that dream is dead. All of the dreams are dead and it's left many scratching their heads in disbelief. Look, I know we are told to breath easy, because it's probably only one game. And let's face it, the Cowboys are on a roll right now and Jackson probably wasn't going to find his stride against them this week. However, the gut feeling I have is that he is probably going to miss 4 games.

I'm just looking at things from a realistic perspective. And that'd be a devastating blow to my Fantasy squads that are relying on #39 to bring it like he has in the past. However, if you consider the situation, the Rams are going nowhere and that offensive line needs to re-group, re-build, get healthy and get better. Perhaps, a few additional weeks on the shelf for Jackson ain't such a bad thing? Think about it, he gets time to get healthy, while the offensive line works out it's issues.

Instead of Jackson taking an extended beating for the next few weeks, the sucker in your league that thought Brian Leonard would be a viable flex starter gets to watch him get creamed for a few weeks before they cut him loose. Sure, let them have their dreams. Jackson can re-coup, re-group and get back on the field by late October...just in time to steam roll the Browns and help you and I wage Fantasy war down the stretch.

Look, the guy is a talent and there is no debating he will get his in due time. However, he sure does appear to be fucking jinxed, judging by the fate he was dealt in the early season. Who knows why this happened, but I am not ready to cash in the chips for the season. Yes, it's a sad day to be a Jackson owner, but give it time and you'll see the Steven Jackson we all know love, like the one from the "Leave Nothing" Nike commercial.

Drew Brees is Killing Fantasy Teams

The Saints are in trouble, but more importantly the Ghosts Fantasy team in the Bloggers Invitational league is going down in flames no thanks to Brees. Fortunately, we have an ace in the hole with Tony Romo as a back-up, but that means very little to Saints fans. Drew Brees is not only killing fantasy teams, but he's also killing the Saints in general.

The euphoria from last season has evaporated and whatever magic was marching along last season is GONE. Teams studied and have figured out Sean Peyton's gimmicks and trickery. The well is dry boys and it's time to go back to the drawing board, because what's happening right now ain't working. And the "ain't working" part is Drew Brees.

Brees is simply not the same lovable dude with a stain on his face, who ruled Bourbon Street last season. I know its early, but Brees has just one Touchdown, yup just one. Again, from a Fantasy perspective...we've got to say thanks Drew. In most leagues Drew Brees was the 3rd or 4th QB taken off the board, but he's been outproduced by Joey Harrington, Kurt Warner and even Drew Bledsoe...thus far.

Tonight was a nightmare as Brees added another 4 INT's, which moves his total on the year to 7. Considering he had only 11 INT's all of last season, I'd say this alarming. However, what's more alarming is the fact that Brees averages a meager 5 yards or so per completion. So, is that all his fault?

Well, partly it is. He is engaged to that stupid screen pass to Reggie Bush. You know the one that usually goes for -3 or -4 yards. Yup, it's funny when you hear people talk about Reggie Bush and how he caught 90 passes last season. Do they every mention those 90 catches went for 75 yards total. That's a joke, but do those screen passes ever work with Bush...ever?

In defense of Brees, it is the coach who calls the plays. However, when he is he going to check off that read and go down field? Oh yeah, that's right his WR's aren't quite as good as they were last season. And Brees is getting the shit blitzed out of him on a regular basis, umm...thanks offensive line. Regardless, Brees is not getting the job done for the Saints...or our Fantasy team.

And if matters could get any worse, word got out that Deuce will no longer be getting loose. Looks like we are finally going to see what Reggie Bush looks like carrying the rock 20-25 times a game. Unless of course, Sean Peyton will unleash his secret weapon Aaron Stecker. Argh, have fun with all that Drew.

Look, it's not hard feelings...I liked Brees when he was on the Chargers and was sad to see him leave. I rooted for him last season when he was making everyone forget he was too short to be a consistently dominant QB. However, when it comes to my Fantasy teams...if you fuck one of up, I've got an issue.

So, I can assure you be we are done riding this ship into the ground. Thank god for the Tony Romo experience. Our deepest apologies to all those affected by the Drew Brees Fantasy epidemic of 2007. And yes, we are fully aware that all Vince Young does is WIN. Thanks Saints...what a fucking bust.

Oh yeah, I had the Titans on the $$$ line, so I'm really not too upset.

Why Is Everyone Sleeping on Ohio State?

It’s been a windy road through the Big Ten throughout the first four weeks of the season. First, it was all about Michigan; coming into the season at #5 only to crap in the pool with the two losses you all heard about ad nauseum . Then, it was Penn State and the co-called tenacious defense led by the famous Dan Connor. They were immediately anointed “the best team in the Big Ten” after Michigan’s demise. Well, the saga continued on Saturday as Michigan continued its return to grace and won out against the Big Ten teamdu jour in a game of ball control.

Meanwhile, THE Ohio State Buckeyes have slid under the radar for four weeks in what was expected to be a bit of a rebuilding year after losing key starters, Tedd Ginn Jr., Anthony Gonzalez, Antonio Pittman and of course… Troy Smith. The season commenced with a quarterback controversy, huge question marks about the offense, and uncertainty if the Wells brothas (not real brothers) could run the ball effectively. Well, the Buckeyes seemingly answered all these questions and have quietly made their way back into the top #10 (currently #8).

So why is everyone sleeping on Ohio State this year? Don’t fret, we’re here to provide some answers.

Because there aren’t very many stickers on their helmets yet. How are we supposed to know how good these players are without more Buckeye stickers? These kids deserve more gold stars,Tressel.

Because Wisconsin owns Ohio State – As proud owners of THE Ohio State, I think Sconny will continue to take care of this baby like it’s very own Snapper riding mower.

Because opening the season against a couple glorified high school teams and a lousy Pac 10 has-been just doesn’t impress anyone. Let’s see you schedule some real games like Appalachian State and Oregon and then we will talk. Until then, consider yourselves overrated.

Because we’re sick of your foul mouth references slipping in “Buck” for dirty swear words. Haven’t you guys seen the Big Ten commercials. Sportsmanship applies to all of us – even the fans.

Because we hate you – Honestly, the main reason is simply because everyone despises you. I’d sooner watch Blackwater USA guards “defend our freedom” than watch another Ohio State national championship run.

Because we’re scared of James Laruinaitis in his spiky pro wrestling costume.

Monday Links: The Lions Suck Again

Back to work, suckas. Mixed feelings all around today. The Wolverines and Spartans gave the two of us respective life only to witness what all knew was inevitable - the Lions are still the Lions. Look, we were only hoping for 8-8 this season, so all is not lost, but giving up 56 to an 0-2 team never feels to good on Monday morning. At least I'm not hungover for once.

Anyway, in our effort to provide a bunch of blogs that are a lot better than ours a boost of 6 unique visitors apiece, let's move on to the weekly links. By the way, I'll be very impressed if anyone understands why I put that picture up.

As usual, our buddy in Fontes, Big Al, has all the analysis on the game. Big Al is the real source for qaulity Lion's analysis, because he lives in Detroit, so he doesn't have to climb the highest mountain just to watch the game. (The Wayne Fontes Experience)

Every Day Should Be Saturday showed us an image that Spartan fans will surely enjoy. (See, I can be unbiased sometimes) (EDSBS)

The Deauce of Davenport took at look at an astute Aura anlayis of Bill Belichick. The findings are quite fascinating. "He would be very careful not to cross the line into anything outright wrong, but watch him put his toe right up to that line." (Deuce of Davenport)

Extrapolater looks at the Top #5 fashion crimes of Jimmy Johnson. (Extrapolater)

For the few, the proud, the Phish fans who read our GoWF, check out our new buddy, Ace Cowboy's blog over at Glide Magazine. It pretty much rules. It's really a great source for up to the minute music news on a wide range of musical styles. (Hidden Track)

Just wanted to give a general shout out to Rick at Deadspin. Everyone loves Will, but nobody ever tips the hat to Rick. I've noticed he's really hitting his groove over there in the past few weeks. Coincidentally, my official food is also the burrito. (Deadspin)

This is kinda old news by now, but Larry Brown did a brilliant job tracking down the PYT from RGX. (Larry Brown Sports)

Finally, More Credible still has Jenn Sterger tied up in a in a pit he dug in his his basement and he makes her do weekly college football picks in exchange for food and grapefruit juice. Cheers to hating Old Ball Coach Jen. Is anyone else ready to pull the plug on that stupid nickname yet? (More Credible)

Alright, that's all for now folks. Now go be somebody today.

The Loose Ends: Old and In The Way Edition

Well folks, that's it for another week. Typically Stan handles these duties, but he's off basking in the sun to celebrate his birthday. As of tomorrow, the two of us both hit the big 30. I'm sure anyone who has read this blog assumed we were about 19, but make no mistake, we are two old codgers now. In case anyone is wondering, turning 30 is in fact really weird, far weirder than I ever expected.

Anyway, who cares about that? Nobody. Good. Moving right along, big news rattled the blogosphere today as Yahoo! Sports has hired the one and only, Jamie Mottram away from the AOL FanHouse. Congrats to Jamie and we look forward to seeing how things progress as Yahoo! enters its hat into the competitive realm of the sports blog. I for one am very excited about that as Yahoo! Sports is a daily destination for me already. I think it's mainly because my fantasy leagues are there, but I think it is awesome that they are adding a blog element.

The highlight of the week for us was definitely a spectacular interview with Will Carroll over at EC from Baseball Prospectus, SI, Football Outsiders, ESPN, Rotowire, and every other sports medium under the sun (inclduding last year's Fantasy Show on ESPN2). The interview turned out great and were honored that he took the time to chat with us.

Other notables for the week included Stan's hit revisiting the debate of which USC running back is a better pro, Lendale or Reggie, and another Match.com Mondays episode with the one and only Colt Brennan.

It's a pretty decent day in college football today, but not the greatest. The games that are peaking our interest this today are MSU-Notre Dame, Michigan-Penn State, Kentucky-Arkansas. Stan's picks are in the post right below this one. I'd love to see Kentucky and Andre Woodson continue their run and knock off Arkansas and Notre Dame should get smoked again as the Spartans look decent this year.

Well that's it for the week. Happy New Year to all the Jews out there. Enjoy those bagels and phish salad today. See you Monday.

A Gamblers Guide to Getting Out of Debt

A cloudy room of degenerates is seemingly no way to spend a beautiful Saturday or Sunday afternoon in sunny Southern California. However, when I stop and think about the options, there really isn't any other place I'd rather be. And since I've already mentioned it before, the Sports programming in San Diego simply sucks. Anyhow, I tend to wake up very gingerly and usually hungover on the weekends during the Fall, but who says drinking is a vice?

I'd hardly consider myself a Grade A degenerate, which is either the most noble or most alarming honor in gambling, depending on who you ask. The Grade A's are those guys who belong to Country Clubs, not because they enjoy golf, rather for a way to get away from the wife, play high stakes poker and make some hefty wagers with fellow degenerates. The whole golf thing is just a front. Their traditional attire is khaki shorts, loafers with no socks, a golf shirt, the USA Today tucked under their arm, and cigar in the mouth.

I myself, will stick to the label of a Grade C degenerate. I wager to make the games more exciting and yes, to win money. Yeah, I know I'm in the marijuana as the gateway drug phase, but bear with me...I've been gambling for quite sometime. I tend to never get that carried away and I wouldn't be caught dead wearing loafers with no socks. However, give me a couple more years and you could be looking at Vincent Gallo from "Buffalo 66." Sigh.

I've never been one to shy away from my vices. There is really no reason to lie. We're about three weeks into the Football season and I am no better or worse than I was last year. I do have a gambling problem, but that's just fine by me. I still get the butterflies and goose bumps from scouring the weekend spreads, just as if I was enjoying a rendition of “Harry Hood” at a Phish show. It all still seems so guilt free, pure and innocent. Are those the final words of somebody set to mortgage their house on an Lions/Colts parlay this weekend?

Well, for starters I don’t own a house to mortgage…so that’s good, I think. Secondly, I don’t really consider my wagers thus far, to be of any financial significance one way or the other. And finally, I can stop anytime I choose. I could quit cold turkey tomorrow if that was the hand I was dealt out of necessity. Yet, I am in the prime years of my gambling career and I see no reason to turn the page now. Knowing is the first step to keeping the problem contained.

And that's why today, I am dropping my first "FULL" installment of weekend wagers/picks that I like to call the "Gamblers Guide to Getting out of Debt." Does the name really mean what it says? Well, you figure it out. Americans are back loaded in debt and I highly doubt or endorse gambling as the answer to paying off your high interest credit cards, but it could be...right? No, there aren't any “E” true Hollywood stories about young, single and rich gamblers, driving around in BMW’s, but at least we can dream.

So, enough with the buttering you up. I'm NO Jon Anthony, but here are my picks for the weekend.

NCAA
It's always a shade easier to wager on College games than Pro games. You have so many key variables like home team, rivalries, etc. Anyhow, I like to shy away from Over/Under wagers, but honestly they are usually easier to hit in College Football than Pro...just from my experience. Anyhow, this week's Top 25 looks like a shit platter, but that means a LOT of covers for the big dogs...or so I'd like to think.

*Home Teams in CAPS.

Oklahoma (-22) over TULSA
The Sooners are rolling this season and are hands down the best team in the Big 12. Still, I am unable to name at least one player on this team, but does that matter? They cover spreads and Tulsa is in for a beating on Friday Night Football.

LOUISVILLE (-35.5) over Syracuse
The Orange might be the worst team in Division I. Have you ever found yourself saying I wonder if USC could beat the worst team in the NFL? Well, I wonder if a High School team could beat Syracuse. Yes, I am fully aware at how shitty that Louisville defense is.

BOSTON COLLEGE (-28) over Army
I'm iffy on this one, but I like HOME teams in College football.

Florida (-23) over Mississippi
This one shouldn't even be close.

OHIO STATE (-22.5) over Northwestern
Argh, it makes me sick to put any money on Ohio State, but that was an impressive win on the road against U-Dub last week. And as lousy as the Big 10 is this season, Northwestern might just take the cake as the WORST.

