
It's the gorgeous days of summer and that means "Point Break" should be popping up on FX at least once or twice a week from here on out. And that is a good thing...for me. And although, this is an old clip that has probably played it's course. If you haven't seen this youtube clip...you are missing out.
Point Breakback Mountain.
Now, the movie itself probably doesn’t rank high on a lot of people’s list of great movies and that’s understandable. It’s difficult at times to take Swayze, Busey and Reeves seriously in the same film. However, when it comes to this "American Classic" you've got to think outside the box to really understand the significance of this movie. It shouldn’t be considered just a movie about surfing and bank robberies.
Stop and think about the significant factors involved in the bank robberies and what they really stood for. This was a statement against capitalism, the government, corporations and everything they so stand for. Just listen to the influential words of Bodhizoffa, “we represent that the human spirit is alive and well.”
The ex-presidents were certainly not materialistic. Although, Bodhi’s beach house appeared to be a pretty lavish place judging on the real estate value of prime Los Angeles beach front property, but who cares?
“Some people never understand the spiritual side of the surf.”
Bohdi, played by thee Patrick Swayze was arguably his finest role to date, with the exception of possibly “Roadhouse.” Whether Bohdi was a salesman or a prophet can easily be debated. I like to think he was a little of both.
The movie itself may not change your life, but it should certainly force you to ask yourself a lot of questions. For all practical purposes, I could go on and on...and on...and on...about this film, but for the sake of argument...let's call it day. Go ahead, go on out and find yourself...the ride, the ultimate...it might just change your life. Enjoy this day.
Saturday, June 30, 2007
“If you want the ultimate, you gotta be willing to pay the ultimate price.”
Declared by
Stan M.
at
10:01 AM
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Labels: Bodhi, bored, Gary Busey, Go surfing, Patrick Swayze, Point Break, Summer vacation, weekend stupidity post
Wasn't that Fun?
The largest outdoor bar was packed yesterday. Although, I wouldn't know firsthand, becauce I was busy watching it on TV back in San Diego. Yet, the vibe seemed all a buzz and happy. The Cubs lured in the biggest crowd of the summer and gave the packed house, who all braved the heat, something to remember.
I'm not going to go into my usual routine of "hope and optimism", but even watching yesterday's broadcast on WGN I could sense something special. The overwhelming joy and jubilation that flooded Wrigley Field on Friday afternoon was something that hasn't been there since the Marlins, Steve Bartman and the Cubs themselves ripped out our hearts in 2003.
Declared by
Stan M.
at
10:00 AM
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Labels: aramis ramirez, bad cliches, chicago cubs, hope and optimism, over excited
Weekend Correspondent:Parle vouz, Francais?
Declared by
Stan M.
at
9:27 AM
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Labels: Hot French Reporter, Lazy Post, Melissa Theuriau, Parle vouz Francais?, Sex Sells, She is hot, Weekend Boredom
Friday, June 29, 2007
Off Topic: The Friday Mixed Tape
Well, Rupert would be jealous. You see, he is the musical connoisseur if you will of the crew. And he’s always pushed for doing a few more music related posts in order to drop some tidbits on current music catching his ear. So, on the week he heads off to Italy, I’ve gone ahead myself and decided to give you a newer installment (possibly a new staple) fittingly titled the “Friday Mixed Tape.”
I’m well aware that mixed tapes are dated and analog is so dead. However, I still call ‘em a mixed tape even if it’s on one of those cheap blank CD’s. It’s the only way I know. And I’ll never call them “iMixes”…that name just doesn’t resonate with me. Yet, since downloading music is a forbidden taboo, I urge you to head over to iTunes and LEGALLY make yourself one of those you know what’s…if any of the following selections peek your interest.
This week I’m pulling out all the stops and dropping an Indie Rock/Pop/Punk Mixed Tape. It’s what’s cranking on my iPod right now and so I’m sharing it with you. Genres will vary from week to week and I’m sure when Rupert gets back he’ll be dropping a variety of nuggets from the Phish Fall ’97 tour.
Anyhow, for this week…throw on your torn jeans, vintage t-shirt, lace-up your Chuck T’s and follow me…
Tracks listed in optimal playback sequence.
- Let’s Call it Off – Peter, Bjorn and John: Typically, I’d select “Young Folks”, but I think it has run its course. Realistically, you could probably pick any song you want from this album…the whole thing is good.

- Icky Thump – White Stripes: I’ve never been big on the Stripes, but this song (despite sounding much like all their other songs) grabbed my attention. Plus, it’s trendy to chat about the new White Stripes, when discussing music over cocktails.
- Fluorescent Adolescent – Arctic Monkeys: Are they getting old yet? Haven’t really given the new album the full spin cycle, but I have ADD when it comes to flipping through tracks.
- Kids Gloves – Voxtrot: Cheer me up, Cheer me up...I'm a miserable fuck.
- Bad Sun – The Bravery: I hear a lot of people say these guys are Velveeta Cheese, but I don’t get it.
- Wraith Pinned to the Mist and Other Games – Of Montreal: Take a listen and you might just want to go “Outback tonight.”
- Someone Great – LCD Soundsystem: Love the entire album. Love the Beats. Beats make a song and an album. And they are from North America...for the record.
- Los Angeles – Frank Black: If you ever wanted to live in LA, here is your inspiration.
- Missed the Boat – Modest Mouse: This just seems like a radio friendly Modest Mouse hit. "Everyone was goes crazy over such and such and such."

- Keep the Cars Running – Arcade Fire: The only song that’s been on every Mixed tape I’ve made since March…that should tell you how I feel about this tune.
- Santa Monica – Bedouin Soundclash: Angst from these dudes? Huh, thought they were Ska-Reggae? Oh well, this is an older tune of theirs...so put up your hands.

- Noticed – Mute Math: Typical Indie Rock.
- 80’s Life – The Good, The Bad & The Queen: Mellow. Underrated.
- Well Thought Out Twinkles – Silversun Pickups: Is that a chick? Is that Billy Corgan? No fool, that’s a dude and his band kicks ass.
Declared by
Stan M.
at
6:02 AM
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Labels: Arctic Monkeys, Don't steal music, Indie Rock, Itunes, Mixed Tapes, Modest Mouse, peter bjorn and john, Punk Rock
It’s a Make or Break Weekend at Wrigley
The Cubs are coming in “streaking”, yet the Brewers have also been completely on fire. Perhaps, that’s why despite a 6 game winning streak the Cubs have only managed to pick up a game on the Brew Crew. Regardless, something is going to have to give this weekend. And by god, it had better be the Brewers. We need this for shit sake.It’s the hot season in Chicago and starting early this afternoon it’s going to be a humid booze fest at the friendly confines. It’s these moments that really make me jealous for not being able to make it to Chicago this summer. Yet, this wasn’t exactly the sexy series on paper back when tickets went on sale. So much changes.
The Cubs are throwing out Rich Hill, Sean Marshall and Jason Marquis in succession. And honestly, when is the last time you could list a Cubs rotation and say it with confidence? Well, I’m pretty confident in that crew and that’s without seeing Zambrano’s name on the list. Granted, it’d sure be nice if Big Z was throwing this weekend, but anyway.
The Brew Crew is bringing out Yovani Gallardo (never heard of him), Ben Sheets and TBD. Personally, I think the Cubs have a decided advantage over TBD. For the Cubs a sweep is imperative. Winning (2 of 3) won’t really do shit for them. So what…they’d only pick up one game in the standings.
This team has got me on the hinges of hope again. And look, I know everything I write about the Cubs is the same old ketchup and mustard. Yet, you’ve gotta feel me on this one. This team has turned it around. Expect this to be the weekend the Cubs make that push towards the front of the NL Central.
Like I always say…one step at time. I don’t really actually ever say that, but you get my drift. I’ll be drinking across the country tomorrow afternoon for the Cubbies. And I will be wearing my “I heart Fontenot” shirt. Yup, that Mike Fontenot. This is it…now go out and get it Cubbies.
Heart Prediction: Cubs Sweep.
Voice of Reason Prediction: Brewers take 2 of 3.
Declared by
Stan M.
at
12:03 AM
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Labels: all or nothing, booze fest, chicago cubs, humidity, Mike Fontenot, the brewers, wrigley field
Thursday, June 28, 2007
We are Link Whores: Will, how about a Link today?
Normally, in light of the recent attacks directed at the Ghosts and several other prominent blogs…we’d have some form of retaliation and a serenade of Too $hort’s “Cusswords” ready to roll. Yet, we received an email with some re-assuring words of support and encouragement from the guys over at “Winning the Turnover Battle.” And again, thanks guys…much appreciated.
We debated over and over about just how to react to everything. And after sleeping on it for a couple days we simply decided we’re aiming to take the high road and just simply move on. And if you’re lost as to what we’re talking about well, apparently stopmikelupica.com isn’t a big fan of the Ghosts and a few other blogs.
Why? Is it jealousy; does his blog he really suck is he burnt over not getting links from Deadspin? Do we really care? No, not really in the slightest sense. We totally understand that not everybody is going to enjoy our writing and there are even people out there who (gasp!) probably despise and loathe us. However, so be it.
We aren’t going to let one cock-sucker-punk-ass-mutha-fuckin’-bitch bloggers opinion burn us down at the stakes. And we certainly aren’t going to give him or her the satisfaction by calling him names like the douchebag that he is or stooping to his level. Seriously all joking aside, his post did have some validity to it and we can take solace in the fact that he was simply trying to make his point, despite being a little overaggressive and bashing on our site.
I guess whatever gets your rocks off, right? Despite that, SML has gone as far as to apologize to an extent for calling our posts crappy. Yet, even if he feels our posts are crappy that’s his own god given right to feel that way. It’s no sweat off our sack if he likes our blog or not.
(Just to clear the air - We do NOT have any ill will or hostility towards SML).
If SML wants to rip our “crappy” dialogue posts to the high heavens, that’s his prerogative. The last time I checked, most of us bloggers tear down ESPN and Bill Simmons…we can dish it out, but can’t take it back? No double standard there, huh?
On this site we do post relevant and thought worthy pieces that aren’t just the usual snark. Yet, we also do like the snark and have never taken ourselves all that seriously. We’ve always envisioned this blog as being something fun, not 100% newsworthy. Take it or leave it.
And that’s why we do those goofy posts just for fun, usually on Friday morning or late Thursday night. Yup, Thursday nights tend to be a drinking night and hence we just need some light humor for a Friday. Is that so bad? I mean since when did somebody have a copyright on cheesy dialogue posts? Isn’t that just commonplace in the blogosphere now-a-days? Can we really help it that those are the posts that we get linked most often?
To be honest, we’re never ones to keep score. We read most, if not all the posts that hit blogdome, as well as our regular hits like Extrapolator, Empty the Bench, Pacifist Viking, Pyle of List, Flyers Fieldhouse, Our Book of Scrap, Sports Gone South, Bad Choice Milk, Signal to Noise, etc…to name just a few. Had you told us that “Winning the Turnover Battle” had 8 links last month…we’d have never known. Who actually counts and calculates that stuff?
Anyhow, for us getting a link has always been an honor or a privilege. We aren’t going to lie, we’re link whores. It’s a great feeling to get one, but we don’t do anything special to persuade Will to hook us up. Well, I mean we did promise him a trip to Adalitos in Tijuana if they ever have the Deadspin West Coast Pants Party in San Diego, but come on. ($50 for the girl…$10 for the room).
We’d be fools if we didn’t have some kind of respect for Will and all he has done not only for our blog, but plenty other smaller blogs out there. And trust me, I don’t think he goes out of his way and says “you know ‘GoWF’ needs another link today…screw that other blog.” For us, we’ve always visualized it as purely random and blind luck.
Maybe it’s how the email was worded; maybe it was the subject line? Who knows? All we do know is based on the number of links we send to Ufford, Mottram, Shanoff, Deadspin, MJD, The Big Lead, etc…it must be a juggling act. With so many blogs out there trying to get noticed these guys must deal with about a million “dude, please link my post.”
I think we all can and should forgive them if they don’t link us…everyday. For the record, we have the utmost respect for all those guys and what they do. And for all practical purposes we probably owe them all at least one drink.
Oh well, so that’s about it really. Nothing too retaliatory, sorry. Yeah, SML can have his opinion and we’ll just keep on keeping on. Although, we might set up a score sheet for our links vs. SML links…just kidding. Anyhow, cheers to anyone who supports us and reads us on a regular basis…we’ll try and take things a little more serious and stop diluting you with “crappy” posts.
And with that...a good weekend to all. Fingers crossed that Will links us today. Please Link us!!!
Declared by
Stan M.
at
12:13 PM
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Labels: bloggers unite, Deadspin, Getting Linked, no hatred, please give us another link, stopmikelupica.com, thanks for your support, we forgive you
The Top 25 "Obscure Sports" Movies: #16 Thru #20
For a complete description of the The Top 25 "Obscure Sports" Movies and the celebrity sports bloggers who contributed, check out this jump. For those of you who are too lazy, here's a quick recap.
"Obscure Sports" - Anything that is NOT football, basketball, baseball, hockey, or soccer (with a special exemption for hooligan flicks).
Also, before you get started on this one, check out #21 Thru #25 and the also-rans. We're counting 'em down in true suspense-building fashion.
#16 - The Terry Fox Story
This is a true story an inspirational story of overcoming adversity. A great story. Terry Fox was a cancer patient who lost his leg to the disease, yet ran across Canada to raise money for cancer research. Feel good story of the year? How about feel good story of the decade? Century? Say when.
Not much is sacred around here, but I see no need to joke around here. Well, maybe just one little dumb one. Congratulations to Robert Duvall for winning the Cable ACE award for his role in this film. I'm sure it is buffed daily and on display on the mantle at the Duvall home.
#17 - Gleaming The Cube
Aided by a 10 ranking from Sooze at Babaes Love Baseball, based primarily on a love of the Flock of Seagulls look, Gleaming the Cube fought against all odds to earn admirable standing at #17. Gleaming the Cube provides another stellar random plot. The main character, played by the one and only Christian Slater, skateboards his way to solving a homicide after his brother is murdered for unknowingly sending weapons to the Nam.
There's a couple pieces of nifty trivia on the IMDB page for GTC:
- MikeMcGill makes his second appearance on the Top 25 as pro-skaters Mike McGill and Rodney Mullen were the stunt doubles for Christian Slater.
- The film crew put flint in the skater's trucks so they'd spark when they would grind.
- A rare Mike McGill freestyle board is shown during Brian's freestyle scenes.
#18 - Without LimitsSteve Prefontaine is a loser. Why did he get two features and a documentary made about him? I don't get it. Oh yeah, he died young. Other than that, Prefontaine is a story of an underachieving athlete with massive potential to be great, but did not deliver. Apparently, he was also a bit of a dick. According to Pre and Without limits, Pre was relatively lazy and difficult to coach. If were saluting underachieving talents who died young, I'd rather see a movie about Eazy E.
Nevertheless, Without Limits is undeniably the better of the two Prefontaine films (the other being Pre). I'd take Billy Crudup over Jared Leto (a.k.a., Jordan Catalano) any day.
In perusing through some of the IMDB comments, there is a discussion about whether Pre is a nice guy or not an there is a majority confirm that he was a very cocky runner. Yet, one reader notes that he inspired athletes of all sports, much like the great Bob Gibson. I found this to be pretty interesting, considering Bob Gibson is considered one of the notorious bastards in sports history.
#19 - Searching For Bobby FischerSearching for Bobby Fischer is one of the few legit non-comedic movies in the Top 25. It might not have the quirky characters and goofy topic, but it provides a unique and introspective look at the pressures of a child prodigy. While this could easily have been a picture about tennis, baseball, gymnastics, or any number of sports where parents and coaches lean to hard on young talents, the fact that it is chess adds to the subtle intensity. Chess is such a personal game that it is effective in conveying the emotions of the young prodigy, Josh Waitzkin. Josh ultimately resists the pressures and throws a key match in hopes of resuming a normal childhood. This should be required protocol for any parents who are considering sending their kids of to the sports concentration camps of Bella Koroly and the like.
Before receiving the rankings from the other sports bloggers, I envisioned this in the top 5. Interestingly, the rankings for Searching for Bobby Fischer were entirely polarized with seven votes of 8 or higher and seven votes of 2 or lower.
#20 - Green Street HooligansThis movie has it all. You get footy hooligans massively glamorizing their violent lifestyle, Elijah Wood punching like a gril and getting his arse kicked, and a look at an intensity of fanhood that we should dream about here in the States. To me, this movie really did a lot progress my interest in futbol and the EPL in particular, to the point that I donned the namesake hooligans with my highest possible honor - my fantasy football team name.
Critics of GSH are in high supply as many viewers consider the premise total shite, given that there is no way that a footie "firm" would take on a sissy Yankee kid into their crew. I totally agree, especially a little Harvard journo' prick, but it does not change the utter fascination with the hooligan lifestyle. I don't condone meatheadism in any shape or form, but it makes for one hell of a great movie.
Declared by
Rupert Entwistle
at
12:33 AM
2
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Labels: The Top 25 "Obscure Sports" Movies
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
The Bloggers Invitational Fantasy League.
(UPDATE: Apologies, to those still interested...the league is now full. 14 teams. I did it first come first serve
and I hope I covered everyone.)
The best email to receive or send out in mass communication usually comes around late July or early August. It’s all about timing and honestly, it beats all of the following email subject lines; “Vegas Trip”, “Lohan Crotch JPG”,“classic youtube” or "free drugs"…just by a touch. And it completely trumps any stupid chain email that you have to send out to 10 people or god will be pissed off at you and/or your Karma will fucked.
(Those emails drive me nuts…Now send this to 10 people for good luck, ah no…go fuck yourself and stop sending me these!!!)
Anyhow, I’m talking about those emails that are all about Fantasy Football. And for us, Christmas has come a little early. You see, we were just never much into Fantasy Baseball and unfortunately we’ve already been eliminated in our WNBA fantasy league due to Lisa “Leroy” Leslie (our star player) being suspended for having a cock. (Just kidding…maybe).
Most sites and various blogs have already opened up the topic of Fantasy Football, which is a good thing. And in case you hadn’t noticed, registration is now open on Yahoo Sports. In fact, you’ve probably touched base with the fact that “Kissing Suzy Kobler” has their very own contest to add one premiere individual to their heavy weight league.
This is all a soothing commonplace for us here at the Ghosts, to know Football is on the horizon, but more importantly Fantasy Football is on the horizon. And you know what that means – yup, about 16 weeks of turning your long time and part time friends into arch enemies and people you eventually put a jihad on and/or threaten to kill at least once or twice over that span of time. Relax, I’m exaggerating…honest.
Anyhow, all is forgotten shortly thereafter, yet for the time being (during the season)…it’s an all out war, in which we all have plans to fight. And if you hold the same level of maturity in regards to fantasy football as we do, you’ll want to keep reading to see just what we have in mind.
An that’s why we’d like to form our own little league. Let’s get things straight though, this is NOT a contest, repeat NOT a contest. Rather, we are just piecing together the idea and sharing this open invite that you are reading. The invite extends to some of the blogs that we’ve be-friended and have be-friended us in return or are some of our regular reads away from the Deadpsin’s and KSK’s of the world.
We hope that all makes perfect sense. We’re not asking for you to petition us for entry or send along Fantasy Football tales. A simple “yes” or “no” or a take me off your friggin’ distribution list would suffice. Yet, if you want to share a FF story…be our guest.
Our intent is to come up with a 10-14 team league using the standard Yahoo format and rules. Each Blog would have one team only. For example, Rupert, Turd and I would do a collaborative GM thing for the Ghosts Fantasy team (which should be interesting to say the least). It would be our little side project. Obviously, this would be for fun, but we’re willing to throw in a night with Turd in Vegas to the winning Blog…just kidding.
No seriously though, we’d be willing to pony up a trophy and some other prize (which we will think of eventually) for the winner. It’d be a chance to go “Blog” against “Blog” and taunt one another on our respective sites. It’d be for the ultimate bragging rights. Might be a little break from the norm, huh? Of course, we’d set point spreads on our site…every week.
Anyhow, just disregard us and chalk this up to stupidity if you aren’t quite feeling the concept. Like I said, it’s all pretty much an open invite and our goal is for a 10-14 team league. Yet, we won’t be surprised if we are struggling to piece together 8 teams. It’d be a welcome problem if we had to deal with too many “yes” invitees. Yet, we’ll burn that bridge when we get there.
Declared by
Stan M.
at
6:22 PM
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Labels: Fantasy Football, Join our League, this is not a contest
Really, Off Topic: Old Red Beard
Editors Note: Another long lost story from my past...and from the old website. Sorry for the length.
There’s always a lesson to be learned from any confrontation with an old Red Beard. I believe it was my good buddy Deaner who invented one of the most vital rules of the road to live by: Don’t ever mess with any man sporting a Red Beard. Having lived through the petrifying circumstances of a ‘Red Beard’ attack with Deaner and several other friends, we all wised up and learned to use the belief as a way of life.
Call it coincidence or fate, but way back in the age of innocence when one driver and one driver alone resided amongst our hoodlum gang of friends in the summer of ’92 we learned the hard way about Ole’ Red Beard.
