Trey's Bender: "And the Light Shines On, You know we all Ride On."

Back on December 15th of this past year, former Phish frontman Trey Anastasio was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence of alcohol and other narcotics. He was also in possession of herion, percocet, vicodin and xanax of which was prescribed to someone other than himself. This was especially troubling to a few us here at the Ghosts who happen to rather enjoy the Phish.

However, on the bright side of things, Trey took a plea bargain this past Friday to avoid any jail time. It stands that he must remain sober and attend a court ordered drug program, as well as Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.

Now, the optimists at this very site believe this could be the catapult he needed to get the band back together. Yup, cancel the summer vacation…we're going to Deer Creek, Alpine Valley and every Verizon Wireless amphitheatre on the fucking planet. Our hero Ernest J. Anastasio is back and we are going on tour. Ok, maybe I’m getting a head of myself.

Initially, the Smoking Gun broke the news of Anastasio's "mishaps" with the law. However, they'd like you to believe they were the first to get the scoop and by scoop I mean the whole scoop. Conveniently enough, the Ghosts were able to obtain a highly “un-official” police report from the very night in question. So put that in you're pipe and smoke it.

This report, we got our greasy hands on, goes into explicit detail and gets down to the nitty gritty…it gets the show on the road. Is it from a legit source? Probably not, but we just had to share it with you. In the following "un-official" police interview many in the Phish community will perhaps see this as Trey's cry for help. Do with it what you will…

Officer: I am now going to ask you some questions. With these rights in mind, you may answer some of, all of or none of the following questions as you like. Now, first I am going to need your license and registration.

Trey: “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours…I’m breathing hard…open the door.”

Officer: Sir, just relax for a moment. Were you operating a motor vehicle at the time I pulled you over?

Trey: “The tires are the things on your car that make contact with the road. The car is the thing on the road that takes you back to your abode.”

Officer: Ok, where were you going?

Trey: “See the city, see the zoo; traffic light won't let me through.”

Officer: What street or Highway were you on?

Trey: “I take a wrong turn and I'm on the wrong path and the people all watching enjoy a good laugh.”

Officer: What direction/location were you coming from?

Trey: “I come from the land where the oceans freeze, spent three long months on the open seas. Paddled 'til it seemed I could take no more when my ship hit ground on Prussia's shores.”

Officer: What county and city are you in now?

Trey: “I’d been drifting for years at sea, but now you've come along to rescue me.”

Officer: What is today’s date?

Trey: “It's hidden far away, but someday I may tell. The tale of metal tangle when into your world I fell.”

Officer: When did you last eat?

Trey: “I feed from the bottom, you feed from the top. I live upon morsels you happen to drop.”

Officer: What have you been doing for the last three hours?

Trey: “Trying to stop these demons that keep…dancing in my HEAD.”

Officer: Have you been drinking?

Trey: “Mama sing-sing when she Gotta Jibboo. Papa sing Gotta Jibboo.”

Officer: Ok, with whom were you drinking?

Trey: “The woman was a dream I had, though rather hard to keep for when my eyes were watching hers they closed, and I was still asleep. For when my hand was holding hers, she whispered words and I awoke…and faintly bouncing around the room.”

Officer: And how much have you had to drink?

Trey: “Just one drink and I fall down drunk.”

Officer: Can you feel the effects of the alcohol?

Trey: “I'm bouncing like a newborn elf, I can't remain inside myself.”

Officer: How did you consume your last two drinks?

Trey: “If you can heal the symptoms, but not affect the cause…you can’t heal the symptoms.”

Officer: Are you under the influence?

Trey: “Would you please, make clear to me, I'm peering out through your opacity. Though you rehearse, tomorrow's verse, forgive me if I don't sing in your key.”

Officer: Have you taken any drugs or smoked marijuana today?

Trey: “Woke up in the morning…Keef, Kynd, Heady Nugs…Goo-Balls.”

Officer: Are you taking prescription medication?

Trey: “Bag it. Tag it. Sell it to the butcher in the store-oh.”

Officer: What drugs are you on RIGHT NOW?

Trey: “Here comes the joker, we all must laugh, ‘cause we're all in this together and we love to take a bath.”

Officer: I’m losing my patience and you are making this difficult…are you on heroin? PCP?

Trey: “Your hands and feet are mangos; you're gonna be a genius anyway.”

Officer: We have reason to believe you are under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol.

Trey: “Set the gear shift to high gear of your soul...you've got to run like an antelope...out of control.”

Officer: Yup...Sir, I am now going to have administer the field sobriety test.

Trey: “Me and Harpua…we couldn’t care fewer, this happens all the time.”

Officer: Do you have anything else you wish to say?

Trey: “I feel I’ve never told you the story of the ghost.”

Officer: Sir, you will have one phone call. Do you have any family members in the area?

Trey: “I want to kiss my Mexican cousin once again.”