MICHIGAN (+2.5) over Penn State
Yup, this will be the win that gets all the Michigan fans all fired up again, proclaiming they are officially back. No chance, the slow Nittany Lions go to the Big House as a favorite and win.

WEST VIRGINA (-25) over East Carolina
It's no longer just a White-Slaton double-edged sword; now it's a three pronged White-Slaton-Levine grappling hook, which will be used to climb to the top of the rankings. You can use that if you want, Lee Corso.

ARKANSAS (-6) over Kentucky
Sounds like a letdown game (Kentucky) vs. a rebound game (Arkansas). Both teams had contrasting games last week, emotional highs and lows. And I believe in ebb and flow.

USC (-25) over Washington State
Pete Carroll loves covering spreads. And he also loves toying with teams, so...

WISCONSIN (-8) over Iowa
Again, the home team principle and the Big 10 sucking...

NFL
I got eaten alive by the NFL lines last season like a swarm of mosquitoes, so I always proceed with caution on my own advice. There is always some team that we think is very good, but really isn't and that's how you get f*cked...in short.

San Diego (-4) over GREEN BAY
It can't possibly get any worse...can it? LT will finally have the break-out game we've all been holding our breath for this season.

Detroit (+6.5) over PHILADELPHIA
That Philly secondary is garbage. I'm not saying the Lions win the game, but unless McNabb can step up BIG-TIME the Eagles are going to be fighting for their lives to not falter to 0-3. Kitna will put up points...can the Eagles answer?

N.Y JETS (-3) over Miami
Eventually, the Jets have to win a game. They are bad, but not that bad. And Miami coincidentally is pretty bad. Thanks a lot for the pile of sh*t thus far, Ronnie Brown.

St. Louis (+3.5) over Tampa Bay
I've taken the Rams for the first two weeks of the season and I may go down in flames with this team, but they aren't really that bad. Why is everyone on Tampa's jock all of the sudden? They looked like utter diarrhea against Seattle and now that they've hammered an overrated New Orleans team they are a favorite? Huh? I guess it makes sense...for me.

Cincinnati (+3.5) over Seattle
The AFC is just that much better than the NFC. And I'm not the least bit concerned with how god awful the Bengals defense was against the Browns. As long as the Bengals have Carson, Chad and Housh, they can win...anywhere.

And with that...best of luck on your wagers this weekend. And as always, heed to my advice at your own risk.

Evaluating Yahoo's Prediction Algorithm

As usual, instead of doing my job today, I decided to fizzle away the work day with my good friend, Fantasy Football. Everyone has their preferred provider for a Fantasy Football host, but I am a dedicated Yahoo customer. I am not sure if it's the habit of playing on Yahoo for about 6 years running or if it's actually better, but anything other portal annoys me. I've tried ESPN,Sportsline , and AOL - and quite frankly, I think they all suck. Yahoo's site is easy to navigate, the stats and waiver wires are organized with sortable spreadsheet statistics, the Avitars and shit-talking features are entertaining, and I absolutely relish my trophy case (you would to if you had this much metal). Besides the fact that I have to buy the god damnStatracker every year, I am a pretty loyal fan.

There is one element to Yahoo that I cannot quite decide if I enjoy or not... the match up predictor. Every week, you can click on a tab called "Matchup" and there is an algorithm that predicts the outcome of the game with a forecast for each teams' score. While this is a pretty cool tool, it tends to make me paranoid and fuss with my roster when I am predicted to lose. I think I enjoy that it is in there, but the verdict is not final. I decided to crunch the numbers through the first two weeks and see how this algorithm has held up.


The data used in this quick and dirty analysis is not very robust. I have essentially incorporated 2 weeks of data comprised of 44matchups . Thus, there are exactly 88 predicted score samples compared to 88 actual score samples. I'll try to check back on this throughout the season with more data, but for now, here's how Yahoo fared in the predictions. These is based on a fairly standard scoring system (the only material variations from the norm are QB TD passes are 4 points and receptions are .33 points).

Correctly identified the winner: 20 out of 44 times or 54.55% of the time.

Average difference between predicted score and actual score: -8.98 points. In other words, Yahoo predicted scores 9 points lower than the actual scores on average.

Standard deviation of the differences between actual and predicted: 22.8 points. If you remember your Stats 101, this means that the 68.3% of the time, Yahoo predicted within +/- 22.8 points of the actual score. In other words, Yahoo's predictions vary quite a lot from the actual scores.

Number of games Yahoo's predicted score was within 3 points of the actual score: 18 out of 44 times or 20% of the time. Surprisingly, this is really impressive contrary to that last factoid on the standard deviation.

Highest overestimation: 59 points to high

Largest Underestimation: 61 points too low

Putting it all together, I'd give Yahoo a nice ambiguous "not great, but not worthless" ranking. Obviously, there are so many variables at play that predicting these scores is more or less, so I'll take the stat that 20% of the time they predicted within 3 points of the actual score as good enough for me. If nothing else, it keeps everyone guessing and gives a little bit extra shit talking ammunition. For that reason alone, I'll keep checking it out on a weekly basis.

You Know You're a Phishhead When You What???

As part of an afternoon meander along the information superhighway yesterday, I came across something I thought might be funny. The site was www.pholktales.com, an open forum for funny stories about people’s adventures while on Phish Tour. I read a few stories before I came to the real gem of this site, the “You Know You’re a Phishhead When” section. Here they knock off the old Jeff Foxworthy bit about being a redneck. Now, the Jeff Foxworthy redneck version was painfully unfunny, but the Phish variations are hilarious and downright embarrassing.

Now don’t get me wrong, anyone who gets into Phish gets overexcited and does corny shit like this. Believe me, I used to be all over this type of thing too and mean no disrespect. Nevertheless, I cannot resist the urge to pick on a few of these, because this stuff is just overflowing with unintentional comedy. So, without further ado here are some of my favorites.

When you can't sleep one night and you lie there thinking about what each of the boys would order from you on a sub sandwich if they ever came into where you work.

I thought it was weird when someone said they had a nightmare about Trey falling off a cliff and dying. This is far weirder. Why would anyone care what kind of sub they like? I’m glad to know that there are sandwich artists with such dedication to their work though. In case you are wondering, my staple is a hero with roast beef, provolone, lettuce tomato, mayo, and onion. It’s basic, but it all blends together better than just about any sandwich. Not too far behind is a hero with honey turkey, avocado, mayo, swiss, lettuce, and tomato. (I used to be a delivery boy at Jimmy John's and a Sandwich Artist at Subway).

When you see someone who looks like they could possibly be a phishy, you start singing MAZE really loud just for the possibility you could be related.

So let me get this straight, essentially whenever you see a guy with long hair, you start singing, “You’ll never get out of this Maze” loudly and repeatedly, in hopes that this guy might suddenly have a burning desire to befriend the funny weirdo on the corner who is repeating these lines with increasing speed? It sounds to me like you need to reevaluate your approach to making new friends. I am pretty sure you will get checked into a cuckoo bin by anyone who doesn’t know that song, because you would most certainly scare people with behavior like that.

You were groovin too hard to a killer My Sweet One before school with coffee in your hand and you spilt the shit all over your old white phish shirt, but you wore it to school anyway.

We all know how hard it is to refrain from groovin to a killer My Sweet One, but why would you wear a shirt with coffee spilled all over it? Did it occur to you that coffee stains? Now, you look weird and you ruined your favorite shirt.

This one is for all of us who were at IT...you know you're a Phishhead when you sit in standstill traffic for 15 hours to see your boys... after all, Phish is what life is all about.

I always thought having children was supposed to be a big deal, but I guess not the end goal after all.

When you don't know the names to phish songs but you know the solos by heart (all of the solos)

Hold on, let me get this straight. Oh nevermind, it’s cool, you said “all of the solos.” As long as it’s not just some of the solos.

If you had the option of having sex with anyone on the planet or seeing Phish: You know you would be at that show.

That might be the dumbest thing I have ever heard. Hmmm, Heidi Klum, Marissa Miller, Eva Longoria, Halle Berry, Phish... I’ll take Phish. Your friends are gonna read that and never let you live it down, even when you are 95 years old.

You ask your phriend which Trey solo he would make fuck to. i said Divided Sky, and he didn't know.

We have a celebrity entry to the “You know you’re a Phishhead” jokes. I’d like to thank Balky Bartokomus for this really good one.

You don't even care if downloads are phish singing, if it says it's them, you trust it.

I just put this one on here, because I can’t make one lick of sense out of it.

You have an elite Mike Gordon Haiku Phan Club in which members all over the US submit weekly Mikus.

Here's my personal entry...

Mike Gordon Plays Bass
Velcro High Top Reeboks Sweet
Beautiful Hairdo

You name your dog Mharli after Treys dog marley, his AKC name is Mharli Bhear of Phish Mhoon.

Mharli Bhear of Phish Mhoon is a good name. I wonder if he is related to Zongar the Phervent Lorpad of the Gleeming Flonbar? That’s the name of my friend Stan’s dog. He is my partner on this website.

Fantasy Scope: Reggie Wayne vs. Marvin Harrison

We're trying out something new today and that's putting on the Fantasy Football cap to focus on some aspect of the game lifestyle we love. Each week we plan on covering a refreshing Fantasy topic, whether it be a key sleeper, a favorable match-up or what have you. So, look the fuck out Funston and crew...the ghosts are dropping their own dose of knowledge and know-how. Today in the squared circle is the growing debate (for past few seasons at least) as to who has more value Reggie Wayne or Marvin Harrison.

And real quick, we must advise that you proceed with caution as always with any advice we dish out. From all indications it looks painfully obvious that we are going to finish in last place in our own Inaugural Bloggers Fantasy League. Damn you Reggie Bush, we should've known he wasn't ready to be a feature Fantasy RB. Oh well, at least we are cleaning up in the Epic Carnival league and the haters are out there.

Moving on, for the past few seasons the growing debate amongst Fantasy owners and experts has been related to Reggie Wayne and Marvin Harrison. OK, there is no need to split heirs here, both players hold immense value as Top Tier WR's. However, what seems to be overlooked year in and year out is that Wayne is available generally at least 2 rounds later than Harrison when he essentially has produced equivalent #'s to Harrison for the past 2-3 years. Sure, Harrison might be a notch above Wayne or even corralled a few extra points along the road, but for my money Wayne is clearly the better pick.

Let me explain.

The debate between #1 or #1A WR's is most prevalent in Indianapolis, Arizona and Cincinnati. On all three teams the #1 WR is clearly defined. However, guys like T.J Houshmandzadeh, Anquan Boldin and Reggie Wayne are about as close to being the "man" as humanly possible. And relatively speaking Wayne has certainly distinguished himself from the rest of that pack as an upper echelon Fantasy WR. You'd be hard pressed to not find Wayne snagged up as one of the Top 10 WR's in most leagues. Of course, it doesn't hurt to have Peyton Manning as your QB.

Anyhow, If you owned Reggie Wayne last season you know full well that he outproduced Harrison on a regular basis for at least the first 10-12 weeks of the season. At one point in the season Harrison pouted during a Nationally televised game, as Wayne caught a couple TD's and Harrison hauled in a paltry 1 catch for 8 yards. In the end Harrison got his, as he always does and eventually passed Wayne on the WR rankings with two huge close-out weeks (16 and 17). However, Wayne wasn't exactly invisible down the stretch either.

The fact of the matter is, Wayne has become more consistent on a regular basis and he's often the first read for Peyton Manning. However, the benefit still lies in the fact that Harrison still holds the respect and the tag as the Colts #1 WR. Thus, he draws the teams top coverage and attention. Case and point, the Denver game last season when Champ Bailey put the blanket on Harrison leaving Manning with no choice to pick on the now deceased Darrent Williams. The result was Wayne going well over 100 yards with 3 TD's and a two point conversion ta boot.

Further evidence of the point showed in the season opener this year against the Saints. Manning opted to pick on Saints corner Jason David who was simply torched by Wayne. In recent years Manning has turned to Wayne as his go to WR time and time again. As I recall it was Reggie Wayne who caught a TD in the Super Bowl last season. And this is by no means a knock on Harrison as a WR at all. In fact, he has the credentials and probably still holds the overall edge over Reggie Wayne.

However, in terms of Fantasy Football it's a fine line as to which player you want on your team. If you think about it, Harrison is usually gone by the 2nd round of most drafts. He is generally the 1st or 2nd WR taken off the board in most Fantasy drafts. However, Wayne usually falls in the 3rd or 4th round. Hmm, considering everything we've seen as of recent from both players...isn't Wayne the more valuable pick?

If you managed one of these guys last season, it was impossible to not realize that Wayne was going to give you #1 WR production every single week. Meanwhile, Harrison had his ups and downs. Don't you just get the sense that Wayne is in fact Manning's new favorite target? Oh yeah, like Manning plays favorites...who am I kidding? Anyhow, it's much to early this season to gage if the "looks" and "touches" will continue to favor Wayne, but one can only expect that it will.

It's the logic of age, meaning that Harrison although aging gracefully, is nonetheless a year older and possibly a tiny step slower. At some point all NFL players, especially WR's just lose that step, the separation, the swagger and the dominance. Look no further than Jerry Rice for proof. OK, bad example considering Rice played way too long. Anyhow, Wayne is younger, quicker, stronger, bigger and in the prime of his career. At some point the turnover from #1A to simply #1 has to take place...right?

Well, consider this man convinced that it's already happened. The proof is in the pudding so to speak and the numbers don't lie. It's been an equal playing field as far as the Fantasy points go for Harrison and Wayne for quite sometime. You can take it for what it's worth, but honestly I'd say it's no sin to have either guy as an option. However, when it comes to your value and the upside...my money in on Reggie Wayne.

Place yours where you want.

The Monopoly of NFL Viewing Rights

I'm the type of person who likes to wake up on Sunday morning and plant my lazy ass on the couch. I fire up the laptop, read Brandon Funston, Yahoo Experts or Fanball and organize my 5 or so Fantasy Football teams. This is followed by my morning cup of coffee and then I hit Sportsbook.com and covers.com to get a good read on my morning wagers. I love Sportsbook.com it's like my "Best Buy"...thousands of possibilities, get yours.