It was the summer of Metallica’s Black Album going full scale with Guns and Roses Use Your Illusions Part I and II. Everybody who was anybody sat on either the G’n’R or Metallica side of which band owned total supremacy of not only the music scene, but also the world.
Fortunately for us, music was music and rebellion was rebellion. Both albums spoke to each member of our close knit group of friends as anthems of life, even at times gospel hymns. We all felt a certain level of empowerment from Metallica and perhaps a slight man crush on Axel Rose.
Our nights were spent ravaging the wastelands of our hometown in our buddy Fox’s Ford ‘Power’ mini-van, aptly named the ‘Hunter.’ Our days were consumed with the usual activities for most freshmen in high school enjoying their summer off, beach, booze, exploratory drugs, poker, fishing, camping, cigarettes, heavy metal music, some golf and attempts to score pussy.
I’m probably leaving a few things out, but that’s life…we only remember what we want to believe really happened. Tough to digest, but true.
Anyhow, on any given day it was more than a privilege, but rather an honor to be a passenger in the ‘Hunter.’ You have to understand that Fox was the only one of us who had a driver’s license at the time and it didn’t hurt that he toted a mini-van that could pack 8 either.
Every week somebody would introduce a new mixed tape to the group and we would spend hours driving around smoking cigarettes, looking for trouble and jamming out new tunes we hadn’t heard in a while. This was the era of the “mixed tape” so if you produced a dud, Fox usually chucked it out the window and everyone along for the ride gave you the seal of disapproval.
That particular summer came and went like revolving telemarketers or cashiers at a McDonalds. However, the memories this time period of our lives was generating was anything, but few and far between. This was a summer of fads, maturation, experimentation, realization, masturbation, relaxation and so on. (Hopefully, that doesn’t sound like a certain INXS song).
So with each passing day our nights became filled with more intrigue and curiosity. The days of drinking at Hoffmaster and then passing out on the beach at Lake Michigan were fading with the August skyline. Our nights filled with sipping 40’s and puffing the occasional joint at neighborhood parks and bonfires on the county outskirts were a thing of the past.
Hence boredom and the dog days of summer would eventually kick in and the impending realization that soon another year of school, a return to normalcy, was the only thing left on the horizon. However, far be it that any of us really wanted the nostalgia of this particular summer to end.
Yet, that is when our final and most important lesson of that summer would occur. It was the moment that would change us forever and for the wiser. The kind of moment in time that if you could put it in a box, you would do just that and savor the good fortune and lesson learned forever. You would share it with your children, their children and their children’s children, if blessed to live long enough.
It wasn’t exactly a near death experience, but a humbling moment that put everyone in the car’s perspective back into place. We had spent the day loitering around various hangouts in the neighborhood. Turd’s good buddy Brandt was in town for a visit and we paid no mind, but to show him a good time.
The visit was filled with the usual middle of the afternoon Blackjack and ‘3-3-9 Poker’ games for heavy stakes cash. You know the normal things 15 year olds due to make the time pass on a late August afternoon. Occasionally, we’d drop by Turd’s pool for a quick dip and smoke cigarettes outside, if we knew his folks were gone.
We all ventured out one night and explored the “Legend of Lilly of the Valley” (The rumored ‘ghost barn’ out at the end of 52nd street). None of us realized at the time what ‘suckers’ we were for even believing the story from our buddy Elder (clearly passed down each year). We didn’t care; instead we explored the barn, hoping to see a ‘dead body. Not your typical “Stand By Me” story line…I hope.
The next day after several round of cards, cigarettes and 40’s, we all packed into the ‘Hunter’ for a late afternoon/early evening cruise. The music of choice, not surprisingly was the anthem laden ‘Use Your Illusion Part I.’ After a homoerotic group sing-a-long of ‘Don’t Cry’, the next song on the docket set the tone for what was about to happen.
Anytime you mix in some 40z, some Guns and Roses and a minivan full of hotheaded teenagers, nothing good can possibly arise. The chances of testosterone overload increases tenfold when the song on the tape deck is or was ‘Get in the Ring.’ If any song defined our group of friends and the summer, that was the song.
How it actually started is debatable, but apparently Brandt (sitting in the far back seat) of the ‘Hunter’ slid the window open to clear a spitting lane. Whether his spit was malicious in any way, shape or form is another story. The fact is, the spit landed squarely on either the bumper or windshield of a rumbling worn down Chevy Nova.
For entertainment purposes, we’ll say it landed on the windshield.
Well, driving one said Chevy Nova was a scraggly looking man probably in his mid-40’s. Accompanying the man was the Prom Queen from Union High School 1969, that over-smoked cigarettes, hadn’t been to the dentist since and clearly was familiar with the term “Super Size It, but make the drink Diet.”
Yet, she is anything, but relevant…I was just trying to paint an accurate picture, but please keep in mind it’s been nearly 15 years since the day, so I may be a little off. However, I can assure this, I will not be off in my description of the man driving the vehicle.
There isn’t a person in that car to this day that couldn’t pick this man out of a line-up. His most fortifiable feature was a fully grown “RED BEARD” with a couple McDonalds Ketchup packets dangling off the left side. He appeared to be toothless and was wearing a tank top. Picture Hacksaw Jim Dugan missing a few teeth and un-showered for at least 3 months. Good, you should have the portrait by now.
However, this man was not chanting “USA, USA, USA!!!” Upon noticing the trajectory of the spit that had just landed smack dab before his eyes and onto his beautiful automobile, he immediately sped up from the blind spot to pull even with our vehicle and discuss some business.
Upon reaching an equal speed and shouting a couple “Fuck You’s” in our direction, he was greeted at the backseat passenger window by a completely shaven bald headed and insane, Deaner. Deaner, clearly not intimidated and clearly empowered by the gospel of Axel Rose, prompted the man to “Get in the Ring and I’ll kick your bitchy little ass!!!”
In hindsight, I imagine Deaner would love to have that taunt back. And a word to the wise when you see an angry man with a Red Beard, DO NOT, (repeat) DO NOT attempt to taunt them any further.
By now, our Red Bearded friend was a little more than un-cordial. He was attempting to swerve his luxurious vehicle into our beloved ‘Hunter.’ Fox was doing his best to keep his shit together and remain calm and focused, because he knew fully well that chaos had broken out in not only the backseat of his vehicle, but also on Kalamazoo Street.
Red Beard inched closer and kept trying to forcibly push the ‘Hunter’ into oncoming traffic in the other lane. Red Beard was in the far right lane and we were in the middle left lane with oncoming traffic nearly inches to our left. Several “Fuck You’s” and a few more “You fucking punks” foamed out of Red Beard’s mouth, while his lady spit tobacco juice into a sawed-off ‘Old Milwaukee’ can.
She would grin after each spit, knowing full well that she and her man were the long arms of the law. They needed to serve justice and teach a group of punk teenagers that they were barking up the wrong tree. I swear the ‘Hunter’ was literally under siege for at least ¾’s of a mile. Others would argue it was an instantaneous threat that lasted merely a spilt second. For the sake of me being the storyteller, I say it was 10 miles if it was a mile.
As Red Beard inched closer he began to try and grab at Johnny (sitting shotgun). He began to take continuous swipes at Johnny, further prompting the first “Holy Shit” call from Fox throughout the ordeal. At one point, Red Beard had his paws on the passenger side mirror. He was attempting to lure the window closer to his mouth, perhaps to eat it, not sure?
If you could have panned a camera on the inside of the ‘Hunter’ it was not only motionless, it was lifeless. Our lives were flashing before our very eyes and all a result of our own undoing. This appeared to be the norm for Red Beard and his lady (now spitting Tabasco sauce from her fangs). It was as if these two lived for moments just like the one we had created.
Fear, was an understatement for all of us at this moment in time. We were humbled, we were reflective, and we were terrified. The altercation, probably didn’t last that long at all. And as the end of Red Beard’s assault came to a halt just before the 28th street Meijers, he left us with one simple message: You ain’t ready to piss with the Big Boys.
His wife then mooned us and whipped out her flaccid dick and enacted masturbation. (Ok, that part I clearly made up).
Regardless, as Red Beard and his lady finally sped away and turned off at the Gas Station for some Copenhagen and Mountain Dews, we all remained speechless and awestruck in the ‘Hunter.’ Fox was the first to speak with a fatherly “what the fuck were you guys thinking?” Nobody had an answer.
None of us have an answer to this day.
However, we learned the valuable lesson of which Deaner coined the theory, never to mess with any man sporting a Red Beard. We learned the hard way or the fortunate way from Ole Red Beard that night. Since that time, nobody in the car has ever once lost sight of the moral of our story. We all live by the principle, RED BEARD…DON’T FUCK WITH HIM.
We often joke about the memory of that night, but none of us were laughing at the time. We hardly spoke much the rest of that evening and called it an early night. Brandt left the following day to return home to Atlanta. The rest of us sort of went our own separate ways for the remaining few days of that summer.
The sun would eventually set on this of all memorable summers. However, not forgotten from the memories and the good times we all had, was the lesson we were taught. Despite what happened, if I could go back…I wouldn’t change one single lasting memory from that summer.
How fun it is to long for the good ole’ days when worries didn’t mean anything and responsibility was the furthest thing from the mind? Oh how the times have changed, but yet this principle to live by, continues to live on.
And will always do just that.
Declared by
Stan M.
at
5:45 PM
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Labels: drinkin' 40z, Guns N' Roses, High School, Metallica, Old Red Beard, smikin cigs, the Hunter
A Wild Night at Wrigley.
These are always the type of games that we tend to look back on and say “now that was a season changing moment.” Well, for the Cubs there have arguably been several of those games and moments thus far this season. The past month or so has been littered with angst, fights, tirades, bench brawls and even players being shipped out of town. However, nothing could be grander than last night and the near debacle capped off by the improbable.
In another season of hope and despair in Chicago, the Cubs capped us with our most despairing and optimistic moments…both taking place last night. As a recurring theme, the bullpen coughed up all of the 8-3 lead the Cubs had built against the Colorado Rockies. It appeared to be the death of hope, coming off a three game sweep of the White Sox.
In the intense moment of watching the lead evaporate, even the fans had had just about enough. One fan rushed the field and made attempts to have words with Bobby Howry. According to Howry here is how the confrontation went: “He said, ‘What are you doing?’ I’m trying to give up home runs, what do you think?” Before the fan could make his final charge towards the mound he was clotheslined and taken down by security.
This was obviously the snapping point. Giving up six runs in the top of the 9th was the last straw for any Cubs fans visions of hope. The season, the off-season, the trades, the free-agents…it all seemed so bleek. And then it happened.
It’s hard to ever use the term “luck” and the Chicago Cubs in the same sentence, unless it’s precluded by the word “bad.” Mark DeRosa led off the bottom of the ninth with a single. And with the Cubs down to their last life, with Koyie Hill on first and pinch runner Jacque Jones on 2nd…luck intervened.
Ryan Theriot hit what should’ve been a routine ground ball to end the game. Yet, somehow it was bobbled and somehow everyone was safe on the play. This set the stage for Soriano to step to the plate, chance to be hero with the bases loaded. When does such blind luck happen to the Cubs? These are things that always happen to work against them? Not on this night though, right?
On cue Soriano roped a single into center, driving in two runs and setting up the on field mobbing he so deserved. A twist of fate was in the air at Wrigley and fortune, for once…finally resided with the Cubs. The irony of the whole thing was the fact that Bob Howry who possibly saw his life flash in the form of a charging fan, actually won the game.
A relieved Lou Pinella proclaimed: “You see two-run comebacks in the bottom of the ninth inning, but you don’t see too many after giving up six in the top half of that inning.” A euphoric Soriano proclaimed: “That’s the best moment I’ve had with Chicago so far.” Does that mean there is more to come?
Yes, it does mean there is more to come. These are the moments that change a season. The Cubs have been playing good baseball for the past month. The momentum from a night like this can only help to carry over.
Lost in the shuffle was the fact that Mike Fontenot, yes that Mike Fontenot, was 5-5 on the night. He’s literally on fire. Lee chipped in another 3 hits. Ramirez is back from the DL, Barrett is gone, Zambrano is once again unhittable…and more importantly this Cubs team is starting to have fun.
We can only hope they continue to have fun, because there are no more wake-up calls. Now, it’s just time to keep on keeping on. Last night, gives me every reason to believe they will do just that. And why should it not? Next up…the Brewers this weekend and we are suddenly back in the NL Central race. One step at a time.
Declared by
Stan M.
at
8:56 AM
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Labels: alfonso soriano, chicago cubs, cubs will win the world series, drunk fans, hopeless optimism, lou pinella
Monday, June 25, 2007
Why You Care About Thierry Henry Going to Barcelona
No, I'm not writing this because it's "Off Topic" week. That's what my 5,000 word essay about the advantages of dating chicks with no legs will be for later on. ( Spinfucking. Think about it.) No, I'm writing this because I am a legit soccer fan and the events of today have given you a fine opportunity to become one as well if you aren't already.
You see, Thierry Henry, a soon to be 30 year old French striker, has just been transferred to FC Barcelona from Arsenal. Henry is arguably the best pure striker in the world, and his addition to an already potent Barcelona attack featuring Samuel Eto'o, the great Ronaldinho and the soon to be great Lionel Messi (seriously, just watch this goal) will make for one hell of an exciting brand of soccer.
So why do you care, dear reader? Well, you care because you - and I'm really generalizing here - are an American sports fan, meaning you rank soccer just behind golf and just ahead of the NHL in terms of importance to you. And I can't say I blame you. The MLS is a joke, as was the performance of the men's national team in the 2006 World Cup. But fear not, for there IS incredibly entertaining soccer out there.
FC Barcelona was already one of the most exciting teams around. La Liga (the Spanish professional league) is, top to bottom, the best soccer league in the world. And Barcelona, along with arch rival Real Madrid of course, is the premier team in that league. They play exciting, fast paced soccer that any sports fan from any country would enjoy, and they just added one of the fastest, most dynamic scoring talents in the game. 0-0 finals scores are not something in which this club specializes.
The problem that remains, however, is not you and your interest in the game. Maybe you don't like soccer, not because you don't find it all entertaining, but because you don't have access to the best soccer being played. Maybe the problem has to do with ESPN choosing to televise women's golf (women's fucking golf!) instead of the very entertaining Gold Cup final yesterday between The U.S. and Mexico. Maybe the problem has to do with the fact that the current level of competition, as well as the average salaries, in the MLS will never attract top flight talent from overseas. (David Beckham, while talented, is the most overrated player in the game today.) And maybe we should do something about it.
But what? What can you, concerned sports fan that you are, possibly do? Well, if you choose to do nothing but sit in front of your TV and watch the same recycled material ESPN deems worth watching, so be it. But you could instead choose to go a little out of your way to go that bar that televises European games and serves all kinds of beer. And who knows, you just might really, really like it. Following Barcelona wouldn't be a bad place to start, although they are hardly the only great, entertaining team out there. It's kinda like being 14 and trying all those cool new drugs for the first time - you have to experiment and see which ones you like best.
And besides, who doesn't like a nice excuse to drink a few pints in the middle of the afternoon? Mmm, Boddingtons...
Declared by
Lionel McClure
at
5:54 PM
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Labels: Afternoon Drinking, Sexual Deviance, Soccer
Off Topic: The Ultimate Challenge
(Editors Note: This is a story from a few years ago that I wrote for an old website. Rarely, will you otherwise catch me talking up Wrestling, but who doesn't love Hulk Hogan?)
We circled the basement TV at our buddy Baldwin’s house for the PPV showing. None of us really knew what to expect or what we were about to witness for that matter. The marvels and icons we had so admired (Hogan and Warrior) were about to clash in a battle for ultimate supremacy in the world of wrestling.Hogan would never lose, he couldn’t lose…right? And yes, we all knew how predictable the finish to any Hogan match had become, but still he made believers of us all. We believed in the good and the near immortality with which he stood for. How could we possibly turn our backs on this very man who was an ambassador for hope?
Yet, there stood the Ultimate Warrior. He was the younger, trendier, flashier, a bit more acrobatic wrestler who personified the term; “reckless abandonment.” Clearly, he was more gifted physically than Hogan and his unusual strength seemed to beg him to be the favorite.
However, this was no ordinary mortal he was going against. No sir, the intangibles were on Hogan’s side and rested solely in his heart. What we all knew about Hogan was that his heart made up for so much of his achievements in the sport, a sport by which we still believed in...back then. We weren’t certain what lay beneath the steroid induced, vein popping Ultimate Warrior.
All eyes in the world were asphyxiated at the very moment these two would collide. Allegiances would have to take a back door for the simple notion of just enjoying something this spectacular. Both wrestlers more than deserved to win and hence we had no choice, but to accept the fate that lay before both men.
This was the Ultimate Warrior (Intercontinental Champion) vs. Hulk Hogan (WWF Champion). It was Title vs. Title, in a winner take all combat. It was the greatest two wrestlers of our entire generation against each other. It was a match that seemed so improbable, but was really going to happen.
Both Wrestlers choose their own path to the ring, ignoring the convenient service cart that had been escorting the competitors to the ring all night. In his usual make-up, tassels and garb the Warrior streamlined his way to the ring in frantic fashion. His “red level” state of adrenaline surged and re-surged the nearly 70,000 in attendance and the worldwide audience on PPV.
I’ve often said you aren’t human if you don’t get goose bumps anytime you hear the opening lyrics: “When it comes crashing down and hurts inside.” The all too familiar song had done it to me once again; homage was given to the entrance of Hulk Hogan. Gorilla Monsoon commented that the roof was going to come off the Skydome, he couldn’t have been more correct.
The frenzied crowd was buried in jubilation and ecstatic with the overall level of satisfaction and joy Hogan brought to the table, just as he had done so many times before. Those were the moments many will forget about when it comes to Hogan’s legacy. He could turn a room inside out and at his pinnacle he could turn a room of 67,678 strong inside out.
His arrival to the ring was accompanied by the usual Hogan traits of “let me hear ya” gestures to the crowd, some fist pumps and the trademark “watcha gonna do” finger points at his opponent. The Warrior greeted Hogan’s presence by pounding his chest in angst right back at Hogan.
By the time the smoke cleared and the music had cut, the two Wrestlers were starring one another down eye-to-eye in the center of the ring. You could tell from the moment the bell rang that this was more than just a chance to pound the other into the mat. No sir, in order to win this match it was going to take wits, patience, perseverance, heart and desire.
The two wrestlers circled each other and paused momentarily before they locked in at center ring. The term “getting a feel” for the each other was clearly taking place. The trademark frenzied attack from the Warrior was not in the repertoire on this night. You could see his strategy and much like Hogan he knew he couldn’t win the match right away.
It was a seesaw battle back and forth of poorly executed and finely executed moves. Neither wrestler wanted to make the “big” mistake that could and would cost them a chance at winning the match. At one point we got to see the sheer strength of the Warrior as he challenged Hogan to a “feats of strength” in the center of the ring.
The predictability of most Hogan’s matches again surfaced when Hogan faintly began to submit to a sleeper/choke hold. Naturally, the arm began to shake just before unconsciousness hit on the 2 and ½ count. A few elbows to the Warrior’s midsection again served notice that if Hogan was going to lose, it would have to be the Warrior’s absolute best shot.
Coincidentally, the Warrior attempted an acrobatic move off the ropes after an “Irish Whip” that not only knocked out Hogan and himself, but also the referee. Moments after coming to, the Warrior attempted to pin Hogan and secure himself the greatest of nobility in professional wrestling. However, the referee was not to be found in order to share in the countdown of “1-2-3” along with the Warrior and the crowd.
Not to be outdone, Hogan would experience a similar feeling just moments later. Unfortunately, with wrestling there was or is no instant replay and the match would have to trudge on.
With the climax on the horizon, we were all still glued to what we expected to be a draw. How could the match possibly end any other way? I mean as naive as some of us may have been about the scripting of professional wrestling, we all just figured it would end on a count out or a double DQ.
As the match reached the latter stages of twenty some minutes, you could get the sense of Hogan being worn down. However, we had been here before. The momentum was clearly shifting to the Ultimate Warrior.
Hence, Hogan was exhausted and as Gorilla Monsoon again stated, “he looked ripe for the Pickens.” The Warrior was able to hoist Hogan into mid air just above shoulder length for his trademark “Gorilla Press.”
THIS WAS THE END FOR HOGAN…THE END!!!!!
We all gasped in shock as nobody had EVER recovered from the “Gorilla Press.” The only thing left was the “splash” and cover for the Warrior to win. He held Hogan up for what seemed like an eternity before finally dropping the icon to the mat and landing the perfect “splash” to seal the victory.
Our legend had fallen and it seemed so improbable-----but WAIT…we’ve seen this before. Hogan kicked out emphatically, despite being as defeated as any of us had ever seen him in our lifetimes. And you wonder why we believe in this guy? And you wonder why his legacy still exists today? And you wonder why I am writing an essay about a wrestling match that happened 15 years ago?
Hogan shook off the flurry of chops and punches from the Warrior. The crowd was electric despite having seen and known this routine before, it still just wasn’t old. It’s what we all wanted; it’s what we all believed in for so long.
