The Coolest of the Not-Very-Cool

What do accounting professionals, high school debaters, and white NBA basketball players have in common?

Well, besides the fact that they are going to be really rich one day, these people are all at a massive disadvantage when it comes to being cool. These poor guys get stereotypes as no fun, annoying, uptight, and even crappy in the sack. Perhaps none of these groups has it tougher than white NBA players. Let’s face it; the NBA is overflowing with the cool. Even Miles Davis would look lame compared to Dr. J, Dwayne Wade, and Michael Jordan.

Since the beginning of time, the league has been subjected to so many Duke and Indiana graduates that whenever we see a white guy in the NBA, we are programmed to assume they are a knob. For every one cool white guy who came into the league, there were handfuls of dweebs like Cherokee Parks, Christian Laettner, Brian Evans, Danny Ferry, J.J. Reddick, and Bobby Hurley. We grew up watching – and detesting - these guys and their pesky play and awkward appearances. When we were younger, they even made a movie about white gumpy ballplayers and their inability to get above the rim. While I totally respect these guys as ballplayers, they never could pull it together as likeable white dudes. In fact, with the exception of Duke fans and a few purists, most people despise these guys.

Nevertheless, throughout the history of the league, some of the whiteys made their mark in the annals of cool. So often, we see the white NBA players trying too hard by acting all gangsta, like Reddick and his terrible poems and rap lyrics. Today we are tipping our hats to the guys who embrace their whiteness and pull it off with panache. These are the guys with the goofy jumpers, the Rec-Specs, and the socks up to the sky. Today, we tip our hats to the coolest white dudes in the history of the NBA.

Kurt Rambis

Rambis is by far the number one loveable white guy in NBA history and forever the icon of cool. If it wasn’t for his size, Rambis could pull over on highway 80 in the middle of Nebraska and rap about travels in his eighteen wheeler and nobody would even question him. He is the down home NBA player complete with a dominating moustache and thick-rimmed glasses. Rambis was all heart and we are proud to give him a big thumbs up for the list. A little known trivia fact, Rambis had a reoccurring role on 7th Heaven as a basketball coach alongside it-girl Jessica Biel.

If you are like me and enjoy looking at Rambis photos for hours at a time, here’s a great tribute website.

Tom Chambers

As far as Chambers is concerned, sometimes a picture or an action shot is worth a thousand words. Dude, could flat out play ball and he defied the notion that white dudes couldn’t dunk. Do yourself a favor and peep this…


Larry Bird

Love him or hate him, you can’t leave Bird off the list. The tight green shorts and bleach blonde pube ‘stache may not have done it for you, but ask the 80's Boston ladies and they’ll tell you what’s up. Larry Legend didn’t get his name for that ugly ass three point shot. According to Isiah Thomas, “If Larry Bird was black; he’d be just another good guy.” Well, Isiah, you might be right about that, but I’ll never forget the game 5 steal against Detroit in 1987. I was ten years old and I knew that was not just another "good" guy.

Chris Mullin

He was the first and only white dude to sport a fade. And coincidentally he still sports the fade today. The soft little lefty floater, the re-birth of the Warriors franchise, an integral part of “Run TMC”…who can deny Chris Mullin?

Steve Nash

Many will attest he isn’t actually white, rather he is Canadian. However, he needs very little introduction, as he is a wet dream to play with for anybody in the league today. He’s wrapped up 2 MVP awards in the past three seasons and even flipped styles from long haired hippy to the spike hawk look.

Dan Majerle

Thunder Dan’s fame as a badass white dude came from that really terrible game when Nintendo first released the Game Boy. I can't even figure out the name of it, but you must know what I'm talking about. He was dominant. Thunder Dan was a suave tour de force. Plus, if you are ever in the Phoenix area, Marjerle’s Sports Grill has the best happy hour in town (4 years running). The Sir Charles chicken sandwich is to die for.

Bob Cousy

I hate show boaters. I mean I really hate show boaters. Even so, Cousy makes the cut, because he was after all, the Houdini of the Hardwood. Cousy was the original playmaker. Besides, rumor has it his dad was to blame for the hoopla crap. He taught him that the only way he was going to make it in the NBA was to play flashy. Regardless, he is often regarded as the best passer in the history of the game.

As you probably guessed, Cousy made the list because he played his game with style, because as you can see he looks exactly like the 40 Year Old Virgin. Plus, he has a heck of a story to go along with his career. From NBA.com, “Cousy grew up a "ghetto rat" on Manhattan's East Side. While very young he played stickball and boxball and stole hubcaps. At the age of 13, he fell out of a tree and broke his right arm. So he did what any other kid would have done: he learned how to dribble and shoot with his left arm.”

Scott Skiles

On the fact that he was busted with Coke alone. A proud Michigan State Spartan.

Bill Laimbeer

This is classic hypocrite material right here. If Laimbeer wasn’t a Piston, there is no question that I would hate his guts. Laimbeer is the quintessential annoying white guy, but he was the king of the annoying white guy. He was slow as hell, couldn’t jump, played a little dirty, and talked shit. Nevertheless, he is Bad Boy for life and I grew up cheering for him and I always will. Not only is he still the leading rebounder in Piston’s history, but he has fought with Bird, Barkley, Bard Daugherty, Robert Parrish, and James Worthy. Yeah, he pretty much took crap from nobody. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome the head coach of the world champion Detroit Shock, Bill Laimbeer!

Bill Walton

Walt from the Vault obviously earns a spot on the list. Walton is another love/hate guy, but as loyal Deadheads, we got nuthin’ but love for Walton. This picture shows Bill hanging out with Bob Weir, his long time friend and member of the Grateful Dead. Stan even runs into Walton from time to time at the local San Diego Grateful Dead cover band night. It comes as no surprise that for a big guy, he still can move.

Rex Chapman

Dude was an oozy behind the arc. The famed Kentucky product could also throw down some nasty white boy dunks. If you ever stumble upon him in NBA Jam…look out, because “he’s heating up” is only moments away.


Grant Hill

Probably not the coolest on the list, but no doubt the whitest.

(Additional Note/Credit: "Jones on the NBA" also crafted a phenomenal piece on the BEST White dudes of the past 20 years in the NBA).