Anyhow, by the time the early game starts (for me 10 AM on the West Coast) I generally encounter one problem, I am usually stuck with a shitty game. Do I really want to watch the Giants, Eagles or the Packers...again? My apologies if those are your teams, but they aren't mine. Thankfully, I get to watch my adopted team the San Diego Chargers at 1 PM. However, what am I supposed to do in the meantime? Do I follow the games on NFL.com, listen to audio on the NFL Network? How do I follow my Fantasy teams or my wagers?

And therein lies the problem with the NFL Television rights. In case you are living under a giant boulder, Direct TV completely owns the viewing rights of the NFL. Direct TV outbid every cable or satellite provider by a long shot ($700 million to be exact) to win over those exclusive rights to the Sunday NFL Ticket. And the ownership is good through 2010...gasp. From all indications they will once again outbid all those inferior competitors once that contract expires and why shouldn't they? Is Direct TV good for anything other than the NFL Ticket?

OK, no need to answer that question...it's just my assumption considering I don't have Direct TV. In any event, I would like to see the Detroit Lions who have completely no shot of hitting the coverage in Southern California. Fair enough, I can do what most in my situation do and that is head over to the local watering hole and polish off beer after beer, while I watch my Lions (without sound) on a 19" TV in the corner. Reason being, most bars put the marquee games on the flat screens and let's face it, the Lions don't exactly ring up the word "marquee."

So, I win out in essence, because I get to watch the Lions and still follow some of the other games I may have wagered on that aren't available in my local market. However, this brings me back to the whole notion of how I enjoy watching football. For me, it's always been about comfort and that means the comfort of my own home and my own couch. Who needs to sit in an uncomfortable bar stool for 4 hours? Sure, I could pony up the cash and get Direct TV and the Ticket myself, but I'm not all that interested in switching over from cable...it has it's benefits.

Yeah, yeah I can hear you saying "how about some cheese with that wine." However, just hear me out for a second. Why would the NFL cut off a huge sector of it's audience and limit it's product by simply monopolizing the viewing distribution? It's hardly a fact of being cut-off from the product completely. However, I can't stress enough just how bad the programming for sports is in Southern California. I mean, it's not exactly a small market...now is it?

For the NFL it sure seems like it's a matter of dollars and sense...of course. It's always about the money, but how can they not see that by allowing Direct TV sole rights, they are losing out on a cut of profit that is there to be had. Think about how the "College Game Plan" is aligned for College Football. You can snag the game you want in the comfort of your own home for a reasonable fee of anywhere from $12.95 to $19.95, depending on the game.

Really, you mean to tell me the NFL couldn't package games that way to cable providers? Well, essentially NO they can't, because of the contract they inked with Direct TV. It's really a shame, because accessibility to the product is really what the consumer wants. And I find it hard to believe that a shared rights deal, such as PPV games would not be advantageous to the NFL as a whole. However, when you stop and think about it...why would the NFL really care at all?

They are essentially the most popular TV sport in the business and they can sell viewership rights to whomever they damn well please. It's just too bad they opted to sell their product to a limited sector and deny so many starving fans the right to pick and choose which games they want to watch. The NFL is always going to make their money and bottom line that is what they care most about.

For example, a bar is forced to pay a much higher and often times excessive fees to air the Sunday Ticket in their establishment. If you consider that it seems like most every single bar has the Ticket these days, the NFL isn't too worried about cutting out a few eccentric fans like myself. So, maybe I need to just stop bitching and learn to deal with it, because it's simply a matter of fact that doesn't appear to be changing anytime soon.

Oh well, gone are the days for me where I can truly enjoy the games on my couch. I've learned to just drag my hungover ass to the nearest bar and battle for a seat and viewing rights on a specific TV. I guess a few beers with friends and strangers ain't so bad, but it'd sure be nice if the NFL had a little more control on their own product. For now, live and learn.

I miss my couch.

Yup, The Lions are 2-0...Believe That!

How 'bout them Lions? It's official: we have ourselves a team. Coming off a big win on Sunday against the Vikings, Detroiters have found themselves somewhere they haven't been in ages: in the driver's seat. That's right, the Lions are 2-0 and atop the NFC North. Are we a little overexcited? Are we jumping the gun? Are we predicting a playoff run?

In the words of the great Randy Watson, "YESSSAH."

Say what you will about the Lions 2-0 mark. Is it for real? Is it a fluke? I say NO chance. We can hear the whispers, "come on...you beat the Raiders and Vikings...give me a break." Please don't burst our optimism, Lions fans deserve this more than you'd ever know. Call the win sloppy, call it ugly, call it lucky, but call it a win.

And so, it's time to bring the hype. This is it... we are for real. We've all been holding our breath and trying not to get ahead of ourselves, but it's time to freak out. When is the last time the Lions were 2-0? Do you know that almost 60% of teams that start out 2-0...make the playoffs? That's why we are throwing ourselves a little premature party today. And there's only one man who can ring in this party. That's right, we're taking you on a little Detroit Lions montage set to the sounds of "The Kid" himself - Prince.

"Are we gonna let de-elevator bring us down? Oh no, let's go! Let's go crazy!!!"

Purple rain, purple rain

Sorry Minnesota, we stole your rock star for this post, but shit we just beat you for the first time in 11 tries. That's right, the ten game losing streak to the Vikings is officially over, not to mention we're ahead of the Vikes in the standings.

We're gonna party like it's 1999

To some of you you, 1999 probably doesn't seem that long ago. After all, American Beauty and Toy Story 2 hit the theaters and Aguillera topped charts with "Genie in a Bottle." Seems like only yesterday right? Wrong. Not if that's the last time you played in the post season. That's right, it has been 8 years since the Lions' last wild card berth and even worse - 16 years since a postseason win. Well, we're all trying not to get over excited, but the NFC North looks lousy and the Lions look halfway decent, so all signs are pointing to pleasure town.

We're all excited, But we don't know why. Maybe it's cuz, We're all gonna die

Just to keep ourselves in check, we're throwing in a solid dose of cynicism. This is still the Detroit Lions, so anything could happen. This 2-0 season could go the way of the Edmund Fitzgerald at any moment, so let's stay calm. We saw what happens when Kitna goes out and J.T. O'Sullivan is a fine backup and looks like he might even be a starter one day...in the CFL. Clearly, the offense loses a step without Kitna, who pretty much looks like a magician running Martz's offense at time, but O'Sullivan would be fine.

The depth at WR and RB is clearly not a problem, especially as Calhoun is emerging as a viable option out of the backfield. The real risks are in the trenches and in the secondary. I think a Cory Redding injury would be the worst case scenario for the Lions as he is clearly the anchor of the defense and is showing real leadership. Obviously, the secondary is thin, so any issues back there will spell trouble as well. All in all, things are looking strangely optimistic, so lets just roll with it.

My name is Prince and I am funky (You can't stop Prince)

No more double coverages for Prince Williams (that was terrible, I know). The addition of Calvin Johnson has left the best receiver in Detroit, Roy Williams, in single coverage and he is taking advantage. In his first breakout game this season, Roy Williams picked up 7 catches for 111 yards and a TD. The encouraging thing is that this is playing out exactly as the Lions had hoped (for the past 5 years). They finally have the depth at the wide receiver position to spread the field and unleash the Mike Martz passing attack. The running game is an afterthought in this offense, but who cares? If nothing else, this is the most fun Lions team to watch in 20 years. We all loved Barry, but this is the stuff.

And did you see Roy Williams running downfield without his helmet as he was dodging tacklers and wrestling for extra yards? I haven't been that excited watching a Lions game since 1995...honest.

I could never take the place... of your man

As mentioned, we saw the NFL Europa vunderkind, J.T. O'Sullivan fill in nicely, but it only affirmed one thing; Kitna is the "Man" in Detroit. When I saw him putting his helmet on after sitting out with a concussion, I literally cheered and started throwing around high fives to strangers at the bar. The skinhead has the keys to the bus and for the first time in longer than I can remember (ever?), there's nobody I'd rather see driving. This is Kitna's team. The offense is looking fast and explosive and Kitna truly seems to be the right fit for Martz's offense. What can I say, I love this guy.

When was the last time you heard a Lions fan say they were excited about their QB? Don't answer that...please. Regardless, I never thought I would turn to a friend and say...we need Kitna or we don't have a chance. So, again...please don't shit on our parade.

Little red Corvette...baby you're much too fast.

No there is nothing little about Calvin Johnson, but he is certainly special. He's moving into the heart of the Detroit sports scene...much too fast. And it's for all the good reasons. He is quickly making us all forget about Mike Williams and Charles Rogers. We knew what we were getting talent wise when Millen opted to take another WR in Johnson with the #2 overall pick. Yet, we never could've imagined what an all around solid dude and teammate he really is. Johnson continues to do all the right things in Detroit. His hard nosed end around scamper late in the Vikings game for a crucial first down was heart and soul of the variety us Lion fans aren't accustomed to seeing.

And just because it is too funny, here's the super random runner up quote for CJ, " I know U ain't a 1 nite stand, I don't wanna waste Ur time, If U wanna get creamy, I'm the one U wanna C." Yeah, Prince. By the way, the dude needs a nickname, but we are tongue tied...so we are just gonna call him CJ for now. Any ideas?

Why you wanna treat me so bad?

Alright Millen, the pressure is off for now. Let's get this straight though, this team may be falling into place, but you are still walking on thin ice. Don't get to comfortable in that Sealy Posturepedic. It's still only two wins. We're not ready to give you a house key just yet.

I was dreaming when I wrote this, forgive me if I go astray.

Again, we don't mean to jump the gun, but we can't complain. If you know anything about the Lions it's rare that we are two weeks into the season and can actually banter back and forth with one another just how much enjoy this team. Sure, there are warts that will be exposed, our defense is suspect and we throw the ball about 95 times per game. However, we'll burn those bridges when we get there. For now, just let us soak it in. This team is fun to watch, they enjoy one another and they are having fun.

We believe in these guys and that's rarefied air. We believe in Jon Kitna and to an extent we now believe in Millen (to an extent, but we're fickle). And it's probably only a matter of time before Mike Martz pushes Rod Marinelli aside and deems himself the head coach, but who cares? Anyhow, this could all be for naught, but for now we are living in the moment. So, come on aboard the bandwagon if you believe. There are still a few seats available, but don't come looking if this roll doesn't slow.

The Roar is Restored. Grrrrr.

It Ain't So Sunny in San Diego Today

Shameless "Anchorman" quote coming in two seconds: "I'm completely miserable San Diego." Phew, no more of that shit, but glad I got that out of the way. It's overcast and cloudy this morning in San Diego. No, I'm dead serious...it's sunny 364 days a year and it just happens this is the one day we'll just have to deal with the clouds. It could be a marine layer that will burn off by noon, but really does it matter?

The clouds are much welcome after the severe beat down the Chargers endured up in New England last night. And yes, I may have proclaimed that this game meant everything to the Chargers and that they would win; so I am fully eating my words today. However, I'm not ashamed to admit that I ain't always right, but I've never been wrong. So, consider this as my rebuttal to all the Patriot fans saying...I told you so.

And to be honest, I should've known better. Once this whole "spygate" controversy surfaced, I should've shut my mouth and realized that anytime you give the Patriots an ounce of disrespect, the chip on their shoulder becomes a nearly unimaginable edge. That's exactly what happened on Sunday night. The motivation and hunger was all on the Patriots side of the ball and it wouldn't have mattered if this game was played in Siberia, the Chargers weren't going to win.

The better team no doubt won the game. In case you missed it, Tom Brady was an executioner, LT was mortal, Norv Turner was confused, Randy Moss pulled out a Moss circa '99 performance, the Patriots defense was lights out, Rivers stank and the Chargers had no real chance. So, the bigger question is just where do the Chargers stand...now? And where the hell do they go from here? What exactly is the problem? Well, not to worry, because I think I can help answer a few of those questions.

1. Philip Rivers is regressing in his 2nd full season.

He simply isn't the same QB he was last season. And it shouldn't take Madden and Michaels rallying every single friggin' snap of the game to realize that he looked out of sync. He's being challenged much more this year to beat teams with his arm and he is not answering the call. Where do we go from here? I'm not quite sure, because Norv Turner is supposed to be the QB guru, but Rivers looks simply awful so far. His accuracy and decision making are questionable, he only trusts Gates and can't pick-up the blitz.

2. The WR's are getting exposed.

In defense of Rivers, you can make the argument that he is getting very little, if any help from his WR's. And for that reason, Rivers continues to lock eyes on Gates, which is just fine. However, without a legit threat on the outside or somebody who is able to stretch the field, the Chargers will continue to sputter on offense. Last night the Chargers WR's combined for 5 catches...COMBINED. That is NOT getting it done and the supposed breakout season for Vincent Jackson looks, well...not so good.

3. Norv Turner still can't read a defense.

It should come as no surprise that Norv Turner was once again bitch slapped and put in his place. He hardly looked like head coach material in the NFL. He was overwhelmed by Belichick's defensive schemes and he had no counter moves on how to put his QB in better situations. He left several makeable "4 and 1's" on the table that could've shifted momentum. I mean, you do have LT right? Well, he was given the keys to a Porsche, but it looks as though he is fully prepared to crash that Porsche into a tree, while driving drunk.

4. The Secondary is abysmal.

Credit where credit is due. Tom Brady was putting on a clinic in the first quarter against the Chargers defense. However, it was painfully obvious the Achilles heal was the secondary once Wes Welker kept finding seems and Randy Moss was staggering through the middle wide open. Everyone knew coming into this season that Chargers defense was going to be reliant on the front seven and we knew the secondary was going to be the make or break. It just happens that outside of Merriman, nobody really played well. However, the secondary was continuously roasted by Brady and that is always a cause for concern.

5. Maybe, the Chargers just aren't that good.

Yup, it's apparent the Chargers may not be as good as last season. And I'm not sure if it's fair to pinpoint that on the coach, the players, etc. The turnover, the expectations and the inexperience all seemed to play a factor in last night's debacle. And it really left many Charger fans wondering if the window was open for the taking last season and the team missed the chance. Of course, maybe the Patriots are just that good. Either way, the season ahead will only get more interesting. We are going to find out just what this team has left in the tank.