Amazement and fear struck the eyes of the Warrior whose paint had long since been washed away by his own sweat and tears. The stars had aligned and everything was primed for Hogan to reclaim or at least put the stamp on his throne of dominance.
We knew what was coming next. Yup, a flurry of Hogan shaking and telling the Warrior “Oh, no buddy…you made a mistake…you should’ve pinned me when you had the chance.” It was the same old script, but nobody gave a shit once Hogan started connecting on shattering blows to the face. In fact, we all counted in unison (those in the crowd and those watching on TV)…1-2-3-4-5…and so on as Hogan landed punches.
Then came the “Big Boot” to the face…JUBILATION!!! Hugs and high fives all around as Hogan was coming up “big”, in the big spot, once again. All that was left was the “Leg Drop” and then “I AM A REAL AMERICAN” would be blasting over the P.A.
However, in the fainting seconds of the infamous Hogan “Leg Drop”, the Warrior somehow managed to slide out from underneath the assault. What happened next was like seeing a Hail Mary to win a game or a steal and a half-court buzzer beater during March Madness. A state of shock had come over everyone.
It happened so fast that we had little time to even ponder what might happen next. After the Warrior ducked the “Leg Drop”, a startled Hogan lay motionless on the mat and the Warrior wasted no time. Once again he landed his trademark splash and this time he wouldn’t be denied.
In a blink of an eye, the three count had hit, the bell had rung and Hulk Hogan had been defeated. A deflated group of us sat and watched the fireworks go off in the Skydome and the ensuing celebration from the new WWF Champion, the Ultimate Warrior. Heck, he was also still the Intercontinental Champion…the guy was the king of the sport.
A cerebral and emotionally drained Hulk Hogan couldn’t resist the temptation of tears as he looked on outside the ring. Had I been alone on that day, I too probably would’ve cried. Hogan looked on in disbelief and was slow to gather himself. At that moment we could truly see the human side of our beloved hero. He was no longer the best; he had been beaten fair and square.
What happened next summed up the character of who Hulk Hogan really is and was. An act built so rich on Sportsmanship in a sport like Wrestling seemed illogical if not impossible. However, Hogan wasn’t going to hide the appreciation he had gained for and from his competitor.
Hogan grabbed his former Championship belt and instead of smashing it over the head of the newly crowned Ultimate Warrior he graciously re-entered the ring and as the music stopped, presented it the Warrior in what many wrestling circles have called the “passing of the torch.”
The Warrior looked surprisingly astonished and not sure how to act, as if such an act could never be expected in such a sport. However, the mutual respect couldn’t help, but overshadow any part of the celebration. The two hugged in the center of the ring to the delight of many a wrestling fan.
The Warrior raised Hogan’s arm in acknowledgement of everything Hogan had done for the sport, not just on that night, but throughout his entire career. Not wanting to steal any of the Warrior’s moment, Hogan quickly backed away and rode off in the escort cart back to the locker room.
He received an ovation unlike any other and probably the most significant one of his career. Regardless of losing, the fans still loved this guy and really could you honestly blame them? Hogan fought back tears as he rode away to the showers of admiration.
I seldom watched wrestling much after that night. Hulk Hogan slowly became an afterthought in the world of wrestling and hence so too did my interest. His brief returns just weren’t the same by my standards.
That night changed everything, but it changed everything for the better. It stands out to me as the sole reason Hulk Hogan’s legacy will never be forgotten. I’ll never lose respect for the guy, even if he is making rap albums with Jimmy Hart, even though he spray painted on a black beard and became Hollywood.
Heck, even though he made a reality TV show with his family and just walked around in wrestling tights all day at age 60. Even, though he was never really a “great” technique wrestler and his moves and script were the same every match. Despite it all, I’ll always give the guy the credit he deserves.
And believe me, the song “I am a Real American”, still does it for me…you’d understand this story a lot more if it still does it for you. Anyhow, like I was saying…that night back in 1990 changed everything. And as Hogan rode off that night Gorilla Monsoon couldn’t have stated it any better.
“Hulk Hogan has gone from mortal to immortal.”
He really did and he really has, it’s been 15 years and I haven’t forgotten.
Have you?
Declared by
Stan M.
at
4:30 PM
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Labels: a loss of innocence, hulk hogan, the ultimate challenge, ultimate warrior, wrestlemania
Summer Rental: Off-Topic Week.
So, Rupert is off to Italy for a much needed vacation and that leaves yours truly running the asylum this week. And since we are quickly approaching the dog days of summer, I figured why not open things up with an off topic week here at the Ghosts? It won't be an exclusively "off-topic" week, but it will be a chance to spread some old literary pieces around or cover some new topics. Got any ideas?
Declared by
Stan M.
at
12:05 AM
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Labels: bored, go to the beach, Sports Hiatus, summer rental, Summer vacation
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Retro Night at Petco Park: A Photo Diary
You've gotta love the scheduling of interleague baseball. On occasions we are given token match-ups that not only mean something, but by nature are special events. This past weekend the Boston Red Sox made their first journey to San Diego in quite sometime. And this visit was their first ever to the beautiful confines of Petco Park.
This such match-up that I speak of deserves the "special" label. And I'm not just saying that, because I live in San Diego and got to take in Friday nights game. It was Maddux vs. Dice-K in a classic pitchers duel. I mean how many times in my life do I get to see Maddux pitch to Manny, arguably two of my favorite baseball players ever...for obvious reasons.
The event itself didn't let me, or the 40,000 plus in attendance down in the least bit. As expected the Red Sox fans traveled in style. Of course, there were the minor arguments, shouting matches and taunts amongst the natives and Red Sox nation, but all in all it was a great moment in baseball. I was able to take it all in as an innocent bystander and impartial fan. I brought along the old digital to snap some of the many sights. Enjoy...
And for the record the Padres retro uniforms are the best in baseball hands down. Seeing Maddux in the '84 Padres uniform...bittersweet.
Declared by
Stan M.
at
4:51 PM
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Labels: Best of Baseball, Boston Red Sox, Dice-K, Greg Maddux, Manny Ramirez, Petco Park, Red Sox Nation, Retro Uniforms, San Diego Padres
Friday, June 22, 2007
The Top 25 "Obscure Sports" Movies: #21 Thru #25 and the Honorable Mentions
For a complete description of the The Top 25 "Obscure Sports" Movies and the celebrity sports bloggers who contributed, check out this jump. For those of you who are too lazy, here's a quick recap.
"Obscure Sports" - Anything that is NOT football, basketball, baseball, hockey, or soccer (with a special exemption for hooligan flicks).
#21 - Aspen Extreme
Despite a 2 rating for dudity (male nudity) from McBain at the Flyers Fieldhouse, Aspen Extreme powered it's way into the top 25. Most people might think the best film about two dudes packing up in a van and moving to Aspen is Dumb and Dumber. Not so fast. Aspen Extreme is right up there. First of all, these guys came from Mt. Brighton, which I believe is actually a landfill in Michigan. Full of flair, they roll in to the sceney Aspen lifestyle with a "nothing to lose" attitude and make the most of it.
Also, Aspen Extreme provides one of the best sidekick roles in sports movie history. Dexter Rutecki provides us with endless entertainment. Rutecki pops a double helicopter in his trial run for ski school, but ends up as the ski school Santa, because he's too ugly for the Aspen scene.
Presumably, Aspen Extreme was weighed down a bit for its female casting as the always annoying, Teri Polo, plays the love interest and Finola Hughes plays the debonair ass on the side. Hughes is definitely appealing, but they really could have shot the moon in this role.
#22 - Thrashin
Truthfully, this whole brainchild came to be because of my curiousity about Lance Mountain's whereabouts (one of the greatest names of all time). This is the film that put skateboarding on the map. Before Thrashin, Powell Peralta was just a bunch of hippies high on dope with some weird boner shaped roller skates. Thrashin transformed those guys into legends. My personal favorite Powell Peralta skater, Christian Hosoi even makes an appearance. Just to ding your memory bank a little, some of the other legendary skaters who appear in Thrashin are Mike McGill, Steve Caballero, and Tony Hawk (obviously).
This movie embodies everything the "Obscure Sports" Top 25 is all about. The pure randomness that we just don't see anymore. Two skateboard gangs battling to the the death to achieve skateboard gang supremacy. It's like somebody walked into the studio and said, "The Warriors, but with skateboards." Even Flea showed up in this one. I'm just sorry this wasn't higher on the list.
If you too are curious what Lance Mountain is up to, you can check out his official website. If you look around, you can find a pair of Lance's original 1987 Air Jordans.
#23 - Ski School
I think the greatness of ski school is better served by a little anecdote. When I was about 12 years old, I had a sleep over with one of my friends. After my parents went to bed, we watched Ski School and came up with a brilliant idea. We took the Poloraoid and snapped pictures of all the boob shots. Now, this was no amateur operation either. We got out blankets and set them up like a photo booth around the television, eliminating any glare and providing for some excellent shots. Needless to say, this led to an awkward ending with my mom calling me into my room with her standing there holding the Polariods wondering where on earth I got them. To this day, I'm pretty think she actually thought I took Polaroids of some live hot naked women.
#24 -American Flyers
With Kevin Costner and Jennifer Grey in the same movie, how could you go wrong? While typically considered second fiddle to Breaking Away, American Flyers is a solid cycling movie that will mist you up everytime. Stranglely, it almost works as a foreshadowing for Lance Armstrong. The main character, Masrcus Sommers (Costner) is dying from a malignant tumor and channels his energies into cycling and overcomes adversity. The token arch nemesis, Muzzin, played by Luca Bercovici, provides great competition... and quotes.
Woman Reporter: Is that why you're boycotting the victory ceremony?
Muzzin: What victory? There's two stages left.
Woman Reporter: Still, the fact remains...
Muzzin: You wouldn't know a fact if it banged you all night long!
#25 - The Cutting Edge
Good lord. How did this one weasel in here? Well, it's a given all of our smokin fine female blog contributors supported this one. Amongst the girls, Cutting Edge received a 9.33 average score. There is serious anomaly here that concerns me greatly. The male bloggers gave it average score of 3.45 on the whole, but our very own Stan Gable gave it a 9! What's going on Stan, you're scaring me? Thank goodness the Wayne Fontes Experience, Gheorghe, our very own Turd, and Empty the Bench gave this one no higher than a 2 rating.
In all seriousness, how can you have a figure skating movie and not include Mary Lou Retton? I mean at this point, she would probably do it for 40 bucks and Burrito Bol from Chipotle.
Honorable Mention
Believe me, the list went well beyond the 25 on the list and the write in votes were plentiful. A number of them certainly deserve at least an honorable mention nod.
Talladega Nights - Talladega Nights was certainly worthy of the top 25, but we held out on this one in protest, because none of us have yet to figure out NASCAR. Therefore, we refuse to give this one credit as even being a sports movie.
Gymkata - We could not leave Gymkata behind, because Turftoe originally refused to participate if it was not included amongst the nominees. I think this one just needs a little more exposure as movies about gymnastics-fighting are sure to be all the rage next summer. Plus, I found a Gymkata drinking game, so that is obviously a good sign. Do me a favor. Don't fuck up my Netflix and wait a week before renting this.
One more thing: strong words of wisdom are afoot here, so take heed. "There are many sounds around us, each is slightly different. So small as to go un-noticed by the person who is unaware. Do not hear the wood split. Hear the only sound of axe, cutting air. Read the air itself. It has much say to you."
Teen Wolf Too - What's the formula for a great sequel? Jason Bateman, check. Wolf, check. Wrestling title, check. Oh wait, something about wrestling a wolf does not seem right. Who in their right mind would wrestle with a wolf?
Presumably, the studio execs figures they could just piggy back on the massive success of the Hogan Family, but they underestimated the impact of skimping out on Pamela and the original Coach Finstock: a critical oversight.
Teen Wolf Too actually came in dead last, but it was tough to rally after a devastating -10 score from Gheorghe - The Blog. It's actually tougher to come back from a -10 than down 3-0 in the playoffs. This has never been done.
Dodgeball - We received an awful lot of support for Dodgeball, but it is not quite ready for primetime. Despite a lot of good jokes, Dodgeball just reeks a but of trying too hard to be funny. On the other hand, Dodgeball is the movie that gave twenty-something hipsters an avenue to revisit their athletic primes - the sixth grade. Hmmm, sounds like blogging.
Airborne - One of personal favorites, I was saddened to see Airborne come in near the bottom of the list. Apparently, the other bloggers didn't fake sick and watch rollerblade movies on HBO as much as I did in high school. A couple noteworthy factoids on Aiborne are: 1) it has the dumbest tagline in movie history, " The World's Only Rock 'N' Rollerblade Movie," 2) it has the second dumbest tagline in movie history, "Mitchell Became The Most Popular Guy On Earth...Once He Took To The Sky!" and 3) it includes one of Seth Green's more underappreciated supporting roles as the quintessential friend of the new kid.
Bring It On - I confess, this was a massive boo-boo on my part. I forgot to include Bring It On. I would have given a pretty good score to the cheerleader's version of Remember the Titans. To make it up to you, here's a picture of Eliza Dushku decked out in some hot eighties fashions.
Over The Top - Over the Top has the kitschy vote for sure as it stars Stallone and keys on arm wrestling, but let's face it, it's not that good. Don't get me wrong, I love a good Stallone movie, but trying to win the love of his son via arm wrestling? It's just way too sappy. Ending the cold war with a boxing match is totally cool with me, but the love of a son with arm wrestling. That's bush league.
Others Receiving Votes
Ice Castles, Breaking Away, Pre, Sideout, Football Factory
Finally, Point Break had a couple nods, but after much deliberation, we decided that Point Break is not really a sports movie. Otherwise, it would have made the top 5.
_________________________________________________
One final interesting item before I bid you adieu. The women are far more generous voters in general. I suppose this proves once again that the women are smarter.
Average men's score: 5.64
Average women's socre: 7.75
P.S. I'm heaaded off on vacation today for a week (Venice). I'm hoping to keep the Top 25 rolling in a timely manner, but internet access might be limited. So, don't hate me if it is a little slower than usual for the subsequent posts. Nevertheless, check back for more of the Top 25.
Declared by
Rupert Entwistle
at
7:38 PM
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Labels: The Top 25 "Obscure Sports" Movies
Thursday, June 21, 2007
From the Odd Couple Series: Lattimer and Giambi
The pressure is turning on Jason Giambi these days... And he's not quite sure where to turn. MLB has issued an ultimatum to the Giambino. He must talk to George Mitchell in the steroids investigation or else. And after weeks of speculation Giambi has finally caved and accepted his fate.
Yet, what happens now...does he talk, does he rat people out? To whom can he turn...whom can he trust?
PHONE RINGS.
Lattimer: Jason, it’s me.
Giambi: God is that you?
Lattimer: Snap out of it boy?
Giambi: Latty is that you? Where have you been?
Lattimer: Well, actually me and some Mexicans I picked up at the “Home Depot” just got back from Tijuana. We scored, big time ‘bro. I’m talking about the most synthetic un-detectable shit you could ever imagine.
Giambi: What the? What are you talking about? I am under fire. You know about the Federal investigation right? Where the hell have you been?
Lattimer: In Tijuana...I just told you, remember? No, hadn't heard about it. Seriously though 'bro that is the place for us. We could buy some cheap coastal property and just gig out.
Giambi: Huh?
Lattimer: Bro, have you ever seen the donkey show down there? Fuck, is 'bout all I can say.
Giambi: Dude, I've gotta go before George Mitchell...SOON!!!
Lattimer: You can get anything you want down there. Ampheties, Cocoa...you name it. Say, be honest with me bro' do you think I'm fucked if the condom broke?
Giambi: You gotta snap out of this and help me out.
Lattimer: Um, well we could go surfing off the coast of Bali and then spend a few months in Fiji until this all blows over.
Giambi: Not gonna work, I was given a deadline to talk to this George Mitchell guy about steroids in baseball. Me and my big mouth, they are going to eventually want me to name names.
Lattimer: Fuck ‘bro…this is deep. Let me think a second.
Lattimer: I got an idea. Ding mother-fucking dong!
Giambi: What does that mean?
Lattimer: Just thinking out loud. Did I tell you I made starting defense. STARTING DEFENSE.
(Lattimer then smashes the phone).
Giambi: Dude, did you just hang up on me? What the fuck?
Lattimer: No, actually I just smashed my phone…fortunately I have a back-up. Phew.
Giambi: I don’t think I could ever really sell anybody out…could you?
Lattimer: I don't know, its the battle, the going to war with the other guys, hanging together, having our own dorm, staying in hotels the night before the games, setting ourselves apart, being different than everybody else, having a chance to be somebody, to do something that people look up to you for, your strength, your courage, not everybody can play football... were the lucky ones.
Giambi: Dude, what the hell are you talking about? I don’t play football and neither do you. In fact, you never did. You’re just an actor.
Lattimer: Shit, you’re right bro' sometimes I just loose it. This cycle I’m on right now pushes my moods and alters my mind. I'm fucking manic.
Giambi: Can we get back to talking about me?
Lattimer: No doubt bud. Look, you can’t "x" anybody out. Just beat around the bush and say you’re sorry for something, but you’re not quite sure what. That’s what I told the team when I was suspended by coach for a few games.
Giambi: I tried that…years ago. Now, they want answers.
Lattimer: OK…if you wanted me to bit the shit out of this Mitchell guy you should’ve just said so. We’re brothers…remember?
Giambi: No, that’s not what I want.
Lattimer: Sure, sure you don’t…I can read between the lines bro'.
Giambi: This is pointless, I'm hanging the phone up.
Lattimer: I got you 'bro...this Mitchell dude has a new problem.
Want more Lattimer?
Declared by
Stan M.
at
8:52 PM
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Labels: George Mitchell, Jason Giambi, MLB, Steroids, Steve Lattimer, The Program
I Can't Stay Mad at You Forever.
In an ironic twist, Sammy Sosa belted his 600th career homerun on Wednesday night against the Chicago Cubs of all teams. Oddly enough though, the irony continues if you stop and think about the fact that Sosa hit his first ever homerun in the majors with none other than the Texas Rangers. Is this all fitting? Are you getting a little misty eyed?
Well, I can’t help myself into thinking just how special the moment really was. And yes, it was vastly significant that this milestone did come against the Chicago Cubs. For all practical purposes, Sosa was the face of the Cubs for an entire era. He reigned supreme as Mr. Cub for so many years it’s hard to just forget.
Can any Cub fan really turn off the emotional pull to Sosa? Yes, we were scorned and bitter as to how it all came to end. We remember him sneaking out of the clubhouse during the final game of the 2004 season. We faintly recall him lying about it. And who could forget watching the gradual erosion of Sosa’s abilities?
We made sure to poke fun at the post-Cub Sosa. He struggled to produce much of anything in Baltimore and we laughed at his shriveling appearance. Then came the steroid allegations and it all made sense. The man was a liar, a cheat and a fraud. Sosa couldn’t stop shoveling more dirt on his own grave when he pronounced “no hablo English” at the Congress hearing on Steroids.
So long and farewell, good riddance Sosa. Cubs fans had buried the memories of arguably the most loveable Cub since Ernie Banks. The corked bat, the media walkout, etc…it all made perfect sense to us. And we weren’t about to reminisce the memories of yesteryear. Trust me, I was in this category...I was done with Sosa. The fleeting memories I once cherished of him trotting out to right field were gone.
Yet, something sparked for me last night in watching Sosa make history. Like stirring up old feelings for an ex-girlfriend after 5 or 6 beers, I couldn’t keep it bottled in any longer. We ALL loved Sammy Sosa. He was dear to our hearts. He was beyond special when it came to his relationship with the fans in Wrigleyville.
Who cares if he didn’t get along with the media, or lied or did this or did that? How could we ever forget the memories of ’98 and the homerun chase? How could we possibly forget the hop, skip and the trot? What about his homerun off Ugith Urbina to force extra innings in Game 1 of the NLCS in 2003? What about everything he did for the Chicago Cubs and us as fans over the years?
I’m sick of being bitter; I’m ready to bury the hatchet. The man stepped aside from baseball for reasons of pride. He returned and has performed at a level not many expected. And maybe it was all for selfish reasons and to go after the 600 HR milestone, but you know what I say…who cares? Just for a few days, let’s put the jokes aside and admire this remarkable feat.
For the first time in years, I can honestly…I’m proud of ‘ya Sammy. Congrats.
Declared by
Stan M.
at
11:13 AM
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Labels: 600 Homeruns, chicago cubs, i'm sorry Sammy, misty eyed, Sammy Sosa, Special moment, Texas Rangers
The Top 25 "Obscure Sports" Movies: Getting Started
Look, I love a good Philly-Guido-Makes-Eagles-Tugs-Heartstrings sports movie as much the next guy, but every now and then it's a breath of fresh air to catch a great film about a slightly more random sport. No disrepect to Vince, Rudy, underdog coaches, or retarded kids, but these movies tend to be pretty formulaic. They also tend to appeal to the big U.S. sports markets.
