Ask an Expert: The NFL According to Swayze

As an old and rare tradition here at GoWF, from time to time we like to do this little thing called "Ask and Expert." Well, it just so happens our good buddy and LEGENDARY actor Patrick Swayze is the resident expert around these parts. He's weighed in on many a topic or debate in the past. And so, on the eve of this holiday weekend we had a quick chance to catch up with Swayze once again and discuss some NFL knowledge (well -- fictionally speaking, of course).

Ghosts: Thanks for dropping by buddy, long time…no speak. It’s been quite the NFL season thus far, lots of interesting twists and turns, records on the line, etc, etc, etc. Knowing you as such a big NFL fan, what’s your quick take on the season thus far?

Swayze: It's kind of strange, isn't it? How the mountains pay us no attention at all. You laugh or you cry...the wind just keeps on blowing.

Ghosts: Um, yes I guess it is. Anyhow, one of the top stories this season aside from the Patriots has been the play of Brett Favre and the Green Bay Packers. Many see Favre as committing to change in the off-season and playing fearless and more importantly flawless football. Your thoughts?

Swayze: Fear causes hesitation, and hesitation will cause your worst fears to come true.

Ghosts: Interesting. Your thoughts on Adrian Peterson’s remarkable season and what it means in historical terms prior to hurting his knee?

Swayze: If you want the ultimate, you've got to be willing to pay the ultimate price. It's not tragic to die doing what you love.

Ghosts: Um, he just partially tore the LCL, he should be back in a few weeks.

Swayze: Pain don't hurt.

Ghosts: Ok, you’re thoughts on the dominance and swagger that is the New England Patriots? And just how does somebody go about trying to knock them off this season?

Swayze: It's basic dog psychology, if you scare them and get them peeing down their leg, they submit. But if you project weakness, that promotes violence, and that's how people get hurt.

Ghosts: No offense, but that’s much easier said then done…now isn’t it? Don’t you ever think what Belicheck is doing (basically running up the score) is essentially bad for the game?

Swayze: Son, it breaks my heart to say this, but I believe you are a very troubled and confused young man. I believe you are searching for the answers in all the wrong places...

Ghosts: Pat, I’m afraid I’m not following you on that one. I was only asking your opinion on the subject.

Swayze: I know Johnny. I know you want me so bad it's like acid in your mouth. But, not this time.

Ghosts: My name isn’t Johnny? WTF?

Swayze: Just put your pickle on everybody's plate college boy and leave the hard stuff to me.

Ghosts: What? Pat – come back to me. Remember we are talking about the New England Patriots – remember?

Swayze: They're going to kill you, Carl. You and Willie! You're going to be fertilizer. They're gonna bury you right next to Jimmy Hoffa.

Ghosts: OK, I’m catching your drift loud and clear Pat, but I really don’t know why you keep dancing around the topic.

Swayze: Look, spaghetti arms. This is my dance space. That is your dance space. I don't go into yours, you don't go into mine. You gotta hold the frame.

Ghosts: Huh?

Swayze: Listen, Soda. You and Ponyboy, if the fuzz show, you beat it out of there. Hey, we'll get jailed, but you two will get the boys home, you know what I'm sayin'?

Ghosts: No, actually I have no fucking clue what you’re saying.

Swayze: All you have to do is follow three simple rules. One, never underestimate your opponent. Expect the unexpected. Two, take it outside. Never start anything inside the bar unless it's absolutely necessary. And three, be nice.

Ghosts: OK, that’s a wrap Pat – once again we simply can’t have a constructive conversation, because you always go off on a tangent. Thanks anyway.

Swayze: Ditto, Molly.

Ghosts: Yeah, whatever.

Swayze: I'm proud of you, Oda Mae!