And for the record, I am fully aware of LT's struggles, but when teams are stacking the line and his QB can't pose a threat...that's a problem. Charger fans need not worry, he will indeed snap out of the funk. It's time to go back to the drawing board and figure things out, move on and move forward. And what do you know, those clouds that were hanging over San Diego when I began writing this...have burned off.

It's always sunny in San Diego. Onto Green Bay.

Lazy Monday Links: The House of Pain

It's Monday...again. That means we are back to the monotony. Well, when I say we...I mean the royal "we." Regardless, the hangover from the weekend as always is quite stiff this morning. Sure, the Lions are 2-0, but the Detroit Shock choked away a chance at becoming a true Dynasty. OK, that was totally a joke...serious. Anyhow, the Chargers got bitch slapped in New England, just about every single wager I put on the table went up in flames and my head friggin' hurts. So, yes...I had no choice, but to call this the "House of Pain" edition.

And besides, isn't that just a great album? Yup, tonight I'm putting on my shit kickers and gonna kick some shit, while I drink a "40" of Mickey's. As for Monday night's game...I've got nothing. And so with that, let's just move right into the usual bit of our lazy linkage. By now, many of you have probably hit these spots, but we've got no beef being a day late and a dollar short. Here are the favorite hits we found this week...or last week...and delivered to your Monday morning plate. As always, make it a great week.

A new College Basketball Blog with some great writers behind the production. (Storming the Floor)

Ed Hochuli is a stud, but I wonder if he is on Steroids. (Sons of Sam Malone)

Why will the Eagles never win? Because God hates them. (My Brain Says Rage)

It was a tough weekend in St. Louis, not so much in Chicago. (Doberman on the Diamond)

Saturday's College Football re-cap. (100% Injury Rate)

Our good buddy Liston introduces us to some movies that really get him geeked and we can't argue with anything on the list. (Introducing Liston)

I'll link it, but I am never happy when somebody breaks down the reality to me that Ryne Sandberg might not be better than Roberto Alomar. (The Hall of Very Good)

Is that a streaking punter? (Arrowhead Addict)

OMDQ landed a candid interview with NESN Field Reporter. (One More Dying Quail)

Some fun with photoshop at the expense of Charlie and Lloyd. (Sports Hernia)

I didn't know they still made NHL Video Games after NHL '94 on Sega. (Pop Jocks)

The Lions are 2-0 and Big Al takes you threw the motions on Sunday, as always great work. (Wayne Fontes Experience)

The impossible .400 (Vegas Watch)

Wonder who the hottest gals in the WNBA are? (Half-Court Heave)

And with that...go out and grab that day.

Chevrolet: Cheap Bastards

Today's target of angst is the good ole' Chevrolet Player of Game honor. We have a couple bones to pick with this particular "award."

You know this scenario all to well... Five minutes remain, the game is tied at 21, USC (arbitrary team) is driving. The outcome of the game is completely unbeknownst to everyone and we have no idea who's heroics will lead their team to the win. Emotions are running high and everyone is glued to the idiot box to see what unfolds.

Hey, sounds like a good time to announce the Chevrolet Player of the Game!

This is my first gripe with the old Chevrolet Player of the Game. Can somebody please explain to me why they refuse to wait until the end of the game to announce the Chevrolet Player of the Game? How is this even remotely logical? Granted, the majority of the time, the winners of the accolade are announced with a couple minutes remaining in play when the game is out of reach. Still, other times the Player of the Game is announced in close games where the true "player of the game" is yet to be determined.

For college football, the booth typically announces the Chevrolet Player of the Game with about 1:30 remaining. I find this so irritating. Nothing big ever happens in the last 1:30 of college football games - just ask the 1984 Miami Hurricanes (Hail Flutie) or the 1994 Michigan Wolverines (Kordell's Michigan Miracle). Nah, nothing ever happens in the last minute and a half of a game. So, if anyone can come up with a single logical reason why this decision should not wait until the game is over, I'm all ears. Personally, I find this phenomenon perplexing - maybe not "how on Earth did Joe Buck get a broadcasting career?" perplexing - but pretty perplexing nonetheless.

The second bone to pick about the Chevrolet Player of the Game that never ceases to amaze me is the dosh. Every year, I laugh when I hear that they again haven't raised the ante on that thing. For a large corporate sponsor to donate $1,000 dollars to the general scholarship fund of each University on behalf of the respective winners of the accolade is flat out cheap.

Are they kidding? Look, we all know it's hard times at GM these days, but this not only a Fortune 500 company, it's the 3rd largest company in America. Using a sophomore in-state University of Michigan student as a benchmark, Chevrolet's donation on behalf of Mike Hart this Saturday will provide one lucky student with 1.27 credits in 2007. Wow, that is serious generosity, especially considering that classes consist of 3 or 4 credits each, so GM is not even anteing up for one lousy class. They could at least throw in an $6.25/hour paid internship to round out a full 3 credit course.

When it comes down to it, I am sure that the players really enjoy winning the Chevrolet Player of the Game award, but if you're going to do it, at least do it right. Give a poor kid a full ride scholarship, and for the love of Keith Jackson, wait until the game ends before you award the honor.

The Loose Ends: Kicked in the Balls Edition

TGIF! Yeah-yippee-fucking-yeah-I'm so excited, oh no I'm so tired. Argh, it's a bitter Friday around these parts for this man. You see, I have a hobby, a habit or an addiction...depending on how you view things and it pertains to gambling. It's my one vice, when I am not drinking myself into a stupor. Ok, so nobody's perfect.

Anyhow, last night I was locked and loaded into a 4 Team Parlay. I had the Blue Jays at (-102) which means I just needed them to pull out a win against the streaking Yankees. And they did just that in the bottom of the 9th on a Frank Thomas RBI single. Next up, I needed the Cubs to win outright against the Astros. Ah yes, excellent they square away the 6-2 win. However, the perfect 4 team parlay was looking a little rough on the edges, because...

I had Maryland at (+16.5) along with the under. Well, to be honest I wasn't able to watch the majority of the game. However, when I finally landed in front of ESPN in the 4th quarter, the Terps were down by 17 points and had the ball at the 50. Instead of moving in for a meaningless punch up score and the cover in the final 5 minutes, West Virginia refused to call off the dogs. And so, as I watched the pathetic Maryland QB get sacked on 4th down, kicked in the balls...my parlay was up in flames.

Ah yes, the life of a degenerate. I lost by a half a FUCKING point. It's been worse, but still that feeling of being right there and losing it always cuts like a knife. Like Rupes advised me after the debacle: "Only Degenerates bet on Thursday night!" Well, to make matters worse I also took the Detroit Shock on the money line. No, not really...um, ah...maybe.

Anyhow, enough about my gambling...let's tie up the loose ends. Over at Epic this past week Rupes dropped a hilarious match.com profile of Lloyd Carr in his continuous crusade to make sure Carr can't even land a job at the Maize and Blue Deli when all is said and done. I've finally come to grips with the idea that the Cubs might not be that good. And I was able to find the most ideal teams for eligible bachelor QB Byron Leftwich. Also, as always be sure to check out another round of the Blog Wiser Hot Seat. This week's guest blogger, Shakedown Sports.

In other kicked in the balls news, you may have read or seen my quick hitter (with video) on the new movie "Fistful of Quarters" about Arcade Gaming. This is dually a quick kick in the nuts to both the Turd and I who worked for about 3-4 months on a movie script about two years ago on basically the same fucking thing. We got lazy and um, un-creative and could never finish. So, when I got the youtube of this trailer, I threw up in my mouth.

On yet another depressing note, I am about to be old as a mother fucker. Rupes hit his 30th milestone this past week and my time is coming in about 2 weeks. Shit, where does the time go? Enjoy your life if you are still in college, before you know it...you'll be looking forward to Friday night so you can have a few too many drinks and be hungover until Monday night...good times.

And that got me thinking about the good ole days. That's why on my iPod all week and all month in fact has been Phish 12/31/93 (you can get a copy by clicking the link). I've come to the realization that this is not only the best Phish show of all-time, but also the greatest single rock concert ever recorded. If you don't believe me, get lost for a good 30 minutes in that YEM. Try to avoid feeling the splendor of joy that is Harry Hood...just try...I dare you. Ok, am I losing anyone yet?

Finally, on the brighter side of life. Per Rupes: "Lookout, the Lion's are coming. In the other big match up of the weekend (well, for a few of us at least), the Lions are looking for their first 2-0 start since 2004. And no we're not ready to bring the full optimism just yet, but the offense looks awfully potent with Kitna hitting 6 receivers for multiple receptions in week 1 against last seasons' top pass defense. Could this be the first win against Minnesota since "8 Mile" hit the theaters (that's 10 in row if yer counting)? Well, let's not get too carried away. After all, it's the Lions, but if nothing else... let's make some noise this week.

And that right there is where I will lead into my picks for the weekend games. Why not start with the LIONS (-3) at home against Minnesota? Yup, I'm a looking and I'm a liking the idea. Anyhow, here are the rest of what I may cook up this weekend. Per usual, I always advise to heed to my advice on gambling with strong caution...um, just read above.

THE PICKS
Dallas (-3.5) over MIAMI

New Orleans (-3) over TAMPA BAY

ST. LOUIS (-3) over San Francisco

Indy (-7) over TENNESSEE

San Diego (+3) over New England

And just for fun, I plan to mix in a nice 6 point teaser with Carolina, Cincinnati and Indy. As for college Football just take Notre Dame or Michigan...or neither. It's another loaded sports weekend so be sure to find the time to enjoy it. I'll be white knuckled watching my bets flame out, but at least I have my 5 Fantasy Football teams...right? As always, enjoy and make it a GREAT weekend.

The Ghosts are out 'til Monday. We'll be sure to set the Out-of-Office assistant on the outlook account.

What's Playing On Peyton Manning's iPod?

Are you ready for some football? I said ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL? The NFL is back in the mix and we are just happy as a mother fucker. And to be honest we really can't stop thinking about the upcoming weekend of games, Fantasy match-ups and yes, gambling. And so, we figured why not spread some NFL love around our stale regular feature "what's playing on ____'s iPod."

Today's guest should need very little foreplay. He's the man behind just about every single endorser in the NFL, aside from Valtrex...um, maybe. Anyhow, how'd you guess...it's Peyton Manning? Oh well, as usual we found some pretty interesting tokens on the old Manning playlist. So strap on your cowboy hot and break out the cheese...let's take a look, shall we?

Achy Breaky Heart - Billy Ray Cyrus
Yeah, it's cheesy. Yup, it's cliche, but this is Peyton Manning we are talking about.

Carribean Queen - Billy Ocean
Peyton can get down to some of that "soulful" music. I know we all think that he is just some rich white southern aristocrat, but seriously the dude is about as close to being black as the Jerk(kidding), but anyway he could still get down to the sweet groove and soul of Billy Ocean anytime his folks were away from the house.

Stroke Me - Billy Squier
Game music. Every great QB needs an anthem and this is it for Archie's favorite son. He just loves looking out at the RCA Dome crowd and hearing Squier's classic the beat down and of course the chant, STROKE ME, STROKE ME. This is Peyton's open invite to Peter King to do just that.

Born to Run - Bruce Springsteen
Kudos to Peyton for knowing good music. He can't leave home without the boss on his setlist and he sure picked a doozy.

Take it Easy - The Eagles
Perhaps, you should read the Colts Season Preview I dropped on Epic last week and this song would make more sense. Or you could just picture Peyton driving away from the RCA dome parking lot, pounding the roof just jamming out to this song to celebrate a big win.

Rock And Roll Part 2 - Gary Glitter
Gotta include some the of classic jock jams for the ultimate jock. This is a shot of adrenaline for Peyton during the pre-game. Although, rumor has it all the black dudes on the Colts banned Manning from having rights to the team radio in the locker room, before or after any game. Stupid white dude.

The Dance - Garth Brooks
Ah yes, the love ballad must round out a change of pace on the Manning playlist.

Umbrella - Rihanna
This is Peyton's unsdisputed club jam of the summer. We suspect he even has a trademark dance to go with it. It's kinda in that same vein as the "lawnmower," only PEyton's goes like this: Take the Snap, Take the Snap, Fake the Handoff, Fake the Handoff, Take another Snap, and Throw the Slant Pass. Come fall, everyone is gonna be doing the "Playaction."

All I Need to Know - Kenny Chesney
Yeah, like this wasn't obvious.

Fool Hearted Memory - George Strait
Why not?

The Fuck Shop - 2 Live Crew
So, this might seem a little out of place, but relax. The Edge turned Peyton onto 2 Live Crew and despite the Edge not being around this always takes Peyton back.

Unbelievable - EMF
More jock jams for that ass. OHHHH! You're unbelievable!!!

Game of the Week: Chargers vs. Patriots

Rarely, do we get a game in Week 2 of the NFL Season that holds this much significance. Yet, come Sunday night the Chargers vs. the Patriots means everything to anyone who gives a damn about football. Is that a stretch? Maybe, but at least it means everything to the San Diego Chargers. And I mean everything, this game has been circled on their calendar since they quietly and submissively bowed out of the playoffs last season. They need this game more than the homeless man hanging out at the Ocean Beach Pier in San Diego needs your spare change to get a fish taco...or a beer.

I'll explain.

Last Season
The Chargers had the Patriots in their grasp. They had them in the cross hairs, but failed to take them down. Several critical mistakes allowed Brady and Belichick to skate by once again. Was it luck or were the Patriots better? Hmm, do I really need to answer that one? The sting and the bitter taste still lingers amongst the team and San Diego-ites...or San Diegans, everywhere. Anyhow, the lasting impact of that loss brought about great change in San Diego as the organization finally severed ties with Marty Schottenheimer, but not before allowing his entire staff to also bolt town for better gigs.

Yet, amidst the turmoil and confusion, the Chargers brought in Norv Turner and lost absolutely nothing from their talent tree. They've been quietly waiting for this re-match and sitting patiently like Michael Myers sat at Smith's Grove waiting for his moment to escape. On Sunday, the Chargers get a chance to exact some form of exorcism on the demons that still haunt them from a season ago.