Everyone has their opinions on the best sports movies of all time, but often some of the timeless sports classics are lost in the shuffle, because they do not hit on one of the 4, maybe 5, major sports. Thus, it is time for the Top #25 "Obscure Sports" Movies of all time. The word choice here - "obscure sports" - is a little confusing, so let me provide a definition.
"Obscure Sports" - Anything that is NOT football, basketball, baseball, hockey, or soccer (with a special exemption for hooligan flicks).
In order to add some validity to the process, we reached out to the sports blogging community and asked our favorite sports bloggers to provide their rankings from a long list of candidates on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the best, 1 the worst). We compiled the data of 18 bloggers and with our complex statistical package, we came up with a quantitative score for each film. Using this data and minimal subjective overlays from yours truly, we assembled the list of the Top 25 "Obcusre Sports" Movies.
The support from the sports blog community was astounding and we would like to extend a sincere thanks to everyone who contributed, including:
| Babes Love Baseball | Sports Agent Blog |
| Cobra Brigade | Our Book of Scrap |
| Empty the Bench | Extrapolater |
| Flyers Fieldhouse | The Feed |
| Turftoe | The Wayne Fontes Experience |
| Gheorghe - The Blog | Ladies… |
| Need4Sheed |
So, thanks again to everyone who contributed and check back with us later if you like. In the meantime, make sure to check out the links of all of the contributors. They are all run fantastic blogs.
Finally, Our Book of Scrap has an excellent sports movie project going as well. Check it out and submit your opinions here.
Declared by
The Ghosts
at
8:00 AM
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Labels: The Top 25 "Obscure Sports" Movies
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Turning the Page: A Goodbye Letter to Michael Barrett.
Farewell Michael Barrett, you are no longer wanted in Chicago. Hopefully by now, your agent has contacted you and let you know the specifics of the deal. Well, guess what? You’re headed to greener pastures…San Diego, CA. Does that sound like something you might be interested in? Well too bad if not, because pack your bags ‘bro that is where you are headed.
Not shitting you man. I read it this morning straight from sources associated with Buster Olney on ESPN.com. Tough break bud, but come on…you had to know this was coming. Look Michael, no hard feelings and all, but you were becoming quite the --what’s the term I’m looking for? Right, Clubhouse Cancer.
You really didn’t see the writing on the wall? Zambrano didn’t just punch you in the face for no reason. Sure, he said he was sorry, but there was still literal meaning behind those punches. What else did he really have left to say to you? Judging from your black eyes and swollen lip…he already said enough.
And if that wasn’t hint enough, he went on record as saying that he’d rather have Koyie Hill catch his games than you pal. Yes, Koyie “freakin” Hill. Who is that? Who cares…the ace of your team’s pitching staff preferred a no-name catcher over you. How does that feel Michael?
Don’t answer that question…please. Honestly, I tried to support you…I tried. We all rejoiced after you punched A.J Pierzynski in the face last year. It was arguably the defining moment of the Cubs otherwise miserable season. However, in hindsight it now looks like nothing more than a cheap shot.
Let’s face it; your catching skills are quickly eroding as your career wears on. It’s common knowledge that naturally the body has wear and tear and not everybody can catch at an elite level for an entire career. Lou Pinella advised that your playing time would be scaled back minimally in the upcoming weeks.
This should’ve been the handwriting you needed to see. Yet, there you were again just a few days later arguing with a young impressionable pitcher, Rich Hill in the dugout during a game. You shook it off as nothing much. However, we could see through your B.S. And so today, we aren’t much surprised or saddened about your departure.
I’m sure you have your side of the story, but we as fans have ours…and it’s probably not going to change. You couldn’t control your temper any longer Michael. You were becoming a nuisance and a distraction. If this were the “Sopranos” Tony would’ve had you taken out long ago.
We are talking about “un-checked” aggression here…man. This could’ve all been different if you simply would’ve turned it down a notch and re-dedicated yourself to playing the game the right way, instead of stirring up the pot.
Anyhow, don’t feel bad…this should be a win/win for both parties involved. You get to go to America’s Finest City, San Diego. You can hang out in a laid back atmosphere, maybe learn to surf, take in some fish taco’s and basically just overall chill out. Might be the perfect scene for you to mellow out and re-discover yourself.
Besides, on the bright side of things you are going to a first place team with a dominant pitching staff. Don’t kid yourself; you knew the Cubs were going nowhere fast. And now, you don’t even have to worry about being the everyday catcher. You’ll most likely rotate around with Josh Bard. The Padres didn’t want you for your ability to call and catch a good game…they wanted your bat.
And for the Cubs, they get rid of distraction. They acquire a younger catcher named Rob Bowen and a minor leaguer, Kyler Burke. So maybe the Cubs lose a little hitting in the transaction, but in the long run it’s going to work out for the best. The catcher position in Chicago now becomes more of a platoon, but that’s just fine.
If team harmony improves and the pitching staff is happy…than we are all happy. And with that Michael, I say goodbye. Thanks for the lasting memories with the Cubs and sorry it had to end this way, but all good things end in time. And not that this was a good thing, but…never mind…you get my drift.
No hard feelings bud, OK? I’m not bitter…honest. And don’t go feeling sorry for yourself, the weather is booming in San Diego this time of year and you probably just got your get of jail free card. Yet, hopefully the Cubs got rid of their poison as well. We shall see.
Declared by
Stan M.
at
9:14 AM
5
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Labels: carlos zambrano, Catching Skills, chicago cubs, Clubhouse Cancer, Farewell, lou pinella, Memories, Michael Barrett, Rich Hill, San Diego Padres
Mocking the NBA Draft.
It’s arguably the last Sports “Event” or "Non-Event" of the summer, pending who you ask. Well, unless of course you’re attached to Regular Season Baseball, Nascar or the WNBA. Arguments aside, we are about one week away from the over-hyped perennial event better known as the NBA Draft.
This is what many consider to be one of the deepest drafts in quite a few years. However, the suspense is long gone when it comes to the two premier players, Oden and Durant. We already know their destinations and really are only left with the speculation of who is going next?
Yet, does anyone really believe this is actually a major story? Sure, it’s nice to watch the first few picks unfold and then scour the paper to see who did and who didn’t get drafted, but really how much entertainment value does it really hold these days?
Is it really worth listening to Jay Bilas explain; length, tremendous upside potential, and um, tremendous upside potential? The suspense is just not there and the intrigue for casual fans is all, but non-existent. This is by no means the "premier" stage David Stern still believes it to be.
And honestly, how many more "Mock Drafts" can we take? Well, enough about complaints...how 'bout one more Mock for that ass. Here is my Lottery. Apologies aside, I'm NO Chad Ford. Oh well, follow me...
#1. Portland (Oden) – The obvious and only choice if GM Kevin Pritchard would like to keep his job. The only question mark remains is whether or not Oden is already at the tail end of his career. (yes, bad joke).
#2. Seattle (Durant) – Money. The Sonics might have the best dilemma on the board. Durant has the making of a star and marketing machine. Of course, if Portland has a brain lapse Greg Oden falls into their laps. Sounds like a win-win to be at #2 this year? Yet, Durant bench presses like a pussy.
#3. Atlanta (Mike Conley Jr.) – Why on earth would Atlanta pass once again on another point guard? Horford and Wright are nice players, but they can’t let another point guard pass them by in the draft. Even if it's too high of a pick, it's imperative. (BTW: They are a virtual lock to take Horford...I know).
#4. Memphis (Al Horford) – It’s a coin flip between Horford/Wright in this spot. Yet, I’m guessing the Grizz would go with the more NBA ready Big Al.
#5. Boston (Corey Brewer) – A lot of teams are lusting over Corey right now. And the Celtics should go with the most logical pick that won’t lead to level red panic waves, which = Brewer.
#6. Milwaukee (Brandan Wright) – This would be quite the slip (and possibly steal) for what many felt was the 3rd best prospect all season behind Oden/Durant. He's got the "project" or "TUP" label, pending how you look at it.
#7. Minnesota (Yi Jianlian) – Just another reason for KG to go postal this season.
#8. Charlotte (Joakim Noah) – I thought about leaving him completely out of the lottery just to piss him off, but then I remembered he doesn’t care too much for a mock draft I came up with in my non-existent basement. He should be the "face" of the franchise. Um, that's scary isn't it?
#9. Chicago (Spencer Hawes) – Nothing says an "in your face and intimidating" frontcourt like P.J Brown, an aging Ben Wallace and Spencer Hawes. The Bulls should be the favorites to win the East in a landslide next year...yeah, right.
#10. Sacramento (Jeff Green) – McBain is going to miss the good ‘ole days of “Hoya Paranoia” and a potential G-town National Championship. In other news, welcome to oblivion and Ron Artest, Jeff…best of luck.
#11. Atlanta (Julian Wright) – Personally, I’d rather have Wright over Green and maybe the Hawks don’t need another wingman, but why not take the best prospect on the board? Then again, it is the Hawks and if anybody can mess up two lottery picks...it's them. My apologies to all five of their fans.
#12. Philadelphia (Al Thornton) – The most NBA ready prospect in the draft. What does that really mean though? I thought we were looking for “Tremendous Upside Potential” in the Lottery?
#13.
New Orleans (Nick Young) – The thought of Young and Paul in the backcourt is pretty tantalizing. Young has an unlimited ceiling, but a more likely scenario of being the next Harold Minor.
#14. Los Angeles Clippers (Acie Law IV) – He is what the scouts would call a combo guard. One of my favorite players to watch in this draft. Clutch and exciting. Sam Cassell…meet your replacement. Dude's got "balls."
#15. Detroit (Javaris Crittenton) – Just for shits and giggles, I added my wish for the Pistons and their #15. Yet, the obvious pick is probably going to be Rodney Stuckey…oh, well. Hello Joe D, you NEED a friggin' point guard.
Declared by
Stan M.
at
12:40 AM
6
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Labels: bored, greg oden, Kevin Durant, mock draft, NBA Draft
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
The Fantasy Shit List (And You On It): By NWA
This was originally meant to be an entry to graduate from the kid's table to play with the adults in the KSK Fantasy Football League, but blog entries are not accepted. Oh well. It's pretty dumb anyway. The entry comes in the form of an NWA song. It's probably better not to focus on the fact that it's written by the whitest guy in the world.
Dr. Dre (talking): Yo Yella Boy, why don’t you kick me one them funky ass beats. Ha ha, yeah. Alright.
(Enter Bomb Ass Beat)
Mc Ren (talking): My homeboy Eazy E’s in the house. Compton’s definitely in the house. The cold Cube is up in the house. Yo Dre, break em off a little somethin’.
Dr. Dre: You might know me as your mutha f—ckin doctor, but my first name’s Dre.
I’m here to drop some knowledge for my boys down at KSK.
It has come to my knowledge about your football league.
I’ll f-ck you all in the ass like my bitch, Cheryl Tiegs.
NWA All: We got a little secret that we can’t dismiss.
It’s inside thang, we call the fantasy sh-t list.
And You On It. unhh, yeah, unhh, yeah. And You On It.
(Funky Horn Section)
Ice Cube: To make it on the our list you gotta sh-t the bed.
Daunte Culpepper, we bouts to bust a cap in yo’ head.
Last season, you made winning my sh-t hard.
Cause you move in the pocket like a Buckingham Palace Guard.
Eazy E: On my sh-t list is a bitch who plays for my Raiders.
Lamont Jordan runs the ball like mutha f—kin figure skater.
The dude ate too many steaks, drank too much brew.
The line’s gotta open up holes the size of Katmandu.
MC Ren: Yet another MC pussy kissin mucho ass,
Corey Dillon, how come your tank ain't got no gas?
Everybody's always saying how you can kill the clock,
But you run about as fast as a cinder block.
Dr. Dre: Randy Moss, your last season didn't go as planned,
Cause when the weekend comes, you go call the...
NWA All: DOPEMAN!!!
Yella: Mike Shanahan is on list and he never touches the field,
Because he always keeps his fu-kin starters so concealed.
We fell for his sh-t for the one last time,
Cause it's time for some NWA organized crime.
Ice Cube: Another bitch on my list is wideout, Michael Clayton.
Every week I put him in, every week I'm still waitin.
Nobody throws him ball and when they finally do,
He couldn't catch the fu--in thing if it was super glue.
NWA All: We got a little secret that we can’t dismiss.
It’s inside thang, we call the fantasy sh-t list.
And You On It. unhh, yeah, unhh, yeah. And You On It.
Dr. Dre (Deep Groan): Jeyeah.
Monday, June 18, 2007
The Countdown to World Domination Hath Beguneth
In case you missed it on Sunday, HBO aired the first episode of the new comedy series on Sunday, the Flight of the Conchords. Essentially, it's the story of a quirky duo of singer songwriters who moved to the Big Apple to get a record deal and make it in the music business. If I had to slap a dopey tagline on it, it would probably read "New Zealand's Answer to Tenacious D."
The first episode was about as good as something you might see on Aurora Public Access at best, but that's why I felt the need to throw up a quick sampling of You Tube clips. It was awful. The rocky first episode took me my utter surprise, as I find these guys massively entertaining and fully expect them to take over the world in a few short months.
Their "stand up" routine is gut-bustingly funny to the point of tears and peeing. So, before you close the book on the the Conchords, take a look at some of their original songs from the stand up act. Clearly, they just need a little time to work the kinks out on the show. Presumably, they have to get comfortable with television writers, acting, and input from network executives.
In a way, I'm sort of glad they didn't start off with an excellent debut episode, because I like the idea of getting familiar with the whole repetoire before every asshole in my office is doing their best impersonation - a la Borat. I doubt if there's much time though. These guys are too good and too funny, so it won't be long before everybody's singing these songs...
Bowie Song
Hiphopopotamus vs Rhymenocerous
She's So Hot Boom
Packers Hiring: Send Your Resume and Salary Requirements
According to the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, the position of Green Bay Packers president is expected to vacate as a result of the indefinite leave of absense of currency president, John Jones. The Packers organization remains tight lipped as to the rationale for Jones' leave of absense other than a comment from the executive committee citing "undisclosed management concerns." We suspect his poor old heart couldn't handle the hard partying Packer's lifestyle of beer, bratwurst, cheese, and women, but that is just speculation. We wish you the best, John.
The search for a new president is in the early stages at this point. Currently, five applicants have expressed interest in the position, four are considered football guys and one is from outside the industry. We thought it be a good idea to level the playing field a little, so we thought we could help suggest some other candidates. Clearly, the Packers back office is capable of narrowing down the candidates from insisde the NFL circles, but we offered our help on some others from outside the game.
Our required qualifications are quite stern: applicants must have a 1) a history of competitveness, 2) a strong track record of success in business or otherwise, 3) the ability to drink a ton of Leinenkugel Red, and 4) eat massive amounts of tube steaks. In conjuction with qualification #4, it is imperative that - under any and all circumstances - candidates carefully abide by the "Hot Dog Ettiquette*" as established by the National Hot Dog & Sausage Council. A third party auditor will perform a background check on all applicants to ensure that candidates have not violated the "no ketchup on hot dogs after the age of 18 clause."
After sifting through resumes, we narrowed down the field. We thought the following list of folks would fit in well with the Packers organization and more importantly, the Pack fans.
Thomas Callahan III - While somewhat unconventional in his ways, young Tommy Callahan has a way about him that endears him to clients and coworkers alike. The Packer's organization was particularly impressed with Callahan's down-to-earth demeanor as they see him a good liason with the younger players. Callahan worked his way up from administrative assistant to CEO of Callahan Auto Parts and is a natural sales person. His smooth-talking and keen negotiating abililty are highly coveted as cap space is always a lingering issue. On the downside, Callahan's health is a question mark as he's known to have a bit of a weight problem and have issues with food getting lodged in his mid-section.
Anthony Soprano - Soprano could bring a much needed hard-nosed, no-BS approach to the business side of the Packer's organization. Proponents of Soprano feel that he would make aggressive decisions and not miss out on opportunities like letting Randy Moss slip through their fingers. Also, Soprano would be the one guy that could stand up to Brett Favre once and for all and get this bus out of first gear in Green Bay. On the downside, Soprano's whereabouts are a bit of a mystery as he has not responded to phone calls in the past week.
Takeru Kobayashi - When it comes to Long Food, Kobayashi is the most dominant eater in the hisotry of the world, winning six straight Nathan's titles. This is a guy who knows how to get it done. While his knowledge of football is beneath that of his competitors, his competitive side is above and beyond all others. Takeru has put down 59 1/2 hot dogs in twelve minutes, making him a virtual god in the land of long food. He is likely to make the transition away from competitive eating since his title was finally dethroned after years of dominance. Most people close to Kobayashi feel he let Joey Chestnut win, because he was ready for a career change.
Walter Sobchak - Another hard-nosed leader, Sobchak is a stickler for the rule book. Sobchak has a history of fulfilling moral obligations and taking the high road as evidenced by his commitment to his Jewish religion despite the breakup with his wife. Also, the Packers are particularly impressed with Sobchak's athletic ability and competitve background as a leading league bowler. One major negative, Sobchak's religious obligations could periodically interfere with gameday - particularly come playoff time - as he is unavailable to work on Saturdays. Additionally, Sobchak has a ferocious tempter as evidenced by his feelings on Shabbos. "That means that I don't work, I don't get in a car, I don't f---ing ride in a car, I don't pick up the phone, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as s--t don't f---ing [go to Packer's games] on Shomer Shabbos!"
Rupert 'Stiles' Stilinski - Stilinski is an innovator and an up-and-coming business man. Capitalizing on any opportunity that comes his way, Stiles was the man who invented van surfing and made his fortune selling Teen Wolf shirts. Also, Stiles' "Never Say Die" attitude impressed the exucitive board as the Packers are interested in a candidate who can overcome adversity and perservere during tough years. Stiles is by far the best applicant at fulfilling the Leinenkugel requirement as described above and is expected to improve front office relations with the coaches and players. Stiles skinny physique may not look like it is cut out for massive Long Food consumption, but rest assured, he can put them back. Stiles' hard partying lifestyle is a bit of a concern, but his stellar marketing tactics more than make up for his downside.
It's anybody's game at this point, but if we were the gambling kind, the smart money's on Sobchak. We wish all the applicants the best of luck and don't forget: dress the dog, not the bun.
* Special thanks to my friend, Scrodnals, who has been enforcing long food etiquette for years.
Declared by
Rupert Entwistle
at
8:01 AM
3
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Labels: Green Bay Packers, Stiles, Takeru Kabayashi, Tommy Boy, Tony Soprano, Walter Sobchak
Sunday, June 17, 2007
It's All About The Linkage.
'Twas a big weekend here at the Ghosts, as we made our debut on the world reknowned "Blog Show." Certainly a proud and cherished moment for any blogger. Much thanks and praise to Jamie and Dan, as well as all those involved in putting the "Blog Show" together. In case you missed the breakthrough, our focus on Classic Nintendo sports was part of the feature. Here is the show...
In other news we'd be ashamed of ourselves if we didn't send some love the way of the "Ladies...". Of course, you can probably see, Rupert (with the aid of Barry White) appears to have already done so. Anyhow, although we are all now officially eliminated from the "Hot Bloggers Bracket" it was still quite a fun ride. We enjoyed every moment and despite our collective crushed ego...there are no hard feelings.
And for the "Ladies..." much thanks for allowing our buddy "The Turd" to enter as a late submission. And for the record we have no doubts whatsoever that the Turd would've wiped the table w/ Curtis Granderson.
Lastly, we decided to send out a little love with some linkage to some of our favorite sites that
do nothing, but send love our way on a regular basis. (No...not that kind of love...sick fuckers). Anyhow, we'll do our best (and for sure not ready for a regular segment). We'll try to click on each of these links at least 40 times, so it looks like people actually check us out. Anyway...on we go with some of our favorite links. Happy Fathers Day to all and enjoy the rest of what remains of your weekend.
Monday coming back too soon, oh Monday coming back too soon.
- To be honest, I'm quite sick of Michael Barrett myself. (Signal to Noise)
- All about the '94 Expos...arguably one of the least credited teams that probably was going to win the World Series that year. Let's not forget how Ken Griffey Jr.'s magical season got cut as well. (Milk was a Bad Choice) - PS: Might be one of the best Blog names out there.
- In case you missed it...Justin Verlander threw a "NO-NO" last week. (Extrapolater)
- Losing out on three potential titles in one year for Ohio. (Flyers Fieldhouse)
- Joakim Noah hates your shitty mock drafts. (Empty the Bench)
- Never knew there was anything sexy about the LPGA (Our Book of Scrap)
- The Soprano's and Sports? (Roughing the Reader)
- While Jay was too busy cashing residual checks from Sports Illustrated for his blowout post on crazy sports wives, he still made time for the sequel. (Sports Gone South)
- One of the keenest fantasy football minds around, Pacifist Viking is providing fantasy analysis for every single team in the NFL. You're a machine. (Pacifist Viking)
- Hilarious photoshop of a heated matchup in the Hot Blogger Bracket. (Pyle of List)
Finally, we'd like to extend a special thanks to our new friend, Matt Mosely, from Hashmarks. Matt is tearing it up with the new NFL blog at the Worldwide Leader and has graciously added us to his blogroll. A lethal combination, Matt has a blog and and he has connections - the gun and the ammo - to take ESPN.com by storm.
