Countdown To Suck Bowl I

It’s just 5 days away folks; the big matchup we’ve all been waiting for – the Michigan Wolverines versus the mighty Fighting Irish of Notre Dame. While the pollsters may be looking beyond this game, there is a lot at stake here. Most importantly, Charlie Weis and Lloyd Carr are engaged in feverish competition for who gets the first job interview at Grand Valley State University. Burning questions are a looming. Will Chad Henne be healthy? Will the QB controversy be resolved at ND? Will they tie and both miraculously remain 0 for the season? Well, we’ll all just have to wait until Saturday to see who will be crowned champion of Suck Bowl I.

In the meantime, here are ten things to do to keep you occupied.

1) Change fantasy football team name from “Manningham Steamroller” to “ The Hennemoon’s Over.”

2) Start working on graduate school applications to schools with “State” or “Tech” in the name.

3) Sell your tickets to upcoming Michigan games and treat yourself to game at Ford Field. The Calvin Johnson era is real.

4) Buy a Sharpie and soil your beloved Big House by adding “Momma’s” and pasting stupid pictures of Martin Lawrence in the stands.

5) Practice spelling “Schembechler” and then write first of many diatribes about curses, crapping on graves, and the demise of Big Ten football.

6) Start looking for loopholes in Les Miles’ contract at LSU and marvel over all the logical reasons he should be the next head coach (i.e., played guard at U of M, Bo Schembechler is his personal role model, and he was an assistant at Michigan for 10 years total). Then come to your senses and realize that Ron English will inexplicably get the job.

7) Take solace in the fact that at least we’re both 0-2. From here on out there is nothing to lose and plenty of people to piss off with meaningless upsets. Here’s looking at you Wisconsin.

8) Make stupid signs with sexual “Spread offense” jokes.

9) Get to know Ryan Mallett. He has a nice website complete with zingers like this one, “The people around me make me look good. I have receivers that catch my bullets.”

10) Check out Lloyd Carr’s match.com profile and see if you’re compatible.