The Rivalry
Essentially, a rivalry has been born. As the final seconds in that playoff game ticked away, the Patriots began to mimic and mock Shawne Merriman's "Light's Out" dance. They celebrated on the Chargers logo at midfield. This set off a wave of retaliation and anger amongst specific Charger players such as LaDainian Tomlinson and Philip Rivers. Words were exchanged and feelings were hurt. It was a case of he-said/she-said, but somehow the Patriots slipped away with the cleaner image as the darlings of the NFL.

No matter how LT explained his side of the story, he still looked like poor loser as a result of the melee. All the while, Belichick's smug and arrogant ways got lost in the shuffle. And isn't it good for the NFL that we have a new rivalry? Sure, the Patriots/Colts was nice, but that was never about "BAD BLOOD." The NFL is full of "bad blood" rivalries to an extent, but when it's between arguably the best two teams in the league, it's a win-win.

Rivalries are essential for sports. If you've ever wondered what is killing the NBA it's the lack of rivalries. Everyone loves each other and we all thought Kobe vs. Shaq was a bad thing? Let's continue to hope this Pats/Chargers rivalry thing escalates to Hulk Hogan vs. Macho Man proportions...it's much welcomed.

The New Evil Empire
As much as the Patriots pretend to be the "class" of the NFL they are really nothing more than the Evil Empire of football. Yup, they have become the New York Yankees of football and that sound you hear is thousands of New Englander's gasping or jumping off the roof. Tough shit kid, that's the reality of it all. Belichick is your Joe Torre and Tom Brady is your Derek Jeter. The arrogance, the snobbery it all makes sense.

And this week's news of "spygate" has certainly done no benefit to lighten the opinion the average NFL fan may have of the Patriots as an organization. LT for one, was hardly shocked about the revelation of the Pats as cheaters.

“I think the Patriots actually live by the saying, ‘If you’re not cheating, you’re not trying,’ ” a chucking Tomlinson said Monday. “They live off that statement. Nothing surprises me really."

Bottom line, Bill Belichick is an ass. Be sure to wear the Darth Vader hoodie on Sunday night...prick!

The Massholes
San Diego is littered with transplants. Any why shouldn't it be...it's America's finest city, so the natives should consider that as a form of flattery, instead of burden. In any event, the city is infused and over saturated with Boston transplants. Everywhere you turn, the Massholes have taken over. Not that there is anything wrong with Massholes in your town, but seriously I'm sick of hearing about the Sawx and the Pats. It'd be nice this weekend to have the Chargers put it back in the faces of every Masshole walking around San Diego.

Even Patriots Long Snapper, Lonnie Paxton likes to hang out and party in San Diego, as seen here in Ocean Beach.

The Breakdown
As usual, the Chargers will bring their quick and swarming defense to the table in hopes of flustering Tom Brady. At his disposal in this year's match-up, Brady won't be hampered down by having to throw to Reche Caldwell or Jabar Gaffney all game. In fact, he is pretty well equipped with Randy Moss and Wes Welker in toe. However, the Chargers have seemingly had Moss's number for the past few seasons... although he was on the Raiders. Anyhow, the Chargers as usual will look to stifle any attempts at a ground game the Pats may have in mind. And judging from Maroney's struggles in Week 1...that won't be a problem.

On the Charger side of the ball, we already know what to expect from LT. The Patriots can game plan on and around him all they want, but rarely does that matter when LT is determined. And Sunday night, he should be damn near possessed to dish it out in New England. The critical emphasis will fall on the shoulders of Philip Rivers to make sound decisions and not be flustered by the pressure and various schemes of the Pats defense.

As always, the intangible lies within the coaching match-up. Can Belichick get his head off the controversy and use his mastery tactics to outsmart a moron like Norv Turner? We shall see.

The Prediction
The line is currently set at (-3) for the Patriots and Over/Under 47. If I am a gambling man (which I am), I am taking the Chargers and staying away from the total. With the Chargers, there is always the potential for an offensive explosion. You may recall they laid 41 points on the Pats in Foxboro two years ago. However, that was then and this is now. Yet, still the revenge factor alone is pushing me towards the Chargers on the $$$ line. Besides, I know full well Bill Simmons - the awful gambler that he is - will hammer the Pats with some insane logic.

Betting with my heart and gambling aside, this game is ripe for the Chargers to take. The Pats are coming off a controversial week and the Chargers have a chip on their shoulders this time around, as opposed to arrogance from last season. They were humbled by what happened in the playoffs last year and have been craving this re-match ever since. It's only fitting that they get to travel to Foxboro for the showdown, because they'd love nothing more than to silence a bunch of drunk Massholes.

And on that note:
Chargers 24
Patriots 16

One Timers

One Timers is a special feature to highlight a bevy of the burning questions in the world of sports and beyond. Feel free to converstate up on this shit in the comments.

First off, what on earth goes through the heads of these running backs who enroll at USC? Sure the cheerleaders look pretty good and the weather is nice, but are they kidding? Why would anyone want to go there knowing they are competing for time with nine former prep All-Americans for the starting tailback spot? It makes no sense. Can someone get Yahoo sports on top of this? I think they are giving away free houses to running backs again.

Also, can somebody get Barry Sanders on the horn? Call me crazy, but the Detroit Lions look like they belong in the NFL again. We're not talking about 10-6 here quite yet, but 8-8 might just be in the cards. Yes, I know it was just the Raiders, but do not forget the the Raiders mainly just suck on offense. The Lions put up 36 points on last seasons' 3rd best defense in terms of yards per game (284.8 ypg) and #1 defense in terms of passing yards per game (150.8 ypg). Plus, the front four led by perennial child, Shaun Rogers, and manbeast, Cory Redding, we're dominant. The secondary still sucks. Strangely, the NFC North looked pretty good all all around with the Vikings taking first prize and only the Bears really coming up lame. Hey Barry, how about one last run at it?

As if the Wolverines haven't done enough stupid things last season, can someone please explain to me the point of an "undisclosed" injury? Anybody who saw the game can see that Chad Henne hurt his leg, what difference does it make if he sprained an ankle, got a deep thigh bruise,strained a ligament, or got a mean case of um, grass toe. The GoWF rumor mill is reporting that Lloyd Carr benched his ass after stinking up the joint for two straight weeks, but that is yet to be confirmed.

Speaking of undisclosed injuries, it might be time to say goodnight to the Ravens. The PFT rumor mill (this one actually tends to be somewhat accurate in my limited experience) is speculating that both Ray Lewis and Jonathan Ogden could be out for the season after reinjuring respective nagging issues on Monday night. Lewis is reportedly sufering torns triceps and Ogden a lingering toe injury. If this is the case, the Ravens will be without two key spokes of their bandwagon wheel.

How big is this Bill Belichick scandal? It's been long told that Belichick has always gone the extra mile for an informational advantage, but my gut tells me that this thing is blown way out of proportion. There is speculation now that Pittsburgh is suspicious as well or that radios may have been used to comminucate the signals to the players on the field, but doesn't this seem like more hassle than it's worth? For instance, can you imagine how much time and effort it would take to transpose all of the hand signals to the plays on the field and then teach them to the quarterback for the one matchup later in the season. And is Tom Brady really going to bother to watch for the signals on every play? And isn't it likely that the signals change over the course of the season (assuming the Jets are not morons of course)? As I said, that's my gut, but let's see where the investigation leads.

Last but not least, the must see movie rental of the week is Zodiac. I heard great things about this when it hit the theaters, but it slipped my mind for a few months. Nevertheless, I watched it this week and give it a solid Point Break 5 for 5 of the GoWF rating system. Robert Downey Jr. highlights the star studded cast doing what he does best, playing a meandering drunk. I won't give too much away, but it's a solid head trip serial killer movie packed with great characters.

Until next time, I bid you adieu.

Catching Up With Ed Cota

A while back, I introduced a small little segment called "catching up." It's where I make an attempt to get you up to speed on a particular athlete we all may have forgotten about. And it just so happens that I am an avid College Basketball fan. So, from time to time I will pick up on a specific player I recall and followed in his time. Today, I'm hitting you up with what's going down with a fellow named Ed Cota. Does that name ring a bell to you?

Well, you won't find his name on any NBA roster, but you may remember him from his fabulous days as the point guard at the University of North Carolina from 1996-2000. In that time, Cota played with the likes of Vince Carter and Antawn Jamison. He was also an intregal part of a team that went to three Final Fours.

In his final season in Chapel Hill, Cota helped lead a young and inexperienced team with minimal talent, whom had struggled most of the season to the Final Four. The Tar Heels rallied as the #8 Seed in the Southeast Region behind the play of Freshman Joseph Forte and the Senior Leadership of Cota. This was arguably the most impressive feat of Cota's brilliant career at Carolina.

He brought the "ooh's" and the "ah's" with his ability to distribute and facilitate the offense. You probably recall seeing Vince Carter on the receiving end of numerous Cota back door lobs. A fond memory I have of Cota was when he and Carter both opted to wear James Worthy goggles against Duke in 1998. And they celebrated in style by trashing Duke and having perhaps, a little too much fun doing just that.

Cota was destined to be the ideal point guard from the moment he arrived in Chapel Hill. In fact, he took the helm as a freshman and never looked back, earning ACC Freshman of the year and a spot on the AP Freshman All-American team. In his sophomore season he set the single season assist record at UNC, which remains an impressive feat considering the honor role to have played the point for the Tar Heels. As his college career came to a close against Florida in the Final Four, he would leave the collegiate game as one of the all-time assist leaders.

However, his size or lack thereof would ultimately hamper his prospects of ever playing in the NBA. Listed at exactly 6'0", Cota would have to settle for playing in the now debunked CBA, bouncing around overseas and giving it a whirl with various NBA teams during Summer Leagues. Basically, the typical lifestyle of a Hoops junkie trying to make it to the league.

Despite everything, Cota persevered and has established himself as a player with a pretty nice career in Europe. He won back-to-back Lithuanian National Championships in 2003 and 2004. He currently is under contract with Hapoel Jerusalem in Israel. He also takes an active role with the Panama National Basketball Team and was a part of the squad that competed in the FIBA Championships the past two seasons. Of course, you may have to track down his stats on your time.

In any event, Cota is another example of a great athlete with a drive and a dream to play basketball. Like many, he just wasn't quite cut out to make it in the NBA. And that should be no slight on his skills, heart, desire or character. I will always remember the un-selfish manner with how Cota played the game. He loved to feed his teammates, he loved to lead and he loved to win. He spilled quite a few memories in his time at North Carolina. I can still hear Dickie V spouting out "Ed Cota with the float-AH!!!"

And it's just too bad that I forgot about him after all this time. Probably a shame that most of us forget about Ed Cota.

The Hippies Are Being Smart Again

Maybe it's just me, but it sure seems like the jamband scene tends to lead the way in the transformation of the music business through the information age (with all due respect to Hip Hop and Electronic Music). From allowing the live taping and free exchange of concerts, to selling live soundboard recordings of concerts on the way out of the concert the night of the show, to releasing inexpensive no frills live releases of numerous concerts at major records stores, and offering downloads at very reasonable prices of the live experience on websites such as http://www.livedownloads.com/ and http://www.livephish.com/, the jambands have always been on the cutting edge.

Other major bands, such as the almighty Pearl Jam and the Dave Matthews Band have followed suit in these innovations, PJ with the live releases at the stores and DMB with the Live Trax series (I highly recommend #7 if you like Dave Matthews even the least bit. It's NYE '96 with Bela Fleck and the Flecktones. I gave up on them for years, but this was more than worthy of a return). While the big studios tend to drag their feet when it comes to releasing their acts on new media, the underground bands are continually thinking of new ways to get as much music - live or studio - to the fans. And, no we don't blame them for making a little scrill in the meantime.

Well, the jambands have impressed yet again - this time it's Widespread Panic.While I would certainly not claim this nwe venture to be an innovation or even a new idea, it certainly is a cool idea. Widespread Panic has released the inaggural edition of Driving Songs. It takes handpicked selections from sound engineer, Chris Rabold, from each stop along the entire summer tour. So, essentially the release takes the listener on a road trip of the whole summer tour. Sure, other bands have been releasing live albums comprised of great performances from various concerts, but there is something exciting about actually following the tour in order and hearing the top plays of each night. Maybe it's not earth shattering, but it's little details like this that keep live music fun. I for one cannot wait to take this round trip. Check back (probably next week) and I'll let you know how it sounds.

The Battle For Arcade Game Supremacy

With a fistful of quarters it's the battle for two men's right to be crowned the greatest Arcade gamer of the century. Frankly, we love the idea and can't wait for the motion picture. Playing video games truly is a way of life. It's the average guy vs. the greatest ever, cue up the Donkey Kong and may the best man win. Apparently, Owen Wilson turned down the offer for a small role in the film.

Upon Further Review: Matt Leinart is Scott Mitchell With Happy Feet

If you were brave enough to stick it out with the 49ers and Cardinals the other night, you saw a pretty boring game. However, more importantly you saw the tale of two young QB's. One QB (Smith) plagued by small hands and the other (Leinart) plagued by slowness and arm strength. Essentially, it wasn't the coming out party for either QB that most of us were expecting. Yet, sometimes expectations can hamper a QB's development.

Despite the fact...I am going to give Smith the benefit of the doubt. After all, he did lead his team to the "W." And isn't that what matters most? Sure, Leinart looked impressive late in the 4th quarter in leading what he may have thought to be the game winning drive. However, there were other troubling signs that led me to the realization that Leinart is what he is, the next Scott Mitchell. And that would certainly be no badge of honor.

For anyone who may have forgotten Scott Mitchell, he was a tall, slow, white QB with considerably less than adequate starting QB skills. He ran the Detroit Lions into the ground and then some, back when they were relevant. Is that a bit harsh? Well, just hang with me on this one.

The fecal platter Leinart threw out there cost his team the game. His opening INT was good for 7 points, on the San Francisco side. Mitchell has 5 career game winning INT's. Aside from just his gawd awful stats (102 yards, 35 rushing, 1 TD, 2 INTS), Leinart just looked out of place, much like Mitchell every time he stepped on the field. Leinart was intimidated to take chances, credit the 49ers defense or not.