Now go out there and get that day.
Declared by
Stan M.
at
10:19 PM
3
comments
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Labels: Blog show, Links of the week, The Ladies...
I'm Really Starting to Like this Team.
So the Cubs dropped two of three to the Padres this weekend and slipped back toward the abysmal state of mediocrity that is the NL Central Division. At the end of business this weekend the Cubs were (6.5) games back of the Brewers. Yet, that's no reason for this Cub fan to fret. For I finally saw the spark I wanted to see in order to really believe in this Cubs team.
They are playing much better baseball as of late and to be honest the Saturday afternoon melee was just another kick in the pants this team needed. An emotional wake-up call so to speak. And yes, I realize they got spanked on Sunday, but you must understand anytime we can see this Cubs team play with enthusiasm and passion...it's a most refreshing experience.
Enough about all of that...enjoy the fight for yourself. Sure wish Lee would've connected.
Declared by
Stan M.
at
5:14 PM
3
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Labels: baseball fights, chicago cubs, chris young, derrek lee, hopeless optimism, San Diego Padres, wrigley field
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Barry White Serenades the Ladies...
Given my worthy adversary in the Hot Blogger Contest last week, Scott from Holy Dog Water (who since spanked my ass and sent me packing), I was well aware that I couldn't win my matchup with just another paltry appeal for votes from readers. Instead, I tried to come up with something special.
So, I enlisted the help of an old friend, Sexual Chocolate himself, Mr. Barry White. He and I wrote a little song especially for the Ladies...
I had actually decided to scrap the whole project last week, because I thought it turned out pretty crappy. Nevertheless, I sent it to the Ladies... and they seemed to think it was pretty funny, so what the hell. Here it is.
Besides, I heard Hi-Hat is the new Cowbell.
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Friday, June 15, 2007
Tony and Eva: Date Night in Cleveland.
It’s late on Thursday night in Cleveland. The San Antonio Spurs have just won the NBA Championship and Tony Parker was named the MVP. Meanwhile, back at their hotel suite in downtown Cleveland, America’s “it” couple of the moment Eva Longoria and Tony Parker are just a few hours removed from the celebration. They are enjoying a moment of solace to cherish the events of what took place on this special night.
Eva: Baby, I’m so proud of you. Wow, Mr. MVP...my Tony Parker. That sounds so sexy.
Tony: Vous êtes le prix le plus beau dans le monde ma colombe.
Eva: Ooh, I love it when you talk dirty, sexy French to me. What the hell did that mean though?
Tony: It meant, forget the MVP trophy…you are the most beautiful prize my dove.
Eva: Oh baby, keep talking French to me…it’s turning me on.
Tony: “Fermer vos yeux, faire un souhait et éteint le canlde. ..I'll make love to amour de marque à vous, comme vous me veut à et je ne laisserai pas vais jusqu'à ce que vous me dire...”
Eva: Oooooh, I’m getting hot. I’m feeling VERY vulnerable. What did that mean?
Tony: That was Boyz-II-Men baby.
Eva: Gross…baby that is so gay. Boyz-II-Men is so 1990’s. I thought you were going to listen to that copy of Justin’s new album I burnt for you?
Phone Rings.
Tony (answers): Hello…Manu?
The voice on the other line is Manu Ginobli.
Manu: Hello Tony. I want to congratulate you, I’m so excited Tony. I’m so excited, I’m so lonely.
Tony: Oh Manu, Manu. I’m so glad you called.
Manu: Ah …what you doing tonight for eh…um…ah, dinner?
Tony: Manu, Manu you know I’d love to have you come along with us.
Eva is rolling her eyes in the background and motions for Tony to cut the phone conversation.
Manu: OH! This is very great. VERY great. I miss you Tony.
Tony: And I also miss you Manu, Manu. We shall leave the quarters very soon for dinner and you will be my guest Manu, Manu.
Tony hangs up the phone.
Eva: What the fuck was that baby?
Tony: What baby? You know Manu, Manu is very lonely. He needs our company.
Eva: Baby, he’s like our child. Everywhere we go, he goes. Why can’t we ever have a romantic evening alone? He's always hopping on as our third wheel. What happened to all that sexy French talk? And you question why we don’t have sex until we are married? We’ll he’s the reason.
Tony: My dove, please don’t fret. Je vous aime plus que les mots jamais pourraient montrer.
Eva: Did you just quote Extreme “More than Words” in French? What is wrong with you? Baby, you just won MVP of the NBA Finals…you have to start acting like it.
Tony: But Sweetie, Manu is lonely he has no woman to comfort him.
Eva: Baby, he is balding and has awful breath…could that be why he has no women?
Tony: In Argentina, it is common for man to have bad breath. It’s part of their culture.
Eva: Well, here is some French for you and your lover “Vous les gars baisent gai.”
Tony: Why are you being so harsh to me?
Eva: Because baby, NO husband of mine is going to be a pussy. I mean if you’re going to take the “Longoria” name you had better start acting more deserving.
Tony: Wait, wait, wait…who says I am going to take your name?
Eva: I do. And what I say goes in this relationship.
Tony: “Je fais n'importe quoi pour l'amour, mais je ne ferai pas cela.”
Eva: Is that Meatloaf? My god baby…I do know some French.
Tony: Baby, I am not changing my name.
Eva: Good, than screw you…you and “Manu, Manu” can go out on your own little date together, because I’m not going.
Tony: Baby---
Eva: Just go.
Tony: But I---
Eva: Connard.
Eva begins to cry and brushes off Tony’s attempt to comfort her.
Tony: Very well then my dove, I will bring you a doggie bag.
Eva: I’m not a fucking dog.
The Phone rings again.
Tony: Manu, Manu?
Manu: Tony.
Tony: Manu.
Manu: Tony.
Tony: Manu.
Manu: Tony.
Tony: Ok, I meet you in the lobby right now. (chuckles) No, she is NOT going. Just me and you.
Tony hangs up the phone.
Tony (to Eva): You are sure that you do not want to go my dove?
Eva: Get. The. FUCK. Out of here.
Tony leaves and the door slams behind him. He is off to cherish his prized hour of glory with his one true friend, Manu, Manu.
Declared by
Stan M.
at
8:36 AM
2
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Labels: Eva Longoria, Manu Ginobli, NBA Finals, Tony Parker
The Manny Moods, Syles and Thoughts of Manny.
It's a casual Friday here at the Ghosts and we decided to pay an homage to a long standing favorite of ours, Manny Ramirez. Yup, the one and only. And why not take an image inspired tour through the evolution that is Manny? Cut us some slack here...please.
As an important disclaimer, we must stress that we aren't affiliated as fans or defined on either side of the Red Sox/Yankees rivalry. It's important that it be known, for we are just spreading the love for our boy. Whether it comes to "Manny being Manny" or "Stand by your Manny"...umm, consider us in Camp Manny. And so with that out of the way, let's take a look at the many moods, styles and perhaps even deep thoughts of the ever evolving Manny Ramirez. Follow me...
Unidentifiable, un-refined. The look of "what the fuck are you looking at"? Does that not say it all? Who knew we were staring at arguably the greatest right handed power hitter of all-time? As for Manny's thoughts here..."You have no idea what I'm 'bout to do mudda fuckah."
I’m Rich Bitch!It was December 12, 2000 and Manny just signed an 8 year/$160 million dollar deal with the Boston Red Sox. As if Manny needed any further acknowledgment of his arrival, with the help of his agent the Red Sox gave him this assurance. One can only imagine the streamline of thoughts and scenarios running throughout the mind of a newly christened multi-millionaire.
Manny's thought process: Whoo-hoo, Manny rich...boy...this is a lot of muddaa fuckin’ money. I’m going to buy me a Benzo with 22 inch chromes. “You’d rather see me in the pen than me and Lorenzo rolling in benzo.” When I shit…it will be gold. I piss excellence. The world is mine. I can’t wait to go to the mall with Pedro. 
Ice. Check. Diamonds. Check. The early years in Boston were the first signs of Manny’s transformation. Here the cornrows support the style and the ice is flossing…no doubt. The look here reeks of “I got my money now I’m going to flaunt a little." We couldn’t possibly imagine or decipher what Manny’s train of thought was during this sequence in time.
For fuck sakes, we guess it would be something like this…"I won’t deny it I’m a straight rider…you don’t want to fuck with me.
To earn that contract Manny surely had to get in shape. And so what if that meant running back and forth in his courtyard or jogging up and down a flight of stairs. You do what you can do when you can do it. Exercise is exercise. Just ask Manny: "Phew, I'm tired. Might be time for a Manny smoke break."

Deep Thought/Introspective Manny
“The “Manny” in me will hide sometimes to keep from bein' seen, but that's just because he doesn't want to turn into some machine. Take a woman like you, to get through to the “Manny” in me.”
The U.S Citizen
May 11, 2004 was a proud day in the history of Manny Ramirez. For it was on this day he became an American Citizen. And to celebrate his new found heritage a jubilant Manny trotted out to the field waving a replica U.S Flag.
As to what Manny was thinking at this moment well we can only imagine it went like this..."America, FUCK YEAH! Coming again, to save the mother fucking day yeah, America, FUCK YEAH! Freedom is the only way yeah, Terrorist your game is through cause now you have to answer too, America, FUCK YEAH!"

The World Series MVP
That’s the only Red Sox World Series MVP alive. That’s saying something. What was Manny saying or thinking…hmmm…
World Series man…wow. Phew, it’s hot in this locker room. Damn this trophy is heavy. Where is Petey? Can I hit that Champagne? Life is good, being Manny. This Jeannie chic is tripping me out. What is she gonna ask me? Fuck man, turn those camera’s off me dog. I’m kinda freakin’ out here.
Rasta Manny
Super MannyArial shot coming. The Manny leap? I believe I can fly? The most recent and one of the more defining moments in the Manny “chain of evolution.” Further thanks given to the Joy of Sox Blog for posting this picture last week. It’s truly reaffirms our love for Manny Ramirez. We can’t speculate on the Manny thought process, but we can almost assure you as he leaped towards 2nd base the only sound you could here was “wee, wee, wee…I’m flying!”
“Ok kids today we’re going to teach poodles how to fly!”

Musings for the Mountaineers
I don't know what has gotten into me, but I'm obsessed with the West Virginia Mountaineers. Everytime I start thinking about college football, I go back to West Virginia. What can I say? There's a lot of interesting things going on for the mighty Mountaineers this season, so let's get down to business.
1) The Schedule
For starters, they are in a really interesting position from a BCS standpoint. On Monday, I perused the NCAA 1-A schedules looking for interesting angles and the Mountaineers' schedule stuck out like a jew in Utah (sore thumbs don't really stick out). It's by far the easiest schedule of any team with a conceivable shot at a national championship.
The first dead giveaway of this soft schedule is that they play three teams alone with a navigational direction in the team name: Western Michigan (#80), East Carolina (#83), and South Florida (#26). Yeah, I know a lot of people are high on South Florida this year given last sesason's success, but don't even try to sell them as a BCS contender (Sporting News, I'm looking at you). South Florida looked good, because the Big East is a cushy conference. Hold it... I agree that the top teams are great ones and can compete at any level, but it is SO bottom heavy in recent years - and this year is no different. Their 9-4 record last year included a couple big wins, but mostly layups.
I'll take it step futher. In my opinion, this is the easiest schedule of any team in a BCS conference. The two big games appear to be Louisville and Rutgers, with Louisville at home. The Louisville game should be an epic shootout given that Louisville's defense is rebuilding, particularly after losing Okoye. Look for West Virginia to put up just monstrous numbers here. Brohm and his passing attack should do the same, but Louisville cannot contain the WVU offense (more on that). That leaves what appears to be one tough road game at Rutgers, who is due for a grounding this season. Look, I cannot say enough good things about the rapid ascent of Rutger's sports in recent years, but the paradigm has not shifted for Rutgers. This is not a perennial powerhouse just yet. Ray Rice this, Ray Rice that. Let's see what they do when they are playing from behind... they'll lose. Translation: West Virginia doesn't play anyone that good on the road.
Just to drill this "easy schedule" point home, let's take a look at the remainder of the schedule. These ranking are taken from scout.com - a little unconventional, but I like their analysis for the most part. Besides, we all know preseason rankings are a crapshoot, so what difference does it really make? Alright, of this whole list, Pitt is a young team who could be dangerous by season's end, but does this list really look threatening? Maybe if it was basketball season, I'd be worried.
At Marshall (#67)
At Maryland (#31)
East Carolina (#83)
At Syracuse (#77)
Mississippi State (#59)
Connecticut (#68)
Pittsburgh (#56)
Why am I so amused by this soft schedule? Because it's essentially a disaster for the Mountaineers. I think they are THE team to beat this year (besides my jaded Michigan bias, of course) and they will be at the mercy of their schedule all season. I despise any talk of teams having to win with authority or put up big points just to be in contention for a national championship bid. So, they are in a "have your cake and eat it too" situation. Any given year this schedule is too soft, so if they wanted to legitimately contend, they should have scheduled tougher non-conference games when the opportunity existed. Now, it looks to become another BCS blunder. Look out below!
2) The Double Heisman Hopeful
Patrick White has no chance at winning the Heisman, period.
Why do I say this? Well, it has nothing to do with Patrick White, his abilities, or his numbers. There's two factors. The first is that he is shadow of his his teammate, Steve Slaton, who put up over 1,700 yards on the ground last year. More importantly, for a Heisman campaign, Slaton is the perfect candidate in that he is a human highlight reel. Pat White is no slouch either, but Steve Slaton is the stuff YouTube links are made of. Plus, White's stats will probably look marvelous, but a fair portion of his passing yards and TD passes should conceivably end up on Slaton's receiving resume (360 yards, 2 TDs last season), so those numbers will be muted for White when comparing the two hopefuls.
The second reason has to do with the history of the Hesiman Trophy. Since the evolution of the "college" quarterback, I would say there have been 3 Heisman winners that fall into the camp of the phenomenal college quarterback with remarkable athletic ability who flop at the next level: Andre Ware (1989), Charlie Ward (1993), and Troy Smith (2006). For argument's sake, I'm going to include Jason White as well (2003). While he does not fit the exact mold of these quarterbacks, he went undrafted and never played in the NFL, which is essentially the point here. Also, while the verdict is not yet out on Troy Smith, we all have the same preconceived notion - he is going to suck.
What does this have to do with Pat White? After all of these Heisman winners, the following winner was a traditional pocket passer in two instances and a running back in the other: Ty Detmer - 1990, Rashaan Salaam - 1994, and Matt Leinart - 2004. Call me a conspiracy theorist, but I think these relative "flops" from college-type QBs have an impact on the next year's winner. I think Troy Smith winning last year's Heisman puts Patrick White at a serious disadvantage - and any other scrappy running QBs or raw athletetic QBs who don't fit the NFL mold.
3) Colege Football Video Games Beware
Not since Bo Jackson and the Auburn '83 team in Bill Walsh College Football for Sega Genesis has there been a more dominant force than what I expect from the Pat White and Steve Slaton tandem. I predict video gamers across the world will ban West Virginia from 2-player competition within the first fifteen minutes of purchase. There is no way you could stop these guys on the triple option.
As for their respective futures in Madden, I don't expect either of these guys to do much in the NFL. I could see White turning into a Randle-El type verstality player. As for, Slaton I just cannot see him making much of an impact. I try to give smaller guys the benefit of the doubt and hope he surpises, but I feel he relies on his breakaway speed and getting outside too much to be effective in the NFL. The defenses are too fast to allow that kind of video game-esque running style. I'm not convinced he can go north and south without dancing. Nevertheless, if nothing else he should make a great special teams player.
Regardless, we'll worry about that later; Mountaineer fans have too much to be excited about right now.
Declared by
Rupert Entwistle
at
12:01 AM
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Labels: Pat White, Steve Slaton
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Who the hell is Mike Fontenot?
That’s a pretty good question floating around Wrigleyville these days. To many he’s a breath of fresh air, a savior, a reason for hope...maybe a bit of an exaggeration. Yet, he still remains an enigma and we can only wonder if this will last. In case you’re lost…I’ll explain. The Cubs called up Mike Fontenot (pronounced Fon-Ti-NO) about a month ago to add some depth to the bench.
Low and behold, Aramis Ramirez hit the 15 day DL and Fontenot walked into our lives. Yet, nobody was expecting a guy who was going to consistently deliver timely and clutch hitting. And nor did anybody ever envision a guy ripping off a .435 average. Of course, we shouldn’t get ahead of ourselves as he does only have about ‘25’ official at bats. So maybe the sample we are using to judge him is a little misleading. Yet, you gotta be a little excited about what he’s bringing to the ballpark everyday.
Wait, didn’t we go through a similar tear when Matt Murton was called up to the bigs? Ok, moving right along.
Fontenot is the last link to the Sammy Sosa trade with Baltimore. Yes, when you look out and see him ripping it up…just know that’s who the Cubs traded Sosa for. Sounds like a win/win right now, huh? I know Jerry Hairston was the main component of the deal, but where the hell is he these days? Don’t answer that.
Anyhow, I did a little research on this new found (even if it’s only temporary) Cub hero. I’ve got to cover all the bases before I purchase a brand new majestic “Fontenot” jersey. Anyhow, he attended and played baseball at LSU where he followed in former Cub great Todd Walker footsteps and won National Freshman of the Year.
Todd Walker you say? Oh shit, you’re right that’s not helping to build faith in our guy. He was also named to the College World Series all-tournament team after ripping off a .462 average and leading the team in most statistical hitting categories. He even won Minor League Player of the Year in the Orioles farm system back in 2003.
Is any of this stuff relevant? Does it really mean anything at all? Probably not, but I’m just trying to get acquainted with the new guy myself. Stop being snobs and enjoy the Mike Fontenot experience. It’s not everyday someone like him waltz’s into our lives with guns a blazing. The next step in the process is for him to sustain the energy and hustle and then…and only then…do I purchase the jersey.
Of course by then Ramirez will back from the DL and Fontenot will be in a slump and on his way back to the minors. So who is he really? Who cares...we love the little guy. So let’s just all enjoy the ride before it crashes. Praise Mike.
This Series Sure Isn’t Anything Like The Good Ole’ Days Of Magic Vs. Michael
Remember way back when…the year was 1991 to be exact and it was Michael Jordan’s first ever trip to the NBA Finals. He and his Bulls dismantled the slightly favored Los Angles Lakers, despite what many perceived as a battle of youth vs. experience. Sure, the Lakers battled through some injuries and that would be the last team Magic would ever lead to the Finals.
Yet, still this was Michael Jordan’s arrival. He’d overcome the demons of Detroit and reached the brink. And he wasn’t going to let anything stand in his way of the throne. Yup, “Air to the Throne” was the last of 4 successive weeks on the cover of Sports Illustrated awarded to MJ that June. It was that same June when Scottie Pippen was born into stardom and sat in as the main guest on the Arsenio Hall Show during the Finals.
So what’s happened to the current state of the NBA Finals? The glory days have abandoned us, have they not? And this was supposed to be LeBron’s arrival and his saving grace stamp on the doldrums and boredom that had become the NBA Finals. Yet, as it stands today this remains a ratings travesty and a debacle to any person who calls themselves a casual NBA fan. And for all practical purposes it’s going to end tonight.
The only legitimately competitive Finals of the past decade was played two years ago between Detroit and San Antonio, yet nobody wanted to watch that series either. (Yes, we could also make a case for last year’s finals as moderately competitive). Arguably, the last entertaining and attractive series (ratings wise) was played between the Bulls and the Jazz in 1998.
Can we really continue to blame it on lack of star power? The Lakers dynasty from 2000-2004 had Kobe and Shaq. So who are we to really blame? I’d say in the least, the blame can be cast on the inferior foes that have playing on the big stage. And perhaps, that’s where we need to start when analyzing this NBA Finals.
For all the star power LeBron carries, his team remains unquestionably inferior. When the terminology swirling around the Championship series of any sport are “gritty”, “defense” and “grind it out”…you’d be a fool not to expect ratings to suffer. LeBron can’t carry the mantle alone and it’s not his fault.
The Cavaliers play a boring brand of basketball; whether the Spurs do the same is highly debatable. Regardless, many casual fans associate the Spurs as boring…that’s just how things are, fair or not. It’s too bad as a whole we continually fail to acknowledge Tim Duncan as the star of all stars of this era? Enough with the “reluctant” superstar tag, but anyway.
The Cavs mentality is to slow it down, grind it out and wear on the opponent with defense. That’s really not the ideal recipe when you are trying to showcase the leagues most gifted and talented player, whom the league is also pimping to market and sell as their future. Yet, as I watch this series…can you really blame Mike Brown?
Don’t get me wrong, he isn’t exactly shedding the label of his offense as being downright offensive. In the creativity department he’s registering a zero, but we’ll just leave that for Cavs fans to debate amongst themselves.
