Turn on the ^&*#ing "Auto-Pick" Before You Leave the Draft Lobby

I’m by no means afraid to admit that I am a pure unadulterated Fantasy Football Geek. In fact, you may have taken note of this by me actually thoroughly planning out a full pledged 14-Round mock draft without the aid of just copying the one already posted on CBS SportsLine. No sir, I was planning on doing this all on my own intuition and reserve. Well, today the dream is officially deceased…I am cutting off the “Mock Draft 1.0” at the ankles.

However, that’s not all bad news. For those of us, like myself with the occasional 2 or 3 hours to kill on the internet, instead of working during the day, there is always the “Mock Draft Lobby” on ESPN.com. Somewhere behind the scenes Eric Karabell is ejaculating in his pants over and over like “Orgasm Guy” at the mere thought of being able to mock draft every 5 minutes…24/7.

And for somebody like me, who just can’t get enough Fantasy intake or prep for my own draft(s), this really is a good thing. So as per usual, I arrived promptly on-time at work yesterday and beneath the watching eye of the Internet Police explored my first mock draft of the year, which actually took place outside of my own head. It felt pretty fucking good I must admit.

Fantasy Drafts are exhilarating to me, mock or not…they really get the blood a pumping. And you factor that in with a cup of morning coffee and I must appear as though I did a couple of Richard Dawson rails at my cubicle.

By noon, I’m usually 5 mock drafts deep and forming draft patterns and strategies. For the record and not to give away too many of my drafts plans (as somebody from one of my leagues could be reading), but anyway…I’ve found there is an overabundance of “good” RB’s, very few “REALLY good” RB’s and only a couple “REALLY good” QB’s. Now, I know real revolutionary…you could’ve just read Brandon “fucking” Funston and gotten that tidbit.

Yet, again…I can only give away so much. On a more frustrating note, in my sample work yesterday I was relegated to drafting no better than #5 and (count ‘em) 4 times I was slotted at #7 and once at #9. While at #5, I went with the obvious choice of Frank Gore…fuck the injury. At #7, a couple times I took Manning, Gore was there once, also took Addai and Westbrook. At #9 I got cute and took Steve Smith…so there you have it.

However, I must issue this warning or summons for those of you who may be trolling around the draft lobby in the next few weeks. If you do leave a draft you had better fucking put on the “Auto-Pick” feature or I will find you and shit in your cereal…prick. There is nothing more absurd and frustrating than getting all amp’d up for a “MOCK” draft and then having a few flakes just click out of the page and leave the rest of us hanging.

Is it too much to ask to just set it on Auto-Pick? Look, I’m not being anal, I’m being honest. Yeah, maybe I’m taking this waaaaaay too serious, but when I’m bored, I’m bored. And it just so happens that my boredom coincides with the building and anticipation of Fantasy Football season. So, if you’ve got some time to kill hop onto a Mock Draft, but remember to NEVER sign out without flipping on the auto-pilot.

It’s a courtesy to your fellow fucking nerds drafters. And it should work to the betterment of the whole ESPN production. I thank you and for fuck sakes Eric Karabell thanks you and cums in his pants. Now, go test run your fucking draft…pricks. I'll be back at this morning...gotta run.