Correct me if I am wrong, but Leinart has two of the best WR's in the game, Fitzgerald and Boldin. However, he was notably reluctant to take a shot down the field. At one point, Mike, Mike and Mike made note of just how wide open Larry Fitzgerald was on a specific play. Yet, Leinart looked it off and threw into Boldin who was tripled covered. Hmm, poor decision making...a Mitchell staple.

Leinart just looked goofy under pressure everytime the pocket collapsed. And please don't be deceived by those 35 rushing yards. Leinart was hardly limber and agile. The happy feet, the slowness, the confusion, yup they seem all too much like #19. Have I forgotten to mention just how similar these two looked? Both tall and left handed? OK, bad comparison.

Look, Leinart can bang Super models all he wants, but his days in the NFL as a STAR QB are probably further away than he'd ever expect. Consider this just one man's observations, but Leinart is still quite the work in progress. Problem being that work is probably progressing more into the next Scott Mitchell. And that sure isn't anything special.

The Patriots Are Spying On You

Turn on your Television...right now. Ok, if you're reading this right now, it's probably too late. Anyhow, the word is out on the street and that is the Patriots are cheaters. That's right, low down dirty fucking cheaters. They actually filmed the Jets coaching staff (of all teams) to gain insight and strategy into what might be coming next from the Jets. As if they couldn't just guess it was going to be a 4 yard out or screen from Chad Pennington.

Either way, this no doubt leaves a stain on the somewhat impeccable franchise, better known as the darlings of the NFL. It also goes to further prove that Belichick might be a great tactician and coach, but it also goes to show he isn't above douchebaggery. I guess if you cheat in life, you may as well cheat in sports. Bill Belichick just continues to prove and compound the notion. He cheated on his wife and now at sports.

And what comes now is the debate. If the Patriots aren't above spying and espionage, what other teams might employ similar tactics? You got me. What if any penalty should the Patriots face? And how long have they really been cheating? Did they cheat to win their Super Bowl's? And it makes me wonder if they cheated the Chargers last season? Ah yes, the many questions we will soon have to hear battered "Around the Horn" and on "PTI."

Well, this is going to be the hot topic of the week in Sports, so let's all sit back and watch it un-fold. It sure is nice for once to not have to hear everyone slurping on Bill Belichick's man juice. I'm welcoming the change. If he really is guilty as suspected, I hope they roast the prick. It's up to Roger Goodell and we will all just have to wait to see the shakedown. At least we can wonder and that's about all for now.

Hide the Women and Little Boys, The Brady Quinn Era Could Be Commencing in Cleveland

The Cleveland Browns, fresh off yet another waxing by divisional rival, the Pittsburgh Steelers, have decided the problem was not the fact they allowed Big Ben to slice apart their defense, that Jamal Lewis is washed up, or that they committed several head scratching penalties. Nope, they've gone the easy way and essentially blamed Charlie Frye. In a completely bizarre trade just this afternoon, the Browns sent Frye to Seattle for a 6th round draft pick.

The move really isn't all that odd on Cleveland's part, considering Frye basically sucks. However, it has to leave you guessing just what the hell Seattle was thinking? Does Phil Savage have some incriminating photos of Paul Allen or someone inside the Seahawks organization with a prostitute and cocaine? I mean why on earth would the Seahawks trade anything, maybe a six pack of Miller High Life, but a 6th round pick for a useless player such as Charlie Frye? Pardon me if I am being a bit harsh.

Moving on, this possibly creates the opportunity that we've all been waiting for. And that being, the right to see Brady Quinn put on the hot seat and roasted like a sacrificial lamb. Or does it? It'd be hard to believe that the Quinn era isn't about to go down. Can the Browns really rely on Derek Anderson the rest of the season? What happens if he gets hurt? Come on, just admit it...the Quinn era is on the verge of happening and I know you are loving it.

The Browns have yet to name a starter for Sunday against Cincinnati. However, just judging on that premise alone, you have to wonder why it wouldn't be Quinn. Or at least, you have to expect that Quinn will get the nod at some point during the contest. And judging from the swarming and unexpected defensive pressure the Bengals put on the Ravens on MNF...it might not be that pretty.

Argue what you will about Brady's future prospects as an NFL QB. However, success rates of rookie QB's starting in the NFL off the bat...ain't pretty. And the Browns of all teams should know just that, look at how things worked out with Tim Couch. Ok, bad example, but you get my point. How Quinn will adjust is yet to be seen, but considering what we've seen, this probably isn't the best of ideas.

He certainly has a few decent options at his disposal in Braylon Edwards, Kellen "Soldier" Winslow and Joe Jurevicius. I for one, am really excited at that mere prospect of Quinn taking the field. If anything this move, more or less, proves that Quinn's time is coming, sooner than later. All eyes will be on this story as it progresses. And we can be ready for the onslaught of "making fun of Brady Quinn on internet" to resurface and dominate the headlines...once again.

Consider me thrilled. Cheers to your chance Brady. May the "Man Casserole" deliver Cleveland it's hopes and dreams.

Additional Credit: NFL.com

That Was Really Lame

I love Chad Johnson just as much as the next guy, not in a gay sense or anything like that (not that there is anything wrong with that of course). Anyhow, what I mean is the showmanship, the hype, the skill, the Ocho Cinco persona, the gimmicks, essentially the all inclusive package deal. And let's face it, #85 rings the registers on the entertainment value. However, one has to ponder how much more is left in the tank.

The "entertainment" tank that is, because last night's show was simply, well...not entertaining all that much. And in fact, CJ has become less and less entertaining and more or less a fabricated hype machine, that he himself produces. Of course, the WWL will never shy away from adding to the lure, but when do we draw the line in the sand.

Look, #85 we love what you do, but for shit sakes did you really have to tell the world for the past two weeks that everything was going to stop for two minutes just so you could put on an oversized thrift store sports coat that said HOF? We've been hearing the promises, but I guess it's our own fault for actually believing that something so magical was possibly going to happen. I mean honestly, what can the guy really do? Was he going to launch himself into space? I don't know what we expected?

Anyhow, I still love you #85 and just keeping rocking the league like you promised this season. It will assuredly help out my Fantasy team. However, as for the "shock and surprise" of your celebration...you keep selling the blue skies, because nobody's buying it anymore. You can't out-do what you've already done; the proposal, the Christmas gifts, the recitation and the River Dance...to name a few.

Additional Credits: Awful Announcing & With Leather

Countdown To Suck Bowl I

It’s just 5 days away folks; the big matchup we’ve all been waiting for – the Michigan Wolverines versus the mighty Fighting Irish of Notre Dame. While the pollsters may be looking beyond this game, there is a lot at stake here. Most importantly, Charlie Weis and Lloyd Carr are engaged in feverish competition for who gets the first job interview at Grand Valley State University. Burning questions are a looming. Will Chad Henne be healthy? Will the QB controversy be resolved at ND? Will they tie and both miraculously remain 0 for the season? Well, we’ll all just have to wait until Saturday to see who will be crowned champion of Suck Bowl I.

In the meantime, here are ten things to do to keep you occupied.

1) Change fantasy football team name from “Manningham Steamroller” to “ The Hennemoon’s Over.”

2) Start working on graduate school applications to schools with “State” or “Tech” in the name.

3) Sell your tickets to upcoming Michigan games and treat yourself to game at Ford Field. The Calvin Johnson era is real.

4) Buy a Sharpie and soil your beloved Big House by adding “Momma’s” and pasting stupid pictures of Martin Lawrence in the stands.

5) Practice spelling “Schembechler” and then write first of many diatribes about curses, crapping on graves, and the demise of Big Ten football.

6) Start looking for loopholes in Les Miles’ contract at LSU and marvel over all the logical reasons he should be the next head coach (i.e., played guard at U of M, Bo Schembechler is his personal role model, and he was an assistant at Michigan for 10 years total). Then come to your senses and realize that Ron English will inexplicably get the job.

7) Take solace in the fact that at least we’re both 0-2. From here on out there is nothing to lose and plenty of people to piss off with meaningless upsets. Here’s looking at you Wisconsin.

8) Make stupid signs with sexual “Spread offense” jokes.

9) Get to know Ryan Mallett. He has a nice website complete with zingers like this one, “The people around me make me look good. I have receivers that catch my bullets.”

10) Check out Lloyd Carr’s match.com profile and see if you’re compatible.

Monday Links: Overserved on Football Edition

Talk about mailing it in? Consider us guilty. We are suffering through that prototypical Monday morning hangover and feeling the effects of 10 hours of football, greasy food, gambling and booze. It's a tough life. Anyhow, we'd be a little selfish if we didn't at least take a small stab at putting together something coherent. And that's why, we are leisurely giving you the usual dose of other people's works to read.

Yup, it's our weekly round-up or re-cap on some of our favorite sites and reads. A greatest hits installment if you will. And so, really that it enough about us. I'm going to put a damp cloth on my head and sleep until Kick-Off...for now enjoy.

As always, make it a great week.

A full translation of what Darko said in his interview after Eurobasket 2007. (Suck at Sports)

VIDEO of Chacho, the mascot of the Mexican League Tigres de Quintana Roo, trying to outdance the team's bat-boy. (Home Run Derby)

Introducing a new football blog. (The Football Blogger)

Everything you need to know about Sunday's NFL games are available in these TPS Reports. (Shakedown Sports)

Mario Williams is owning Reggie Bush in yards and TD's scored. (Brahsome)

Joba the Stud's (why hasn't that nickname caught on?) plain jane autograph on a limited edition ball. (Pop Jocks)

Crazy Man at Camden Yards. (Red Sox Monster)

Welcoming back the smorgasboard. (Deadspin)

Anything for the good of making fun of Curt Schilling. (Ballsiest)

Mitch Albom is calling for Lloyd Carr to be fired. (Freep.com)

KSK has the low down on the Week 1 Injury Report. (Kissing Suzy Kolber)

Big Al takes you through the "highs" and "lows" of the Lions season opener in Oakland, as he live blogged the game. (Wayne Fontes Experience)

As if Tiger Woods needed more endorsements? (Sports Agent Blog)

A recap of a remarkably bizarre game. (My Brain Says Rage)

Five things to take from Week 1 in the NFL. (The Pig Pen)

The Loose Ends: Thank God Football is Back Edition

As per usual, this is our way of saying "Happy Trails" for the weekend and TGIF in one sweep. It's another quick hitter with the loose ends, where we shore up a few things before the Ghosts corporate offices are shut down and we venture to happy hour. Well, in our mind there is a corporate Ghosts office...somewhere. OK, that's about enough talking to myself.

Here is a little run down of what we did over at Epic Carnival this past week. A reference guide for bloggers on Michael Vick posts, which hopefully by now we can all agree on. Another NBA player is looking to make a comeback, big surprise. A season preview of the Indianapolis Colts as put to the lyrics of the fucking Eagles. And lastly, our candid interview with Larry Brown, no not LB the coach, Larry Brown Sports...fools.

In other news, you may have heard by now, but Michigan lost to Appalachian State this past weekend. Cheers!!! Sorry, I love to taunt Rupes and the Turd, both huge Michigan fans. Anyhow, Lloyd Carr is BACK on the hot seat, yet again this season. And I think there is only one possible way to stay on board at U of M; he MUST beat Ohio State and then he MUST win a bowl game. Anything less and he will be unemployed...just my opinion. Say Turd, what is your take on the whole situation?

Turd: Appalachian fucking State. Are you fucking kidding me?

Yes, moving right along...the Cubs are doing everything in their power to give away the NL Central. And it's finally dawned upon me that maybe, just maybe they aren't very good? Anyhow, I'm glad we finally discovered that Rick Ankiel clearly cheated his way back to the majors. I never had a doubt, feel good story my fucking ass.

I did get a chance to see the new Halloween and in short, it's pretty good. I love the background story, seeing Michael as a kid and I'd give the blood/gore a solid "A" rating. However, you couldn't expect anything less from Rob Zombie. Ok, no more spoils...last time, go see it for yourself.

And lastly, I'm gonna end things on a GAMBLING note. Yup, Football is back and so is my favorite past time...Gambling. Hobby, habit or addiction...who cares? It is what it is. And I opened the season pretty nicely last night with the Colts and Cincinnati (College) mixed with the Angels (MLB) in a three team cross sport parlay. Enough bragging...here are my picks for this weekend. Take heed to my advice, if you should choose.

As always, make it a great weekend.

NFL - Home teams in CAPS and confidence picks in bold, not so confident picks in italics.

Chiefs - $$$ +150 over TEXANS

Steelers (-4.5) over BROWNS

RAMS (-1) over Panthers

VIKINGS (-3) over Falcons

Tennessee - $$$ Line +250 over JACKSONVILLE

Chargers (-6) over Bears

NCAA

Fuck it, give me Michigan. I don't care how many points they are laying.

LSU (-12.5) over Va. Tech

MICHIGAN STATE (-18) over Bowling Green

RUTGERS (-16) over Navy

Federer Being Federer at the US Open

I recently had the esteemed pleasure of visiting Flushing Meadows located in the heart of Queens. The vibe at the US Open in early September is simply giddy, with parents escorting kids to eye their favorite tennis star (inevitably Roger Federer) and corporate sponsors catering to high-end clients with bottles of wine and tales of how their son is one day going to grace the likes of Arthur Ashe stadium.

Well this year was no different, and seeing as how the US Open is ending in one of the most predictable fashions ever, I decided I would give my own little analysis of how things are going to pan out.

Roger Federer will take one step closer to becoming un-human. Just how good is this guy? He's not black, he's not American, he doesn't play one of the most mainstream sports, and he doesn't have internal demons to put on an audacious show for the media. In fact, he may actually be a tool. After every match he does dart right over to the sideline to drape himself in a hideous white blazer simply because he can. He does date arguably one of the biggest dogs I have ever seen. And he also looks like he just sucked down a load of cum every time he smiles. But make no mistake. This guy is on the biggest plateau of any current sports phenom.