In any event, this Cavs team was simply just not ready for the NBA Finals. Everyone said it and they were right, the Eastern Conference was pathetic this season. And it’d be a hard case to argue that Detroit would’ve fared any better against the Spurs. The East simply couldn’t carry the Western Conferences jock strap this year. And for all the debating…it’s dead on, the Nuggets, Jazz, Rockets or Suns probably would’ve beaten either the Pistons or the Cavs in a 7 game series.
So this is what we are left with; a battle for the NBA title with arguably the best team (The Spurs) vs. arguably the 8th or 9th best team in the league (The Cavs). We can only take what we are given. Yet, nobody should really be surprised when they watch the TV ratings plummet. However, we can’t stop over analyzing the state of the Finals or rationalizing why there is so little interest.
I know this wasn’t how it was supposed to go down. LeBron was supposed to supply the NBA with much needed intrigue and viewers. However, when the series is so lopsided and described by everyone as boring…is he really supposed to save it alone? It’s beyond clear that it’s just not LeBron’s time…yet. Again though, he has done his part and can’t be dealt the full brunt of the blame. Yet, it’d be a shock if backlash doesn’t head his way once this nightmare comes to an end.
Look at Shaq for example getting swept away in his first NBA Finals. He rebounded pretty well himself, so let’s not sink LeBron’s ship over not being able to lead a misguided cast of role players over a truly legitimate NBA Dynasty. Can we all agree to back off that ledge? Probably not, oh well.
This series is what it is and we should take it at face value. I mean it hasn’t exactly been the high scoring, dramatic affairs we hoped for, but did anyone really expect that? In Game 3 the two teams combined to score less than Florida and Ohio State scored in the NCAA Title game. If that doesn’t sum up just how “lame” this NBA Finals has been; I’m not sure what will.
So where do we go from here?
If you want to see about radical change then follow John Hollinger’s idea about re-formatting the playoffs. (Apologies if you don’t have Insider). In theory it’s a great idea, but it would leave us void of the tradition of EAST vs. WEST in the finals. Yes, we’d have the two best teams, but…
Ok, the subject of re-seeding is debatable until we are all blue in the face. Even the notion of a March Madness style 16 team free-for-all tournament, as proposed by Bill Simmons seems to work on the surface. Of course, we’d be bucking traditionalism, but isn’t that the point we’ve reached?
Regardless, unlike the ’91 Bulls, this addition of the Cavs just wasn’t ready for the NBA Finals. And it probably had a lot to do with the disparity between competition in the Eastern and Western Conferences. Back in ‘91, the gap wasn’t so wide and MJ was simply ready to assume his role on top.
So LeBron didn’t quite achieve the level of success that Jordan reached in his first finals. Take everything into consideration before you bash LeBron. His team was a byproduct of a weaker conference and was simply not equipped to win right now. In due time he will find his way and we will all probably (hopefully) forget that the 2007 NBA Finals ever happened.
At least it’d be in our best interest to forget about these Finals - ASAP. Well, I guess judging from the ratings…we’ve already pretty much done just that. And so cheers to those that tune in tonight. Me? I’ll check on-line to see who wins tomorrow morning. And then I will roll my eyes when I hear a Frenchmen won the Finals MVP.
Declared by
Stan M.
at
12:40 AM
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Labels: 1991, bored, Cleveland Cavs, LeBron James, Magic vs. Michael, NBA Finals, NBa sucks, San Antonio Spurs, Tim Duncan, tv ratings
Help Me!
This is actually pretty horrifying, but in a very funny way. I have a party to attend tonight at which the dress code has been described as "Beyond Black Tie." Since nobody on Earth has any idea what that means, I received an email describing what "Beyond Black Tie" entails. Well, they sent a men's and women's version, but we'll stick to the men's version for obvious reasons.
The email came with the writer's picture, but I decided - against my better judgement - to leave his identity alone. So Mister, what exactly is "Beyond Black Tie" anyway?
While guys are fairly confident of dress etiquette to a Yankees or Rangers game, and usually to our workplace, a “Beyond Black Tie” affair does pose a challenge even to the most confident of dressers. The penguin suit (your tux) is the time-honored go-to for “Black Tie” events. But moving beyond the safe bet can lead to agonizing uncertainty.
Of course, we don’t want to negate the importance of the Black Tie edict because it describes the level of formality of that certain event. Simply put: Black Tie means put on your best duds. But who says guys can’t get creative with it? Just because you were told to look both ways before you cross the street when you were little, didn’t mean that you did every single time. Branch out. Be daring! Throw on a long scarf or a funky hat, maybe even toss a cane in your hand before walking out the door, or take black to its opposite extreme and go white. Just because the invite says “Black Tie” doesn’t mean you can’t show your true colors.
Dressing appropriately can be stressful under almost any circumstance. Perhaps more so for women because of the vast choices, which means a wider margin of mix-and-match error. That said, female angst doesn’t give us fellas carte blanche to slack. The long and short of it is that the ladies will dress to impress. It’s up to us to complement them (and compliment them!) with a genuine effort to look and act our best.
Dear God, fogive me for I have sinned. I'm not sure what I have done to deserve this, but I promise it will never happen again. I'll go to church, synagogue, mosque, rehab, anything. Please help me.
I am certainly not about to wear a scarf or a cane with a tuxedo, so maybe a Yankees or Rangers jersey under the tuxedo would be good? Or I could just wear the tux with no shirt under it? That would count as getting creative, right? Maybe, I'll just wear some hiking boots with my tux.
Anyone got any funny ideas for this? I feel like this opportunity should not be wasted.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Maybe Lou's Outburst and Big Z's Punch Woke Up the Cubs?
In case you hadn’t noticed, ever since Carlos Zambrano popped Michael Barrett in the face and Lou Pinella threw a temper tantrum on an umpire who did make the correct call, the Cubs have started to play a little bit better. And at the very least it’s woken up what was once a team sleeping through another season of mediocrity. Did this all happen for a reason?
Can Cubs fans finally thank Lou Pinella for somehow igniting the fire under this team? Or was it really a couple black eyes, a bruised ego and a fat lip that woke this team up? Either way, it’s hard to not be encouraged and for the first time in 2007, we as fans are able to take some semblance of joy with this Cubs team.
Immediately following the infamous brawl and Pinella’s implosion the Cubs rattled off (5 of 6) wins. Currently, they’ve won (6 of 9) and aside from another collapse this past Sunday Night…they could’ve and should’ve taken (3 of 4) from Atlanta. Yeah, I know “could’ve” and “should’ve” don’t mean shit, but you’ve got to try and locate any positives possible with this Cubs season.
So much promise, so much…optimism, yet isn’t that always the case with the Cubs? Regardless, during this minor rejuvenation the Cubs have finally gotten what they were expecting out of their horse, Carlos Zambrano. Since he snapped and went off the deep end, he’s reeled back two gutsy and confidence building starts…both of which have resulted in wins.
And now suddenly, the younger players have caught up to speed…or so to speak. Felix Pie is looking more and more like the promising everyday centerfielder everyone expected. Not that I claim to know a whole lot about Mike Fontenot, but I do know he’s hitting in some big spots, thus far. Even Angel Pagan is giving us a glimpse into hope.
Wait though, it gets even better…Soriano has seemingly shaken off any cobwebs he had earlier in the season. Take his Friday night performance to heart and know there are plenty more like it to come this season. If only Derrek Lee could find some of his power stroke back, but at least we’ll take a healthy Lee who is hitting for average.
If you take everything into consideration, I think Cubs fans have absorbed the initial shock and panic of another wasted season. As it stands today, the Cubs are only (5.5) games out of first place. Yes, despite all the ups and the many downs…there is reason for optimism. And I’m not just talking out of my ass here.
If the Cubs can just keep playing good steady baseball (and we’ve got to stress “IF”), they could very well find themselves near the top of the Central by the All-Star Break. I mean let’s think about a realistic goal of getting to within (2 or 3) games of the Brewers by the break and we can start talking or thinking about Playoffs right?
You’ve gotta realize the Cubs have 12 of their next 18 games at Wrigley, including a three game set at the end of this month with the Brewers. And if you stop and look at it, they only leave Chicago once for the remainder of this month and that’s for a 3 game set against Texas (a doormat in the AL). The other road series is a rivalry weekend all the way down to south side against the White Sox.
Is there a better time than now to really believe in this Cubs team? Had you asked me just a few short weeks ago, this team was sworn into abysmal mediocrity by yours truly. Now, I’m thinking that it’s never too early to think about the Cubs and the World Series, whether it’s a dream or not.
Funny how optimism and pessimism can be blurred by such a fine line? That pretty much sums things up for Cubs fans in general…believing and non-believing, pessimism and optimism. Isn’t it funny what a little fist-a-cuffs and an on field tirade will do for the general well being of a team, its fans and their collective psyches?
Do Cubs fans look back on that miserable weekend when they are playing October and recall how that changed it all? Does that moment become symbolic with the memories embedded in Chicago sports culture…if somehow this leads to snapping the 100 year drought?
There is no more vital stretch than right now, which beholds the utmost dependency on the Cubs fortunes this season. And so, sign me up for the bandwagon…I’m a believer. And joking aside, I’ll be a believer as the season wears on and into the late summer, September and even (gulp!) in October.
On second thought…have you seen the friggin’ bullpen? It’s disaster. There is no god, there is no hope. Dempster will ultimately kill the Cubs when it matters most. They still haven’t proven themselves to be able to consistently manufacture runs…and…and…oh fuck it, nothing is ruining this moment.
I’m blinded to the warts of this team. Yeah, crank up the “Don’t Stop Believing." This season could never end as badly as the Sopranos…right? No, never a fade to black…this will be the season it all changes. For it will be the season the Cubs do something they never do…WIN THE WORLD SERIES!!!
Who says Cubs fans are manic?
(Update: Yes, I know the Cubs just lost in 13 innings...a win that would've pulled them to within 4.5 games of first place...yes, yes, yes...thanks for the reminder.)
Declared by
Stan M.
at
4:55 AM
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Labels: carlos zambrano, chicago cubs, lou pinella
Monday, June 11, 2007
Touching all the Bases: That's a Wrap.
The Weekend it was...
It comes and goes by so quickly. Thus, once again it's time to submerge myself back into the reality I know and what you may know as well...work. Anyhow, I couldn't resist spitting out a few bullets about what went down this weekend. Just a rough edged addition of "touching 'em all"...or at least what got my interest.
Belmont Stakes. Our loyal co-founder and editor Mr. Rupert Entwistle attended the event and you can follow along to his picture diary here. Unfortunately, I failed to wager on this specific leg of the Triple Crown. And it had nothing to do with coming out 50-50 on the Derby and Preakness.
To be honest, I love horse racing. Yet, I won't confess to having an actual understanding of the many nuances and intricacies that go along with being a good handicapper. Yes, I'm like a good portion of the general public...I bet on names. And from time to time, I jump on the bandwagon of a horse I overhear some dude wearing loafers and khaki shorts talking up at the OTB.
For the record, if I would've wagered this weekend it would've been an all across the board on "Hard Spun" and I would've eaten the ticket. I guess things do happen for a reason.
Chad Johnson races and beats a horse. Honestly, fuck the Belmont Stakes. Ocho Cinco outran a fucking horse. (Yes, I needed the double "F" word to get my point across). You've gotta love the guy. He just keeps pushing the envelope, but in a good sense. Michael Vick should take notes. No wonder whyI want #85 on my fantasy team every single year. Let me say it again...dude beat a fucking horse. Highlight of the weekend. Hands. Down.
Roger Clemens is fat, but still effective. Didn't catch any of the return of the Savior. However, I'm sure I can catch up by watching "Around the Horn" tomorrow. It will be interesting to see how long Clemens can keep the intensity to counteract the scientific fact that his age will catch up to him sooner or later. Although, HGH may help with the science part...I guess. And yes, Clemens still looks a little husky.
Regardless, his return has coincided with this mini-surge in New York, known as the Yankee Revival. And now they stand only 9.5 games behind the Red Sox. Save the Yankee jokes for now, but seriously...they made up 5 games in about 10 days. Somewhere in Boston the first wave of denying panic has set in.
Hot Blogger Bracket dreams come to an end. You know where I stand on the whole thing. I got robbed...worst seeding in the entire bracket. And really everyone seemingly ignored my plea for votes. It's fine, it's cool...no hard feelings. To be honest, it took a little longer than expected to figure out how to rig the voting. Yet, rest assured we'll figure a way to get Rupert into the Final Four. It's not our goal, it's our promise.
Congrats to Rup for advancing to Round 2. And for shit sake, did anybody get the shaft in the first round more so than our buddy from Flyers Fieldhouse, McBain? Talk about losing a heart breaker. Don't worry bud, I feel your pain...I drank a beer for you and pulled for the Cavs, sorry.
Nadal beats Federer...again. Apparently, this really happened. Yet, I wouldn't know because I never, repeat never, watch Tennis.
NBA Finals can't quite win the ratings war with the Sopranos. The big rumor on the mill heading into the Sunday showdown was just how the NBA Finals (coming off the lowest rated Game 1 ever) would stack up against the series finale of the Sopranos. Well, I don't quite have a tally on the ratings just yet, but I can say this little problem didn't apply to me.
You see herein lies the benefits of living on the West Coast. I enjoyed the tip-off of Game 2 just after 6 PM PST. Meanwhile, many TV sets were tuning into the Sopranos simultaneously at the exact same time on the East Coast. Again, with the stupid East Coast bias...umm, people do watch TV on the West Coast.
In any event, by the time the game was well decided in the 4th quarter I was able to change my channel to West Coast premiere for the series finale of the Sopranos. So there, take your DVR's, your Tivo's and your east coast bias and shove it. Although, if I was forced to choose I'd have gone with neither, hands down. As for the Sopranos...no secrets and no spoilers...sorry. Watch your Tivo or the re-run on Tuesday. Or heed to this advice...WORST EVER.
And now...it's on with the work week. Shoot me.
___________________________
We need your help. Vote for Rupert!
Declared by
Stan M.
at
12:40 AM
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Labels: Belmont Stakes, Chad Johnson, Hot Blogger Bracket, New York Yankees, Roger Clemens, The Weekend
Sunday, June 10, 2007
The Weekend in Pictures: Here Comes Pride Up The Backstretch
Maybe it's the fact that Stan and I entered ourselves in hotness bracket or perhaps its the lack of summer material, but I think it's time for a rare personal touch to the Ghosts of Wayne Fontes. My girlfriend, some of our homeys, and yours truly attended the Belmont Stakes on Saturday and rocked that $hit out. So, I thought I'd provide a little photo montage of the unfoldings.
I have a feeling this is gonna be sorta awkward, since I never really understood the appeal of the "Today, I went to Bowlmoor lanes and it was terrific" blogs, but what the hell? I'll try not to make anyone throw up.
We all agreed that the inside of Belmont Park looks more like a bus station in Jackson, Michigan than a horse track, but who needs all that glitz and glam anyway? Let's face it, everyone is here to drink and gamble, so why pretend it's high society? Compared to the Kentucky Derby, the Stakes were a breath of fresh air. What you give up in passed out fat people and raucous boob grabbing, you gain in open space, great beer service, and fabulous views of the races.
Check out this view. We had a nice spot on the grass 10 or 15 feet from the track with no ass cracks in sight.
The gambling was quite a success for once. I'd say we came out about even with a couple nice wins and a lot of losses. The strategy is pretty straightforward: Win, Place, or Show bets on one horse per race. This was probably the big win of the day. After all, two #1s are better than one. We cleaned up with 1a and 1 on this race.
Here's our posse. I was originally going to name the post "Hangin with the Nags" for a little pun intended, but I decided that if the nag=horse connection missed, I might end up in the dog house. Figured the Dead reference was a safer bet.
The good folks at Belmont Park are peddling the "Belmont Breeze" as the signature drink equivalent to the Kentucky Derby's Mint Julep. I prefer the more traditional, "Belmont Buttwiper." Nothing goes better with a day at the track than a delicious Budweiser Tallboy.
Holy shit, I found twenty bucks. Whoa, there's lots of them. God damn it, it's fucking fake! This probably seemed like a nifty marketing gimick by somebody, but I'd very be surprised if their building is still standing today. I've never seen so many people get excited, get duped, and proceed to throw a piece of paper at the ground as hard as possible in my life. Quite amusing, but horribly disappointing all at once.

Alright it's almost time for the big race and the place is getting crowded. I don't claim to be an expert at the track, but god damn there are some idiots up in this mofo. Me about 8 other people missed betting on a race, because some dumbass sat at the window asking questions for no less than 10 minutes. So, I got my last ticket in early... Tiago.
There she goes... The first filly to win the Belmont Stakes since 1905, Rags to Riches, brings home the roses, ousting Curlin by a head. My nag, Tiago, finished third, padding my wallet with 11 big ones to help ease the pain of the midday tiredness.
Oooh, looks like someone could use a nap.
Before we sign off, here's a few pictures from the New York's other horses from Friday night's Yankees game. A first for me, I went to the ballgame by myself. Might sound a little boring, but I highly recommend it. It's easy to maneuever the park and pop in and out of different sections for lots of viewpoints.
Typically, the Mets serve as my surrogate New York baseball team, but I have to admit, I'm enjoying watching the Yankees dig themselves out of the gutter. Plus, it's hard not to like Yankee fans (when you're at a Yankee game, that is). I felt bad for this guy, but when a female Yankee fan called out out a Red Sox fan, snagged his cap, tossed it up like a beachball, and cheered as someone sent it flying off the upper deck, I was cheering too.
Apparently they haven't heard of our blog yet, cause these seats suck... Second to last row in the park.
We're making a little progress here. If you squint and concentrate real hard, you might see A-Rod.
Until next time, we bid you good night. ________________________________
Support the Ghosts, Vote for Rupert!
Declared by
Rupert Entwistle
at
1:48 PM
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Labels: Belmont Stakes, New York Yankees
Friday, June 8, 2007
What was Curt Schilling thinking as he flirted with a "no-no"?
Red Sox pitcher, Wine Connoisseur, Foreign Policy expert, Devout Christian (possibly an ancestor of God), prize winning blogger, potential US Ambassador, tax specialist, curer of cancer and bible of knowledge himself, Mr. Curt Schilling was one measly out from throwing a no-hitter yesterday afternoon in Oakland.
Dice-K...eat your heart out. This is Veteran shit man. Bow to that.
Can't wait to call into WEEI for the morning drive tomorrow.
Remember, be modest and make sure you say this was all about the team and that you've never had any personal agenda.
Get a load of this Gary Thorne.
Does the grey road jersey make me look fat?
One more out and I'm demanding that new contract from Theo, fucking suit with a trust a fund.
'Tek is giving me a signal, but I'm not feeling that buddy. Time for the 38 special...yup, the heater, because I am Curt "Fucking" Schilling.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
Get home, get logged onto "38 pitches" and explain what happened. OUT.
_______________________________
Declared by
Stan M.
at
5:45 AM
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Labels: 38 Pitches, Boston Red Sox, Curt Schilling, No Hitter
Happy Friday: Classic Nintendo Sports
TGIF. It's the weekend and what better way to get it kicked off than with a barrage of youtube clips that you probably could've found for yourself if you were remotely interested in finding them. Make sense to you? Good. Let's get it going...shall we?
While many of you kicked back and enjoyed Game 1 of the NBA Finals, I sat back and enjoyed some Michelob Lights (they do still make it), listened to an all time favorite EPMD "Business as Usual" and kicked out some rounds of gameplay on my vintage fully functional Nintendo. Yup, the original purchase from 1985...and your eyes do NOT deceive you, that shit is still working.
And so I riled a Top 9 list of sorts...and don't ask why it was only 9. Feel free to add to the list of Nintendo Classics, even non-sports games can be included. Comments are recommended and welcome. Without further ado and in no particular order...follow me...
ExciteBike
Now this was the fucking game. I spent a few hours trying to relive my glory days last night, but too often I had to take the game out and blow on the friggin' cartridge.
Double Dribble
Does this really need an introduction? Hands down the best Basketball ever made. The slow motion "static" figure dunking the ball...or how about the grenade launch sound it made everytime you took a three pointer?
Blades of Steel
Konami always made the best Sports games. The best fight sequence ever in a hockey game...sans NHL '94.
Paperboy
So maybe it's not a sports game, but come on...it's damn close. And the soundtrack is just damn funky. This is like a giant "whip it" to me...it's hippy crack. I get maddened by the game, but can't stop playing.
Kung Fu
Heavily. Underrated.
Track and Field
Personally, I preferred the Clay Pigeon Shooting on Part II, but couldn't find the clip.
Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!
Real. Big. Shocker.
Bases Loaded
So maybe, R.B.I and Major League Baseball were better, but I liked Bases Loaded.
Tecmo Super Bowl
Sorry, it's not the Bo Jackson run you were expecting. Remember the Nigerian Nightmare?
A good weekend to you all & don't forget to vote for Rupert!
Declared by
Stan M.
at
12:29 AM
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Labels: Bases Loaded, Excitebike, Mike Tyson's Punchout, Nintendo, Old School, Weekend, youtube
Thursday, June 7, 2007
Who to root for in the NBA Finals?
The NBA Finals start tonight and I’m still up in the air if I am going to partake in viewing them. I’m still living off the nostalgia of “Let’s get it started in here…let’s get it started” from the Pistons ’04 Title campaign. Fast forward 4 years and it makes me feel just a little outdated.
