A Gamblers Guide to Getting Out of Debt

A cloudy room of degenerates is seemingly no way to spend a beautiful Saturday or Sunday afternoon in sunny Southern California. However, when I stop and think about the options, there really isn't any other place I'd rather be. And since I've already mentioned it before, the Sports programming in San Diego simply sucks. Anyhow, I tend to wake up very gingerly and usually hungover on the weekends during the Fall, but who says drinking is a vice?

I'd hardly consider myself a Grade A degenerate, which is either the most noble or most alarming honor in gambling, depending on who you ask. The Grade A's are those guys who belong to Country Clubs, not because they enjoy golf, rather for a way to get away from the wife, play high stakes poker and make some hefty wagers with fellow degenerates. The whole golf thing is just a front. Their traditional attire is khaki shorts, loafers with no socks, a golf shirt, the USA Today tucked under their arm, and cigar in the mouth.

I myself, will stick to the label of a Grade C degenerate. I wager to make the games more exciting and yes, to win money. Yeah, I know I'm in the marijuana as the gateway drug phase, but bear with me...I've been gambling for quite sometime. I tend to never get that carried away and I wouldn't be caught dead wearing loafers with no socks. However, give me a couple more years and you could be looking at Vincent Gallo from "Buffalo 66." Sigh.

I've never been one to shy away from my vices. There is really no reason to lie. We're about three weeks into the Football season and I am no better or worse than I was last year. I do have a gambling problem, but that's just fine by me. I still get the butterflies and goose bumps from scouring the weekend spreads, just as if I was enjoying a rendition of “Harry Hood” at a Phish show. It all still seems so guilt free, pure and innocent. Are those the final words of somebody set to mortgage their house on an Lions/Colts parlay this weekend?

Well, for starters I don’t own a house to mortgage…so that’s good, I think. Secondly, I don’t really consider my wagers thus far, to be of any financial significance one way or the other. And finally, I can stop anytime I choose. I could quit cold turkey tomorrow if that was the hand I was dealt out of necessity. Yet, I am in the prime years of my gambling career and I see no reason to turn the page now. Knowing is the first step to keeping the problem contained.

And that's why today, I am dropping my first "FULL" installment of weekend wagers/picks that I like to call the "Gamblers Guide to Getting out of Debt." Does the name really mean what it says? Well, you figure it out. Americans are back loaded in debt and I highly doubt or endorse gambling as the answer to paying off your high interest credit cards, but it could be...right? No, there aren't any “E” true Hollywood stories about young, single and rich gamblers, driving around in BMW’s, but at least we can dream.

So, enough with the buttering you up. I'm NO Jon Anthony, but here are my picks for the weekend.

NCAA
It's always a shade easier to wager on College games than Pro games. You have so many key variables like home team, rivalries, etc. Anyhow, I like to shy away from Over/Under wagers, but honestly they are usually easier to hit in College Football than Pro...just from my experience. Anyhow, this week's Top 25 looks like a shit platter, but that means a LOT of covers for the big dogs...or so I'd like to think.

*Home Teams in CAPS.

Oklahoma (-22) over TULSA
The Sooners are rolling this season and are hands down the best team in the Big 12. Still, I am unable to name at least one player on this team, but does that matter? They cover spreads and Tulsa is in for a beating on Friday Night Football.

LOUISVILLE (-35.5) over Syracuse
The Orange might be the worst team in Division I. Have you ever found yourself saying I wonder if USC could beat the worst team in the NFL? Well, I wonder if a High School team could beat Syracuse. Yes, I am fully aware at how shitty that Louisville defense is.

BOSTON COLLEGE (-28) over Army
I'm iffy on this one, but I like HOME teams in College football.

Florida (-23) over Mississippi
This one shouldn't even be close.

OHIO STATE (-22.5) over Northwestern
Argh, it makes me sick to put any money on Ohio State, but that was an impressive win on the road against U-Dub last week. And as lousy as the Big 10 is this season, Northwestern might just take the cake as the WORST.

MICHIGAN (+2.5) over Penn State
Yup, this will be the win that gets all the Michigan fans all fired up again, proclaiming they are officially back. No chance, the slow Nittany Lions go to the Big House as a favorite and win.

WEST VIRGINA (-25) over East Carolina
It's no longer just a White-Slaton double-edged sword; now it's a three pronged White-Slaton-Levine grappling hook, which will be used to climb to the top of the rankings. You can use that if you want, Lee Corso.

ARKANSAS (-6) over Kentucky
Sounds like a letdown game (Kentucky) vs. a rebound game (Arkansas). Both teams had contrasting games last week, emotional highs and lows. And I believe in ebb and flow.

USC (-25) over Washington State
Pete Carroll loves covering spreads. And he also loves toying with teams, so...

WISCONSIN (-8) over Iowa
Again, the home team principle and the Big 10 sucking...

NFL
I got eaten alive by the NFL lines last season like a swarm of mosquitoes, so I always proceed with caution on my own advice. There is always some team that we think is very good, but really isn't and that's how you get f*cked...in short.

San Diego (-4) over GREEN BAY
It can't possibly get any worse...can it? LT will finally have the break-out game we've all been holding our breath for this season.

Detroit (+6.5) over PHILADELPHIA
That Philly secondary is garbage. I'm not saying the Lions win the game, but unless McNabb can step up BIG-TIME the Eagles are going to be fighting for their lives to not falter to 0-3. Kitna will put up points...can the Eagles answer?

N.Y JETS (-3) over Miami
Eventually, the Jets have to win a game. They are bad, but not that bad. And Miami coincidentally is pretty bad. Thanks a lot for the pile of sh*t thus far, Ronnie Brown.

St. Louis (+3.5) over Tampa Bay
I've taken the Rams for the first two weeks of the season and I may go down in flames with this team, but they aren't really that bad. Why is everyone on Tampa's jock all of the sudden? They looked like utter diarrhea against Seattle and now that they've hammered an overrated New Orleans team they are a favorite? Huh? I guess it makes sense...for me.

Cincinnati (+3.5) over Seattle
The AFC is just that much better than the NFC. And I'm not the least bit concerned with how god awful the Bengals defense was against the Browns. As long as the Bengals have Carson, Chad and Housh, they can win...anywhere.

And with that...best of luck on your wagers this weekend. And as always, heed to my advice at your own risk.