For example, in Vegas before the season begins with the annual Aussie Open, the bets on Federer are simply, whether he will win 2 majors as opposed to 4. Saddly, the better odds are always on 4. He towers over the game with prestige at only 26, and arguably hasn't even touched his prime yet. It's sad, and I can't find enough reasons to hate him.

His opponents will testify that it isn't necessarily that he is killing them on the court, rather, he sits back in perfect position and waits for his adversaries to internally combust. Alarming. So alarming in fact that it is almost unbearable to watch post-match interviews with any of his opponents because all they can do is praise the man as their face is contorted trying to choke back the tears of total domination.

Andy Roddick played some of the best tennis I have ever seen out of him and he still came up short- to the tune of straight sets. The only time Federer can really be beaten is in the first round because, saddly, he actually gets better as the tournament goes on. It's been rumored that he doesn't even practice. He takes a full 3 months off following the US Open probably just to polish all his trophies and vacation to any resort that has a kennel to cage his girl.

The only man who may still have his number is the post-roid Nadal who, on a great day, can barely match his positioning on the court. Nadal also carries the mental toughness required to usurp the champ. Unfortunately Nadal is mysteriously suffering more injuries from likely another cycle. There is no way this guy is this big. He can't even fit in his own signature capris anymore. You don't get that big and that fast swinging a god damn tennis racket. One of these days I just picture him losing a point and jumping into the stands to eat some tennis revelers. Scary thought I know. If we're lucky it will be Martina Navratilova.

I hope I eat my words here but I just don't see anyone stopping this man in the next 4 years unless someone pulls a Monica Seles on his ass. Americans need to get their ass in gear because our country's 'hey' enjoyed during the Pistol-Pete/Agassi era is about to be completely washed off the books.

The Ultimate College Fantasy Football Team

We LOVE our Fantasy Football. However, we haven't quite dabbled in a fairly newer, yet common phenomenon of College Fantasy Football. And for that we are possibly a bit outdated. Yet, we sure wish we'd hopped on board and started our own league in 2004. There would've been knife fights over Reggie Bush with the #1 pick. Anyhow, today we are reaching for the stars and coming up with our own "Ultimate Fantasy Team."

Essentially, Rupes and I spit emails back and forth to compile the "ideal" team in our vision, based on hunches, projections and of course our own bias. And as usual we are fully expecting your critique and expertise in the comments section below. For now, let's take a look at what we came up with. Note; the team (very basic) was constructed as follows QB-WR-WR-RB-RB-FLEX-TE-DEF.

Stan: Ok, I'll pick first and steal your thunder, because I know you love this guy.

QB - Pat White (West Virgina)
This is probably the toughest decision on the board and one we may regret. However, for the sake of this being our friggin' team and not yours, we are going with the guy we most enjoy watching. And that dude is Pat White of WVA. Look, he may not be the pure pocket passer like Brian Brohm of Louisville or Colt Brennan of Hawaii, but he is electric. He gets things done, like Big Daddy Kane...he goes to work. He is good to drop over 100 yards and a few TD's on the ground, as well as a couple bills and possibly a few TD's by air. So, while Brennan and Brohm are throwing for 6 TD's a game each...remember that rushing TD's generally count as 6 points and passing TD's 4 points in standard Fantasy leagues. We'll take our Pat White...thank you very much.

Rupes: Get Ready...

RB - Mike Hart (Michigan)
Na Na Na Na Na, I can't hear what you're saying. Did you say something about a Venetian Glass Plate? Yes, they do have nice glass products in Venice, but what does that have to do with college football? Anyway, 188 yards and 3 tds while sitting on the bench for the better part of two quarters. We're just getting warm here folks. All I know is I feel sorry for Oregon, because redemption is spelled H-E-I-S-M-A-N. No wait, actually it's spelled F-I-R-E T-H-E F-U-C-K-I-N-G C-O-A-C-H, but who really cares how it's spelled, we're talking about football here. We'll see you at 2,000 yards folks.

Stan: Not suprised you would chose a Michigan dude.

RB - Darren McFadden (Arkansas)

Going with the best choice on the board here. My counterpart Rupes seems to be sorely mistaken when he speaks of Mike Hart and Heisman in the same breath. Ladies and Gents, I give you the 2007 Heisman and #1 Overall pick in the NFL Draft. I beg the question; what can't this guy do? He can run, pass, catch, etc. He is a the quintessential football player and it just happens he is going to be the anchor of this fantasy squad.

Rupes: Hmm.

WR -Davone Bess (Hawaii)

Well, Colt Brennan may not have made the team as the starting QB, but his #1 receiver did. Remember, this is not the All America team, it's our fantasy team, so we're looking for stats here. Bess put up 14 Teeders as as frosh and 15 as a somphomore, so we expect more of the same this season. On Saturday, he already picked up another 2 on 7 receptions. We're basically playing this pick because Hawaii doesn't play a single decent team until November 23 - and even then it's only #22 Boise State who is probably overrated based on last season's success. It'd be harder to score points playing pinball.

Stan: Touche...

WR - Mario Manningham (Michigan)
Well, since I'm up on the WR tip...I thought about going with Devin Thomas out of Michigan State. However, my senses caught the better of me and I must go with Manningham and steal a little more of your thunder Rupes. It's really a no brain pick, despite his sub-par showing against Appalachian State...I fully expect him to be back and in strong fashion. He is a beast and has the potential to shred many a secondary. Shit, we now have two Wolverines on this team...my god what have I done?

Rupes: Here comes the backlash...

DEF - Wisconsin

We're probably gonna catch some flack for this one, but just hear us out. We're finally coming to terms with the fact that, yes, the big ten is overrated. Besides, the Badgers are returning 7 defensive starters from a defense that led Wisonsin to 12 wins and a #7 ranking last season. Tackle Jason Chapman, defensive end Matt Shaugessy, and a tenacious linebacker corps make this one of the most fearsome front sevens in college football. They should have no trouble wreaking havoc in the box and pressuriing QBs to force plenty of turnovers for this fantasy squad.

Stan: Ok, I'll close it out.

FLEX RB - Ray Rice (Rutgers)

Basically, this was a coin flip between Rice and his buddy Tiquan Underwood, but we all can agree that RB's win in Fantasy Football. Ray Rice is stable and an absolute lock to produce every single week. Sure, we may be passing over many other qualified candidates, but we like Rice and we LOVE what he brings to the table. Reminder...this is OUR team. Apologies to Steve Slaton.

TE - Fred Davis (USC)

We aren't going to lie, we hardly know a damn thing about College TE's. Is Jeremy Shockey or Kellen Winslow around? Moving on, we felt the need/urge to add somebody from the famed USC roster to our squad. That being said we know very little about Fred Davis, outside of the fact that he's got JDB throwing his way a lot...we hope.

And so, there you have it. Our team. Win or lose...we like the final product. Share your taunts and insights below as to just how bad this team really is.

What's Playing On The Michigan Locker Room iPod

Two things I really enjoy in life are writing these athlete iPod bits and Michigan football. So, guess what? Unlike all you other quitters, I am sticking with both of them. In other words, shut up and listen to what I have to say. Sorry, I went to the US Open today and have been drinking for a really long time. Anyway, this is a look at what just might be playing in the locker room in Ann Arbor this week following the big "L" to Appalachian State.

The Waiting Is The Hardest Part - Tom Petty: Maybe you heard, but Michigan got beat by a division 1-AA team last Saturday. Well, the boys in blue are tired of hearing about it and just want to get back on the field and ready to show the world that they deserve at least an #18 seed. Seriously, is Saturday ever gonna get here?

Get In The Ring - Guns And Roses: The lyrics pretty much take care of this one. "Why do you look at me when you hate me?" "And that goes for all you punks in the press." "You wanna antagonize me, Antagonize me motherfucker, Get in the ring motherfucker, And I'll kick your bitchy little ass, PUNK." This one goes out to all you . You know who you are. Hey world, you want a god damn fight, you got one.

You Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet - Thin Lizzy: Literally.

If It Ain't Ruff - NWA: "If It Ain't Ruff It Ain't Me." Look, we know we can never go about this thing the easy way. We can't win the big game. We can't win the small game. It's never nice and simple with the Wolverines. Thing is, we always do something and this year is no different. Yeah, we know the national championship is long gone, but we're doing something. Maybe it's the Heisman, the Big Ten, Ohio State, or Michigan State. We don't know, but the season just started, so in the famous words of Ren... "We are the villain and you're just a hostage, so whenever I'm steppin' cover your head like an ostrich." I still can't understand with MC Ren never hit it big as a solo act with tight rhymes like that one?

Loser - Beck: Hey, sometimes it feels good to embrace what you are - a fucking loser. Embrace the depression. Cut yourself a few times. Get some fish net stockings, some white makeup, some crystal meth, and wig out for a few days. It's totally cool ,we all do it. Just be ready to snap back by Wednesday in time to actually learn the defense.

Fight The Power - Public Enemy: We all know Lloyd Carr is sitting on the hot seat and this one is for him. Presumably even some of the players are pissed at this point. More importantly, why did "hot seat" become such a common term? The only times I have ever actually experienced a "hot seat" is a spot on the couch where someone farted before I sat down or a toilet seat where someone was reading the paper for a while. Both of those scenarios make me want to get off the hot seat right away. I certainly don't need to get fired to leave those particular situations.

Against the Wind - Bob Seger: Nobody puts it in perspective like the original voice of Ann Arbor, Bob Seger. From here on out, you're running against the wind. You're starting from scratch now with everything to prove and it's not gonna be easy. "We're young and strong. We're still runnin... against the wind."

The Victors - Louis Elbel: John Phillip Sousa once called this the greatest fight song ever written. It's time for a reason to play it.

The Odd Couple Series: Millen and the Intern - Going to Oakland

(Editors Note: This is completely a joke, quite possibly a failed attempt.)

Well, this all started out as little joke a while back on our good buddy Matt Millen. It's since been buried, but waiting, just waiting for the ideal moment to rear it's ugly head...yet again. And this read right here and here will get you caught up to speed on anything you may have missed. Although, you can probably guess by the title it's Millen, his intern and an office. And here is how it all goes down or so we'd like to think, moving on...

Thursday around noon, Lions Front Offices.

The famed GM, Matt Millen is pacing back and forth with a unique giddiness about him that not many around these parts have seen since he arrived. He punches the speaker phone stationed in the upper left cusp of his desk and buzzes the intern.

Millen: Get off myspace prick and check the itinerary. Jesus titty fuck young man, it is the opening weekend of the NFL. Have you any idea what this weekend is like? Well, once you grow something other than peach fuzz on your balls...I'd be glad to explain.

Intern: Ok.

Millen: Did I ask you to answer? No, this is my debriefing. What do I always say? Take notes and shut the hell up when I am speaking.

Intern: Right.

Millen: Damn straight, now where was I? Oh yes, cue me in on the details and make it snappy...I've had three cups of coffee this morning and it's 'bout time I chauffeur the Browns to the Super Bowl.

Intern: Flight leaves at 9:30 at Metro on Southwest--

Millen: Southwest are you fucking kidding me? I am a GM in the National Football League, please answer me why you booked us on Southwest. Shit, it's like the Walmart of airlines.

Intern: But you said---

Millen: I said, I SAID? I know what I said, no flights with the team. Look, I know the Ford's had the "secret" meeting about me keeping my distance, but that was just distance from the press. Oh, speaking of which...get a PR guy lined up for when I arrive in Oakland. The last thing I need at the airport is an incident. I'm sure the media will be ready to greet me like I am the Pope of fucking Chili Town.

Intern: Got it.

Millen: Seriously, level with me...what do you think of our chances this season? You know, if you had to make a prediction with a loaded gun to your head.

Intern: No comment.

Millen: Have you ever seen a grown man naked?

Intern: Huh?

Millen: I want a list of all security personnel at the Coliseum. Did you know I once played for the Raiders? Anyhow, my plan is to wait outside the Raiders locker room just to give Mike Williams a piece of my mind. I'd spear tackle that fat prick if I could. Is he even on the team? On second thought, you better call my wife and make sure she packs my bullet proof vest. I'd hate to take a bullet for the sake of some methed out Raider fan who just realized Daunte Culpepper is NOT their QB.

Are you getting all this?

Intern: Loud and clear.

Millen: Good, you're a good man. Have you ever seen a grown man put his balls into somebody else's mouth? Well, son that is called tea bagging. And that's what I intend to do to every single member of the media who has been doubting me for all these years. I am sitting on a gold mine.

Do you hear me? A FUCKING GOLD MINE.

Intern: Nice.

Millen: Do you play Fantasy Football? We had a GM draft this past week and I snagged Kitna, Williams, Johnson, Bell, Duckett, Furrey and Hanson. How is that for a DYNASTY?

Intern: No Comment.

Millen: It sure is nice to have a jackass like Lloyd Carr take the heat off me for a while. OK, look this conversation is going nowhere....just be ready for Oakland this weekend. Make sure to iron out all the details, hotel, car, team meetings...you know the drill. Make sure you wear the #81 Calvin Johnson jersey...gotta represent. Mental note that I will annihilate the first punk that taunts me wearing a Chuck Rogers jersey. Phew, deep breath Matt.

OK, I'm stressing myself out...what do you say we cut out for the day and go to Arby's and snag a $5 for $5 deal? My treat. And one last thing be sure to call my bookie Wayne Fontes, put me down for $1000 on my boys.

And the Countdown Is On...

...just about 24 hours until the NFL Season. And we can't fucking wait. In honor of the soon to be wall-to-wall coverage of Peyton Manning here is a quick hitter and oldie from his SNL Appearance. Let the BJ's begin, let the BJ's begin.

Just Tell Them Russ Sent You

So who is this Russ Grimm character and what has he done to my fantasy team?

On Monday night, I went way out on the branch and grabbed Edgerrin James against the judgement of just about every analyst in the bloated world of fantasy football at #12 in a ten team league. Go ahead, take a second and let that sit. What was my reasoning? You're looking at him - Russ Grimm.