Anyhow, the problem herein lies for me as to whom I should root for…or should I just watch and enjoy? Well, to be fair and honest I’m still a little bitter about the Cavs dismantling my team. And not that I’m in the category of despising LeBron, but the rest of his cast…umm, not so much. I’ve actually gone into the stage of disgust for everyone on the Cavs outside of LeBron.
Meanwhile, I really and I mean really can’t stand the Spurs. Some of these feelings stem from the bitterness of the 2005 NBA Finals. Yet, for the most part it’s just a lack of interest and intrigue that I get from this team. Pardon me if I’m not the basketball purist who appreciates the intricate footwork and all the nuances that is Tim Duncan.
You see, there is always a fine line between respecting and/or not really liking a particular athlete. You’d never find me ever and repeat ever saying that Tim Duncan sucks…that’s simply idiotic. However, you can and will hear me say…I just don’t like Duncan all that much. On occasion the same sentiments can be felt towards LeBron for me.
Yet, tonight “Right now, Right now” it all begins and somehow I must avoid being captivated to pull for one team or the other. Clearly, the media has spoken and they’ve already crowned the Spurs as the Champs. And that’s probably a safe bet, but still should we really doubt LeBron that much? He alone can at least extend this series beyond 5 games...right?
The line is totally slanted in the Spurs favor and I’m imagining that goes with the logic that Poppovich will coach circles around Mike Brown. Fair enough. However, will LeBron not have another defining moment in this series? Will he not elevate so beyond our expectations at least once or twice at home in Cleveland?
Personally, I think the Cavs are doomed in the first two games of this series on the road. The initial shell-shock of being in the Finals will probably gobble up and consume them. Plus, it doesn’t help that they’re facing a team like the Spurs who possess such killer instinct and swagger. So if you’re reading into what I’m saying…hammer the Spurs with the (-7.5) tonight. And follow the same for game 2.
Yet, that’s when things could no doubt change for the Cavs. Once they catch their breath and are back home in Cleveland we will see just what kind of series this is really going to be and if LeBron will once again “rise up.” How I want it to play out? Well, I’m not sure…ask me in a few days. How I think it will play out? Spurs in 6.
And for the record, I envy that feeling that both Spurs and Cavs fans have going on this afternoon. The anticipation, the pride…you name it…I remember it. It’s got to be especially bittersweet for the Cavs fans, as I could only imagine. Our buddy, McBain over at the Flyers Fieldhouse is so nervous he is almost ready to vomit.
Well, best of luck McBain. And just know this…in a drunken state last weekend, I promised my buddies from Cleveland that if the Cavs won the NBA Finals I would shave my head with the custom Drew Gooden pubic patch and all. Shame on me…what was I thinking? Anyhow, I couldn’t help…one last taunt…is that McBain in the Orange shirt sreaming "NO!" (see below) as a young boy?
Ah, too little too late…you already got the last laugh. Fuck the Pistons.

Declared by
Stan M.
at
12:13 PM
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Labels: Cleveland Cavs, LeBron James, McBain, NBA Finals, San Antonio Spurs, Tim Duncan
This Might Be A Good Time To Get An Agent
Considering the circumstances, Daunte Culpepper's decision to represent himself as his own professional agent is probably not in his best interests. Cam Cameron and the Miami Dolphins have essentially told Culpepper that they would rather roll the dice on a 37 year-old, a prancing second-year guy named Cleo, and a 26 year-old Mormon rookie.
In his first cunning move as sports agent, Culpepper sent an email out to the press, firmly stating that he does not want to be traded again and that he wants to report to camp in Miami. Well Daunte, we admire your ardor and dedication to the Dolphins, but I think we can all see through this gesture - you're slated to earn $5.5 million this year to dangle your leg around like a puppeteer for another year. Miami is totally on to Culpepper's plot. In fact they are trying to avoid letting him even set foot on the practice field. Miami desperately wants to deal him before mini camp even starts this weekend, so he cannot hurt himself yet again and open up the cash sinkhole again in Miami.
Reportedly, Jack Del Rio is willing to take a look at Culpepper, but only as a backup to starter, Byron Leftwich. Purportedly three undisclosed teams are interested in Culpepper, but the details have not been publicly disclosed as of yet.
Is it just me or are late round draft picks oddly overrated this offeason? So far we have seen Randy Moss and Darrell Jackson go for fourth round picks, Trent Green go for a conditional fifth rounder (turns to a fouth rounder if he plays 70% of offensive plays), and now Culpepper for a "late round" pick, probably 6th or 7th. Regardless of how old and banged up all four of them may be, they all seem like pennies on the dollar for veteran once-franchise players. Sure, bloated contracts, egos, and development of younger players all playa huge factor, but the question is, "Why aren't more teams jumping at these opportunities?"
Tell me right now that if you were the Lions, Buccaneers, or Redskins that you wouldn't rather have Daunte Culpepper playing second string than Dan Orlovsky, Chris Simms (or Jeff Garcia for that matter), or Mark Brunnell respectively?
Regardless, Daunte Culpepper could be headed to Canada if he doesn't play his cards right. Somebody might roll the dice yet again and his hobbly leg and questionable character, but my guess is he would be a lot better off letting an agent do the talking for him. No matter how well-written those emails of his may be, Daunte carries a heck of a large price tag for an immobile scrambler with 3 surgically repaired ligaments in his knees.
UPDATE: So Long, And Thanks For All The Fish.
Sports Agent move #2: Culpepper has now decided he would prefer that the Dolphins release him, so that he can choose where he will play next. Realistically, this is not a bad decision as his bloated contract is not exactly the Banjo Minnow of trade bait. Good luck, Daunte. I'm sure it'll be tough debating between all of those options.
Declared by
Rupert Entwistle
at
11:26 AM
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Labels: Daunte Culpepper, Trent Green
Randy Moss Is Kissing Ass Again
Come on McFly, are you really buying this hoopla? I mean playing golf with Bill Belichick in a celebrity golf outing (reportedly)? This is fishy. Bill Belichick is not exactly known for buddying up to his players. Now we are supposed to believe that these two are pen pals and have a lot to talk about?
Bill: "So Randy, what do you think I should shoot here, 3-iron?"
Randy: "Well Bill, the 3-iron is a very nice club. I feel that would be a fine choice, but it's a bit of a dog leg, so you might get a little better side-to-side with a 3-wood. By the way, I really look forward to spliiting the load with that Welker fellow. He really gives it his all day in day out - the way it should be."
Yeah, I'm not fooled by the balderdash. It's a natural response for these hooligan wide outs when they change homes. Owens built a house of cards for both Philadephia and Dallas when he came to town and Moss did it in Los Angeles. If you recall, not only was L.A. fooled by Moss's move to the Raiders, but the whole world was too. The Moss Raiders' jersey was the top selling item of sports apparel and Moss was a lock for a first round fantasy pick, going as high as #4 in most leagues - and this was when the running back elite was but a handful of players. Remember what happened? They all tumbled once the true colors showed.
Is New England a better team with Randy Moss? Absolutely, I cannot see a single way that they do not make a legitimate run at a Super Bowl. Am I fooled by Randy Moss's do-gooder routine and "let's do it to win ballgames" attitude? Not really. I think it's possible that Moss is legitimately excited to play for a team that is not the laughing stock of the NFL and will continue to show up on time, but I do not think it will last. New England went from needing a big play receiver to putting too many cooks in the kitchen. Now, they have 4 very strong wide receivers, one of which happens to be a massive egomaniac. It's a recipe for turmoil and contrary to popular belief, it can happen to Belichick.
Everybody thought all you needed was a hard nosed coach to put these knuckleheads in check, but Parcell's couldn't do it with Terrel Owens. Talentwise, New England looks like the hands down Super Bowl favorite, but I do not expect them to get there without some major headaches from "you know who."
Declared by
Rupert Entwistle
at
6:46 AM
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Labels: Bill Belichick, Randy Moss
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Somewhere Jim Abbott Is Clapping - Kind Of
It's been quite some time since the Michigan Wolverines made a little noise on the baseball diamond. In fact the last thing most baseball fans remember about the Wolverines baseball team involves a one-armed ace named Jim Abbott or a late eighties and early nineties MLB star named Barry Larkin. For me, I probably haven't thought about the Michigan baseball team since my friends and I ate some mushrooms and played a historic game of whiffleball under the lights in 1999, but that is a different story for a different day.
The Big Blue won the Regional Title this weekend in the grandest of fashions; a pinch hit solo shot in the tenth inning to upset the national favorite, Vanderbilt, 4-3. Not only did Alan Oaks step in a hit a clutch blast and upset the #1 team in the nation, but he hit it off the projected #1 draft pick and top pitching prospect in the country, David Price.
Having suffered from one premature ejaculation after another this year - please refer to Michigan football, Detroit Pistons, and Detroit Red Wings - a surprise contender in the form of the Michigan baseball team brings a smile to this bloggers face. This is Michigan's first trip to the the super regionals (i.e., the sweet sixteen), since the formation of the 64 team tournament. The Wolverines will play Oregon State, a #3 seed, in a best of three series beginning on Saturday, June 9th. We'll keep you posted.
Declared by
Rupert Entwistle
at
7:32 PM
1 comments
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Labels: Michigan Baseball, University of Michigan
A Call for Arms...I Mean Votes!
First and foremost, credit where credit is due. For several weeks this thing we only knew as the “Hot Bloggers Bracket” was dangling above our heads and enticing our deepest suspicions. What is my seed? What the hell am I up against? Am I really going to have to judge other dudes? Are they ever gonna post this thing? Is my picture going to end up on some random site called www.romancingthebone.com?
There are obviously a few things I could’ve done different. Perhaps, I should have sent in a shirtless JPG, maybe a picture with my dog (like this one - she'd make the Vick family proud)or paid somebody to let me borrow their cute baby for a quick photo “op”. Yes, I could have even done what it appears my counterpart Mr. Leitch has done and gone in for a photo shoot with a trained professional. Why not try and use the Ocean Beach Pier as an artificial back drop instead of Siberia?Well, screw the puppy dogs and ice cream routine and fuck the excuses. The only thing left for me now is to beg, borrow and steal your vote. So yes, this is my call to arms to make an impact. Does Mr. Deadspin really need another round of accolades? It’s simply imperative that you vote for me. I’m prepared to win this at all costs…even if it means sacrificing what’s left of my pride.
For the record, I thought this was an amateur blogger bracket? If this were the NCAA’s, Leitch would be deemed ineligible for no longer having any amateur status…he’s actually a credible and published writer. Come on, he’s much more relevant to the mainstream than a pseudo-blogger like myself…right?
You see a win for me would be a win for all the less popular blogs out there. It would be a statement that we can strive and survive on our own merits. It would be a testament that there is good, that the human spirit is still alive and well…to all those people inching along the freeway in their metal coffins…I repr---Ok, wait…don’t lose me here. What I mean is this a chance for all the lesser blogs to gain a small ounce of relevance.
Sure, for many of us our life lines are somewhat attached to Deadspin, but wouldn’t it be great…if for just one day, we were slightly more significant? What am I saying here? Well I’m not quite sure, but if you’ve ever rooted for Cinderella to win in March or for Duke to go down…this is your chance. This would be the upset of upsets and it can’t happen without all your votes. Seriously, I said I wouldn’t grovel, but fuck it…is anyone too proud to beg?
This would be a win for all of you and your support is needed. I’m not willing to just roll over and accept defeat, ego and pride aside…this means something greater. This is your chance to make a difference. I beg, I plead…please, please give me your vote. Do you really want Deadspin to monopolize and dominate this tournament? So with that, again I say thank you to the Ladies for your efforts.
And lastly, should (and I must emphasize that word) I go on to lose as projected…I’ll be a good sport about things. Promise. I won’t gripe or complain; I’ll take it like a man…just like my role model Rasheed Wallace.
Declared by
Stan M.
at
1:59 PM
7
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Labels: Hot Blogger Bracket, I need your VOTES, Me vs. Deadspin, Sarcastic, The Ladies
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
Could Someone Please Explain NASCAR To Me?
I just don't get it. I really, really don't. Yesterday at work, the bartender with whom I was working mentioned that there was a lot on TV that afternoon, like the Phillies game and some NASCAR race. Now, I didn't say anything directly to him, but NASCAR is to baseball as fucking a goat is to fucking Adriana Lima. Just because some people in this country consider the formers legit forms of entertainment/sexual activity, that doesn't make them okay.
Around the 4th inning of a then 0-0 Phillies game, a guy walks into the bar and asks us to change over to "the race". Are you fucking kidding me? You're one guy. And this is Philadelphia. Only our grimiest and dumbest residents (like my coworker - no offense, Brian) follow that shit. We appeased him by turning the third TV to "the race" because it isn't connected to the same cable box as the other two. This suited him fine, although he still had a lot of nerve to try and pull that shit by himself, while the local team was busy playing a real sport.
As for the "sport" itself, a bunch of guys drive around in an oval for several hours in cars that aren't even that fast. Maybe once or twice someone crashes. That's it? Did I miss something? And the people who like this shit are the same people who find soccer boring! Goals happen more often than crashes and the action in between is considerably more entertaining. But I digress. The point of this post is not to compare a pastime of liquored-up hicks to the world's greatest sport. No, the point of this column was to call people who follow NASCAR liquored-up hicks.
But really, if someone would like to explain to me why millions and millions of people follow NASCAR, I would really like to hear it. Because it makes no sense to me. And don't say it's really fun live. Anything is really fun live after 12 beers. I want a legit, well put together explanation as to why - other than severe inebriation - anyone finds NASCAR worth watching.
What could cure this Hangover?
I show my age when it comes to the hangover. Yup, I'm the Chris Webber of hangover's. When I was 21 years old (god I feel old), I could scrape myself off the ground and keep going. Now-a-days I need at least 2-3 days of recovery. And nothing could be worse than when Monday morning hits after a long weekend semi-bender. That's when all the misery kicks in to mock me for hours on end. The 8 hours behind the desk at the cube seem like a death sentence, an eternity.
Well, it's even worse when the things that give me so much pleasure (for example) the Detroit Pistons crapped the bed and ruined my weekend and possibly my summer, but that's another story. Actually, it's the realization that "the" Sports intrigue is hitting the lull for me. And that makes it even harder to maintain a daily connection with you, my beloved readers and fans. Ok, what I mean is all 5 of you that are paying attention...I'm drained.
I'm like a taxed relief pitcher straight out of the Yankees bullpen. I'm lost, I'm exhausted and it's not so much to do with the Pistons. It's that void feeling that for the next 2 plus months all we have to look forward to is regular season baseball. Now I love Baseball, but can I really devote an entire post on a regular basis to baseball? I mean seriously, when does Football season start?
Look, this is just me and my pathetic little way to complain and boycott the NBA Finals. It's also a way to explain the depression that sets in with my prolonged hangover's when I try to come up with something intriguing to write about. Yet, I know there is so much going on in the world of sports.
I mean we got A-Rod right? I could cover wall-to-wall A-Rod stories. He needs to be covered like a copy of "US Weekly" right? Nah, what about the Yanks and the Sawx...aren't they the big story? Nope. And the Cubs, well they suck...so I'm stuck there.
Of course we've got the Michael Vick dog fighting story. Now there is an angle to play. That's surely going to get me out of this rut, this slump. Well, not quite. How about Johnnie Morton making the transition to "MAA"? Or Simmons vs. Cowherd? There is so much going on in the world of sports or is there?
Perhaps, this is the time for me to put myself on a "Sports Hiatus." After all, it is that time of year for BBQ's, to go fishing, check out a ballpark, good music, to take a road trip, drink heavily, go to the beach, go to the club, backyard parties, spitting tobacco and of course drinking heavily. It's summer and one thing I swore to myself is that this blog would never hold me back.
So, I guess what I'm saying is...ah, fuck that...I'm just kidding. This is just me wallowing in the mire. This is just your typical case of loathing, because my team is gone. It's already Tuesday and I'm clocking back the weekend hangover. I guess, I've got to take things in strides. Sure, it's a dull time of sports and I advise everyone to enjoy this brief slow time to get outside.
However, before you know it the NFL and College Football will be back. And I will be hungover once again. And I'll also try and help all the devoted readers sink further in debt with my rotten gambling advice...my lord, I can't wait. I'm on the clock, I'm counting down. How much longer until the Fantasy Football Draft in Vegas, Rupert?
Ah, well for now...it's time to get back to the present...starting this week. Can't wait for the Stanley Cup Finals to end tomorrow night in Anaheim. And yes, even the NBA Finals. Argh.
Declared by
Stan M.
at
4:35 PM
4
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Labels: A-Rod, chicago cubs, Fantasy Football, Johnnie Morton, Monday Morning Hangover, Sports Hiatus
Calvin Johnson’s NFL Contract Addendum
With NFL mini camps underway and contract negotiations looming for big name rookies, we thought we could lend a hand to the Detroit Lion's massively incompetent back office. Standout wide receiver and Georgia Tech alum, Calvin Johnson is projected to earn something comparable to that of Reggie Bush and Mario Williams last season. Experts are projecting something in the neighborhood of 6 years for $54 million and $26 million guaranteed.
Having witnessed a couple of other high priced pool crappers at the wide receiver position in recent years, we thought we would contribute an addendum to Calvin Johnson's contract to help ensure his success as a Detroit Lion. Just attach the following articles of incorporation to the original contractual document and we'll all rest a little easier.
Article X.1.1
Mr. Calvin Johnson concedes that under no circumstances will he engage in interaction of any kind with Mr. Charles Rogers. Tangentially, no contact will be made with his associates, including but not limited to Messrs. Bomb Sack of Jib, Dub Sac Zack, Vinny the Shoe, or Jeff Smoker.
Article X.1.2
Mr. Calvin Johnson agrees to submit an application to file a restraining order against Mike Williams’ personal trainer. Given his loss of key clientele, the Detroit Lions organization has reason to believe he will stop at nothing to sign Mr. Johnson to his training program. Despite his incessant insistence, the Lions do not believe his program to have been effective in the past. For example, there is no scientific evidence supporting his claim that gravity bongs help improve hand eye coordination or that cheesesteaks are of paramount importance to the high protein, low fat diet.
Article X.1.3
Should Mr. Calvin Johnson choose to engage in sexual intercourse with a member of the opposite sex in the Greater Detroit Metropolitan area, he will require a doctors note attesting that the said madame does not have remnants of previous encounters from Mr. Kid Rock on her person. Also, upon request, the Detroit Lions organization will have the right to request an affadavit from Mr. Johnson's doctor attesting to the results of DNA and blood testing.
Article X.1.4
Mr. Johnson agrees to wholeheartedly engage in the memorization of Mr. Mike Martz’s playbook, regardless of its duration and number of subtle varieties of the exact same play.
Article X.1.5
Mr. Johnson agrees to block. This not only includes run blocking, but importantly also includes downfield blocking should the Lions break a big play. Stop laughing, this is serious.
Article X.1.6
At the behest of Mr. Millen, Mr. Johnson agrees not to laugh at anything Mr. Millen says while Mr. Millen is still in the room. In addition, the aforementioned clause also applies to Mr. William Clay Ford. As a compromise, both parties agree that Mr. Johnson is allowed to refer to Mr. Millen as Chubb Rocket.
Article X.1.7
Mr. Johnson is only required to communicate with Jon Kitna on the field. It's well known throughout the Detroit area that Kitna is devout Christian and possibly scared of black people. The Lions as an organization seek to resolve any chance of conflict between Mr. Johnson and Mr. Kitna.
Article X 1.8
Mr. Johnson is to spend a week training with the "GREAT" Herman Moore in order to learn what it really takes be a Detroit Lion and hopefully, surpass anything Moore ever did or didn't do for the Lions. One footnote: Mr. Johnson is to have no outside contact with Johnnie Morton, because a) he got his $#s kicked in MAA and b) he may be on PCP.
Article X.1.9
Mr. Johnson should refrain from holding huge wads of cash in both hands and waving it in the face of Mr. Michael Furrey.
Signed on this the 5th Day of June, 2007.
____________________
Mr. Calvin Johnson
Declared by
Rupert Entwistle
at
2:58 PM
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Labels: calvin johnson, Contract Negotiations, Matt Millen, Mike Furrey
A Little Feud is Brewing Between a Couple of ESPN's Finest
It would appear there is a little verbal war in the works between our favorite ESPN personalities, the one and only Colin “Shrutebag” Cowherd and Bill “the Sports Guy” Simmons. Thus far, they’ve taken their fair turns with lashing out at each other …and to be honest it’s quite comical. Who has the upper hand and who is gonna win this battle? It can’t end peacefully can it? Well, we can only hope it lasts just a little longer.
In any event, we fully expect Simmons to turn the page and be the bigger person or attempt to make light out of the situation by referencing this microscopic war in terms of the WWE or something along the lines of “MMA” in the Octagon. This of course, would simply be a tease to us all and how we’d really like to see it end. And it would come as no surprise to see Cowherd close the book with a typical, “I’m Colin 'fucking' Cowherd and you’re not. "
So how did it all start? Well, it all started “Shrutebag” attacking Simmons article about Kobe trade possibilities last week. Rarely, will you hear us defend Simmons on most stances, but this article as with most of his NBA insights was very substantial, well researched, with excellent presentation. Say what you will about Simmons constant loop of “Boogie Nights” jokes, but the man does know the NBA, inside and out.
He gives factual data on salary caps, expiring contracts, trades scenarios, etc. And to be honest it’s a facet of Simmons repertoire that we read and actually feel fully entertained and having gained some form of inherent knowledge. I personally, don’t feel spoiled by a “90210” reference. And so if you couldn’t already tell, we are backing Simmons 100% in this fight.
If You're Gonna Bump Up, You Best Bump Up Big
Upon reading Simmons suggestions, Cowherd opened up the can of attack to his billions upon billions of allied listeners. He referenced how much he respected Simmons as a “comedy” writer (probably an indirect jab at not respecting him from a sports perspective). He also made mention of Simmons ties to Boston Sports (another indirect jab?). And then he basically shredded Simmons article.
Well, Simmons responded yesterday and here is a portion…just in case you didn’t read it.
“While we're here, my ESPN colleague Colin Cowherd mocked my seven trade scenarios for Kobe on the radio last week without reading the entire column or even attempting to understand its premise, namely, that the trade options for Kobe were limited because (A) he needed to go to a big market for a team that could contend right away, and (B) nobody pays 100 cents on the dollar for a team looking to unload an unhappy superstar.
And if that wasn't bad enough, Cowherd embarrassed himself by not understanding basic NBA trading principles like "it would be valuable for L.A. to swap Vlad Radmanovic's contract for Bobby Sura's expiring contract in a T-Mac/Kobe deal because Sura's contract expires in 2008, which would buy them some cap space down the road."
Look, I know the radio business lends itself to hosts lazily skimming other people's columns and blogs ... but seriously, Colin, in the words of Mark Jackson, you're better than that. Your show's on for three hours a day and you get four giant commercial breaks per hour. That leaves you plenty of time to research your segments so you don't come off as misinformed. No offense.”
So the tiff was officially born. And this morning on Cowherd’s radio show he made a pathetic attempt at a comeback. To paraphrase the Herd’s defense it went a little something like this. “My show lasts 4 hours…not 3 Bill…and I only get 3 breaks per hour not 4…so you didn’t do your research Simmons.” Christ almighty Shrutebag, why don’t you just nitpick a little more and say I know you are, but what am I?
Shrutebag went on to call Simmons lazy and claim that he didn’t listen to the whole segment or do his research. Then he went on about how he has always praised Simmons for his “witty and clever” work. Really Herd? Because, what I heard was you marginalizing him as a comedic writer, who gained his notoriety and fame by writing about the niche that is Boston sports. Did you intend to directly do this Shrutebag…I don’t know, but I’m guessing the answer is yes.
You see; if you have the misfortune of hearing Colin Cowherd once, twice or even regularly you come away smelling his arrogance. He may not always be right, but he is certainly never wrong…according to him at least. This really is a funny little argument that these two ESPN personalities have kicked into low gear right now.
Our hope is that this thing escalates. However, we aren’t holding our breath. In this case, you’ve got to chalk one up for Simmons and you’ve probably got to side a little with him. Shrutebag simply pulled out the “I’m going to nit-pick your attack on me” card. I hardly think the belly of Simmons argument was based on the length of the show or the number of commercial breaks for the Herd.
It was simply stating the obvious…Herd loves to attack before he gets the whole premise. And Herd has a history, as we all know of taking information out of context, ripping off certain blogs and even launching DNS attacks on bloggers. So for as much critique as “most” bloggers throw Simmons way…this is one time when we should all have his back.
Far be it for us to try and convince you to be on one side or the other. Download Shrutebag’s podcast and seek out your own stance. Either way, we’re keeping our eyes on this feud as it heats up and probably makes its rounds around the blogosphere in the next few days.
We’re calling for slapping match, maybe a kick each other in the shins match…either way, let’s battle it out fellas.
UPDATE: Ambercrombie exploits child labor laws, Vote for Rupert!
Declared by
Rupert Entwistle
at
9:20 AM
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Labels: Bill Simmons, Colin Cowherd, ESPN, Shrutebag
Monday, June 4, 2007
Where Do We Go Now?
Where do we go…where do we go now, where do go…oh, oh where do we go now?
Argh, I hate that fucking song and I hate having to deliver the airbrush touch up on the remnants that are the sad state of what we know as the Detroit Pistons. However, again…I can’t say I didn’t see the writing on the wall or couldn’t see this coming. It all goes back to that life span of a current NBA contender not lasting much more than 5 years, sans the elite dynasties, such as the Spurs.And this Detroit team was anything, but a dynasty. If you consider only one Championship and only two Finals visits in that five year span…well that sums things up. Perhaps, in their hearts and minds they were a dynasty, but really let’s own up. Ok, even today the Pistons are having a hard time owning up. Been there, done that.
Our supposed leader was quoted as saying he still thinks his Pistons are the better team, but that the Cavs just played better last week. Yeah, right. Here’s an update for you “Mr. Big Shot”…the Cavs were the better team this week, this month, this day and this year. Get over yourself, you lost. That in and of itself is what saddens me the most about this Pistons era.
Yup, the defiance…the refusal to respect or give credit to an opponent. There is nobody left to blame, but themselves. It wasn’t the refs, it wasn’t all your coaches fault and it certainly wasn’t focus and intensity. You just flat out got beat by a team that wanted it more. Paper don’t mean shit when you get on the court, so no matter how much better you looked than the Cavs on paper, you can crumble that up and throw it in the trash.
This era ended in the likeness of fashion to my good buddy “the Turd” having a hot streak at a blackjack table in Vegas. Yes, I once saw “the Turd” turn a couple hundred dollars into a couple thousand in the span of a few hours. It looked and held up much like the Pistons 2-0 lead against the Cavs. The Turd got cocky, he got arrogant and before long he was reaching back into his pockets for more cash.
He gave it all back and then some. Just like the Pistons gave up the 2-0 lead with “a quickness” and also managed to kick in a couple ounces of their self-respect, pride and dignity along with it. Congratulations guys, next time try and lose with a little bit of class.
So here we are…at the crossroads. And the decisions that will be made this off-season will forever impact and shape the franchise. As told by anyone with a pen or microphone these past few days that really cared to give any attention to this deceased contender, the Pistons are due for major cosmetic surgery and an attitude makeover.
Well, the obvious question is where does it start or where do we go now? We can’t stand pat any longer, that’s for certain. This roster isn’t getting back the NBA Finals, let alone the Eastern Finals…most likely. Everyone has a finger to point and the first one pointed has been at Flip Saunders.
Personally, I thought it was a no-brainer that Saunders was given his severance package and seen the door. I mean we fired Rick Carlisle and Larry Brown, both of whom over-achieved with this group. Why on earth could we possibly keep Saunders who has clearly underachieved each post-season?
Apparently, Saunders assured Dumars he’d study up and learn how to make friggin’ adjustments for next year’s playoff run. Yeah sure, we’re all holding our breath. In any event it all means that Saunders is coming back to Detroit for another agonizing and miserable post-season run, where he deflates any ounce of fun this team could possibly have, oh well.
So that leaves the players and the first obvious choice for departure = Rasheed Wallace. Shame to anyone who swirls his name around. The last time I checked he was our most reliable and consistent player all post-season, until of course the combustion during the last few games against Cleveland. Yet, what would we really get to replace the integral part of our team that is Sheed?
Yes, I’m a little biased, because Sheed is my favorite player. And to be honest, I really don’t think he is a part of the problem. However, from all indications Dumars also doesn’t think he is a part of the solution. So it deeply saddens me, but this could be the final hook for Rasheed in Detroit.
And if that’s the case it better sure as hell be the sign to blow the whole thing up. For starters Webber is G-O-N-E. We played 4-on-5 defenesively with Webber and he really didn’t provide much on offense. And we all know he wants not only a Championship, but also touches.
I could see keeping McDyess around (he does have an “opt” out clause), but that’s if he doesn’t seek a better contract. Initial word from McDyess is that he wants to stay, but we all know how much he is seeking that illusive ring. He wants that thing so bad he decided to get kicked out of our most important game of the season…argh.
Dales Davis is gone. Flip Murray…get rid of him as well. Lindsey Hunter is bound for retirement…sorry bud. And somehow we must find a way to move Nazr…he’s gone beyond useless to this team, but who would take him? I don’t know, but he’s gots-ta-go.
We’ve got to make room and minutes for what I see as part of the future, Carlos Delfino, Amir Johnson and Jason Maxiell. Isn’t it time for Saunders to just play out the string and get those guys the minutes to be successful. Every time I think Delfino has turned the corner, Saunders stunts his growth by cutting his minutes. And the same goes for Maxy.
With the #15 pick, screw Rodney Stuckey. We need a legitimate back-up or starting point guard. We need to trade up for Mike Conley Jr., but that’s another story. I’d settle for somehow swiping up to get Acie Law IV. And you know with the #27 pick…I’m lusting over Sean Williams out of Boston College.
Sure, we’d need to finagle a little to get in line to take those two guys, but I feel that they would be instant impact players. And we could shop around to move up a few spots here and there…right? This draft is loaded, as everyone says. Dumars needs to capitalize on these picks and use his resources properly. We can’t take no-name projects; we need younger players that can play now.
The NBA is more about quickness and great athletes than ever before. The veteran savvy teams are a dying breed, again sans the Spurs, but they have Duncan. So really, where does that leave us and what changes can really be made. After all, there only three players left to cover. And let’s not beat around the bush any longer.
Prince is simply untouchable. I forgive his woeful series against Cleveland. It couldn’t have come at a worse time for the Pistons and he isn’t getting nearly the heat he should be if he wasn’t such an all around modest guy. And so, Prince will remain a staple of this franchise for years to come. Don’t expect Dumars to react otherwise.
That would leave the infamous Detroit backcourt and perhaps the only semblance of value left on the table. And that’s why I’m ready to say goodbye to one or the other, if not both. Obviously, if we get rid of either we have a huge gap at either the point or the 2 guard. So let’s think long and hard about this.
For me the obvious choice is Rip Hamilton. I’m just not buying into Rip much anymore these days. He has struggled quite a bit over the past few post seasons. He holds value as a shooter to a lot of teams. He could surely be packaged along with some of the other rubbish on our bench. For who? I don’t know, but I’m saying it out loud now…Rip Hamilton has hopefully played his last game in Detroit.
The obvious sign is to re-sign Chauncey and hope for the best. We at least owe him that service. Look, I don’t have all the numbers on who we could dump or trade and why. I know it’s a lot of brash decision making in haste on my part, but I’m not the GM. Ultimately, everything will come down to what Joe D. does.
And so, I bid ado to the final post of this Piston era…it’s been a good ride. Yet, I sure wish you wouldn’t have started splitting 10’s against the dealers 5’s and 6’s once you got that 2-0 lead…you got to fucking cocky. Thanks anyway…you know for all the memories. With that comes the next stage: Where do you go now?
Declared by
Stan M.
at
6:02 PM
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Labels: Chauncey Billups, Detroit Pistons, Flip Saunders, Joe Dumars, Kevin Garnett, Rasheed Wallace
Sunday, June 3, 2007
One Timers

Here lies the Detroit Pistons. After 5 years of prominence, the Pistons passed away due to complications of the liver. No wait, that was me. The Pistons passed away to a passive coaching effort, lousy guard play, uncontrollable tempers, and generalized malaise. The dynasty that could have been, officially was not. The Pistons are survived by children Jason Maxiell, Carlos Defino, and Amir Johnson. The legacy will live on without some or all of its father figures, Chauncey Billups, Chris Webber, and Flip Saunders.
Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all? My ass it is. Take a look at my teams: the Lions, Pistons, Red Wings, Tigers, and Wolverines. Notice an elephant in the room, the one that just doesn’t seem to fit? Right, the Lions are the one that consistently just suck as opposed to the others who prefer dominating and elevating the hopes to the stratosphere. Well, I am suddenly feeling very at ease with the Lions, because at least they don’t blow it like all of the others when they get remarkably close to the big dance. It’s too much turmoil: the World Series, the Rose Bowl & Ohio State game, perennial crapping of the bed in the NHL Playoffs, and 2 straight Eastern Conference Finals and a Finals too boot. Just give me some Lions and Maize Rage action, so I can set the expectations so low there is nothing but upside.
Don’t go gently into that good early afternoon. If anyone is interested in great opportunity for some day drinking, Leopold and I attended the Greenwich Village Literary Pub Crawl this Saturday. We were a little skeptical going in that it might be a somewhat snooty and tame crowd, but we were entirely mistaken. We were joined by a bachelor party and same good-natured foreign tourists, all of whom contributed to a terrific time. It’s only 15 bucks and what a better way to feel good about yourself for drinking away a whole Saturday. You can learn a thing or two about the history of Greenwich Village and some of its many prominent literary figures, including Dylan Thomas, Hunter S. Thompson, Bob Dylan, and some bum named Gould.
I must say, I think Volvo is pretty brilliant. Their new promotion is pretty innovative. They are hiding a treasure chest somewhere in the ocean as part of the Pirates of the Caribbean movie release. The chest contains 50 grand and the keys to a brand new Volvo. I think this is one of the more unique ideas in recent corporate marketing. I actually like the idea of searching for the treasure. I’m a sucker for fantasy and the thought of a treasure hunt, corny as it may be, is awfully tempting.
Last but not least, I like to honor Scott Bakula with the B-List sports movie lifetime achievement. Major League: Back to Minors sucked me in like an old-fashioned bank drive thru deposit tube (how’s that for a random simile?). While this is widely considered a piece of shit and the worst in the series, I really enjoy it. Consistent with his performance as Paul Blake in Necessary Roughness, Scott Bakula brings his A-game yet again as the down-home sports purist who manages the minor league team, the Buzz. Cheers Scott Bakula on a solid body of work. When are we going to get some Quantum Leap reruns back on the air? That is a piece a top-notch television.
Declared by
Rupert Entwistle
at
4:27 PM
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Labels: The Pistons Screwed the Pooch
Saturday, June 2, 2007
Love Him or Hate Him...Ball Don't Lie.
Shit, I don’t like LeBron James all that much, but I’d donate a testicle to have him run with our Fab Four (Prince, Wallace, Hamilton and Billups). I’m sure no damned fool, but let me get it straight…Gooden, Varajoke and Z is more comforting than ‘Sheed, huh? Ok, it’s cool anyone around basketball knows ‘Sheed has swagger almost to a fault, but they also know he is one hell of a teammate and about as fierce a competitor as it gets.So look, hate him all you want Cavs fans, but let’s not get carried away here. We’ve been down this road before. Miami hated him, as well. And understandably…when he was healthy in 2005 he was abusing Miami from every angle. His insistent habit of rapping along to select tunes from the fine DJ running the P.A system at Airlines Arena went a long way to piss off Dan LeBatard of the Miami Herald.
Remember that dude Slava Medvedenko who used to play on the Lakers? Yeah, he went AWOL and had to have a restraining order placed on him after Sheed abused him in ’04. So for you to hate Sheed is only flattering…we wouldn’t want it any other way, because he’s better than anything you have in the low post and he’s sure as hell a much cooler dude; his white birthmark on the back of his head and all.
Your jeers are my cheers when you “claim” that Drew Gooden “took” him out in Game 3. Sweet, bravo…Gooden got him in an arm bar. If that gives you kicks…well, sweet! What did you want Sheed to do throw a punch back…um, don’t answer that. He’s a chill, weed smoking dude who plays basketball the “right” way. Why would I care if a dude with a pubic patch and knee high socks tried and failed to tackle my boy?
Yes, Sheed is my boy. And it dates back the North Carolina days. He brought about him the brash, the arrogance and the swagger that Carolina seriously needed when arrived at Chapel Hill in ‘94. Sheed was always a team player, even back then, but he was also always a cocky trash talker. And he backed it up…by dunking all over Duke and the rest of the ACC.
You gotta love it when he warned Duke back in ’95 that the Heels would never lose to them, as long as he and Stack were around. And he backed up the promise.
Sure, we get it…you need a villain, but trust me you’re picking on the wrong guy for the wrong reasons. He isn’t the second coming of Bill Laimbeer, he’s not a dirty player and he knows how to play the game.
Yup, there sure are moments that get to Piston fans, like his switch on Ginobli in Game 5 of the NBA Finals that led to Horry’s wide open 3, but we forgive and forget. We love his “guaransheeds”, his cocky comments, like “even the sun shines on a dog’s ass some days.” Cleveland just wishes they had a “cat” with such creative and confident lingo.
And let’s be honest, nobody matched his intensity consistently in this series. You call it emotion, we call it intensity. And when Sheedo has the intensity kicking good things happen for the Pistons. LeBron is the only Cavalier capable of matching and even trumping that intensity, yet he only does that when he feels inclined.
You hate Rasheed, because he’s got Championship belts. He loves his boys, his teammates and he made sure they all got a Belt after their ‘Ship in ’04. What other player or team would proudly adorn WWE inspired belts for an entire NBA Team? Admit it already…you’d kill to have him on your team.
Another reason I love Sheed is because his jersey (#36) is sported in honor of the “Wu Tang Clan.” Yes sir, “up from the 36 Chambers!!!” I happen to fancy the Wu Tang and can’t help, but enjoy that my favorite player pays homage to them on a nightly basis.
Go ahead; get more acquainted with the commodity that is Rasheed Wallace before you’re ready to pronounce you know what he’s all about. Check out rasheedwallace.com…see who he hangs with, who he raps with and what he does in the community. I think you’ll find he’s a pretty fucking cool dude.
And besides all that Sheed is the only forward left in the playoffs with a legitimate chance to slow, not stop, but slow Tim Duncan. Unless of course, you really think Drew Gooden is going to match with the greatest power forward of all-time? Yeah…sure.
Let’s face it, if you were playing ball at a playground, he’d be the guy you want on your team. Tough nosed, hard edged and a competitor. He’s that guy that runs the court for hours on end…until he’s done playing. And you absolutely know this. Come on, ball don’t lie.
So look, you can keep up with the hatred for my boy Sheed, it’s really flattering. However, to hear that he sucks…is just a little absurd. And just remember deep down…you know you’d kill to have him down on your post Cleveland. It’s OK to be jealous, because he’s not.
GAME 6 - GET IT DONE.
Declared by
Stan M.
at
11:55 AM
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Labels: Detroit Pistons, Rasheed Wallace
Friday, June 1, 2007
Mind If I Ask You A Personal Question?
Sure. Shoot.
How much money do you make from your blog?
To be honest, last we checked it was somewhere in the neighborhood at $18 dollars. I'd have to check with Stan to say for sure, but it's probably somewhere around $30 by now. We started the Ghosts of Wayne Fontes site just about four months ago and have posted aver 200 times. I'd day an hour per post is a conservative estimate, so let’s say we’ve spent about 200 hours writing, researching, compiling photos, and maintaining the layout. That means a very generous estimate puts us earning right around 15 cents per hour.
And, that doesn’t even take into account all of the time spent admiring the other blogs and shamelessly promoting our posts to the big guns, like Will, Matt, the guys at the Big Lead, Henry, Brooks, Scrap, Gawker and on and on (Sorry if I forgot anyone). I figure we’re on a first name basis, since I send them all about 70 emails a week. If I’m ever annoying you, my apologies and thanks for all of your help and for keeping this fun for so many of us. It’s really damn exciting to get a link from you guys. Then there’s the commenting. I love to comment when I can, but I try not to get too deep into it, because I’m walking a fine line here with the paying gig. I spent a pretty dangerous amount of time working on the blog between 9 and 6, Monday through Friday. All told, to run a blog really well, it’s a full time job.
When we began, we started out just doing the Ad-Brite and Ad-Sense stuff, which is where all of that $30 bucks I mentioned came from. We also just added Shareasale, which is where you get the Snorg Tee girl. I have a feeling that of all of the success stories in the blogosphere, hers will be the greatest. She’ll be on 24 by next season and primed for world domination by ’09. She kind of has that Jenna Fischer cute thing, where she really grows on you.
Also, you might be wondering how much that cute little tip cup over there has produced? Negatron. Yep, it’s gooseeggs at this point. It’s a pretty stupid idea actually. It’s not like people have loads of cash just sitting in there Paypal accounts ready to hand out to strangers for their random blog. The cup’s days are numbered.
So, what’s the point here? I am just hoping to stimulate a little discussion on the topic of earning money. I don’t mean to sound like I’m in this to make a buck and all that crap, just that it is interesting and strangely taboo, when we all happily talk about every other ridiculous thing under the sun. I’m sure we could all stand to make an extra 50 bucks now and then, so feel free to ask any questions or add any insight you might have. If you know of interesting links or have your own stories on the topic, by all means, spam it up.
Argh, ah...well...argh...yeah...umm...well...yup, I got nothing to say.
LeBron was Michael Jordan...on Steroids.
Declared by
Stan M.
at
12:29 AM
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Labels: depression, Detroit Pistons, eulogy, LeBron James, must get drunk







Je vous possède. 