Russ Grimm is the Arizona Cardinals offensive line coach/assistant head coach and the catalyst for my gutsiest fantasy decision of this season. Grimm has been donned with the task of revamping the Cardinals' offensive line for the 2007 season and he seems up to the task. I for one am pickin' up what he's puttin' down. Grimm is not just any run of the mill offensive line coach riding on the wave of his success as a player, which by the way includes 4 super bowl rings, a spot on the NFL's '80s All-Decade Team, and a featured spot as a legend in NFL 2K8 (This last one is a questionable honor as Andre Ware is also a legend - it's gotta be a joke). On the contrary, Grimm is a highly coveted coach in the NFL. He was a finalist for the Bears head coaching job 3 years ago and was more recently a finalist for the head coaching job of the Steelers.

Despite reports that Arizona is going to be a pass first team in 2007, Grimm explained his offensive philosophy in an interview with the Arizona Republic, "Build a solid running attack and pass when you want to, not when the defense dictates it." That doesn't spell pass-first to me, but rather Pittsburgh smash mouth.

Grimm's task is no easy feat, but he is making solid traction. Head coach Ken Whisenhunt has been singing high praises of Grimm's style, "He has a great way of categorizing the responsibilities, so the linemen can be more aggressive." Whisenhunt also complimented Grimm's ability to simplify the playbook, so that the linemen can easily recognize their assignments in each situation. Finally, experts, fellow coaches, and players alike acknowledge that Grimm is a firm believer in the idea that the offensive line is a team in itself and that they must learn to work together and function together. He seems to have a great sense for building chemistry within his programs. While most people look at the rebuilding effort and see just one player returning to his same role as 2006 (Deuce Lutui), I see a man who knows what was wrong and how to fix it.

Despite Grimm's arrival, there have been some speed bumps in the healing process in Arizona. For starters, starting right tackle, Oliver Ross, is done for the season. Ross was expected to fill a big hole in the line, but the team is optimistic, because it pushes first round draft pick (#5 overall), Levi Brown, into the fold as a starter. Also, Edgerrin James has suffered a minor hamstring injury as was held out of the preseason game against the Chargers on Saturday night. While neither of these are necessarily positives, they both have silver linings. Edge seems to have a fire in his belly and wants to prove himself more than ever and Levi is expected to be a franchise lineman, so this could be good in the long run.

Maybe I'm just a sucker for a comeback, but I have a good feeling about what Grimm can do and my pickup of Edgerrin James is my way of showing it. So this goes out to all the owners who took a gamble on Edgerrin James this year. We all know what Edge is capable of with a little run support and this season he must just get it. So, if anyone tries to demean you for your selection of a fantasy flop, just tell them Russ sent you.

Sources
Arizona Cardinals Homepage
Arizona Cardinals Homepage #2
Wikpedia
Arizona Republic
Hog Heaven
Pittsburgh Steelers Home Page
Pittsburgh Post Gazette

The League Manifesto: Life as the Commish

Life as the commish of a Fantasy Football league is certainly no easy chore. It takes a lot of drive and ambition to get the league flowing just right. It's actually a full-time job if you stop and think about it; recruitment, sales, accounting, persistence, collections, event planning, jurisdiction, decision making, problem solving and did I mention you don't get paid? Yeah, it's like you're a fucking CEO for shit sakes, but you can't even put it on your resume?

"Gee, it says here you were the Cunt Sticks League Commissioner 4 years running, umm...impressive."

In my "Friends and Enemies" league, as I like to call it, we recently completed our draft. I had to run the pre-game show as the acting commish in order to get the league off the ground. I've been the league Commish for 3 of the past 5 seasons and to be honest...I'm tapped out. Slow me down anytime if my generalizations below don't pertain to your league, but anyhow...I am sharing the guidelines to the be the commish of my leauge. And for note, these are just generalizations based on a deep and rich league history.

Take from it what you will.

THE QUALIFIED REP

Not everybody is cut out to be a commissioner, whether or not it means they'd like to be a commish, is another story. In some instances, work, time restraints and fucked up priorities limit one's ability to run a league, ship shape. And in those instances, that person should be impeached and overthrown with little worries of resistance or backlash. Tell that person to put an ice pack on the puss and show up for the draft. Hey, being the commish means tough love.

And if you been there like me, it's an enormous pain in the ass...honestly. Sure, initially the gluttony of power can go to your head, but once that wears off you have to deal with scheduling the draft. And then re-scheduling the draft and re-scheduling the draft...yet again, because a few cunt sticks can't open or read a simple god damned email. They continually shit on everyone else's parade and it's your fucking job to make sure the draft goes off cohesively or your league is fucked.

ESTABLISHING ORDER

You've gotta breakdown the prize money, give the annual state of the union address, as well as continually update this stupid fucking league manifesto. No matter how you word it, for example: Please read this briefing thoroughly, so you have everything from rules, to draft day, to expectations, to fees, fines, prizes, transactions, trades and what not, covered. Saving this manifesto would do you some good as well. There is always somebody crying by mid-season or week 2 for that matter, “but I didn’t know about that rule…I didn’t know" blah, blah, blah...”go fuck yourself.

THE RULES

It's beyond imperative that you continually remind everyone to read and re-read the rules. No matter what...you can't ever skate around the issues with rules. Yet, as with most aspects of Fantasy Football...it ain't show friends, it's show business. You try and try to make the system fairly equal across the board, but you can't ever please everyone. This is where patience comes into play, because you just remind yourself you are dealing with a group of incompetent cunt sticks.

You can always suggest for everyone to print the rules out, but again...Cunt. Sticks.

DEADLINE/COLLECTION DATE

This is always a pleasure. "Dude, I need the league fees by Week 2. Ok, you aren't going to pay...I'm going to cut you from the league. " Then you realize that would fuck over everyone else in the league so you are stuck. It's a catch-22 and always a pleasure. How hard is it to fess up the money on time? You can accept Paypal and the chances of every dime being collected before Week 8 are slim and fucking none. Patience...mental note...Cunt. Sticks.

THE DRAFT

Have fun with this; randomly selecting an order that everyone will agree upon as non-shady. Best of luck with that. Somebody is going to bitch and you'll need to restrain yourself from putting a cum stained sock down their throat. And as already mentioned have fun coordinating a single hour that EVERYONE can actually set aside to draft a fucking roster.

A couple obvious items that you MUST cover, but by no means should really EVER have to explain.

1) Drink for the Draft !!!
2) No fucking girlfriends or wives!!!

3) Bring your own fucking cheat sheets!!!

TRADES & TRANSACTIONS

You can choose to set ground rules (waiver rules), but I've found all that really does is cause manginal bleeding from an up tight owner. For trades, it’s pretty simple – they hardly ever get done either way, but in the case their is a HUGE trade about to go down...you've gotta exert legislative power, use no bias and make sure the deal doesn't stink of high shit. I guess this all depends on how your trade sanctions are set-up. If you are making the ruling, be prepared for an angry owner to light a bag of shit on fire and throw it at your house if you veto their deal.

Here is an idea our league tried; an arbitrator with no bias towards anyone in the league. Problem being for us, it was a couple dogs (real dogs) and the bark once for yes or bark twice for no...actually caused more confusion than clarity.

EXPECTATIONS

Finally, in conclusion – it's your job to set the expectations. As the saying goes everything starts at the top. Yet, we all know the expectations are the same every year. Have a team, don’t suck, stay on top of your team, don’t start someone who is on a bye or injured, read the league manifesto, learn the league manifesto, live the league manifesto, read the message board, post insults, heckle back and forth, respond to emails, don’t take it too personal and always pay your bills.

As a commish and an owner it's your job to stay on top of things. Who cares if you are in last place…there is always the toilet bowl, pride and the right to verbally assault and taunt everyone else in the league. Don’t fold your team after Week 8 and don’t EVER pretend that you don’t care.

FANTASY FOOTBALL is important, it’s very important…it’s LIFE.

And so with that…any questions, comments or concerns? Who cares? I re-signed as the commish and passed the torch. We are now implementing co-chair commissioner's. I will say it one more time. Cunt. Sticks.

Enough of the manifesto...enjoy the season.

Yup, This Is Really Happening to You!

Yes, it really happened. And even better you all had to sit there and watch another team celebrate on your turf, at your beloved Big "fucking" House. Well, egg and shame on your face for once. How does it feel?

Oh wait, I know slightly how it feels, because for years upon years...I've been forced to root for the red headed step child of Big 10 football, the Michigan State Spartans. However, now the joke is on you and by god it feels good. For once and probably for good, there is nothing that even we could do to top this. Shit, not even having a QB with a coke problem, ghetto WR's, street brawls, DUI's or losing to Illinois at home by 40 points can top what you guys pulled off.

We finally have that one little snub that is going to eat away at Michigan fans for a long, long time. We were never ones for the traditional "Ann Arbor is a whore" or "Michigan fans are dorks"...etc. No, we were always in search of something greater with a bit more prestige. And now, we've got it.

You lost to a Division I-fucking-double-A team. We all watched, many like me...took it in with a chuckle, a subtle smile. You lost at home. At FUCKING HOME to Appalachian State. Is the joke ever going to get old? NOBODY has ever done what you've done. What a disgrace...not even a Jon Goodman speech from "Revenge of the Nerds" could save your sorry ass football program.

This happens every year, Michigan starts the season ranked in the Top 10, but they get beat early and then get hot. Except this year is much, much different. This is the lowest point possible and I'm lapping up every waking minute of the joy. I'm sure you'll recover. I'm sure you'll even probably compete for the Big 10, but you can't ever take this game away. This is like nothing else we've ever seen. And I'm glad it's you that has to live with it for once. Even I didn't see this one coming.

Go ahead cue the Fire Lloyd Carr music, cue the "State Sucks" chants...it all for naught. I'll just keep reminding you 34-32...bitches!!! It all seems so surreal...doesn't it?

Let's take one last look...

The Labor Day Links: Hangover Edition

After a Lazy Labor Day Weekend, it's time to get back into the swing of things. And it couldn't be a better week to do just that. Short week and only 4 days until the NFL and Fantasy Football are officially back. Ah yes, I'm looking forward with great intrigue. Anyhow, for now...I shed my laziness and implore you to hit up these links and these sites for your reading pleasures. Nothing, but the finest links we could find.

Leading off the list, we had to give a nod to the new site dedicated to nothing, but the finest. (Hot Celebrity Asses)

Glad to see that Kyle Farnsworth is still loved. (Bugs & Cranks)

Wait, Michigan fans aren't happy with Lloyd Carr...what a shame? (Simon on Sports)

Some kids in Ohio (surprise) have been suspended for tricking opposing fans into spelling “We Suck” at a game… Copycats. (First and 10 Inches)

For those of us that are health conscious. (Our Book of Scrap)

The Future of Sports Blogging. (John Clifford Ness)

Coming to the realization that nobody is ever going to hit .400 again. (I'm Writing Sports)

Re-Capping the wild week for the Phillies (Crashburn Alley)

Just in case you wanted to get a partisan's reverie about his school, for those who've never heard of the place...Appalachian State. (College Rule Notebook)

Is your life complete? Are you tired of people not giving you all the respect? Then you should consider joining this street gang. (Introducing Liston)

Last week in Baseball. (Wasting Company Time)

Yes, DeSean Jackson's punt return against Tenessee was sick. (Larry Brown Sports)

A Braves fan is calling it quits on this season. (Blown Coverage)

What it's like having ties to Brady Quinn. (The Nosebleeds)

As always...enjoy and go out and grab that week by the throat, while I'm sleeping in.

Let the Healing Begin

Alright, I think the tears are starting to dry over here in this cozy little alcoholic abyss. I think now it's time for the five step healing process.

Step 1) Allow A Grieving Period

Imagine this. You are celebrating your 25th Anniversary with the love of your life. In order to provide the most romantic and special indication of your love of your wife, you arranged a special evening at Gotham Bar & Grill followed by a night at the Waldorf. Well, the evening starts off as planned with a delicious meal and some bubbly. Well, your wife gets a little tipsy and heads to the restroom. After five minutes or so with no return, you decide to go check on her. The bathrooms are empty so you poke around a little in the kitchen. What do you see? Your wife is getting banged on the prep table by a 250 pound Guido line cook with a hairy back and man boobs.

We just got beat by Appalachian State. This is gonna hurt for a while.

Step 2) Make Amends With The Ones You Hurt

We're all going through it and it sucks. We need a sign of life from Lloyd Carr, Mike Hart, Henne, anyone. I keep thinking about the poor incoming Michigan freshman. These kids just got to Ann Arbor with the expectations of the best football season since Charles Woodson. These kids headed to the Big House for their first time and instead of being treated to an unforgettable memory of one of their fondest days, they were treated with an unforgettable memory of the biggest embarrassment in the history of college football.

Welcome to Michigan kids. We're in this thing together.

Step 3) Admit There Is A Problem

Alright, it's probably safer to say admit there are a whole shitload of problems.

• We can't win a god damn game when we have top five ranking. It's a death warrant. They cannot deliver under the pressure of the limelight.
• The concerns about the defense look to be all true.
• Lloyd Carr is right back in the hot seat. This time it's probably for good.
  
• The special teams units are made of Pizza House dough.
• There appears to be a lack of chemistry.
• Even the Michigan bread and butter, the O Line struggled.
  
• How do you move on?
  

The thing is, this is where we belong. Now we have the old chip back. Now we have something to prove. Now we are dangerous.

Step 4) Sack Up

Well, the sad reality is that everything we have been anticipating for the entire summer has been taken away. There is no more national championship. This is easily the most disappointment I have ever felt from a sporting event and it's not even close. It's nearly indescribable, but...

The season is not over. Lloyd Carr is still the coach. Mike Hart can still win the Heisman. Ohio State will still lose in Ann Arbor. We can win the Big Ten championship. We can win a Rose Bowl (for once). Manningham can score 15 TDs. Henne can earn a first round draft slot. There's a lot to look forward to, so let's suck it up and move on. It hurts, but we still have a whole season of Michigan Football left, so let's do something with it.

Step 5) Wear a Michigan shirt today.

Let's make some music. Go Blue.

There Is Just No Excuse

The Wolverines have spoken and 96% of fans and alumni want Carr out.

As for me, I'm just too depressed to deal with it yet. I'm gonna let it settle for a day or so, but you haven't heard the last of me.